Without You is How I Disappear - Chapter 6
Title: Without You is How I Disappear
Authors: superhero0008, carboncastel, cascadingmerrygoround @ Tumblr
Pairing: Akame, MaruDa, RyoDa (plus others)
Rating: NC-17
Genre: AU, Romance, Drama, Smut
Disclaimer: We own no one in this fic except some minor OC. We own the plot.
Summary: World of Johnny’s Entertainment is burning with glitz and glamour. At the very top is Crimson Glory, the famous pop duo made up of the incredibly charismatic Kamenashi Kazuya and the enthralling Ueda Tatsuya. They are alike in that they follow where their hearts take them. Akanishi Jin is a solo artist who just recently debuted, slowly working his way to the top. Nishikido Ryo is an actor, and he goes for what he wants. Nakamaru Yuichi is the agency’s official photographer, and he’s happy with what he has. And Johnny Kitagawa. He doesn't make it easy for any of them. Well, except for his favorites, Shirota Yuu and Taguchi Junnosuke, and most especially, Kamenashi. What is true and what is false in this industry of illusions? What will they hold onto and what should they let go of?
Without You is How I Disappear
Chapter 6 (Part 1)
Kame had been waiting for Jin for some minutes now, feeling rather weird that the older man’s hand was not on some part of him as it had been all night. Jin excused himself from their table to order some more drinks. But what’s taking him so long? Kame groggily thought to himself as he raised his glass to his lips once more.
Nishikido went off to dance with some girl, and Ueda and Nakamaru were now chatting cozily at the other side of the table. The couple was sitting close together, probably so that they could hear each other over the loud upbeat music. Of course, they didn’t really have to sit that close to each other but that wasn’t an issue.
Kame felt a bit tipsy now, too, and could really use Jin’s shoulder for support - or the rest of his body for something else. Kame’s eyes spanned the dancing crowd - Ryo was still dancing wildly with the girl - and his eyes landed on the bar. There Jin was.
Said soloist had drinks alright, but that’s not all he had. Akanishi was speaking with a woman with a slim waist and red hair, their distance too close to be called friendly. Kame stared, willing Jin to look in his direction so he’d know Kame was waiting. A few more moments passed and Jin seemed too absorbed in the conversation - or too captivated with the woman’s cleavage, Kame couldn’t tell in the dim lighting - so that Kame was beginning to be seriously annoyed as the woman inched a bit closer to Jin, giving the guy an even better view.
Is it even alright to be annoyed? It was Kame’s first time to be in a relationship with a guy. He didn’t know exactly how it differed from relationships with women. His past girlfriends were never allowed to chat with random guys whenever they hung out at clubs. Would it be different with Akanishi because he was a man?
Finally, finally, Jin glanced in the table’s direction. Kame held his gaze, raising both his glass and an eyebrow. His boyfriend smiled - a combination of sheepish and flirtatious - and bowed a bit to the red-haired woman before grabbing the bottles and making his way back to their table.
Kame’s one eyebrow was raised the whole time. He couldn’t help it. He shot Akanishi an inquiring stare as the soloist settled back beside him, the familiar arm snaking its way around Kame’s waist once more.
“Who was that?” Kame asked, trying to sound nonchalant despite his facial expression already telling the whole story.
Jin smiled as he finished a gulp of his beer, pulling Kame even closer to him.
“A fan.”
“Un,” Kame was now halfhearted about hiding his displeasure. “That explains why she’s trying to get you to peek down her front - ”
“You’re not jealous, are you?” Jin asked, his face against the side of Kame’s so that his hot breath tickled Kame’s ear. “Relax, we were just talking,” Jin added in a purr.
Kame gulped, unsure if the tension he was feeling was still from his annoyance or… because of other things already. Jin’s hand slowly made its way down from his waist to his hips, and Kame almost whined at the warmth that he wished would crawl to his front or his backside. Jin was such an expert tease.
“Ahh… I’m spent!” Nishikido Ryo proclaimed in slurred speech as he collapsed onto his chair - alone - catching the attention of the two couples he was with. He didn’t seem to mind, though. “Do we have rooms yet? Who am I sharing it with? I could really use a bed now - I mean, me and some - ”
“Yeah, we get it!” Jin interrupted, unwilling to hear Ryo’s plans for the night.
“On second thought,” Ryo continued. “Maybe I can share a room with Ueda.”
Jin’s friend giggled uncharacteristically, earning frowns from everyone, especially Nakamaru.
“No, you can’t,” Ueda replied dryly from under his boyfriend’s arm, shooting Ryo a horror-struck look.
