I Told You So - Chapter 1
Title: I Told You So
Author: Annie
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Chris/Jared. Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC17
Summary: Chris wants Jared but there is something he wants more. When he leaves the love of his life alone, Jared is broken. What will Chris do when he finds out someone else has picked up the pieces and Chris can never go home again.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Jared or Jensen or Chris. I don’t own anything even this idea.
This is for magser - who wanted this so much and gave me the plot bunny!!
The title is from a song from Carrie Underwood that I heard for the first time tonight. Hope you like this Mags!
Master post
Chris
Chris was just the wrong side of wasted and heading down the short road to drunk out of his skull.”
The bar was hot and crowded and he had finished his set for the evening over an hour ago. He knew that he should go home, knew that there was no good reason why he shouldn’t, even knew that he had something good and sweet waiting at home for him.
So why did he persist in sitting in this ass end of town bar, hugging another warm beer and feeling dread settling in his stomach like a hunk of rotten meat.
Chris pulled the letter out of his pocket and stared at it. The letters wavered in front of his eyes, fuzzy and almost indistinct. It didn’t matter really, because he knew damn well what it said, knew damn well what it meant and yet he just kept staring at it, thinking maybe, if he stared long enough, the contents would change.
Chris was thirty four years old and he had done some pretty shit things in his life to keep his head above water. He had waited tables, served behind bars, cleaned fucking washrooms and even swept crap up in the street, but he had done this to support himself whilst he tried to make it in the music business.
All he wanted was to write his own songs and perform. He had taught himself the guitar when he had been just fourteen and he was proud of his achievements. Awkward performances at the college prom had led to the occasional stint in bars around the state and now, well, now the golden hand of opportunity had come knocking and he had the chance to leave Texas behind and become more than just some old time cowboy singer with nothing to his name but his boots and fucking hat.
The trouble was, it wasn’t just Texas that he was leaving and it hurt, deep within his bones, to think any deeper than that. He should just go home and face it, face the music, face the consequences. Chris was a lot of things, but he wasn’t a fucking coward.
***
The scent of barbeque wafted through his nostrils as he entered the apartment. The French doors were flung open and the soft sound of emo rock was drifting through the thick night air. It was unseasonably warm, even for Texas and Chris felt cold sweat drip down his collar, the longing for another freezing beer, throbbing through him like fire.
“You hungry?”
Chris jumped, heart pounding, as he heard that familiar deep and sensual Texan twang. He forced a smile on his face, forced his legs to stop wobbling, leaning against the doorjamb lazily, trying hard to look casual and relaxed.
Six foot five inches of pure muscle was hunched over the barbeque, incredibly large hands clumsily flipping burgers and chicken legs, long chestnut hair hanging over his brow, covering, what Chris knew to be, bright, loving eyes.
Jared Padalecki, twenty-five years old yet as innocent as they came. A college graduate with straight A’s, Jared taught at the local high school, played basketball in his spare time and, probably, still helped little old ladies across the road and carried their bags.
Chris had come out at University and had no problem with his sexuality. He had had several casual relationships and, five years ago, he had met Jared at, of all things, a church function. Despite his incredible body and beautiful face, Jared had been shy, stuttering and unsure. He had been attracted to Chris, that much was obvious, but Chris had been somewhat reluctant to start anything, aware of the age gap between them and acutely aware of the differences in their upbringings. Despite this, Jared had eyes for no one but Chris and his natural charm and huge, dimpled smile, had won Chris over.
They had been together ever since and Chris had been pretty sure he had found the love of his life.
Jared was perfection personified. He was a great boyfriend, faithful, loyal, caring. He had an excellent sense of humour, a quick wit and a gentle teasing nature. He was a virgin when Chris met him but he had been a quick learner and was a generous and enthusiastic lover. He didn’t cling, he didn’t push, he was just there, always supportive, always patient, always happy.
To hurt Jared would be like kicking a puppy and Chris felt as if he might vomit when he thought about what he was going to do. What he was going to have to do.
“Good gig?” Jared handed him a burger, sloshing ketchup on the side of the plastic plate and slamming a bottle of beer into his other hand, “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it, but I had all that marking,” he bit back a yawn, “I’m beat man, but I couldn’t turn in till you got home,” he grinned, dimples deepening and brushed a hand through his soft bangs, “I missed you,” he murmured and bent down so that he could press a kiss against Chris’s burning forehead.
