(no subject)
Title: The Baffled American
Pairing: Akame
Genre: Crack all the way
Rating: PG-13 for abundant and incessant swearing.
Beta: Unbetaed. This doesn’t deserve to be betaed. It doesn’t even deserve a title but there you go.
Summary: This is how Josh finds out about AkaKame.
Warning: Nonsense ahead.
Disclaimer: I own none of them. K?
A/N: Finally something to release my inexplicable love for the generally hated Keibo. I hope this is the first and last one. LOL
~
It was the image of Kamenashi sitting on the floor - crying - that broke Josh’s heart.
Well, not break as in that way, but somehow, he felt for the guy. Josh happened to be in the Jimusho in the wee hours of the evening, balancing the repercussions of his laziness for the whole day (and the day before that) when all he had to do was pick up a few documents for his good buddy Jin’s recording. Passing the group dressing rooms, a lone door stood ajar and Josh wished he chose a different route as he locked gazes with a disheveled and very wrecked-looking KAT-TUN member.
The usually impeccable and shimmery idol was in a designer suit after the typically late shoot of Going!, but his clothes were creased in all the wrong places and his hair was a mess - not the sexy sort of mess that they went for in photoshoots. The worst was that Kamenashi glared up at him with tear-streaked cheeks, making Josh feel like he had done something wrong.
“I - I’m sorry,” Josh mumbled, trying but unable to look away. “Did… something happen?”
It was Kamenashi who finally lowered his gaze.
“Nothing.”
He replied in a surprisingly steady voice, but Josh would be plain stupid to believe that. He found the man slumped and weeping, for god’s sake. Shocking himself, Josh stepped into the room and approached Kamenashi, squatting in front of the Japanese idol.
“Did Jin do this to you?”
Josh didn’t even have reason, much less a right, to ask that question, but maybe it was true, what they said about people becoming disoriented around idols, especially Johnny’s wonder boy Kame-chan. Said wonder boy glanced up at him with worried eyes and hurriedly shook his head, but Josh thought he looked like a terrified kid more than anything else.
“Listen, I don’t know what’s up with you two,” Josh said, feeling his jeans’ pockets for something he rarely used. “But I think this is getting ridiculous.”
“What is getting ridiculous?” Kamenashi asked, then, gradually regaining his regal idol-ness.
“This. Everything,” Josh answered uselessly, because he didn’t know what was getting ridiculous either. “I might as well be one of those batshit crazy fans obsessing over you two for saying this - except that I don’t think about you two twenty-four seven, don’t get me wrong - but I know something’s up with you guys.”
Finally, he managed to extract a thankfully clean and fresh handkerchief from his back pocket, and handed it over to the previously sobbing star.
“Good night, Kamenashi-san,” Josh said, standing up once Kame accepted the handkerchief.
“Just ‘Kame’ would do,” was the response he received as the other man stood up as well, bowing to him for thanks.
Josh tried to smile, but felt awkward about it, and ended up looking like he was trying to hold something between his teeth instead. With stiff legs he turned around and exited the room, never once looking back or peering into any more partly open doors he passed by. Finally exiting the building and coming out onto the parking lot, Josh stared into space as he clambered into the driver’s seat. Did I just make friends with Kamenashi?
He just knew there was some sort of problem - perhaps a black hole that sucked in every attempt at sorting things out between them, because every time Josh, or anyone for that matter, asked Jin about it he’d pretend he didn’t hear it, or reply with something so awfully vague it could rival his daily horoscope. What Josh said back there to Kamenashi, though, practically sounded like he was volunteering to fix their shit for them. Maybe he needed to take that handkerchief back and clear things up. Or maybe he could just pretend it never happened, maybe that’s what Kamenashi would want?
Just ‘Kame’ would do. Kamenashi was very civil, Josh wondered as he drove off how Jin could stand not being civil with his former bandmate.
