THE ADVENTURES OF THE ATTRACTIVE DOCTOR AND SHINY ROSE
I've written spoofs of episodes 'Rose' and 'The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances'
Rating is PG at the most, and theres absolutly no spoilers, only up to The Doctor Dances, which i don't think really counts, does it?
Here they are... enjoy!
EPISODE 1- HOW IT ALL BEGAN
Once upon a time there was a little planet called Earth. Somewhere in a city called London, an attractive man wearing a leather jacket shoved a teenage girl out of a posh department store. The girl turned around bemused and confused. Hey look that rhymes. The attractive man closed the door and she was alone. And confused. Then suddenly it opened again and she spun around.
“I thought you were blowing up those evil dummies?” she gasped. “you’re wasting time”
“yeah, but, I hate not introducing myself.”
“go on then, quickly”
“don’t you want to know who I am?”
The girl considered this.
“yeah… who are you?”
The attractive man grinned “they call me Doctor.”
“who?”
“sometimes.”
“no, I mean who calls you doctor?”
He smirked. “the lay-days!”
She looked unsure “really??”
“yes..!” he snapped “and who are you then?”
“Rose”
“what, like the flower?”
“yeah, I guess”
“hmmm…” the attractive doctor pondered “I like it”
“thanks. You know, you’re quite… attractive.”
“thanks, and you’re very…” he hesitated “ er… shiny..?”
“shiny…?”
“yeah, you’re very… shiny.”
“ok then…”
“oh, I was doing something, wasn’t I?“ the attractive doctor suddenly remembered “what was it again…” he looked at the bomb in his hand “why am I holding this, then? that’s a bit dangerous…”
“you were gonna blow up the students…” Shiny Rose said “I mean, dummies. Not that there’s a difference”
“hey, Just coz you’re too dumb to go to collage…”
“how do you… never mind, just go! Go now!”
“don’t you care? I could die here!”
Shiny Rose shrugged. “I don’t care. I’m just gonna go home and have my beans on toast.”
“but… don’t you want to come with me?”
Shiny Rose looked the Attractive Doctor up and down.
“nah. Eastenders is on in 10 minutes”
“ok then, See ya”
The attractive doctor shut the door and blew up the dummies. The plastic ones. Shiny Rose went home and watched Eastenders.
THE END.
Oh wait there’s more.
PART 2
Later (after saving the world and stuff), the attractive doctor was standing by a blue box. A stupid looking boy in his early twenties (Mickey the idiot) was lolling on the ground near by, totally freaked out. pathetic. Shiny Rose was helping him up.
“you going then?” she asked the attractive doctor.
“sort of, yeah” he replied.
“dude that’s getting annoying”
“what… are you!!??!” Mickey the idiot gasped.
“aww, do you not want me to go??”
“no, I mean… what are you?”
“very attractive” he grinned.
“yeah… well…” Mickey the idiot stuttered. He was suddenly aware of the fact that he was lying on the ground.
“that’s great…” the attractive doctor interrupted “so Rose, do you wanna come with me now?!”
lets see… Shiny Rose thought I do already have a boyfriend. But this guy is a lot more attractive. And less of an idiot… Hmm… but there’s my mum, and my job. Oh wait, he blew that up… Ok… so what will it be? Mickey the Idiot or attractive doctor??
“by the way…” the attractive doctor added “did I mention this blue box is bigger on the inside???”
“yeah”
“oh. Did I mention it travels space??”
“yeah”
“oh”
There was a long pause.
“ah! I know… did I mention I’m an ALIEN??!!?”
“dude, yes. Ages ago.”
The attractive doctor bit his lip.
“er, did I mention it travels in… time??”
“what….?”
Mickey the Idiot or attractive doctor…with a time machine!?
Shiny Rose pecked Mickey the idiot on the cheek and ran into the blue box to kiss the attractive doctor and travel with him in time and space.
Well…duh.
