Alien-babies of DOOOOOOOOOM! (all sorts of WRONG)
Icon fic. Fic written about icons.
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And for fallenbelle. Also for syxp, who has been asking me for this for AGES.
Mpreg and aliens and wrongness, OH MY!
**
Alien-babies of DOOOOOOOM!
by Jennghis Anonymous
*
“Jack! I’m pregnant!”
Jack looked up as Sam burst through the infirmary room door and beamed at him.
“Oh! That’s great!” Jack grinned happily. “We’re going to have a baby!”
“Isn’t it wonderful?” Sam waltzed to his side, smiling beatifically. “Think of how happy we’ll be once we’re married!”
Jack went wide-eyed. “Um… married?”
“Why, of course, Jack. We’re going to be a family now. We had sex and now we’re going to have a baby!”
“But in the storage closet you said we could just leave it in the room!”
“Jack.” Sam glared at him. “Do NOT ruin my fantasy. I’m quitting the SGC and we’re having a baby and living happily ever after.”
“Umm…” Jack winced.
“Jack!” Daniel suddenly saved him further pain and burst through the infirmary room door. He beamed at Jack. “I’m pregnant!”
“What?” Sam stared at him in shock.
“Are you sure?” Jack asked dubiously.
Daniel grinned. “Yes! Janet just told me!”
“It’s true!” Janet said, coming into the room.
“That’s wonderful!” Jack spread his hands in joy and almost clapped in excitement.
“Forget it!” Sam shrieked. She pointed at Daniel. “You’re always trying to horn in on my action! I was pregnant first!”
“I am not! And how do you know you were pregnant first? Jack’s in love with me!”
“WHAT?” Jack stared at Daniel, aghast.
Daniel looked sullen. “Jack, we’ve been over this.”
“We were stranded on a planet together for two weeks, Daniel. That wasn’t love, it was more like… prison sex.”
“That’s a very hurtful thing to say, Jack.” Daniel glared at him and ran hairy hands over his abdomen.
“You are SO not pregnant!” Sam accused. She poked Daniel in the arm.
“I am too! Janet said I was!” He poked her back.
“You’re a MALE.” Poke.
“I was born with all the right female equipment inside!” Poke.
Sam’s eyes went wide as saucers. “What?”
“Why do you think I’m so sensitive and caring?”
“It’s true,” Janet declared. “Daniel is half female!”
Sam was rigid in disbelief. “You can’t be! I’ve totally peeked at you in the shower. You have a-“
“Yes, well…” Janet sighed. “Unfortunately that’s the half that’s male. He’ll have to deliver through the rear end. It’s fine. It’s not like there’s any body cavity separation or anything down there. One exit is as good as another.”
“See?” Daniel poked Sam.
She growled at him.
“Oh my God!” Janet exclaimed. She pointed suddenly to both Sam’s and Daniel’s growing stomachs. “Their babies are growing suspiciously fast!”
“That’s odd, don’t you think?” Jack asked. He tilted his head and looked confused.
Sam collapsed onto her back in one of the nearby beds with a swollen stomach. “Wow, Jack’s sperm really are uber-strong!”
“Nuh kuphmah,” Daniel said from the bed next to her, voice muffled by the pillow he rested on face first.
“What?”
Daniel raised his head to speak. “No kidding!”
In minutes, both Sam and Daniel had delivered smiling, wide-eyed babies who cooed in joy. Jack leapt from his chair and grabbed them both up. “They’re beautiful!” He sighed happily with tears in his eyes. It was just like having Charlie all over again.
“I love you, Jack!” Sam gazed adoringly at him.
“No! I love you, Jack!” Daniel let a single tear fall down his face.
Jack cleared his throat nervously as he glanced at them. “Oh, uh… yeah, about that…”
“What is it?” Daniel frowned.
“See, these aren’t actually your babies. I only had sex with you to make implantation easier.”
“Implantation?” Sam narrowed her eyes.
Jack smiled sheepishly. “Yeah! See, I’m in love with Thor, and these are HIS genetically mutated children!” He looked down and cooed adoringly at them.
“Thor??” Sam and Daniel glanced at each other. “But…”
Janet walked quickly over and pried up the eyelids of each newborn. She whipped a penlight up and studied their eyes for a moment, and then turned with a sigh toward Sam and Daniel. “He’s right. The instant DNA test I did just now confirms it. They’re Thor’s progeny.”
As if he were called, there was a sudden beam of light in the infirmary, and Thor appeared standing next to Jack.
“Greetings,” Thor… greeted everyone. “The children contacted me telepathically and told me of their births. It is time to go, O’Neill.”
“Thor!” Jack cried happily.
“You!” Sam sputtered.
“You used us for an incubator?” Daniel pouted.
“Telepathically?” Janet blinked.
Jack moved closer to Thor. “Yes. We had to do it. Society will never accept our love. We had no choice!”
“You bastard!” Sam sat up angrily, as if she hadn’t just had an entire baby.
“Ditto!” Daniel shouted, leaping to his feet and wincing a bit. “I had your ass-baby, you ungrateful lout!”
Jack shook his head. “See? This is why I fell in love with Thor instead of you two. You’re both so negative!”
“Why you…” Daniel started toward him, but both Jack and Thor disappeared into a beam of light with the babies.
“Well,” Janet said. “I guess I have to buy them a gift now.” She walked quickly from the room.
Sam and Daniel glanced at each other. Daniel walked slowly over and sat down next to her.
“What a dick.”
“Yeah.”
“Sorry about poking you.”
“Me too.” Sam chewed her lip uneasily.
Silence.
Daniel looked at her. “Wanna have a shag?”
Sam gave him a look of disbelief. “Um, duh!” She tackled him onto the bed.
