(no subject)
*gasp* Why am I still awake??!!
Useless. Completely useless. So tired. Can't sleep. Why did I tell her to call when she got home? Because I need to deal with this now. Because the sooner I deal with this, the sooner I will get a proper night's sleep. I've gotten so used to being in relationships. I'm a serial monogamist. I can't believe someone could go on for so long feeling like shit about how I was treating them and keep assuring me that everything was fine. I guess lots of people do that. I guess lots of people cope that way. At least we agree now. At least now I don't fee like I've given up on her. We've given up on each other. That's enough for me. I'm done. I wanted this and I got it. I have freedom now. I should be happy. This horrible feeling is very temporary, I'm sure. I hate hate HATE relationships! I hate being in them. I hate hearing about them. I hate people fucking playing house and pretending they're happy. No one's happy. I wasn't happy. I wanted out. Why do I feel so devastated? Because I've lost something. I never really had anything though. I only have me. How terrifying. What the hell am I gonna do now?
Useless. Completely useless. So tired. Can't sleep. Why did I tell her to call when she got home? Because I need to deal with this now. Because the sooner I deal with this, the sooner I will get a proper night's sleep. I've gotten so used to being in relationships. I'm a serial monogamist. I can't believe someone could go on for so long feeling like shit about how I was treating them and keep assuring me that everything was fine. I guess lots of people do that. I guess lots of people cope that way. At least we agree now. At least now I don't fee like I've given up on her. We've given up on each other. That's enough for me. I'm done. I wanted this and I got it. I have freedom now. I should be happy. This horrible feeling is very temporary, I'm sure. I hate hate HATE relationships! I hate being in them. I hate hearing about them. I hate people fucking playing house and pretending they're happy. No one's happy. I wasn't happy. I wanted out. Why do I feel so devastated? Because I've lost something. I never really had anything though. I only have me. How terrifying. What the hell am I gonna do now?