THE END
EPISODE 2- IN THE MOOD
Once upon a time there was a blue box which was bigger on the inside. Inside this inside that was bigger than the outside, lived a shiny girl from Earth called Rose and an attractive doctor called, er, doctor. One morning, he stormed into shiny Rose’s room.
“quick. Come on.”
Shiny Rose frowned.
“Do you mind?!”
“something important has come up…”
“I’m getting dressed!” Shiny Rose snapped, holding up a blanket over her half-dressed-ness.
“come on, this is urgent!”
“can I at least get dressed…?”
“…if you must.” the attractive doctor sighed, slightly disappointed.
“and… stop staring at my boobs”
“I was not!” he protested, coughing. Shiny Rose didn’t look convinced.
“I was…er…I was looking at… your top” he decided.
“this one… Its just a top with a union jack on it.”
“yeah, well, I like flags. They’re…interesting.”
“whatever. Flags are boring”
“no they’re not” he insisted “I like flags. Flags are good.”
“you like flags?” Shiny Rose raised one eyebrow “you’re so gay”
“yeah, well, Just do… whatever you need to do and come down in 10 minutes”
“10 minutes?! Are you crazy?!?”
“a little.”
“15 minutes, that’s my final offer!”
“fine, fine.” the attractive doctor grinned. He remained standing in the door way.
“Am I going to let you watch me get dressed?” Shiny Rose snapped.
The doctor pretended he hadn’t heard her and walked down the corridor. A few seconds he walked back past the door. He had gone in the wrong direction.
PART 2
A few hours later, Shiny Rose was standing on an invisible spaceship in the middle of a WW2 German air raid, with an extremely attractive guy called Captain Jack Harkness. Possibly even more attractive than the attractive doctor himself.
“I’m flying Jack! Look Jack, I’m flying!”
“no you’re not, its an invisible space ship…”
“oh” shiny rose said, disappointedly putting her arms down.
“Do you like Glenn Millar?” the attractive captain asked shiny rose.
“er… yeah sure”
The sound of ‘moonlight serenade’ started playing.
“Rose…?” the attractive captain took Shiny Rose’s hand.
“Jack, I’m so grateful…”
“yeah…”
“I was hanging hundreds of miles above London by a barrage balloon in the middle of a German air raid…”
“uh-huh…”
“Frankly impossible circumstances, and you saved me…”
“yeah, yeah…” the attractive captain raised her hand to his mouth.
“I’m just so… Jack? are you trying to… eat me?!”
He patted her hand and let it go, looking a bit ashamed.
“so Rose…” he asked, changing the subject “what do you like to do in your free time?”
“umm…” Shiny Rose pondered “…attractive doctors”
“really?” he said “…same!”
“I think he might be gay though…”
“really?!” he was very interested now “does he like… captains?”
Shiny Rose said she didn’t’t know.
“are you sure he’s gay?” the attractive captain asked, slightly disappointed.
“yeah… he likes flags”
“hmm… what else does he like?”
“bananas…” she replied “that’s symbolic, right?”
“defiantly!” the attractive captain smirked.
PART 3
The attractive captain had scanned for attractiveness, and he and shiny rose had managed to track down the attractive doctor in an old abandoned hospital. The attractive doctor (still a bit freaked that he was surrounded by gas-masked zombies) heard a familiar Londoner girl’s voice blabbering on about something he couldn’t quite make out.
“there you are Rose!” he called down the corridor.
“Doctor…” she called back “do you like captains?”
“where did you go? And who are you talking to…?”
The attractive captain grabbed the attractive doctor’s hand and shook it enthusiastically.
“hi! I’m Captain Jack Harkness, I’ve been hearing all about you on the way over!”
The attractive doctor gave a rose a look that simply said: WHA…??
“who is this?” he hissed.
“I’m Captain Jack!” the attractive captain beamed “I’m just your average 51st century American bisexual intergalactic time agent!”
