Comments | superlemming13: It's possible that I'm not the same person anymore.

superlemming13

It's possible that I'm not the same person anymore.

Oct 22, 2003 10:10

Last night I had the single most disturbing and horrific dream I can ever remember having. I woke up in the early morning hours and my mind was reeling from the sheer indescribable volume of attocities that were imprinted on my memory. I very nearly threw up, upon coming to my senses.

I blame the flu shot.

Comments 7

zarfmouse October 22 2003, 09:00:23 UTC

A friend of mine has a theory, and I like it a lot, that dreams are where your brain experiences whatever emotions you don't experience in your waking life. So if you are happy all the time, you'll have very sad dreams from time to time. If you are never angry, you will sometimes have rageful dreams. If you aren't getting any, you'll have sexy dreams. If you are sad, you'll have happy escapist dreams. Your brain has all those emotional capabilities and it has to exercise them from time to time.

I don't know if it is true, but it certainly explains why my pacifist self has so many Army/War dreams.

superlemming13 October 22 2003, 11:51:01 UTC

I am paralyzed today. I cannot get anything done. I just keep thinking about things from my dreams. How can that stuff have come from my mind? It makes me think too much and makes me feel sick and utterly lost in evil. Who needs Hell when the human soul is so much worse.

aletheis October 22 2003, 14:20:38 UTC

i know this may not help... but there is grace for you, Doug. There is an infinite amount of grace to cover everything bad. When you despair, when you assume that your soul is too bad even for God to save, then that is the point at which you truly *are* lost. Don't despair, lest you think lightly of infinite grace.

i am not going to say all of that stuff some people say, like "i know people who are far worse than you" or "you aren't evil, you're too nice to be evil." In my mind, that is all rubbish. We are all equal, all flawed in the same way. There isn't "better" or "worse." But you know where to look for healing, even if that healing takes time and arduous work. i am here for you, if you need to talk. You are loved, cared for, and needed by us; we will do what is necessary to get Doug back on his feet.

superlemming13 October 22 2003, 14:28:22 UTC

I didn't write it above, but I couldn't get the dream out of my head, and could not go back to sleep. I suddenly just made a whimpering sound that I didn't even realize was me at first. That snapped me out of it a bit, and there, on the spot, I clasped my hands together and prayed for a fair while. I was able to sleep again eventually. I just don't understand why I had to see the things I saw. Those images and feelings keep returning to me. I don't like it at all. They all turn me toward soul searching. And doing so, under such circumstances, with such images burned into my memory, only points me toward certain truths about myself that I cannot handle very well.

Dood anonymous October 22 2003, 13:58:22 UTC

"It was just a dream." Say it with me now. Rinse, repeat. Some people think that dreams are the doorway to your psyche and how you REALLY are, expressing all the things that you cannot do or are not willing to do while you are awake. (along the lines of what zarfmouse said)

Because of the randomness inherent in dreams, I don't think this is the case. I think dreams are a wandering of your imagination/subconscious when it has to turn in upon itself and be entertained. No outside stimulus makes for interesting things. But, once again, they are just dreams. Until you perform these atrocities in real life, you are still the same person, fucked up dreams or not.

-D

Re: Dood superlemming13 October 22 2003, 15:14:53 UTC

Well, firstly, *I* was not performing attrocities in my dream.

Secondly, I refuse to take the (in my opinion, cop out) "Oh well. Whatever. It was just a dream," approach. The fact is that I was *capable* of such a dream, and that says a lot. Also, there were 'knife in the heart' parts of my dream that continue to ring true, even now. Beyond the traumatic visuals, there is the underlying lack of humanity that stems from something deeper than just the things that I was 'randomly' seeing.

Re: Dood anonymous October 23 2003, 08:32:26 UTC

Every living person out there is capable of imagining and/or dreaming the things that you dreamt. Right now, I can, in my mind, imagine a thousand horrific things. I know that this doesn't address the theme(or whatever) that was prevalent in your dream. The only thing I can say about that: What are you going to do about it? Try to be a better person because of it? Pray more? Try not to dream these kind of things again ( ... )