Fuck this shit. He’s going out for a drink.
oOo
Josh did not hate Kamenashi. It was just that… Kamenashi was different.
About that, he and Jin would agree. Kamenashi stood for everything that meant ‘no fun’ to them, and admittedly, Josh sometimes wondered how Jin managed to work with and keep a friendship with someone whose life principles were the exact opposite of his. Well, maybe that’s why they didn’t talk anymore? They couldn’t stand each other any longer?
“Dude, what about ‘Summer after highschool when we first met,’?” Josh tossed in during their brainstorming a.k.a. booze session for a new song in the rather cramped studio.
“He’s supposed to say this song’s based on experience - ” Zen objected, while Jin raised an eyebrow at him.
“Yeah but didn’t you meet Kamenashi around that age - ?”
“No, I auditioned when I was fourteen - HEY!”
Jin bounded off his chair and lunged at Josh in a mock attempt to strangle the American, while Zen cracked up laughing in his seat. Josh guffawed, too, amused.
“Hang on, I’m getting more beer,” Zen stood up, recovering. “Don’t write anything without me!” he added before going into the next room where the fridge was.
Josh seized the chance, turning to Jin and asking with a serious face, “Did you see Kamenashi yesterday?”
Jin’s face lagged for a moment, like a robot lacking a programmed response, but then he answered, looking away, “Yeah, on TV.”
“No, I meant see as in see,” Josh repeated impatiently. “Were you in the Jimusho yesterday?”
This time, Jin’s brows furrowed in response, quite unsure what Josh was up to with this interrogation.
“No. What makes you think I was there?”
“Because I saw - ” Josh began loudly, but realized Zen might hear. Besides, saying he met a crying Kame and, to some extent, comforted him would bring up rather uncomfortable questions from Jin, too. “Because I saw him on his way to a photo shoot yesterday and he looked really good, man.”
Josh didn’t know if what he said was better or goddamn worse than letting Jin find out about Kame’s crying incident, but Jin’s eyebrows soaring skyward were pretty much an indication that it was the latter.
“I just mean…” Josh faked a sigh. “You’d do better to suit up and make ladies fall for your clean shaven and very visible face,” he explained, hoping he sounded authentic.
“You’re asking me to do that by giving me Kame as an example? Really?” Jin challenged, his arms folded across his chest.
“An example for what?” Zen asked as he came in, a six pack in one hand and a bag of chips in the other.
“For suiting up,” Jin supplied derisively.
Jin was really one of Josh’s closest friends, but right now Josh had a very strong urge to punch him in the face, because the American was just not convinced. He was not ready to let this issue about Kamenashi go.
oOo
It was a week later when Josh met Kamenashi again, and boy was he surprised.
He was alone in the studio, painstakingly editing a new batch of autotuned lines from Jin, when a curt knock on the door made him take his headphones off and get up.
“Kamenashi-san - I mean - Kame,” he corrected himself, remembering the idol’s request.
Kamenashi was standing in the doorway with a box of Tsutsujiya’s dorayaki and a thin, neatly wrapped brown parcel.
“Jin isn’t here right now - ” Josh said, wrongly assuming that the newest addition to his circle of Japanese friends was looking for the baka-est in said circle.
“I didn’t come for Akanishi,” Kame stated simply, and Josh was suddenly reminded of why he preferred staying out of this person’s way whenever in the Jimusho.
Kamenashi wasn’t crying now. He wasn’t depressed or broken or whatever he looked like that night a week ago, and so his image of being prim and proper to the point of annoying was really getting to Josh again.
“I came to return this,” Kame explained, holding out the parcel, and Josh realized it must be his handkerchief inside. Why on earth it was wrapped that way, like it was newly bought from the store, was beyond him. “And to give you this as a sign of my gratitude,” the smaller man then said, holding out the dorayaki box next.
“You… really didn’t have to,” Josh mumbled, reluctantly taking the parcel and the box of sweets.
