FANFIC | Wanting Too Much
Title: Wanting Too Much
Characters/Pairings: Susan/Caspian
Rating: PG13 for adult themes
Summary: They both wanted it too much.
Author's Note: Written for casue100; prompt set 50/50, #046 obsession (will be posted there eventually). Movie!PC; AU. Unbeta'd.
Disclaimer: All rights go to CS Lewis, Walden Media, etc.
Wanting Too Much
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Caspian entered the room after all the hustle and bustle was done. The handmaidens and midwife were dismissed, not a pair of arms empty of soiled blankets and towels. He paused at the doorway, nervous and unsure of how to approach them. Susan held the bundle in her arms, silent, and Caspian could not see her face.
"I am sorry, my lord." The midwife had said, and Caspian's concern was instantly to Susan's welfare. "My queen is well, given the circumstance - but she is in a delicate state."
Since then, Caspian was biding his time, waiting for them to clean up and until he could be alone with her. During this time, he contemplated how to handle it all.
They had wanted a child so much. They tried immediately after they were married, but months passed without any signs of a child. Soon, months turned into years and still there was nothing. Rumors were starting to spread (not unlikely to be started by the council) that the queen was barren, that the King must divorce the Narnian legally and take another wife ( a Telmarine wife ). Caspian heard these rumors, as did Peter, Edmund, and Lucy, and ignored them all.
But the rumors gave Caspian more reason to be smug with the court after the discovery that Susan was finally with child. It was a cause for much celebration, and a celebration they had. That was five months before when the royal physician confirmed Susan's lethargy, lack of appetite, and nausea.
Since then, Caspian made sure to never leave her side longer than necessary and asked Edmund to go in his stead to settle disputes with the allied nations (something the Just king was only happy to agree to). He also made sure that the servants aided Susan in all that she did, asking them to make sure she doesn't unnecessarily exert herself. She argued, of course, but Caspian wasn't going to be convinced. He knew he was being overprotective, but it would all be worthwhile because they were going to have a child. He knew she understood, because there were times that she gave him a bemused smile at his insistence.
So it surprised everyone when Susan was suddenly complaining of the pains in her stomach and her teary anxiousness that, "The baby is all right, isn't it? Is this natural? Please, Lattie." The midwife waved away her concerns and pressed on them the importance of getting her comfortable, and that the men be rushed out of the room.
And here they were, hours later, in Lucy's chambers (since they were gathered in her sitting room when all of this occurred), Caspian standing in the doorway and Susan mere meters from him and so very far away.
He took a deep breath when she looked up to see him, and his shoulders sagged when she turned away sharply, hanging her head over the babe in her arms.
"Lattie said it was a stillborn," she murmured, and Caspian hears the unsteadiness of her voice. He moves to her then, concerned that she made to scoot away from him. But she is tired, as the midwife had told him, and didn't move far.
"Susan," he breathed, hurt at her rejection of him.
She shook her head, the loose strands of her hair trembling around her cheeks, "I can't give you an heir, Caspian."
"I don't care about that." He says, and he crawls onto the bed beside her as he takes a hold of her shoulders.
"Don't be stupid," she says, not daring to look at him. "You need an heir."
"And we will have one, one day," he says. "I have faith that we will."
"It's been four years, Caspian." She finally looks at him, straight into his eyes with red eyes, distressed. "With someone else, you would have three by now. The council was right."
Caspian stiffened at the mention of the bloody council, "Don't."
"You have to realize---"
"I do. I realize, but you should know that having a child for the sake of having an heir is out of the question." He rubs her shoulders and wipes at her cheeks, glad that she was receptive of him. "If I am to have an heir, then he will have you as his mother."
Susan was so moved by his confidence, she hadn't the heart to voice what he already knew: he really could not go heir less. If she couldn't provide him with one, he would have to seek it elsewhere. These were plain facts. This was part of his responsibility as sovereign and her responsibility as queen. And it breaks her heart every time she thinks that she cannot give him what he needed, breaks her heart every time she thinks that he would have to go to someone else.
She swallowed and looked down at the baby in her arms, "It was a girl."
Susan opened her arms out to him and Caspian lifted the blanket away from her face. She began to tear up again at the sight of the thing, skin still glistening, but still so very pale.
"She would've had many suitors," Caspian whispered, love in his voice. "Much like her mother."
"And her brothers would have to fight them all off," she heaves a bit.
"Was I otherwise too preoccupied that her brothers have to do it for me?"
A shaky laugh. "We wanted one so much. So much." And they did. They were meticulous in their attention to the details. If their physician told her to drink this, she would. If he told her to be off her feet, was made to sit all the time. If he said she was to go hunt a wild boar, she would've taken up her bow and arrows instantly. They were trying for so long and to finally get there, they made sure they did everything right, considered every precaution. They were meticulous to the point of obsession.
And in the end, it was all for naught.
"We will have one," he said and he pulls her to him so he can kiss her brow. "We will."
