Diederich will never get laid. Seriously. Part 1 of 2
Diederich just wanted to get laid. Was that so wrong? The closest he'd come to physical intimacy since he died was a) sharing a literal hole in the wall that Ismae slept in, and by "sleeping together" he meant 20% actual sleeping and 80% jabbing, shoving, grunting and bitching at each other. And b) a thing that happened with Tendaros which also mostly involved hitting each other, and which did not involve any actual sex, and which frankly just left Diederich even more pent up than before.
"Can I get a beer?"
The bartender, who answered to Gwarla, Hey, and Beer, stopped mid-stride to stare at Diederich.
"Damn fella," she said, looking concerned, "what's got into you?"
"Huh?"
"That was half-assed polite. You must be havin' a rough go of it tonight."
"Are there any brothels in Orgrimmar?" Diederich asked, ignoring that.
Gwarla laughed. "You know why I like talkin' to you?"
"Why?"
"Cuz half the time you talk like a punk out of Undercity, and half the time you talk like a cheap romance novel. Brothel? Who seriously says shit like that anymore?"
Diederich grunted.
"BEER!" a Tauren guy bellowed from a few stools down. Diederich rubbed his aching ear canals and was about to say something until he got a look at the guy's uncanny resemblance to a demolisher tank.
"Right, right, don't get your balls in a bunch," Gwarla yelled back, sauntering off toward a beer spigot.
"Are there any whores here or not?!" Diederich yelled after her.
He couldn't be sure, but Diederich was reasonably certain every woman in the bar (except Gwarla who just didn't give a shit what came out of his mouth 99% of the time) instantly stopped talking to glare at him. The Tauren guy's girlfriend walked up and tapped Die on the shoulder. He swiveled on his stool to face her.
As politely as he could, "Yes, ma'am?"
She smiled pleasantly and then punched him in the mouth.
"AUGHK."
"Asshole," she muttered, and went back to sit with her loudly laughing boyfriend.
"Uh neethe to geh thh uck oww uh awguhmuh," Die fumed, wrapping a bandage around his loose jaw to snug it shut, and then around his head to cover his busted lip.*
Once she'd gotten the loud guy his beer, Gwarla came back with one for Diederich.
"I like it. Big improvement," she smirked at his bandaged-shut mouth.
"Uck oo," he glowered.**
Gwarla stuck a straw in his beer, waited for money, waited for more money than that, gave Die a smile and a companionable slap on the shoulder, and then told him where he could get a "massage (wink)" that might make him feel better.
*Translation: "I need to get the fuck out of Orgrimmar."
** "Fuck you."
Part 2 coming soon.
"Can I get a beer?"
The bartender, who answered to Gwarla, Hey, and Beer, stopped mid-stride to stare at Diederich.
"Damn fella," she said, looking concerned, "what's got into you?"
"Huh?"
"That was half-assed polite. You must be havin' a rough go of it tonight."
"Are there any brothels in Orgrimmar?" Diederich asked, ignoring that.
Gwarla laughed. "You know why I like talkin' to you?"
"Why?"
"Cuz half the time you talk like a punk out of Undercity, and half the time you talk like a cheap romance novel. Brothel? Who seriously says shit like that anymore?"
Diederich grunted.
"BEER!" a Tauren guy bellowed from a few stools down. Diederich rubbed his aching ear canals and was about to say something until he got a look at the guy's uncanny resemblance to a demolisher tank.
"Right, right, don't get your balls in a bunch," Gwarla yelled back, sauntering off toward a beer spigot.
"Are there any whores here or not?!" Diederich yelled after her.
He couldn't be sure, but Diederich was reasonably certain every woman in the bar (except Gwarla who just didn't give a shit what came out of his mouth 99% of the time) instantly stopped talking to glare at him. The Tauren guy's girlfriend walked up and tapped Die on the shoulder. He swiveled on his stool to face her.
As politely as he could, "Yes, ma'am?"
She smiled pleasantly and then punched him in the mouth.
"AUGHK."
"Asshole," she muttered, and went back to sit with her loudly laughing boyfriend.
"Uh neethe to geh thh uck oww uh awguhmuh," Die fumed, wrapping a bandage around his loose jaw to snug it shut, and then around his head to cover his busted lip.*
Once she'd gotten the loud guy his beer, Gwarla came back with one for Diederich.
"I like it. Big improvement," she smirked at his bandaged-shut mouth.
"Uck oo," he glowered.**
Gwarla stuck a straw in his beer, waited for money, waited for more money than that, gave Die a smile and a companionable slap on the shoulder, and then told him where he could get a "massage (wink)" that might make him feel better.
*Translation: "I need to get the fuck out of Orgrimmar."
** "Fuck you."
Part 2 coming soon.