OOC: everything you've wanted to know about Artie but were afraid to ask
Info posts are the order of the day!
So, who is this Artie guy, anyway?
Way back in the grand old days, there was this wonderful show on Nickelodeon called the Adventures of Pete and Pete. Starring Pete, Pete's brother Pete, and me, Ellen.
Well, not me. But that's how the shorts always started.
Pete and Pete was a marvel of absurdism in a suburban New Jersey setting. The Petes faced enemies like Endless Mike, the school bully, and Paper Cut, the kid who grew up in a paper shop with no friends, so he became a master of manipulating paper. They went on epic searches for the ice cream man and were driven to school by Bus Driver Stu Benedict, who couldn't seem to keep his girl friend Sally for more than about three minutes and was thus chronically depressed.
The younger of the two Petes had a personal superhero: Artie the strongest man . . . in the world. Artie was perhaps the most enigmatic character on the show. Who was he? Why was he so strong? What were his full powers? Why did he become the personal superhero of a 10 year old boy in suburban New Jersey when he had apparently gone on adventures with Ernest Hemingway, Gertrude Stein, and a turtle named Clark?
These questions were never answered. But Artie would leap in from the trees, strike a pose, proclaim himself to be strong, and often times help save the day while the Petes learned an invaluable lesson.
What was revealed was that he wasn't an alien, he had a kryptonite-esque reaction to the sound of a whammy bar, had a long standing feud with a swarm of Africanized bees, could thermally heat a wet- nap to steaming with his armpit, canoe on land, move houses by pushing on them, and didn't wear socks. Well, we found out a bit more than that, but those are really the essentials.
Why's he in Fandom?
Midway through the second season, Artie left the show. Little Pete didn't need him any more after he defeated Paper Cut in a game of rock, paper, scissors, and the International Adult Conspiracy, his sworn enemies, were determined to drive him out. They never said where he was going, or what he might do with the rest of his life.
In my brain, he went to Fandom. Not immediately, of course, he was probably some other kid's personal superhero for awhile before discovering an island plagued by emo, but the end result is the same. He's come to Fandom. He's weird, almost professionally. He has a different perspective on life than anyone else, and is not afraid to show it. He probably understands more about life and everything going on around him that he lets on.
I don't know though.
No, seriously, what's up with that? (how I write Artie)
One thing I've tried to keep constant is that Artie is written from a third person limited perspective, and we don't get into his head. We might occasionally get hints of what he's thinking, because I do, sometimes, express his goals, but that's it.
Artie speaks in almost random italics! This is why he doesn't neccessarily do that much, because that's a pain in the butt to type. If it ever gets to be too much to read, let me know. I can scale it back.
What this means to you
Artie's purpose on the island is to get rid of emo. If you're emo and want some cheering, call on Artie. If you're emo and really really absolutely don't want cheering up right now, but have an open post, let me know not to go there. Generally I don't butt in, anyway, but it never hurts to make sure.
Someday, Artie might even have a plot. That's to be determined.
Some Artie-isms
Pipe = good, nice, beautiful, wonderful
My little viking = his standard pet name for pretty much any kid he meets, whether they're actually vikings or not
Boing = a word he really likes, essentially
Okay, but what's with the ducks thing?
I don't know why he's at war with the ducks. I've never asked him.
Artie and fighting plots
One thing I do think is worth mentioning and paying attention to: unless it's for a specific purpose (such as his potential fight), Artie will not ever be effective in a fight. Because if he were to do so, he'd probably win. His suit is made mostly of titanium, and he's the strongest man . . . in the world. If he's ever involved in a fight, I will find some Artie-ish way to take him out of it (ie, eating a carrot during the snow monster attack). Artie is, however, available for backup and ferrying people after a fight.
NOT DIRTY!!!
Another thing I'd like to note: Artie isn't meant to be creepy. He's asexual. He's a kid's show hero. He's a scrawny, middle aged man in tight pants who likes little boys in a completely platonic, best friend way. Seriously. Don't scar me by making him dirty. Please?
Okay, I'm done.
Questions? Comments?
Lemon scented.
ETA Artie was also at one point in his canon turned normal by the International Adult Conspiracy. He became an aluminum siding sales man. No. Seriously. He did. And he was good at it. He was brought back to his Artie-ness by tire air (his favorite scent), armpit farts (they remind him of his mother), and the fact that Little Pete might be in trouble.