Chris always felt so small and stupidly delicate next to Jared. God the boy was huge, yet he was so gentle, so careful. He could virtually wrap one arm around Chris’s waist, one huge hand around Chris’s bicep. It made Chris feel oddly protective and he wished that he could bury himself into Jared’s arms and stay there for the rest of his worthless life.
“You are too quiet,” Jared pulled him closer and Chris could smell the sharp tang of sweat, cooking and something that was intrinsically Jared. He felt his cock harden, almost against his will, in his pants and he moved so that he could rub himself on Jared’s taut thigh, panting desperately as he felt his excitement grow, turned on instantly by the young man before him.
“Hey,” Jared grinned, lazy and sweet, “hey cowboy would have made you barbeque earlier if I’d have known,” he reached down and pressed his fingers against Chris’s thigh, fumbling with the zipper, mouth nibbling at Chris’s neck, as if the older man was fine steak and Jared was ready to dine.
“No - don’t”, it took all his willpower to push Jared away. He blinked as he saw the confusion in the younger man’s eyes. Jared’s eyes were slanting, speckled hazel, so expressive, unable to hide his emotions.
“What is it?” Jared bit his lip, reaching out again. Chris shook his head, moving away, out of Jared’s reach, “has something happened?”
“What do you want out of all this Jared?” Chris hadn’t meant to sound so harsh, but nerves, guilt and pain made him press on.
“All this?” Jared frowned, confused, “you aren’t makin much sense here, I don’t understand.”
“All this, this place, this state, this relationship,” Chris swallowed down guilt as if it were bile, “what do you want out of it?”
“I never really thought,” Jared shrugged, hands twitching against the soft denim of his jeans, pulling hard at a stray thread, “I just wanted us to - to - well I just wanted us. I love you - I love being with you. I guess that is all I wanted.”
“Don’t you ever want more?” Chris shuddered, despite the heat and the letter in his pocket rustled and he felt it on his skin, burning like a brand.
“I don’t need any more,” Jared smiled, hesitant and pure “I have you - I have us - that is all I need.”
“I’m fucking sorry,” the words burst out of Chris like water from a broken levee, “I’m so fucking sorry, but this just isn’t enough for me, not now, not anymore,” he wanted to shut his eyes against Jared’s face, turn away from the pain that was blossoming at the edge of those cat-like eyes, “I got an offer today, from a record producer. He wants me to go to Los Angeles, make a demo, let some other artists listen to my work. I - this is what I have been waiting for, what I have always wanted. I can’t say no - you understand - just can’t say no.”
“I understand,” Jared’s voice only wavered slightly, his tone thick, “but that doesn’t mean anything right? I could come with you, I could quit my job and come with you - it - it’d be fun right?”
“It wouldn’t work Jared” even as he spoke, Chris knew that he was making excuses, knew that he was ripping out Jared’s heart with his words. He didn’t know why he didn’t want Jared with him, didn’t want Jared sharing his triumph. All he knew is that he felt suddenly suffocated, he felt trapped, imprisoned and the letter in his pocket was his key to freedom.
“Chris, please,” Jared sounded terribly broken and Chris forced himself to look up, see the devastation and naked pain on Jared’s innocent face. Tears, unchecked, smeared down his face, snot dripping from his nose, those huge hands reaching out, fingers grasping at Chris’s shoulders, biting hard, as if they were trying to hold Chris there, tether him to a life he no longer wanted. “I love you - only you - without you I’m nothing - I’m nothing.”
“Fuck Jared,” anger became the cloak he wrapped about himself, anger and frustration, warring with what he recognised as love, “that sounds so fucking dramatic. Come on dude, you were fine before you met me and you’ll be fine now. Good lookin’ boy like you, you won’t be alone for long.” He forced a smile, hard and white, like a shark waiting to attack, “I’m too old and cynical for you anyway boy, you will be better off without me.”
He turned away then, hiding behind the cocky confidence that had served him his whole life, closing his stubborn ears to the loud sobs and hitched breaths behind him, rigid and determined, his teeth gritted against his own concealed pain. He pretended he didn’t hear Jared’s weeping, pretended he didn’t hear Jared’s pleas.
This was his passage to freedom and he wanted it, didn’t he? He had to be ruthless, he had to be hard, he had to turn his back on everything, because his career had to come first, didn’t it?
He couldn’t, even for one moment, consider what he was leaving behind.