Suddenly, he wished Jin would come unexpectedly so that he’d be saved from this awkwardness, and they could enjoy their awkward moment instead. But there’s a fat chance on that, because if there was anyone lazier than Josh, that would be Jin himself.
“Thank you again,” Kamenashi bowed to him and turned to leave.
“Aren’t you gonna tell me what happened with Jin?” Josh found himself yelling after Kame, causing the man to stop in his tracks.
It seemed like it was taking all of Kamenashi’s willpower to slowly, calmly turn to him, but he smiled like a pro as he spoke, “And what? Bring you another box of sweets so you would shut your mouth?”
Josh’s jaw dropped at the remark, feeling like he’d just been bitch-fucking-slapped by a shining-fucking-shimmering idol, but all he could do was glare as Kamenashi nodded to him and finally walked away.
On one hand, Kamenashi was really a bitch. That much was confirmed. On the other hand, his reply was good enough evidence for Josh to believe that, indeed, Jin was the cause of the other man’s troubles. Josh decided it was time for a confrontation (could also mean ‘booze session’) with his best yegga.
oOo
“Can’t hurry love, nooo you just have to wait! She said love don’t come eeeasy, it’s a game of give and take~”
“Stop singing that song!” Josh was scorned and whacked on the head with a karaoke microphone.
It took Josh another week to organize said booze session, due mostly to Jin’s schedule that was growing hectic by the day because of his forthcoming album launch. The release of KAT-TUN’s new album, however, was only three days away. Surprisingly, Jin had proposed drinking on this schedule, a god forsaken Sunday night, and Josh could not come up with a decent explanation as to why Jin would want to, except for the events of the coming week.
“Why not?” Josh protested as Jin changed the song to a Nicki Minaj overkill from last year. “I like it! It speaks of… truth, don’t you think? About love?”
Jin snorted, “What do you know about love?”
Josh returned the favor and whacked him on the head with an empty beer can as well, saying, “Well come on smarty-pants, teach me, oh great master, what should I know about love?”
“Are you asking me to have sex with you?” Jin replied, cracking up.
“Fuck you,” Josh said automatically, to which Jin readily replied, “Yeah that’s another way to say it,” and so the soloist earned another smack on the head.
“Jin,” Josh turned serious, despite being a little tipsy. “Why aren’t you friends with Kamenashi anymore?”
Jin stared at him, clearly surprised that he asked so directly, but then Jin grinned, and Josh realized the idiot was already drunk.
“What are you talking about?” We’re friends!” Jin replied, giggling to himself. “We’re goooood friends, if you know what I mean - ”
“No, I don’t know what you mean.” Josh rarely raised an eyebrow, but this was one of those unusual times. “I know how we say we wanna be good friends with a girl when we wanna sleep with them but - oh god,” he ended, regretting the images flashing in his mind.
Josh buried his face in his hands but Akanishi burst out laughing, pointing at Josh in amusement.
“Are you freaked out yet?” Jin asked, slapping his own thigh in his glee.
Josh merely looked at him, too groggy to know anymore when Jin was kidding and not.
“What if it’s true, though?” Jin turned serious too, and suddenly Josh felt too tired to keep this up. “That AkaKame shit?”
“Which one? There’s so much shit about AkaKame, which one are you talking about?”
Even before Josh was done speaking, Jin was already snoring in his seat. Josh was drunk, too, but he made a mental note to try not to forget what Jin said today. Sober or drunk, eleven out of ten times Jin would avoid talking about anything remotely related to Kamenashi, but just moments ago he asked what Josh would think if Aka-fucking-Kame was real. Josh never signed up for this kind of mindfuck when he became friends with Jin.
oOo
The next day, Josh was starting to feel both lucky and sorry for himself. Lucky, because he ran into Kamenashi yet again when he went to pick up some agency issued clothes - Josh liked to tease Jin and dub them ‘shimmery costumes’ - for the soloist. Sorry for himself, because it seemed like he had become more preoccupied with ‘that AkaKame shit’ than anything recently. Maybe he needed to get laid. Or a vacation would be nice. Anything.
