Most Awesome College Junk Mail Yet
For months now, Gabriel has been receiving quite a haul of college marketing junk mail. Some of it has high production values and presents the school in a nicely positive light. Some seems tinged with desperation, almost begging you to consider them. And some don't even have a down payment on a clue. Or perhaps their clue is radiating at a frequency that nobody in our house can perceive. Until today the shining example of that was a small postcard attempting to persuade you to send away for the college's promotional DVD. (Just send out the DVD? That's too easy.) The persuasive nature of the postcard was somewhat compromised by the amateurish job of Photoshopping a stock footage DVD into the hand of a stock footage college-age girl.
Until Today.
A college marketing postcard measuring 6" x 11" for Chestnut Hill College that advertised the school as 75 Acres of Awesome, and where the school in question had gone to the trouble of registering that as a URL. The website is done in the same eye-hurting colors as the postcard (a point for consistency at least) and more than anything else it reminds me of the Powerthirst ad. It would have to be narrated by a screaming voice-over announcer of course: How Much Awesome? More Awesome Than Your Body Has Room For!
But that's only the beginning. We must analyze the marketing statements on the postcard, which we assume were placed there to communicate the core values of the school. ISYN, or as Dave Barry would say, "I am not making this up."
Starting at the upper left, a logical place to begin:
The President's dogs greet you in her office. Um, why? Is the President out golfing? On Awesomeness patrol? Did the dogs eat her? Are they still hungry?
Where building community is as important as building resumes. Party!
One-on-one attention for every single student. From the President's dogs? My, they do look hungry. And now I notice that the lovely campus shot on the postcard shows it devoid of any students.
14 Division II Athletic teams. Party!
Ghost hunting and Christmas decorating. Party! (A clue about the President's whereabouts? Or perhaps we've just fallen into a Scooby Doo episode.)
Trail riding in Fairmount Park. Party!
Hopping the train for a night in Old City. Party!
We are also told that the college is "perfect for a certain kind of student":
Who can call on the professor in class - or text them on their cell phone. Because texting in your excuse for cutting class to score some Awesome weed is a winning strategy.
Whose tastes and passions are constantly evolving. Like, weed was so yesterday. Today it's all about the Awesome beer.
Who is not defined by one single personality trait. No matter what your therapist says.
And from the Awesome website we learn that: "A Chestnut Hill education is a sound investment, and allows you to graduate in a timely manner ensuring both professional and personal success." This might translate as "Give us your money and we'll get Junior through in four years, sure thing."
Just wow.
Until Today.
A college marketing postcard measuring 6" x 11" for Chestnut Hill College that advertised the school as 75 Acres of Awesome, and where the school in question had gone to the trouble of registering that as a URL. The website is done in the same eye-hurting colors as the postcard (a point for consistency at least) and more than anything else it reminds me of the Powerthirst ad. It would have to be narrated by a screaming voice-over announcer of course: How Much Awesome? More Awesome Than Your Body Has Room For!
But that's only the beginning. We must analyze the marketing statements on the postcard, which we assume were placed there to communicate the core values of the school. ISYN, or as Dave Barry would say, "I am not making this up."
Starting at the upper left, a logical place to begin:
The President's dogs greet you in her office. Um, why? Is the President out golfing? On Awesomeness patrol? Did the dogs eat her? Are they still hungry?
Where building community is as important as building resumes. Party!
One-on-one attention for every single student. From the President's dogs? My, they do look hungry. And now I notice that the lovely campus shot on the postcard shows it devoid of any students.
14 Division II Athletic teams. Party!
Ghost hunting and Christmas decorating. Party! (A clue about the President's whereabouts? Or perhaps we've just fallen into a Scooby Doo episode.)
Trail riding in Fairmount Park. Party!
Hopping the train for a night in Old City. Party!
We are also told that the college is "perfect for a certain kind of student":
Who can call on the professor in class - or text them on their cell phone. Because texting in your excuse for cutting class to score some Awesome weed is a winning strategy.
Whose tastes and passions are constantly evolving. Like, weed was so yesterday. Today it's all about the Awesome beer.
Who is not defined by one single personality trait. No matter what your therapist says.
And from the Awesome website we learn that: "A Chestnut Hill education is a sound investment, and allows you to graduate in a timely manner ensuring both professional and personal success." This might translate as "Give us your money and we'll get Junior through in four years, sure thing."
Just wow.