This may happen in Fandom. Perhaps even soon. Just to let you know, in case you need some aluminum siding.
So, who is this Artie guy, anyway?
Way back in the grand old days, there was this wonderful show on Nickelodeon called the Adventures of Pete and Pete. Starring Pete, Pete's brother Pete, and me, Ellen.
Well, not me. But that's how the shorts always started.
Pete and Pete was a marvel of absurdism in a suburban New Jersey setting. The Petes faced enemies like Endless Mike, the school bully, and Paper Cut, the kid who grew up in a paper shop with no friends, so he became a master of manipulating paper. They went on epic searches for the ice cream man and were driven to school by Bus Driver Stu Benedict, who couldn't seem to keep his girl friend Sally for more than about three minutes and was thus chronically depressed.
The younger of the two Petes had a personal superhero: Artie the strongest man . . . in the world. Artie was perhaps the most enigmatic character on the show. Who was he? Why was he so strong? What were his full powers? Why did he become the personal superhero of a 10 year old boy in suburban New Jersey when he had apparently gone on adventures with Ernest Hemingway, Gertrude Stein, and a turtle named Clark?
These questions were never answered. But Artie would leap in from the trees, strike a pose, proclaim himself to be strong, and often times help save the day while the Petes learned an invaluable lesson.
What was revealed was that he wasn't an alien, he had a kryptonite-esque reaction to the sound of a whammy bar, had a long standing feud with a swarm of Africanized bees, could thermally heat a wet- nap to steaming with his armpit, canoe on land, move houses by pushing on them, and didn't wear socks. Well, we found out a bit more than that, but those are really the essentials.
Why's he in Fandom?
Midway through the second season, Artie left the show. Little Pete didn't need him any more after he defeated Paper Cut in a game of rock, paper, scissors, and the International Adult Conspiracy, his sworn enemies, were determined to drive him out. They never said where he was going, or what he might do with the rest of his life.
In my brain, he went to Fandom. Not immediately, of course, he was probably some other kid's personal superhero for awhile before discovering an island plagued by emo, but the end result is the same. He's come to Fandom. He's weird, almost professionally. He has a different perspective on life than anyone else, and is not afraid to show it. He probably understands more about life and everything going on around him that he lets on.
I don't know though.
No, seriously, what's up with that? (how I write Artie)
One thing I've tried to keep constant is that Artie is written from a third person limited perspective, and we don't get into his head. We might occasionally get hints of what he's thinking, because I do, sometimes, express his goals, but that's it.
Artie speaks in almost random italics! This is why he doesn't neccessarily do that much, because that's a pain in the butt to type. If it ever gets to be too much to read, let me know. I can scale it back.
What this means to you
Artie's purpose on the island is to get rid of emo. If you're emo and want some cheering, call on Artie. If you're emo and really really absolutely don't want cheering up right now, but have an open post, let me know not to go there. Generally I don't butt in, anyway, but it never hurts to make sure.
Someday, Artie might even have a plot. That's to be determined.
Some Artie-isms
Pipe = good, nice, beautiful, wonderful
My little viking = his standard pet name for pretty much any kid he meets, whether they're actually vikings or not
Boing = a word he really likes, essentially
Okay, but what's with the ducks thing?
I don't know why he's at war with the ducks. I've never asked him.
Artie and fighting plots
One thing I do think is worth mentioning and paying attention to: unless it's for a specific purpose (such as his potential fight), Artie will not ever be effective in a fight. Because if he were to do so, he'd probably win. His suit is made mostly of titanium, and he's the strongest man . . . in the world. If he's ever involved in a fight, I will find some Artie-ish way to take him out of it (ie, eating a carrot during the snow monster attack). Artie is, however, available for backup and ferrying people after a fight.
NOT DIRTY!!!
Another thing I'd like to note: Artie isn't meant to be creepy. He's asexual. He's a kid's show hero. He's a scrawny, middle aged man in tight pants who likes little boys in a completely platonic, best friend way. Seriously. Don't scar me by making him dirty. Please?
Okay, I'm done.
Questions? Comments?
Lemon scented.
ETA Artie was also at one point in his canon turned normal by the International Adult Conspiracy. He became an aluminum siding sales man. No. Seriously. He did. And he was good at it. He was brought back to his Artie-ness by tire air (his favorite scent), armpit farts (they remind him of his mother), and the fact that Little Pete might be in trouble.
This may happen in Fandom. Perhaps even soon. Just to let you know, in case you need some aluminum siding.