The attractive doctor stared at him, unsure what to say.
“hi. They call me doctor.”
“who?”
“sometimes.”
“no I mean… oh, doesn’t matter”
“so… you’re very… shiny”
Rose poked him in the back. “hey! I’m shiny!”
“sorry, yeah… I mean, you’re very… attractive. Hey, you’re attractive! I’m the attractive one! There can’t be two attractive ones!”
“why not?”
“coz I said so!”
“ok then…” the attractive captain decided “I’ll be the attractive one, and you can be the gay one…”
“no, I can’t be the gay doctor… wait! I’m not gay! Who told him I was gay!?”
Shiny Rose raised her hand with a mixture of guilt and confusion.
“but… you like flags!”
“no, I like boobs.”
“you like bananas.” the attractive captain pointed out.
“no, they’re just a good form of potassium…”
“so you’re not gay?”
“no”
Shiny Rose frowned.
“what’s wrong?”
“I’m filled with a mixture of disappointed and great relief, its very confusing” she sighed. She gets confused a lot, doesn’t she?
“well we could have had a nice little threesome going on here, if he could just loosen up.” the attractive captain moaned “But, oh no!! you just had to ruin it! I’m going…”
He left the gay doctor and confused rose in silence, surrounded by gas-masked zombies.
“you know… you and Jack would make a really good couple”
“rose, I’m not gay!”
PART 4
Later, (after saving the world and stuff) the attractive doctor ran through the doors of the blue box and danced around the control room, throwing his arms around.
“everyone lives, rose!”
“doctor…”
“just this once, everybody lives!”
“doctor…!”
“go on, ask me anything, I’m on fire!”
“…are you gay?”
“no”
“but are you gay?”
“no!”
“come on, really, are you gay?”
“NO!”
There was a long pause.
“but seriously, are you gay?”
“rose… I’m very willing to prove to you…”
“no, that’s not necessary”
“damn it”
The attractive doctor walked off and started randomly jabbing buttons and levers.
“whatcha doing?” shiny rose asked.
“randomly jabbing buttons and levers, you?”
“oh” she said sadly “I thought you were going to save Jack”
“oh…”
“that bomb is inside his ship. It’s going to blow up… we have to save him, please?”
The attractive doctor pondered for a while. Then, suddenly, he slammed down a lever.
“lets do it!” he beamed.
“we’re saving Jack!?”
“er, yeah, save Jack. that’s what I meant.”
PART 5
The attractive captain took a last look at his uber-cool spaceship before it blew up. He closed the blue-box’s doors. Behind him, the attractive doctor and shiny rose were dancing. Badly.
“Jack can dance, you can’t. you’re just pathetic…”
“I swear I used to know this stuff…” the attractive doctor pouted “oh, and you! If you’re gonna stay with us you’ll need a new name. I’m the attractive one around here, got it?”
“how about… kinky?” the undecided captain suggested.
“you better be.”
“I think what the doctor means is… he is gay!” rose told Jack.
The kinky captain beamed, a twinkle in his eye.
“…rose!” the attractive doctor gasped.
“sorry doctor, I know I promised, but…”
“no, look rose! I just remembered! I can dance!”
He started dancing as Glenn Millar’s ‘In the mood’ started playing.
“I can dance, rose! I can dance!”
“no you can’t you look like a dork…”
“come on! Dance with me, rose!”
“actually, doctor, I think Jack wanted this dance”
“no I don’t he’s a dork.”
The attractive doctor grabbed shiny rose and spun her around the room.
“wow!” she gasped “you can dance! And I promise I’ll stop calling you gay and trying to set you up with Jack…”
“does that mean we can start doing it again?”
“doing what?”
“can I join in!?” the kinky captain piped up.
“join in with what?”
“of course you can join in!” the attractive doctor cheered “wait that sounded gay… on many levels…”
“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??!!?” demanded confused rose.
“doesn’t matter Rose… shut up and dance!”