Next chapter
Author: Annie
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Chris/Jared. Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC17
Summary: Chris wants Jared but there is something he wants more. When he leaves the love of his life alone, Jared is broken. What will Chris do when he finds out someone else has picked up the pieces and Chris can never go home again.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Jared or Jensen or Chris. I don’t own anything even this idea.
This is for magser - who wanted this so much and gave me the plot bunny!!
The title is from a song from Carrie Underwood that I heard for the first time tonight. Hope you like this Mags!
Master post
Chris
Chris was just the wrong side of wasted and heading down the short road to drunk out of his skull.”
The bar was hot and crowded and he had finished his set for the evening over an hour ago. He knew that he should go home, knew that there was no good reason why he shouldn’t, even knew that he had something good and sweet waiting at home for him.
So why did he persist in sitting in this ass end of town bar, hugging another warm beer and feeling dread settling in his stomach like a hunk of rotten meat.
Chris pulled the letter out of his pocket and stared at it. The letters wavered in front of his eyes, fuzzy and almost indistinct. It didn’t matter really, because he knew damn well what it said, knew damn well what it meant and yet he just kept staring at it, thinking maybe, if he stared long enough, the contents would change.
Chris was thirty four years old and he had done some pretty shit things in his life to keep his head above water. He had waited tables, served behind bars, cleaned fucking washrooms and even swept crap up in the street, but he had done this to support himself whilst he tried to make it in the music business.
All he wanted was to write his own songs and perform. He had taught himself the guitar when he had been just fourteen and he was proud of his achievements. Awkward performances at the college prom had led to the occasional stint in bars around the state and now, well, now the golden hand of opportunity had come knocking and he had the chance to leave Texas behind and become more than just some old time cowboy singer with nothing to his name but his boots and fucking hat.
The trouble was, it wasn’t just Texas that he was leaving and it hurt, deep within his bones, to think any deeper than that. He should just go home and face it, face the music, face the consequences. Chris was a lot of things, but he wasn’t a fucking coward.
***
The scent of barbeque wafted through his nostrils as he entered the apartment. The French doors were flung open and the soft sound of emo rock was drifting through the thick night air. It was unseasonably warm, even for Texas and Chris felt cold sweat drip down his collar, the longing for another freezing beer, throbbing through him like fire.
“You hungry?”
Chris jumped, heart pounding, as he heard that familiar deep and sensual Texan twang. He forced a smile on his face, forced his legs to stop wobbling, leaning against the doorjamb lazily, trying hard to look casual and relaxed.
Six foot five inches of pure muscle was hunched over the barbeque, incredibly large hands clumsily flipping burgers and chicken legs, long chestnut hair hanging over his brow, covering, what Chris knew to be, bright, loving eyes.
Jared Padalecki, twenty-five years old yet as innocent as they came. A college graduate with straight A’s, Jared taught at the local high school, played basketball in his spare time and, probably, still helped little old ladies across the road and carried their bags.
Chris had come out at University and had no problem with his sexuality. He had had several casual relationships and, five years ago, he had met Jared at, of all things, a church function. Despite his incredible body and beautiful face, Jared had been shy, stuttering and unsure. He had been attracted to Chris, that much was obvious, but Chris had been somewhat reluctant to start anything, aware of the age gap between them and acutely aware of the differences in their upbringings. Despite this, Jared had eyes for no one but Chris and his natural charm and huge, dimpled smile, had won Chris over.
They had been together ever since and Chris had been pretty sure he had found the love of his life.
Jared was perfection personified. He was a great boyfriend, faithful, loyal, caring. He had an excellent sense of humour, a quick wit and a gentle teasing nature. He was a virgin when Chris met him but he had been a quick learner and was a generous and enthusiastic lover. He didn’t cling, he didn’t push, he was just there, always supportive, always patient, always happy.
To hurt Jared would be like kicking a puppy and Chris felt as if he might vomit when he thought about what he was going to do. What he was going to have to do.
“Good gig?” Jared handed him a burger, sloshing ketchup on the side of the plastic plate and slamming a bottle of beer into his other hand, “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it, but I had all that marking,” he bit back a yawn, “I’m beat man, but I couldn’t turn in till you got home,” he grinned, dimples deepening and brushed a hand through his soft bangs, “I missed you,” he murmured and bent down so that he could press a kiss against Chris’s burning forehead.
