this...is my life

[superbigrobot]

and mister professor says: also,i would like this hammer to brew coffee.

and harried IT person says: but sir,this is a hammer. It does not make coffee.

and mister professor says: I don't care. it is the tool that has been put in front of me, and i need coffee. So make it make coffee.

and harried IT person sighs and turns the hammer about in his hands

Comments

[mdm_sosostris]

Which makes your writing sharper, and you sexier. See? Everyone wins.

[skippyclese]

Just remember, the highest and most refined form of IT sarcasm is to give the user exactly what they ask for.

Note that this does usually lead to that other great IT art form, producing the CYA emails where you told the user that what they wanted was a bad idea and wouldn't work, and they insisted on having it anyway.

[ignescent]

At which point the it person uses the hammer to bash in the brains of the professor - wait, I don't think that's how it goes. ;)

The actual response I tend to give is something like this: Of course we can do that, sir! First, we shall spend an inordinate amount of time pounding coffee beans with the hammer. You will need to provide the coffee beans. Then, there is this elaborate process wherein you put the coffee beans into a piece of office paper, mix them with printer toner, pour hot water through the result and drink it out of a paper cup (which will need to be fashioned from abandoned file folders.) It will take three days per cup, and taste horrible, but we're happy to do it. Alternately, you can buy this cute little coffee pot that is actually far cheaper, if you include the man hours involved, and makes very yummy coffee.

Sadly, I still have had a lot of clients choose (a). And yes, I did in fact beat that metaphor into the ground, why do you ask? Also: I want coffee.

[andreas_black]

Fortunately, when this happens, I get to tell 'em that the hammer is unsupported and send 'em on their way.

[magicgenee]

If I had a hammer...