And they all lived happily ever after, travelling time and space.
THE END
Rating is PG at the most, and theres absolutly no spoilers, only up to The Doctor Dances, which i don't think really counts, does it?
Here they are... enjoy!
EPISODE 1- HOW IT ALL BEGAN
Once upon a time there was a little planet called Earth. Somewhere in a city called London, an attractive man wearing a leather jacket shoved a teenage girl out of a posh department store. The girl turned around bemused and confused. Hey look that rhymes. The attractive man closed the door and she was alone. And confused. Then suddenly it opened again and she spun around.
“I thought you were blowing up those evil dummies?” she gasped. “you’re wasting time”
“yeah, but, I hate not introducing myself.”
“go on then, quickly”
“don’t you want to know who I am?”
The girl considered this.
“yeah… who are you?”
The attractive man grinned “they call me Doctor.”
“who?”
“sometimes.”
“no, I mean who calls you doctor?”
He smirked. “the lay-days!”
She looked unsure “really??”
“yes..!” he snapped “and who are you then?”
“Rose”
“what, like the flower?”
“yeah, I guess”
“hmmm…” the attractive doctor pondered “I like it”
“thanks. You know, you’re quite… attractive.”
“thanks, and you’re very…” he hesitated “ er… shiny..?”
“shiny…?”
“yeah, you’re very… shiny.”
“ok then…”
“oh, I was doing something, wasn’t I?“ the attractive doctor suddenly remembered “what was it again…” he looked at the bomb in his hand “why am I holding this, then? that’s a bit dangerous…”
“you were gonna blow up the students…” Shiny Rose said “I mean, dummies. Not that there’s a difference”
“hey, Just coz you’re too dumb to go to collage…”
“how do you… never mind, just go! Go now!”
“don’t you care? I could die here!”
Shiny Rose shrugged. “I don’t care. I’m just gonna go home and have my beans on toast.”
“but… don’t you want to come with me?”
Shiny Rose looked the Attractive Doctor up and down.
“nah. Eastenders is on in 10 minutes”
“ok then, See ya”
The attractive doctor shut the door and blew up the dummies. The plastic ones. Shiny Rose went home and watched Eastenders.
THE END.
Oh wait there’s more.
PART 2
Later (after saving the world and stuff), the attractive doctor was standing by a blue box. A stupid looking boy in his early twenties (Mickey the idiot) was lolling on the ground near by, totally freaked out. pathetic. Shiny Rose was helping him up.
“you going then?” she asked the attractive doctor.
“sort of, yeah” he replied.
“dude that’s getting annoying”
“what… are you!!??!” Mickey the idiot gasped.
“aww, do you not want me to go??”
“no, I mean… what are you?”
“very attractive” he grinned.
“yeah… well…” Mickey the idiot stuttered. He was suddenly aware of the fact that he was lying on the ground.
“that’s great…” the attractive doctor interrupted “so Rose, do you wanna come with me now?!”
lets see… Shiny Rose thought I do already have a boyfriend. But this guy is a lot more attractive. And less of an idiot… Hmm… but there’s my mum, and my job. Oh wait, he blew that up… Ok… so what will it be? Mickey the Idiot or attractive doctor??
“by the way…” the attractive doctor added “did I mention this blue box is bigger on the inside???”
“yeah”
“oh. Did I mention it travels space??”
“yeah”
“oh”
There was a long pause.
“ah! I know… did I mention I’m an ALIEN??!!?”
“dude, yes. Ages ago.”
The attractive doctor bit his lip.
“er, did I mention it travels in… time??”
“what….?”
Mickey the Idiot or attractive doctor…with a time machine!?
Shiny Rose pecked Mickey the idiot on the cheek and ran into the blue box to kiss the attractive doctor and travel with him in time and space.
Well…duh.
