One Moment to the Next
Title: One Moment to the Next
Author: Megan [__dream_on]
Category: Sushi!fic - short scene
Word Count: 2,065
Timeline: Deleted scene from “The ‘Rithmetic of Love”
Characters: Mal & Simon
Pairings: Mal/Inara and Simon/Kaylee
Rating: PG
Warning: Lots of stern talking-tos and fluff that may rot your brains.
Disclaimer: Joss is boss. terimaru owns the fishies (and we all worship her for it).
Summary: It takes a talk with Mal for Simon to find the courage he needs.
Author’s Notes: Written for terimaru because she wanted to see it. Beta & quote (and kind of the title since I got the title from the quote...) by terimaru (see? This is why we worship).
“The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next” - Mignon McLaughlin
They’d been on Avery for three days. He and Inara had the cottage all to themselves. The only problem was that every time they started getting amorous with each other, Mal kept expecting Kaylee to burst in and start crying again. And he knew he’d feel guilty because he hadn’t done anything about it.
He’d always considered himself Kaylee’s older brother; and as much as Kaylee tried to tell him otherwise, he did consider her his responsibility. She’d be his responsibility until the day she walked down the isle - and with any luck, he’d be the one to give her away.
If her relationship with Simon dissolved because it had run its course, he could live with that. What he couldn’t live with was wondering if he could have done something about it. From what he’d gathered when she’d been crying, she was only upset because Simon wouldn’t marry her. Mal intended to find out why.
Mal barged into Simon’s clinic one hour after their closing time listed on the door. He knew Simon would still be there, finishing updating patients’ charts and cleaning up, since he didn’t seem to trust anyone else to sterilize the instruments.
Simon was in his office, sitting behind his desk, hunched over a chart. He was carefully writing in the information he needed, filling the lines with his small, neat print. The door had been open, so Mal just walked in and sat down in the chair opposite Simon, his arms crossing his chest and a frown creasing his forehead and pulling the corners of his mouth down.
Simon glanced up after carefully replacing his pen, frowning in return at Mal. “I told you, Mal. It’s going to take time. You can’t just expect to get pregnant off the bat.” He sighed in an exasperated manner before continuing, “Even women who haven’t been on birth control as long as Inara usually take some time to conceive.”
Mal’s expression didn’t change. He simply shifted his weight and dropped both of his heels on Simon’s desk, tipping his head back a bit, though maintaining eye contact with Simon. “Didn’t come ‘bout that.”
The confusion registered on Simon’s face and he lifted a hand to rub his chin briefly. “Then,” he paused again, obviously trying to work it out in his mind as to what Mal could have come for. When it didn’t come to him, he decided to finish his question, “what is it that I can do for you?”
“You can tell me this gorram second what’s got between you and Kaylee.”
It wasn’t an answer that Simon liked. The frown was back, this time a bit darker and Mal was a bit surprised that Simon would get this moody about anyone other than his sister. Simon sat back in his chair, eyeing Mal’s boots on his desk but not saying anything, as much as he would have liked to change the subject.
”I really don’t think that’s any of your business, Mal.”
“That’s right funny, boy. Because I do. Kaylee is my business. I got an unhappy mechanic, then I got an unhappy ship. Don’t much like my ship bein’ unhappy. Usually leads to fiery deaths. Didn’t come here as a friend, Simon. Came here as your Capt’n. You’re gonna open your mouth and spill it or I’m gonna take you right off the crew - and we know how I feel ‘bout folk that ain’t a part of my crew.”
Mal saw the gulp that Simon took and noticed the way Simon’s eyes were refusing to meet his. He’d made the boy nervous. Instead of feeling guilt, he just felt a rush of satisfaction. Maybe he’d get somewhere with this talk after all. If nothing comes of it, I’ll know I tried, he reminded himself as he clucked his tongue against the roof of his mouth.
Simon pushed back his chair and stood up, pacing the floor for a moment before standing still, his back to Mal and his gaze out his window. The street that ran past his clinic was empty now, but he needed to focus on something other than the very intimidating man in his office.
”I’m not exactly sure. Out of nowhere, she starts speaking of marriage and asking me if I’ve ever wanted to get married. She didn’t like my answer.”
“You’re fong luh if you thought you could tell a woman you ain’t thought ‘bout gettin’ married and not cause a fight.”