“In that case - ”
Kame didn’t know Ryo became more talkative when drunk.
“I’ll just share a room with Jin, then - ”
Kame felt Jin stiffen beside him, and he didn’t understand why.
“And Ueda will share a room with Kamenashi - ” Ryo planned, totally ignoring everyone’s stare.
“Would it be okay if we shared with Yuichi?” Ueda addressed Kame, and Kame hurried to nod. He suddenly just wanted to crawl to a bed already.
“No, it’s not okay!”
It was Jin’s turn to protest, his hand painfully gripping Kame’s hip now. Kame shot him another inquiring stare so that he explained.
“You’re not staying in a room with them,” Akanishi pointed out rather insecurely.
Ryo frowned at his friend through slightly unfocused eyes, unsure what Jin’s issue was, until, in a rare moment of drunken triumph, Nakamaru spoke.
“Okay, you know what?” the photographer began, letting go of Ueda and leaning into the table so that everyone could hear him. “Tatsuya and I share a room, and Akanishi and Kamenashi share a room. And you - ” he sent a vicious glance at Ryo. “I don’t care about you.”
“Sounds good enough,” Jin muttered, only audible to Kame.
Ryo scoffed but didn’t say anything more, probably too groggy to even try, and the table remained silent for a while until, much to Kame’s apprehension, the redhead from earlier walked up to them and began chatting Jin up once more. The soloist seemed happy to be given a chance to stare at the girl’s boobs once more, even removing his arm around Kame.
“I thought you were just making up stuff earlier, but you're the real thing aren't you! That's why you looked so familiar!" the woman said, her breasts practically in Jin’s face as they spoke since she remained standing beside the guy whom she just realized was the solo musician she’s seen on television a few times.
“Yeah, well,” Jin replied, grinning stupidly. “Hopefully, next time I won’t just be a familiar face, if you know what I mean.”
Kame’s patience was running short, and he didn’t know which one he wanted to attack more at the moment. Before he did something stupid, Kame rose from their table and mumbled a curt “Good night” before hurriedly walking off. Jin craned his head to follow Kame with his eyes, but the Crimson Glory member was too fast, not to mention the mass of people going to and fro in his line of vision, and soon Kame was out of sight.
Jin looked back at their table and spotted Ryo’s evil grin, so that Jin decided to finally brush the red-haired woman off.
“You’re in trouble, dude,” Ryo said, and Jin briefly wondered if they really were friends with the way the actor seemed to be enjoying his dilemma too much.
“Fuck off.”
Ueda and Nakamaru, who had silently been watching the whole exchange, got up and bid them a good evening as well, but Jin couldn’t help but notice how the two seemed to be struggling to keep their faces blank - or was he only imagining it?
“Why was he so upset anyway?” Jin asked his friend, sounding genuinely puzzled, “I was just talking to the girl. It’s not like I was planning to have sex with her or anything.”
“You weren’t?!” Ryo gasped, his mouth forming an “O” in exaggerated surprise.
Jin growled and lunged forward across the table, attempting to grab the other man by the collar. Ryo, however, was quick to stand up and successfully evaded him.
“Well then, if you’re really not going to get it on with her,” said Ryo. “I’d be more than happy to take her off your hands - ”
“Yeah, do that! And go to hell!”
“You’re going to hell too coz you’re a sodom - ” Ryo replied in an infuriating singsong voice.
“That’s it, I’m going to kill you!” Jin shouted over the booming bass beats of the speakers.
But Ryo was already walking away in search of the hot redhead, laughing drunkenly by himself. Jin was left alone at the table simmering in anger. He downed his final beer and leaned back in his chair, trying to lose himself in the music. Soon, however, he became bored and his head started to feel funny. He decided that he should probably lie down and rest.
He didn’t want a confrontation with Kame, but he had no choice but to go up to their room. He sure as hell wasn’t going to ask to share a room with Ryo. With a sigh, Jin stood up and dragged his feet to the hotel rooms in another part of the resort.
oOo
Jin knocked on the hotel door, not entirely sure how Kame was going to react to his presence, or if he was going to open the door for Jin at all. After a few seconds, Jin knocked again, this time a little bit louder. There was still no answer. Jin knocked yet again insistently.
The door swung open suddenly to reveal a strangely blank-faced Kame wearing a bathrobe.
“I was in the shower,” said Kame, his expression still unreadable.
“Right. Sorry,” replied Jin sheepishly, although, in the back of his mind, he wondered if Kame told the truth or was just making an excuse for refusing to answer the door.
