update
it's creeping up on the one year mark in dc.
the line is really fucking hot.
i start my second job on monday.
i'm in love.
and beetle and i will be reunited very soon.
according to ian reed twiss (we're penpals), the few years after college, for those who don't direct themselves into more school, are the most frustrating. in response to my letter, he said i had a bad case of existential angst and promptly directed me to read this one book that he said would help me.
i remember being pre-med, specialized in neuroscience, focused and ambitious at 19. i had just walked out of a porn-theater in some dusty pocket of chicago with a bunch of post-baccalaureate transients, 3D glasses tucked into my purse, sentimental matter, worrying about studying for that exam on monday. how horrible it must be, i thought, these people who have no set path, who work random jobs, live random lives, live check to check. passions flare up and then out and new plans hatch where the old ones cracked. after that weekend in chicago i went back to boston and studied to a 4.0, never seeing the light of day, convinced that the plan was good, glad that i'd never wander like that.
i think i missed the point somewhere. just a year later i started wandering, tresspassing. i've fell off ever since. if i could do college over again things would be so different. i don't know how. but i'm hoping i would have had more fun, did a little more self-discovery than closeting myself in libraries, books, and solitude.
i'm making up for that now. i am that post-baccalaureate transient, working odd jobs, passions on fire, passions on mute, living in this kind of apartment, and i've never had so much fun. ian calls it frustration, i think of it as a challenge. i'm going to be an adult with a day job at a desk until 3:30. from 4 till midnight, a food slinging pirate. and after that? well. you get the point.
school will find its way back into my life. i'll have a money market account and my car and my condo, my refrigerator stocked with recerche products, my pointy dress shoes. but for now, my plans are much bigger. in a couple years after i have the money i'm taking a haitus from the states. don't ask me where. plans this big can't be jinxed with too much talk.
'existential angst' be damned.