"No Chemistry" & Other BS Dating Excuses

[superhappytime]

It was after I moved to Dallas--not surprising1--when I first heard a woman use the word "chemistry" in terms of dating. As in "I like you, but I just don't think we have any chemistry." Which was on maybe our second or third date. This was sometime in 2005. Spring or maybe late summer, as I recall. I've heard it a couple of times since.

Comments

[puppetmaker40]

I agree with you. Especially the last paragraph.

I always thought that chemistry was a cop-out

Relationships change over time because people change over time.

One chooses how hard they feel that they want to work on a relationship but both parties have to be willing to work.

I don't know if Peter and I would have worked out if we had been dating when we first met but down the road it did.

[superhappytime]

It is nice to have a woman agree with me! And one who is happily married at that. And to someone who has their own extensive wikipedia page.

In my experience it takes two people with similar interests who are willing to put aside their own ego and invest in the other person. I've seen relationships start with one dependent person and one who is willing to bend over backwards...but that's only sustainable for so long.

[andreamarie]

I absolutely agree... especially the part about how spending enough time with someone will cause something to develop. My husband was head over heels crazy for me really, really early in our dating relationship and I was all "Eh, whatever" about him for months before feelings started to develop. I just continued to date and hang out with him because he was fun and was nothing like any guy I had ever dated before, and that was interesting, for some reason. But, for a while, I didn't think it would go anywhere.

[superhappytime]

for months?

[andreamarie]

Is that surprising? I didn't have anything else going on at the time (except a guy who was trying to use me to get to my roommate, but that's another story). One of my roommates didn't really like that I was dating him (my husband)... I had to tell her to chill out and that I was just having some fun. I remember telling her that "it's not like I'm gonna marry the guy."

[opallos]

I've known my fiance for more than 10yrs now. The first time we met, we couldn't stand each other. I saw him as a proud person and he saw me as a snob. We barely said more than two sentences to each other for like two years and we were both single. It took a minor incident to create the attraction. That does not mean that he stopped being proud or in his opinion, I stopped being a snob. But because we genuinely liked each other over time and wanted the relationship to work, we had to compromise and tried to fit into each other's life.

Point is, the real spark or so called 'chemistry' in a relationship actually shows up when the two parties involved are dedicated to the relationship. Before then, it is good ol' attraction or nothing.

[superhappytime]

And I don't even think that's uncommon...it's almost familiar. The story of 2 people who dislike one another and then end up together.

Check this article out!

[opallos]

www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1704672-1,00.html

Re: Check this article out!

[superhappytime]

the link does not want to work

[superhappytime]

I refuse to relocate without a job in hand...perhaps that's not taking a risk, but moving in itself is enough of a risk and can cost a lot--especially when you're a home owner.

I never base anything on the first date. Sometimes I'll come to a conclusion around date 2 or 3, but I usually try to go around date 5 or 6.