Kame left the doorway and proceeded inside the room. Jin followed him, not knowing how to deal with this strangely civil and yet distant treatment from his boyfriend. He didn’t know what to do except continue acting normally.
“Uhm, I’m just gonna go take a bath then,” Jin said awkwardly.
The younger man didn’t reply as he seemed to be engrossed in arranging his clothes in the cabinet. Jin sighed and disappeared into the bathroom.
oOo
“Tatsuya, do you think this Akanishi is a good guy?” Nakamaru asked as he leaned back in his seat.
Sitting opposite the photographer, Ueda slouched comfortably in his own chair. They had both already taken a bath, but they didn’t want to sleep yet so they decided to sit around on the small sofas in their hotel room.
“I guess? I can’t really say,” Ueda replied noncommittally. “I don’t know him that well.”
“To be honest,” said Nakamaru, frowning at the ceiling. “I’m kind of concerned about his behavior. Did you see the way he looked at that woman?”
“You looked at her too, you know,” Ueda said with a mischievous smile.
“No, but I meant he was looking at, you know, er, her chest.”
“I know. But when you looked at her, you looked at her chest too.”
“Well, fine, sorry but I did look! But that was because she was wearing a plunging top, okay? It’s true that I looked, because it was, er, showing!” said Nakamaru, turning slightly red and making agitated hand gestures. “’Looking at it’ was inevitable! Because it was there to see!”
“Exactly!” said Ueda, standing up and walking towards Nakamaru. “That’s exactly my point. Just because Akanishi looked at her doesn’t mean that he’s a bad person.”
“He talked to her a lot too,” replied the photographer, looking up at his boyfriend, “He was being really friendly.”
“But that’s all that he did, right? Be friendly?”
“Yes but - ”
Ueda held up a hand, “Then that’s that. Just leave them to sort out their own business.” Ueda touched the tip of Nakamaru’s nose with his index finger, “Let’s not be… nosy.”
Nakamaru scowled darkly at Ueda’s grinning face, “Oh, ha-ha, you think that’s funny, do you?”
Ueda laughed as he sat on Nakamaru’s lap and gave him a full kiss on the mouth.
“Talking time is over,” Ueda pulled Nakamaru to a standing position. “Let’s do other fun stuff.”
The photographer allowed himself to be steered towards the bed. Nakamaru lay down on the bed, and Ueda climbed on top of him. Ueda brought his lips to his lover’s for a slow and deep kiss. The photographer warmed to the other’s touch and responded by running his hands down Ueda’s back, stroking his sides and then settling on the other’s waist. Ueda then lay down on his back, allowing Nakamaru to press gentle kisses to his neck and chest.
The photographer was just about to start undoing the buttons of Ueda’s clothes, when he paused and looked at his boyfriend’s face. Ueda’s eyes were closed, the expression on his face peaceful and calm. He had clearly fallen asleep.
Nakamaru laughed softly and pressed one more soft kiss to Ueda’s brow before reaching to turn off the bedside lamp.
oOo
Kame lay in bed, listening to the water running as Jin took his shower. He had already changed into his pajamas and was ready to go to sleep. Honestly, that was all that he wanted to do now, especially since he wanted to stop thinking about how he should feel about everything. Because, after all, maybe he was just being petty. Or psychotic. In any case, Kame decided that he just wasn’t going to react at all.
So he refrained from making any kind of reaction when Jin slipped into bed beside him. They lay down side by side on the same bed, not touching or speaking.
“Do I turn off the lights?” Jin asked quietly.
Kame nodded and turned on his side away from the older man. He didn’t fall asleep however. He just lay there with his eyes open in the darkness. He felt Jin shifting position on the bed beside him. A few minutes later, Jin moved again restlessly. Apparently, Kame wasn’t the only one who was having difficulty going to sleep.
Suddenly, Jin turned over onto Kame, almost smothering the younger man.
“Kazuuuu~” Jin whined as he pulled Kame closer to him. “I can’t sleep!”
“Hey, get off!” said Kame, intending to sound annoyed but he couldn’t help but be somewhat amused at the soloist’s childish behavior. “I said get off me!”
“Hmm, no,” replied the older man, laying his head in the comfortable spot between Kame’s neck and shoulder. “I can sleep better like this.”
The idol tried to turn away, but found that it was impossible because Jin was holding him too tightly.
Kame shook his head in exasperation. “Fine, do as you like.”
The idol closed his eyes again to sleep, allowing one of his arms to drape naturally across Jin’s body.
oOo
Part 2