Chris always felt so small and stupidly delicate next to Jared. God the boy was huge, yet he was so gentle, so careful. He could virtually wrap one arm around Chris’s waist, one huge hand around Chris’s bicep. It made Chris feel oddly protective and he wished that he could bury himself into Jared’s arms and stay there for the rest of his worthless life.
“You are too quiet,” Jared pulled him closer and Chris could smell the sharp tang of sweat, cooking and something that was intrinsically Jared. He felt his cock harden, almost against his will, in his pants and he moved so that he could rub himself on Jared’s taut thigh, panting desperately as he felt his excitement grow, turned on instantly by the young man before him.
“Hey,” Jared grinned, lazy and sweet, “hey cowboy would have made you barbeque earlier if I’d have known,” he reached down and pressed his fingers against Chris’s thigh, fumbling with the zipper, mouth nibbling at Chris’s neck, as if the older man was fine steak and Jared was ready to dine.
“No - don’t”, it took all his willpower to push Jared away. He blinked as he saw the confusion in the younger man’s eyes. Jared’s eyes were slanting, speckled hazel, so expressive, unable to hide his emotions.
“What is it?” Jared bit his lip, reaching out again. Chris shook his head, moving away, out of Jared’s reach, “has something happened?”
“What do you want out of all this Jared?” Chris hadn’t meant to sound so harsh, but nerves, guilt and pain made him press on.
“All this?” Jared frowned, confused, “you aren’t makin much sense here, I don’t understand.”
“All this, this place, this state, this relationship,” Chris swallowed down guilt as if it were bile, “what do you want out of it?”
“I never really thought,” Jared shrugged, hands twitching against the soft denim of his jeans, pulling hard at a stray thread, “I just wanted us to - to - well I just wanted us. I love you - I love being with you. I guess that is all I wanted.”
“Don’t you ever want more?” Chris shuddered, despite the heat and the letter in his pocket rustled and he felt it on his skin, burning like a brand.
“I don’t need any more,” Jared smiled, hesitant and pure “I have you - I have us - that is all I need.”
“I’m fucking sorry,” the words burst out of Chris like water from a broken levee, “I’m so fucking sorry, but this just isn’t enough for me, not now, not anymore,” he wanted to shut his eyes against Jared’s face, turn away from the pain that was blossoming at the edge of those cat-like eyes, “I got an offer today, from a record producer. He wants me to go to Los Angeles, make a demo, let some other artists listen to my work. I - this is what I have been waiting for, what I have always wanted. I can’t say no - you understand - just can’t say no.”
“I understand,” Jared’s voice only wavered slightly, his tone thick, “but that doesn’t mean anything right? I could come with you, I could quit my job and come with you - it - it’d be fun right?”
“It wouldn’t work Jared” even as he spoke, Chris knew that he was making excuses, knew that he was ripping out Jared’s heart with his words. He didn’t know why he didn’t want Jared with him, didn’t want Jared sharing his triumph. All he knew is that he felt suddenly suffocated, he felt trapped, imprisoned and the letter in his pocket was his key to freedom.
“Chris, please,” Jared sounded terribly broken and Chris forced himself to look up, see the devastation and naked pain on Jared’s innocent face. Tears, unchecked, smeared down his face, snot dripping from his nose, those huge hands reaching out, fingers grasping at Chris’s shoulders, biting hard, as if they were trying to hold Chris there, tether him to a life he no longer wanted. “I love you - only you - without you I’m nothing - I’m nothing.”
“Fuck Jared,” anger became the cloak he wrapped about himself, anger and frustration, warring with what he recognised as love, “that sounds so fucking dramatic. Come on dude, you were fine before you met me and you’ll be fine now. Good lookin’ boy like you, you won’t be alone for long.” He forced a smile, hard and white, like a shark waiting to attack, “I’m too old and cynical for you anyway boy, you will be better off without me.”
He turned away then, hiding behind the cocky confidence that had served him his whole life, closing his stubborn ears to the loud sobs and hitched breaths behind him, rigid and determined, his teeth gritted against his own concealed pain. He pretended he didn’t hear Jared’s weeping, pretended he didn’t hear Jared’s pleas.
This was his passage to freedom and he wanted it, didn’t he? He had to be ruthless, he had to be hard, he had to turn his back on everything, because his career had to come first, didn’t it?
He couldn’t, even for one moment, consider what he was leaving behind.
Next chapter