THE END
EPISODE 2- IN THE MOOD
Once upon a time there was a blue box which was bigger on the inside. Inside this inside that was bigger than the outside, lived a shiny girl from Earth called Rose and an attractive doctor called, er, doctor. One morning, he stormed into shiny Rose’s room.
“quick. Come on.”
Shiny Rose frowned.
“Do you mind?!”
“something important has come up…”
“I’m getting dressed!” Shiny Rose snapped, holding up a blanket over her half-dressed-ness.
“come on, this is urgent!”
“can I at least get dressed…?”
“…if you must.” the attractive doctor sighed, slightly disappointed.
“and… stop staring at my boobs”
“I was not!” he protested, coughing. Shiny Rose didn’t look convinced.
“I was…er…I was looking at… your top” he decided.
“this one… Its just a top with a union jack on it.”
“yeah, well, I like flags. They’re…interesting.”
“whatever. Flags are boring”
“no they’re not” he insisted “I like flags. Flags are good.”
“you like flags?” Shiny Rose raised one eyebrow “you’re so gay”
“yeah, well, Just do… whatever you need to do and come down in 10 minutes”
“10 minutes?! Are you crazy?!?”
“a little.”
“15 minutes, that’s my final offer!”
“fine, fine.” the attractive doctor grinned. He remained standing in the door way.
“Am I going to let you watch me get dressed?” Shiny Rose snapped.
The doctor pretended he hadn’t heard her and walked down the corridor. A few seconds he walked back past the door. He had gone in the wrong direction.
PART 2
A few hours later, Shiny Rose was standing on an invisible spaceship in the middle of a WW2 German air raid, with an extremely attractive guy called Captain Jack Harkness. Possibly even more attractive than the attractive doctor himself.
“I’m flying Jack! Look Jack, I’m flying!”
“no you’re not, its an invisible space ship…”
“oh” shiny rose said, disappointedly putting her arms down.
“Do you like Glenn Millar?” the attractive captain asked shiny rose.
“er… yeah sure”
The sound of ‘moonlight serenade’ started playing.
“Rose…?” the attractive captain took Shiny Rose’s hand.
“Jack, I’m so grateful…”
“yeah…”
“I was hanging hundreds of miles above London by a barrage balloon in the middle of a German air raid…”
“uh-huh…”
“Frankly impossible circumstances, and you saved me…”
“yeah, yeah…” the attractive captain raised her hand to his mouth.
“I’m just so… Jack? are you trying to… eat me?!”
He patted her hand and let it go, looking a bit ashamed.
“so Rose…” he asked, changing the subject “what do you like to do in your free time?”
“umm…” Shiny Rose pondered “…attractive doctors”
“really?” he said “…same!”
“I think he might be gay though…”
“really?!” he was very interested now “does he like… captains?”
Shiny Rose said she didn’t’t know.
“are you sure he’s gay?” the attractive captain asked, slightly disappointed.
“yeah… he likes flags”
“hmm… what else does he like?”
“bananas…” she replied “that’s symbolic, right?”
“defiantly!” the attractive captain smirked.
PART 3
The attractive captain had scanned for attractiveness, and he and shiny rose had managed to track down the attractive doctor in an old abandoned hospital. The attractive doctor (still a bit freaked that he was surrounded by gas-masked zombies) heard a familiar Londoner girl’s voice blabbering on about something he couldn’t quite make out.
“there you are Rose!” he called down the corridor.
“Doctor…” she called back “do you like captains?”
“where did you go? And who are you talking to…?”
The attractive captain grabbed the attractive doctor’s hand and shook it enthusiastically.
“hi! I’m Captain Jack Harkness, I’ve been hearing all about you on the way over!”
The attractive doctor gave a rose a look that simply said: WHA…??
“who is this?” he hissed.
“I’m Captain Jack!” the attractive captain beamed “I’m just your average 51st century American bisexual intergalactic time agent!”
The attractive doctor stared at him, unsure what to say.
“hi. They call me doctor.”