Simon turned around now, obviously a little insulted, his mouth slightly agape. “I didn’t think I should lie to her! Shouldn’t she appreciate the truth more? I don’t see what good lying does. It gets her hopes up and leads her on. I didn’t think it was right.”
Mal squinted his eyes, concentrating on Simon’s expression. There was something behind those words and smelt an awful lot like fear. But, then again, Mal had never really been good at figuring out what Simon was feeling, and he doubted now would be the time to really concern himself with it.
“Every man thinks about getting married at some point.” Mal said it plainly, as if he were stating a fact the way Simon might report someone’s medical condition. And it did just what it was supposed to do - it drew Simon a bit closer and Mal could see the wheels turning behind the younger man’s eyes.
”I’d thought about it. My parents didn’t fight, but they weren’t very affectionate with each other. When I considered it before, I always just thought my wife would be a woman I’d come home to. She’d have dinner ready and she’d keep our very expensive house in the good part of town spotless. By the time I was old enough to…uh…” Simon paused, looking uncomfortable and clearing his throat. He waved his hand as if this was automatically supposed to clue Mal into what he was saying.
But Mal already knew. Simon only got that choked up about one thing - sex. A wicked grin drew over his face and he tilted his head to the side. “I ain’t got no clue what you mean, doctor.”
Simon rolled his eyes and shook his head. Mal’s smile gave away the fact that he knew exactly what Simon was trying to say. Ignoring Mal’s statement, he continued with his story, “I didn’t want to get married after that. I was young, handsome, rich and smart and girls threw themselves at me. I thought that all the affectionate would die after we got married. I didn’t want that.”
Mal interrupted then, breaking into laughter so hard he had to pull his feet off of Simon’s desk and double over. The idea of Simon covered in girls was so outrageous, he couldn’t help but laugh. Mal could remember when Kaylee had first shown an interest in Simon, striking up conversations whenever she could, and Simon barely being able to get a sentence out. And then it hit him - what if Simon was only like that with Kaylee?
His laughter had died down and when he sat up he was greeted with Simon’s disapproving frown. Simon’s expression clearly threatened to stop speaking, so Mal quickly apologized. “I’m sorry. Go on.”
With another exasperated sigh, Simon continued - again. “When I broke River out of that place, I knew I was giving up everything. Being a fugitive means you can’t have connections with anyone. It definitely meant that a legal wedding was out of the question. And, to be truthful, I was so consumed with helping River get better, I didn’t even consider marriage on any level.”
Simon paused again, though this time, Mal remained silent. His gaze followed the doctor as Simon began to pace the room again, his hands wringing as if he were deeply troubled about something. Mal turned the chair around so he could face him and sat forward in it, his elbows on his knees and his palms bracing his face.
“When I met Kaylee…” Simon cleared his throat, turning his gaze back out the window as his steps slowed. “I’d never met anyone like her before. Everyone woman I’d ever known was more like Inara was back then - composed and careful. Kaylee scared me. She was so open and genuine about everything she said. She’d say my name and reduce me to stuttering and stammering. I’d never felt like that before - about anyone.”
Mal didn’t need to hear anymore. Simon’s voice had risen a pitch and Mal wanted this to stop before he witnessed more crying. He wasn’t sure there was a thing he could say to comfort Simon, but he really wasn’t compelled to do so, either.
“You love her. She’s not asking you to marry her yet. But if you don’t go out and tell her how you feel, tell her that you have been thinkin’ ‘bout marryin’ her and it scares the gos se out of you, then you’re gonna lose her. A woman can only take so much. And to be honest with you, if ‘Nara hadn’t been as strong as she is, I never would have been with her ‘cause she would have given up on me. Kaylee ain’t that strong.”
Simon turned to face Mal as he heard the chair legs scratch against the surface of the hardwood floor, and saw that Mal had every intention of leaving now - as if any of this had solved anything. A panic started to swell in Simon’s chest, almost constricting his throat.
“Mal, how do you do it? How do you tell a woman that she’s everything to you? I just don’t know how to put myself out there like that. If you commit yourself to one person and you lose them, how do you face another day?”
Mal knew instantly that Simon’s hesitation wasn’t about his past; it was about Zoë and Wash. It was about his close call a few months back - and how upset Inara had been. It all came together now, like a puzzle with the missing piece. Simon wasn’t just scared, he was terrified.