~end~
Eesh.
+
+
And for fallenbelle. Also for syxp, who has been asking me for this for AGES.
Mpreg and aliens and wrongness, OH MY!
**
Alien-babies of DOOOOOOOM!
by Jennghis Anonymous
*
“Jack! I’m pregnant!”
Jack looked up as Sam burst through the infirmary room door and beamed at him.
“Oh! That’s great!” Jack grinned happily. “We’re going to have a baby!”
“Isn’t it wonderful?” Sam waltzed to his side, smiling beatifically. “Think of how happy we’ll be once we’re married!”
Jack went wide-eyed. “Um… married?”
“Why, of course, Jack. We’re going to be a family now. We had sex and now we’re going to have a baby!”
“But in the storage closet you said we could just leave it in the room!”
“Jack.” Sam glared at him. “Do NOT ruin my fantasy. I’m quitting the SGC and we’re having a baby and living happily ever after.”
“Umm…” Jack winced.
“Jack!” Daniel suddenly saved him further pain and burst through the infirmary room door. He beamed at Jack. “I’m pregnant!”
“What?” Sam stared at him in shock.
“Are you sure?” Jack asked dubiously.
Daniel grinned. “Yes! Janet just told me!”
“It’s true!” Janet said, coming into the room.
“That’s wonderful!” Jack spread his hands in joy and almost clapped in excitement.
“Forget it!” Sam shrieked. She pointed at Daniel. “You’re always trying to horn in on my action! I was pregnant first!”
“I am not! And how do you know you were pregnant first? Jack’s in love with me!”
“WHAT?” Jack stared at Daniel, aghast.
Daniel looked sullen. “Jack, we’ve been over this.”
“We were stranded on a planet together for two weeks, Daniel. That wasn’t love, it was more like… prison sex.”
“That’s a very hurtful thing to say, Jack.” Daniel glared at him and ran hairy hands over his abdomen.
“You are SO not pregnant!” Sam accused. She poked Daniel in the arm.
“I am too! Janet said I was!” He poked her back.
“You’re a MALE.” Poke.
“I was born with all the right female equipment inside!” Poke.
Sam’s eyes went wide as saucers. “What?”
“Why do you think I’m so sensitive and caring?”
“It’s true,” Janet declared. “Daniel is half female!”
Sam was rigid in disbelief. “You can’t be! I’ve totally peeked at you in the shower. You have a-“
“Yes, well…” Janet sighed. “Unfortunately that’s the half that’s male. He’ll have to deliver through the rear end. It’s fine. It’s not like there’s any body cavity separation or anything down there. One exit is as good as another.”
“See?” Daniel poked Sam.
She growled at him.
“Oh my God!” Janet exclaimed. She pointed suddenly to both Sam’s and Daniel’s growing stomachs. “Their babies are growing suspiciously fast!”
“That’s odd, don’t you think?” Jack asked. He tilted his head and looked confused.
Sam collapsed onto her back in one of the nearby beds with a swollen stomach. “Wow, Jack’s sperm really are uber-strong!”
“Nuh kuphmah,” Daniel said from the bed next to her, voice muffled by the pillow he rested on face first.
“What?”
Daniel raised his head to speak. “No kidding!”
In minutes, both Sam and Daniel had delivered smiling, wide-eyed babies who cooed in joy. Jack leapt from his chair and grabbed them both up. “They’re beautiful!” He sighed happily with tears in his eyes. It was just like having Charlie all over again.
“I love you, Jack!” Sam gazed adoringly at him.
“No! I love you, Jack!” Daniel let a single tear fall down his face.
Jack cleared his throat nervously as he glanced at them. “Oh, uh… yeah, about that…”
“What is it?” Daniel frowned.
“See, these aren’t actually your babies. I only had sex with you to make implantation easier.”
“Implantation?” Sam narrowed her eyes.
Jack smiled sheepishly. “Yeah! See, I’m in love with Thor, and these are HIS genetically mutated children!” He looked down and cooed adoringly at them.
“Thor??” Sam and Daniel glanced at each other. “But…”
Janet walked quickly over and pried up the eyelids of each newborn. She whipped a penlight up and studied their eyes for a moment, and then turned with a sigh toward Sam and Daniel. “He’s right. The instant DNA test I did just now confirms it. They’re Thor’s progeny.”
As if he were called, there was a sudden beam of light in the infirmary, and Thor appeared standing next to Jack.
“Greetings,” Thor… greeted everyone. “The children contacted me telepathically and told me of their births. It is time to go, O’Neill.”
“Thor!” Jack cried happily.
“You!” Sam sputtered.
“You used us for an incubator?” Daniel pouted.
“Telepathically?” Janet blinked.
Jack moved closer to Thor. “Yes. We had to do it. Society will never accept our love. We had no choice!”
“You bastard!” Sam sat up angrily, as if she hadn’t just had an entire baby.
“Ditto!” Daniel shouted, leaping to his feet and wincing a bit. “I had your ass-baby, you ungrateful lout!”
Jack shook his head. “See? This is why I fell in love with Thor instead of you two. You’re both so negative!”
“Why you…” Daniel started toward him, but both Jack and Thor disappeared into a beam of light with the babies.
“Well,” Janet said. “I guess I have to buy them a gift now.” She walked quickly from the room.
Sam and Daniel glanced at each other. Daniel walked slowly over and sat down next to her.
“What a dick.”
“Yeah.”
“Sorry about poking you.”
“Me too.” Sam chewed her lip uneasily.
Silence.
Daniel looked at her. “Wanna have a shag?”
Sam gave him a look of disbelief. “Um, duh!” She tackled him onto the bed.
~end~
Eesh.