But they could never be sure.
Characters/Pairings: Susan/Caspian
Rating: PG13 for adult themes
Summary: They both wanted it too much.
Author's Note: Written for casue100; prompt set 50/50, #046 obsession (will be posted there eventually). Movie!PC; AU. Unbeta'd.
Disclaimer: All rights go to CS Lewis, Walden Media, etc.
Wanting Too Much
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Caspian entered the room after all the hustle and bustle was done. The handmaidens and midwife were dismissed, not a pair of arms empty of soiled blankets and towels. He paused at the doorway, nervous and unsure of how to approach them. Susan held the bundle in her arms, silent, and Caspian could not see her face.
"I am sorry, my lord." The midwife had said, and Caspian's concern was instantly to Susan's welfare. "My queen is well, given the circumstance - but she is in a delicate state."
Since then, Caspian was biding his time, waiting for them to clean up and until he could be alone with her. During this time, he contemplated how to handle it all.
They had wanted a child so much. They tried immediately after they were married, but months passed without any signs of a child. Soon, months turned into years and still there was nothing. Rumors were starting to spread (not unlikely to be started by the council) that the queen was barren, that the King must divorce the Narnian legally and take another wife ( a Telmarine wife ). Caspian heard these rumors, as did Peter, Edmund, and Lucy, and ignored them all.
But the rumors gave Caspian more reason to be smug with the court after the discovery that Susan was finally with child. It was a cause for much celebration, and a celebration they had. That was five months before when the royal physician confirmed Susan's lethargy, lack of appetite, and nausea.
Since then, Caspian made sure to never leave her side longer than necessary and asked Edmund to go in his stead to settle disputes with the allied nations (something the Just king was only happy to agree to). He also made sure that the servants aided Susan in all that she did, asking them to make sure she doesn't unnecessarily exert herself. She argued, of course, but Caspian wasn't going to be convinced. He knew he was being overprotective, but it would all be worthwhile because they were going to have a child. He knew she understood, because there were times that she gave him a bemused smile at his insistence.
So it surprised everyone when Susan was suddenly complaining of the pains in her stomach and her teary anxiousness that, "The baby is all right, isn't it? Is this natural? Please, Lattie." The midwife waved away her concerns and pressed on them the importance of getting her comfortable, and that the men be rushed out of the room.
And here they were, hours later, in Lucy's chambers (since they were gathered in her sitting room when all of this occurred), Caspian standing in the doorway and Susan mere meters from him and so very far away.
He took a deep breath when she looked up to see him, and his shoulders sagged when she turned away sharply, hanging her head over the babe in her arms.
"Lattie said it was a stillborn," she murmured, and Caspian hears the unsteadiness of her voice. He moves to her then, concerned that she made to scoot away from him. But she is tired, as the midwife had told him, and didn't move far.
"Susan," he breathed, hurt at her rejection of him.
She shook her head, the loose strands of her hair trembling around her cheeks, "I can't give you an heir, Caspian."
"I don't care about that." He says, and he crawls onto the bed beside her as he takes a hold of her shoulders.
"Don't be stupid," she says, not daring to look at him. "You need an heir."
"And we will have one, one day," he says. "I have faith that we will."
"It's been four years, Caspian." She finally looks at him, straight into his eyes with red eyes, distressed. "With someone else, you would have three by now. The council was right."
Caspian stiffened at the mention of the bloody council, "Don't."
"You have to realize---"
"I do. I realize, but you should know that having a child for the sake of having an heir is out of the question." He rubs her shoulders and wipes at her cheeks, glad that she was receptive of him. "If I am to have an heir, then he will have you as his mother."
Susan was so moved by his confidence, she hadn't the heart to voice what he already knew: he really could not go heir less. If she couldn't provide him with one, he would have to seek it elsewhere. These were plain facts. This was part of his responsibility as sovereign and her responsibility as queen. And it breaks her heart every time she thinks that she cannot give him what he needed, breaks her heart every time she thinks that he would have to go to someone else.
She swallowed and looked down at the baby in her arms, "It was a girl."
Susan opened her arms out to him and Caspian lifted the blanket away from her face. She began to tear up again at the sight of the thing, skin still glistening, but still so very pale.
"She would've had many suitors," Caspian whispered, love in his voice. "Much like her mother."
"And her brothers would have to fight them all off," she heaves a bit.
"Was I otherwise too preoccupied that her brothers have to do it for me?"
A shaky laugh. "We wanted one so much. So much." And they did. They were meticulous in their attention to the details. If their physician told her to drink this, she would. If he told her to be off her feet, was made to sit all the time. If he said she was to go hunt a wild boar, she would've taken up her bow and arrows instantly. They were trying for so long and to finally get there, they made sure they did everything right, considered every precaution. They were meticulous to the point of obsession.
And in the end, it was all for naught.
"We will have one," he said and he pulls her to him so he can kiss her brow. "We will."
But they could never be sure.