“who?”
“sometimes.”
“no I mean… oh, doesn’t matter”
“so… you’re very… shiny”
Rose poked him in the back. “hey! I’m shiny!”
“sorry, yeah… I mean, you’re very… attractive. Hey, you’re attractive! I’m the attractive one! There can’t be two attractive ones!”
“why not?”
“coz I said so!”
“ok then…” the attractive captain decided “I’ll be the attractive one, and you can be the gay one…”
“no, I can’t be the gay doctor… wait! I’m not gay! Who told him I was gay!?”
Shiny Rose raised her hand with a mixture of guilt and confusion.
“but… you like flags!”
“no, I like boobs.”
“you like bananas.” the attractive captain pointed out.
“no, they’re just a good form of potassium…”
“so you’re not gay?”
“no”
Shiny Rose frowned.
“what’s wrong?”
“I’m filled with a mixture of disappointed and great relief, its very confusing” she sighed. She gets confused a lot, doesn’t she?
“well we could have had a nice little threesome going on here, if he could just loosen up.” the attractive captain moaned “But, oh no!! you just had to ruin it! I’m going…”
He left the gay doctor and confused rose in silence, surrounded by gas-masked zombies.
“you know… you and Jack would make a really good couple”
“rose, I’m not gay!”
PART 4
Later, (after saving the world and stuff) the attractive doctor ran through the doors of the blue box and danced around the control room, throwing his arms around.
“everyone lives, rose!”
“doctor…”
“just this once, everybody lives!”
“doctor…!”
“go on, ask me anything, I’m on fire!”
“…are you gay?”
“no”
“but are you gay?”
“no!”
“come on, really, are you gay?”
“NO!”
There was a long pause.
“but seriously, are you gay?”
“rose… I’m very willing to prove to you…”
“no, that’s not necessary”
“damn it”
The attractive doctor walked off and started randomly jabbing buttons and levers.
“whatcha doing?” shiny rose asked.
“randomly jabbing buttons and levers, you?”
“oh” she said sadly “I thought you were going to save Jack”
“oh…”
“that bomb is inside his ship. It’s going to blow up… we have to save him, please?”
The attractive doctor pondered for a while. Then, suddenly, he slammed down a lever.
“lets do it!” he beamed.
“we’re saving Jack!?”
“er, yeah, save Jack. that’s what I meant.”
PART 5
The attractive captain took a last look at his uber-cool spaceship before it blew up. He closed the blue-box’s doors. Behind him, the attractive doctor and shiny rose were dancing. Badly.
“Jack can dance, you can’t. you’re just pathetic…”
“I swear I used to know this stuff…” the attractive doctor pouted “oh, and you! If you’re gonna stay with us you’ll need a new name. I’m the attractive one around here, got it?”
“how about… kinky?” the undecided captain suggested.
“you better be.”
“I think what the doctor means is… he is gay!” rose told Jack.
The kinky captain beamed, a twinkle in his eye.
“…rose!” the attractive doctor gasped.
“sorry doctor, I know I promised, but…”
“no, look rose! I just remembered! I can dance!”
He started dancing as Glenn Millar’s ‘In the mood’ started playing.
“I can dance, rose! I can dance!”
“no you can’t you look like a dork…”
“come on! Dance with me, rose!”
“actually, doctor, I think Jack wanted this dance”
“no I don’t he’s a dork.”
The attractive doctor grabbed shiny rose and spun her around the room.
“wow!” she gasped “you can dance! And I promise I’ll stop calling you gay and trying to set you up with Jack…”
“does that mean we can start doing it again?”
“doing what?”
“can I join in!?” the kinky captain piped up.
“join in with what?”
“of course you can join in!” the attractive doctor cheered “wait that sounded gay… on many levels…”
“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??!!?” demanded confused rose.
“doesn’t matter Rose… shut up and dance!”
And they all lived happily ever after, travelling time and space.
THE END