To Please the Monster Inside [Carlisle/Jasper][Chapter Eighteen]
Title: To Please the Monster Inside [Chapter Eighteen]
Pairing: Carlisle/Jasper
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Fiction
Summary: The monster inside Jasper lusts for human blood. When the desire is too strong to resist, there is only one who can help. Carlisle tamed this monster once, and now he must try again.
Jasper knew something was very wrong.
He felt it the moment he and Edward walked in the door.
And then he saw her, Alice. She was standing in the center of the room, eyes closed and motionless. Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Rosalie stood around her, waiting.
Jasper pushed past the others, moving to stand in front of his mate. “How long has she been like this?”
“About twenty minutes.” Emmett answered.
Carlisle came to stand beside Jasper, placing a hand at the small of his back. “I found her when I got home. She was in my office, waiting for me. She said there was a vision she needed to speak to me about. I took her downstairs, and she started describing what she had seen. Another one, she told me. There is another one. A male. Red eyes. A hunter. Violent and strong. That was all she said. The next minute, she was like this and hasn’t moved since.”
“What do you think she was talking about?” Jasper turned to the doctor, leaning just a little closer, inhaling his scent.
“A vampire.” Edward responded, reading her thoughts. “A wild creature. Blond. Aggressive. Tall, and powerful. Dirty clothes. Strong senses. He is passing through Forks. Alone. There is blood. A human girl. She is dead. In the forest, he can smell us. Knows we’re here. He is curious.”
Alice opened her eyes. For a second, they were blank. Then she found Jasper’s face, touching his cheek with trembling fingers. “Jasper…” She breathed.
He stepped forward, embracing and pulling her body close. “Its okay. You should sit down.”
Alice allowed herself to be guided to the sofa. She sat down, Jasper beside her, holding her hands. “We know what you’ve seen. Edward informed us. Do you know when this will happen?” He asked softly.
“Soon. Very soon.” Her eyes were wide, dark purple circles underneath. She squeezed Jasper’s hands hard enough to cause pain. Leaning close to his ear, Alice whispered, loud enough for all of the vampires to hear, “We must be cautious these next few days. I fear the very worst from this stranger. With him, he brings death.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
As the night wore on, Jasper kept close to Alice.
Edward stayed close, too.
Jasper assumed the mind reader was listening carefully to Alice’s thoughts.
If her darkened mood was anything to go by, Jasper would guess those thoughts were anything but good.
The three vampires sat on the sofa, accompanied only by the sound of their breathing.
“Carlisle is thinking about you, Jasper. He wants to talk to you.” Edward’s velvety voice floated through the silence, and Jasper was pleased to find that the sound was soothing. It held no trace of the brooding anger that the empath had come to expect.
Jasper nodded, running his fingertips over his mate’s cheek. “Do you need me to stay with you?”
Alice shook her head. “I am fine.”
The pair kissed briefly.
Jasper stood and headed for the stairs.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Carlisle lay on the bed in his room, eyes closed and hands folded atop his chest. He didn’t move when Jasper entered the room.
“Edward said you were thinking of me.”
Carlisle smiled. “I was. In fact, I still am.”
“Should we talk?”
“About many things.” Carlisle opened his eyes, sitting up, curling his legs beneath himself.
The empath moved quickly to take his place beside the doctor, reveling in the serenity that instantly engulfed his body.
“Are you concerned about what Alice has seen?” Jasper questioned.
“It does bother me, yes. But I am uncertain as to whether or not we should assume this vampire is a threat.”
“Alice saw him kill. In Forks. Regardless of his intentions, feeding from a human in this town is a direct threat to our secrecy. He could expose us, Carlisle. And you heard what she said about him bringing death?”
“I heard that, yes.”
“But it means nothing to you?”
“It means a great deal to me. Though until we have a doubtless reason to believe he means to cause us harm, I think it would be proper for us to assume that he does not.”
Jasper sighed loudly. “Your heart is too kind, Carlisle.”
“My heart is dead.”
“No, not dead. Just, no longer beating.” Jasper shifted closer, placing a hand on Carlisle’s knee. “Do you think we should look for him? Search the forest?”
“For what reason would we do that?”
“To find him, hopefully before he can kill the girl in Alice’s vision.”
“Jasper, you know that he may have killed her already. If we try and track him down, he may fear we are hunting him, and flee. If he knows we are here, he will find us. What happens then will be dealt with accordingly.”
“If you were any more relaxed, I think you would be unable to move.” Jasper smirked, caressing the doctor’s knee with his thumb.
“I would think you’d appreciate my calm mood. Doesn’t it help you relax, too?”
“It does. And I appreciate it far more than you know.”
Carlisle nodded slowly, bringing a hand to rest on top of the younger vampire’s. “It seemed a little easier for you to be near Alice this afternoon. Is her pain becoming bearable for you?”
“No. Its not. But I tolerate it, because I caused it.”
Carlisle’s smile was small. “You are too critical of the things which you cannot control.”
