Random life update which nobody cares about lol
First off, I'm not being snobbish. I'm just trying to hold off on the pleasure of replying to comments made by you wonderful people on all my fics, because I haven't posted the update to the multi-chapter yet. Just so you know, Chapter 5 is done, and is in the very capable hands of my beta as I type. I'm just waiting. LOL
It's getting more and more difficult to write stuff, particularly because of so much rl shit going on, but I did take a hiatus earlier this year, and I did say, upon coming back, that that would be the last, that I am back in the fandom and I am here for good. I plan to stand by those words, because, really, I don't see the sense anymore in taking a hiatus from fandom, when it's this, among very few things, that make life worthwhile at the moment.
I sound so pessimistic, but really, I have a lot going on right now. You know it's bad when I start writing about it. LOL. You see, I'm really bad at writing about myself. But when I'm in this kind of shit, I tend to write a lot (sadly not fandom related writings). I have this 'diary' I've been writing in since highschool. It's not a legit diary because I don't go like, "Dear Diary, today I went to blah blah blah..." I just write a sentence or two, usually morbid, awfully pessimistic. I think I've let only a couple of friends read it, and if it ever fell into the wrong hands -- say, the hands of a psychologist -- they would most probably flip out. LOL
Life has been, for the past year or so, crazy, and even if I'm disappointed a lot of times (with my own decisions, mind you), I've gotten used to not regretting my choices. As they say, in the future, we'd regret more the things we didn't do, rather than the things we did. I'm not religious nor trying to be morally upright or whatever. I guess, plainly put, I just generally don't give a fuck.
It's not like I don't care about my future. It's just that I'm getting a lot of pressure from a lot of people (some of whom matter and some who don't) to 'straighten up' and get my shit together. I guess you can't just explain it away as your way of doing things. Especially when you have no idea what the fuck you're doing anyway. Growing up sucks.
I do care about my future. Just that I'm in the stage where I'm exploring and all that shit, nevermind that it's a few years late because, hey, it's been a year since I graduated from university, and I still don't know what my real 'passion' is. I don't want to work for the sake of money, but I want to be productive. Everyday, I'm trying to get to know myself better and find out what the actual fuck I should be doing in life, and what I would want to do for even just the next two years. I've never worked up a hardcore 'life plan' for myself because I don't want to be restricted when I find I want to change my plans, but now I feel like I need it. But I still don't want to make one.
Indecisiveness is such a pain in the ass. It's something I, of all people, can't afford. I'm four years younger than Kamenashi, and I feel as if I'm running out of time. This whole dilemma is so crazy, it sounds ridiculous even to me.
Wow, okay, this has become rather long and emotional and dragging. Let me end it here. Thanks for reading!
It's getting more and more difficult to write stuff, particularly because of so much rl shit going on, but I did take a hiatus earlier this year, and I did say, upon coming back, that that would be the last, that I am back in the fandom and I am here for good. I plan to stand by those words, because, really, I don't see the sense anymore in taking a hiatus from fandom, when it's this, among very few things, that make life worthwhile at the moment.
I sound so pessimistic, but really, I have a lot going on right now. You know it's bad when I start writing about it. LOL. You see, I'm really bad at writing about myself. But when I'm in this kind of shit, I tend to write a lot (sadly not fandom related writings). I have this 'diary' I've been writing in since highschool. It's not a legit diary because I don't go like, "Dear Diary, today I went to blah blah blah..." I just write a sentence or two, usually morbid, awfully pessimistic. I think I've let only a couple of friends read it, and if it ever fell into the wrong hands -- say, the hands of a psychologist -- they would most probably flip out. LOL
Life has been, for the past year or so, crazy, and even if I'm disappointed a lot of times (with my own decisions, mind you), I've gotten used to not regretting my choices. As they say, in the future, we'd regret more the things we didn't do, rather than the things we did. I'm not religious nor trying to be morally upright or whatever. I guess, plainly put, I just generally don't give a fuck.
It's not like I don't care about my future. It's just that I'm getting a lot of pressure from a lot of people (some of whom matter and some who don't) to 'straighten up' and get my shit together. I guess you can't just explain it away as your way of doing things. Especially when you have no idea what the fuck you're doing anyway. Growing up sucks.
I do care about my future. Just that I'm in the stage where I'm exploring and all that shit, nevermind that it's a few years late because, hey, it's been a year since I graduated from university, and I still don't know what my real 'passion' is. I don't want to work for the sake of money, but I want to be productive. Everyday, I'm trying to get to know myself better and find out what the actual fuck I should be doing in life, and what I would want to do for even just the next two years. I've never worked up a hardcore 'life plan' for myself because I don't want to be restricted when I find I want to change my plans, but now I feel like I need it. But I still don't want to make one.
Indecisiveness is such a pain in the ass. It's something I, of all people, can't afford. I'm four years younger than Kamenashi, and I feel as if I'm running out of time. This whole dilemma is so crazy, it sounds ridiculous even to me.
Wow, okay, this has become rather long and emotional and dragging. Let me end it here. Thanks for reading!