“Kame, can I have a word?”
Josh beckoned to the idol who was picking out costumes under his name from a rack of weird colors and feathers and too much glitter it could cut your lungs if you inhaled the air nearby. Kamenashi shot him a look, and then followed him to the side of the room. Josh didn’t miss the critical glances from the female wardrobe assistant. She was probably wondering how on earth Josh and Kame would be on speaking terms and, more importantly, why.
“Is there something between you and Jin? I mean… something else?” Josh asked straight to the point. He wouldn’t want to waste time here anyway.
Kame looked like he wanted to laugh, and that was very offensive in Josh’s opinion, so he tried to explain a bit, “It’s just that… Jin’s being weird. Well, he’s usually weird but it’s like it’s getting worse. Just last night we were drinking and he brought you up, which of course shocked me - ”
“I knew him way before you knew how to say ‘ohayou,’ Keibo-kun,” Kame replied heatedly, and that sort of reaction, Josh did not understand at all. “Did he ever come to your doorstep at 3 AM saying he missed you? Have you ever managed to touch his collarbones without getting kicked in return? I don’t think so.”
“He did knock on my door at 3 AM once, but that was because he lost his wallet in a club - other than that - wow - ” Josh ended, realizing why Kamenashi burst like that.
He fucking thought Josh was jealous of Jin thinking about Kame. They stared at each other, unsure of who was more shocked.
“You mean - you two - you really - ?”
Kame now nodded shyly, blushing like a little girl caught about her crush.
“You weren’t asking because you two - ?” it was Kame’s turn to ask.
Josh furiously shook his head, “No! God, no!”
“Oh. Haha,” was all that the smaller man could say, and thus it finally sank into Josh what he’d just found out.
“For… for how long?”
“I’d like to keep that for ourselves - ”
“Oh, okay - ”
“ - if that’s fine with you - ”
“Yeah, yeah sure, I get it - ”
“I’ll be going now,” Kame said finally, bowing.
Josh returned the bow and sank into a nearby plastic chair. He felt like a detective who had solved a case, however accidentally and unwillingly. ‘What if it’s true, though, that AkaKame shit?’ Jin drunkenly asked last night. AkaKame shit my ass. Josh sincerely wondered who else knew about this. The rest of KAT-TUN? Yamashita, perhaps? He folded Jin’s costumes over an arm, marching for the door and hoping Kame had not yet gone far. He didn’t know what he wanted to prove to those two, but it was AkaKame’s turn to be mindfucked.
oOo
If anyone came up to Josh maybe five or six years ago and told him that one day in the future he’d be playing some sort of counselor to a couple who seemed more fucked up than any other he had ever met, Josh would have kicked that person in the balls and laughed his ass off. He was not even sure what he was doing, pretty much because he hadn’t had much experience on this. But here he was. Let his own love life rot in the depths of his cold, cynical heart.
Checking his glow-in-the-dark watch, Josh found it was a quarter past eleven, and he was sitting in the dark alley in the back of his favorite bar, which was Jin’s favorite, too. He would have lit a cigarette while waiting, but digging into every pocket on him seconds after coming out here made him realize that he had lost his third lighter for the month. He sighed, his own sound barely audible over the constant thump-thump of the party music back inside the club.
How hard can it be to find each other? Josh thought to himself as he was getting impatient, tucking his sunglasses into his jacket pocket. He had done his part, and Yamashita had effortlessly done his, too, and now it was up to Jin and Kame to amuse Josh, because if he knew Jin well, any moment now, Jin would come out back, perhaps dragging an equally confused and enraged Kamenashi with him.
“The fuck are you doing here?”