“What, like my hunger? Or my overwhelming desire to have you make love to me?”
The doctor didn’t speak at first. He just watched the empath, as if trying to decide on the most appropriate words.
“Jasper, I wanted to apologize for last night. I shouldn’t have led you on in such a way. It was cruel of me to do so. Not only cruel, but wrong. I am ashamed of myself.”
The empath’s lips parted with a silent gasp, brow furrowed and eyes wide. He collected himself quickly, pulling his hand from under Carlisle’s own. “You want to apologize? Why? What the fuck are you talking about? How could you possibly think you owe me an apology for that?”
“Because I promised you things which I do not think I can give.”
The empath felt the energy in the room become heated with his own frustration.
Carlisle’s shame began twisting around Jasper’s body, coiling and binding and crushing.
The younger vampire spoke slowly. “I don’t… understand… what you mean.”
“I said I would give every inch of myself to you. I promised to find us a place where we could… be together. I allowed myself to want you. And that is something which I should never have done. I won’t let myself act on such dangerous desires. More to the point, I won’t let myself break Esme’s heart, nor Alice’s.”
Jasper’s breathing became heavy and drawn out.“Then why did you do it?” His voice was low, almost inaudible.
“I was influenced by many things last night, Jasper. Please understand that. The events of Port Angeles took me by surprise. It hurt so much, to see you in such a helpless, monstrous state. When you fed from me, you projected your passions, without even meaning to, I think. My own hunger was wild when I went to hunt. I fed beyond my needs. I fed just because I wanted to. That is so unlike me, it was frightening. And when I returned home, my body was high from the blood. You were the same, Jasper. I could feel your ecstasy surrounding me. I just… I am sorry. Unfathomably so, because I know already that this is hurting you. I only need for you to understand that I wouldn’t have promised to give myself to you if I had been in control. I need for you to understand that.”
Jasper was motionless for a moment, trying desperately to hold on to his own self control. This is not Carlisle’s fault, he told himself. It is my fault. My actions led him to do something for which he now feels shame. I am fucking disgusting. Like a starving dog in heat. Fucking filthy. What am I doing to my family? What am I doing to myself? What the fuck is this thing inside of me? This hunger - my hunger - is creating a monster!
“…Jasper?” The doctor’s voice was strictly cautious, gentle and wary. Almost shy.
“You said, if I had patience... I am willing to wait for you.”
“No, my son. I won’t allow us to cross that line.”
Jasper moved gracefully from the bed, standing now at the other side of the room.
“Do not call me your fucking son. I am not your son, Doctor Cullen. You never had a son. And you’re not my father. My father died near a century ago!”
“Don’t do this, Jasper. Please. I’m sorry. So, so sorry. I know I’m hurting you.”
The younger vampire’s voice was acidic, cold and icy. “Don’t tell me you’re sorry.”
“Okay.”
Jasper’s hands became fists in his own tangled blond hair, pulling and scratching. “Esme has told me about your little theory, Carlisle. You believe that if I could fuck you and feed from you, it would be enough to make me forget their blood. Is it true? Could I live without ever having to even think about taking a human life again?”
“It is only a theory, Jasper.”
“No, I think you’re right. When I feed from you, its like a drug. It gives me the most fucking beautiful feeling. Like I’m the strongest being alive. Like I could have anything I wanted. When I drink from you, I forget them. Humans mean nothing to me then.”
“Until the feeling’s gone. Once it fades, the hunger returns. It is a natural process. And it is unavoidable.”
“Its not. At least, you can’t know unless we try. Give me what I need. Let me have you. All of you, just once. Just to see if you’re right…”
“And what if I am? What would we do then? Run away and live alone, making love while we drink each other’s blood for all of eternity? Is that a happy ending for you, Jasper?”
“The happiest I could imagine.”
The words tore Carlisle’s dormant heart in two, leaving an unfamiliar, vicious pain in his chest. “This is our happily ever after, Jasper - A family, a home, a life so close to what we used to know. A life so close to being human. We are vampires, living as people, trying to do the right thing. This is as good as it gets for creatures like us.”
“Creatures like us? Animals. Predators. Killers. That is the kind of creature we are, Carlisle. We. Are. Killers. No amount of doing the right thing can ever change that. We were all reborn from death. And now death follows us. It is our a curse. It is our craving. We are beautiful, and perfect and completely consumed by our lust for human blood. We were meant to be evil.”
“No. That is something I refuse to believe.”
“Why?! Because you think you can save us all from ourselves? Recruit every vampire you can find, make them a Cullen? Teach them the vegetarian way of life? How many more of us can you adopt, Carlisle? You are not our savior! You’re just a god-fearing monster, afraid to be alone.”
The doctor shook his head, gut wrenching pain burning through his empty, icy veins. He swallowed, breaths becoming shallow and trembling. “I will not do this. I have no idea what has happened to you. And I don’t know how to help…”
Jasper snorted, stepping closer. “You know exactly how to help me, Doctor Cullen.”