comments/suggestions plz.

[supahtonto]

Effects and Their Causes

Comments

[icron387]

Its actually pretty good. I didn't think that it would be and I didn't care before, but now that I have the time, its not so bad at all. Good story/poem.

Take out the Fuck thats and not again, becuase you have a lack of context to the inexperienced readers. They don't know your life.

[supahtonto]

What do they have a lack of experience to? Reading fiction?

[synergydance24]

I had to read it a few times, because it's not my current style (which is not your fault, it just takes me a while to process, or really get into it).

Also, I don't think your life needs to be "known" by the reader.

I like it.