Come out back, Jin and Kame did, and though Josh did not intend to hide in the shadows and snoop around for a bit, he happened to be standing at a shady spot, and so he went unnoticed. Jin’s words were slurred, like he was already tipsy, and Kame did not look any better with his languid movements and silly smile. Yamashita sure did a good job convincing him to ‘loosen up’ tonight.
“The fuck are you doing here?” the smaller man replied, not bothering to hide his amusement over Jin’s apparent bitch fit.
“This is my place, my hangout, what are you - who did you come here with?” Jin ranted on, flailing his arms everywhere Josh thought it was a miracle he hadn’t managed to hit Kame yet.
“You don’t own it, Jin,” Kame said, taking a step toward the soloist and poking a finger at his chest. “And for your information, I came here with Yamashita - ”
“Why on earth are you on a date with Pi - ?”
“What? No!” Kame immediately contradicted, and Josh sensed this was the right moment to get out of here. Only, he didn’t know how. “Keibo gave us tickets to the club for tonight - because he was friends with the owner, right - ?”
“Since when have you been on good terms with Josh for him to give you stuff?” Jin then snarled, leaning in over Kame and invading the latter’s personal space. Which Kame did not seem to mind at all, Josh noted.
“Since - ” Kame started and stopped, staring at Jin as if reading something on the soloist’s face. “You know what?”
Kame’s tone had changed. Somehow, he went from foolishly fuzzy to intoxicated and playful like a switch on him had simply been flicked. Jin seemed to notice this, too, because he had retreated from his previous stance, but still not far enough for Josh to not feel awkward.
“It doesn’t matter, does it?” Kame said, taking a step toward Jin and pulling at the latter’s lapel teasingly. “Maybe he wanted us to… you know…”
Kame cocked his head to the side, and it was then that Jin seemed to catch on with whatever the man in front of him was hinting at, relaxing as well and letting his back fall on the wall. He raised a hand and placed it on Kame’s rear, earning a chuckle. All the while, Josh watched horrified, petrified. He wanted to verify once and for all what these two actually were, but this… this was just too much.
“Yeah, maybe,” Jin whispered back, his voice laced with inexplicable amusement. “Maybe he wants us to get over this fight and - ”
Josh’s jaw dropped as he watched Jin grind his hips against Kame’s. He had seen both men get sensual many times - separately and for the stage - but this time was not for show. This time was their time - their private moment - as a couple - and what the hell was Josh still doing here?!
“Do you really plan to watch this?” Kame suddenly said.
His face was an inch away from Jin’s, but both men were looking out at the dark in Josh’s direction. Oh. Crap.
“Okay, okay! You caught my plan, I’m outta here - ” Josh straightened up with all the air of detachment he could muster. He started walking towards the door back into the bar.
“The fuck are you doing here, dude?” Jin barked again.
“Like Kamenashi said, you don’t own the bar, so don’t act all - ”
“You were fucking watching us!” Jin exclaimed in a shrill voice, to which Kame countered:
“Bitch, please, you didn’t even know he was there until I talked to him - ”
“I knew he was there! That’s why I…”
The two proceeded to bicker incomprehensibly, all the while Josh was inching nearer and nearer the door. He didn’t expect or want to watch any raunchy happenings, anyway. Luckily for him, too, the two had become preoccupied once more with their issues. However, while Josh’s escape was a definite success, he now knew why this ‘AkaKame shit’ was so hard. Jin and Kame were both selfish but only because they were too passionate about them. It was really difficult to understand, much more describe, but now that Josh knew about it, he had a feeling this was not the last time he was going to have to deal with the couple’s issues and be subtly obliged to fix their shit for them. Still hearing Jin’s high-pitched protests and Kamenashi’s bitchy retorts, Josh slid back into the bar, put his sunglasses back on, and simply partied the night away.
~end~
Do not ask me what just happened. I don’t know either. Or maybe I wasted some minutes of your life. As an apology, please check out my saner, more coherent fics --> FIC LIST