He didn’t smile. He didn’t instantly try to come up with some saying that would soothe Simon’s fears. And he didn’t tell Simon that his questions were better left for Zoë. He crossed the room and let his hands take a forceful grip on Simon’s shoulders. “You be a man. You be brave. And you think how chiang-BAO HOE-tze duh your life would be without her.”
Tears shone in Simon’s eyes, but he didn’t cry. He’d be too ashamed of himself later if the one person he cried in front of was Mal - who would probably throw it in his face some day down the line. Instead, he replied weakly, “I’m not that brave. I’m not a coward, but…I don’t have the courage you have, Mal.”
Mal released him, shrugging his shoulders.
“The only courage that matters is the kind that takes us from one moment to the next.” He spoke confidently, as if this quote were something that he himself drew strength from. And it was enough to intrigue Simon.
”Who told you that?”
”No one. Read it on a bathroom wall some years back. Just stuck with me.”
This drew a smile from Simon, who shook his head and shrugged. “I guess you never know where you’ll find the advice you’re looking for.”
Mal mimicked Simon’s smile and crossed his arms back over his chest. “I guess not.”
Mal turned to leave then and almost made it through the door before Simon’s voice caught up with him. “Hey, Mal?”
”Yeah?”
”Thank you. For this.” Simon spoke hesitantly, almost embarrassed at the fact he was thanking Mal for an inspirational talk. And, for a moment, Mal wondered if Simon had really only bothered to get to know Kaylee in the time they’d been together.
”Ain’t nothin’.”
Simon nodded and turned to head back to his desk, where he still had a few more files to go through. Mal lingered in the doorway a bit longer before speaking once more.
“Don’t you let that advice go to waste, Simon. You never know how long you’ve got in this ‘verse and you don’t want to leave with regrets.”
He didn’t stay to see the look on Simon’s face or hear a response. He let himself out and headed back to the cottage - Inara was waiting for him.
Translations:
fong luh: loopy in the head
gos se: crap
chiang-BAO HOE-tze duh: monkey raping
Author: Megan [__dream_on]
Category: Sushi!fic - short scene
Word Count: 2,065
Timeline: Deleted scene from “The ‘Rithmetic of Love”
Characters: Mal & Simon
Pairings: Mal/Inara and Simon/Kaylee
Rating: PG
Warning: Lots of stern talking-tos and fluff that may rot your brains.
Disclaimer: Joss is boss. terimaru owns the fishies (and we all worship her for it).
Summary: It takes a talk with Mal for Simon to find the courage he needs.
Author’s Notes: Written for terimaru because she wanted to see it. Beta & quote (and kind of the title since I got the title from the quote...) by terimaru (see? This is why we worship).
“The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next” - Mignon McLaughlin
They’d been on Avery for three days. He and Inara had the cottage all to themselves. The only problem was that every time they started getting amorous with each other, Mal kept expecting Kaylee to burst in and start crying again. And he knew he’d feel guilty because he hadn’t done anything about it.
He’d always considered himself Kaylee’s older brother; and as much as Kaylee tried to tell him otherwise, he did consider her his responsibility. She’d be his responsibility until the day she walked down the isle - and with any luck, he’d be the one to give her away.
If her relationship with Simon dissolved because it had run its course, he could live with that. What he couldn’t live with was wondering if he could have done something about it. From what he’d gathered when she’d been crying, she was only upset because Simon wouldn’t marry her. Mal intended to find out why.
Mal barged into Simon’s clinic one hour after their closing time listed on the door. He knew Simon would still be there, finishing updating patients’ charts and cleaning up, since he didn’t seem to trust anyone else to sterilize the instruments.
Simon was in his office, sitting behind his desk, hunched over a chart. He was carefully writing in the information he needed, filling the lines with his small, neat print. The door had been open, so Mal just walked in and sat down in the chair opposite Simon, his arms crossing his chest and a frown creasing his forehead and pulling the corners of his mouth down.
Simon glanced up after carefully replacing his pen, frowning in return at Mal. “I told you, Mal. It’s going to take time. You can’t just expect to get pregnant off the bat.” He sighed in an exasperated manner before continuing, “Even women who haven’t been on birth control as long as Inara usually take some time to conceive.”
Mal’s expression didn’t change. He simply shifted his weight and dropped both of his heels on Simon’s desk, tipping his head back a bit, though maintaining eye contact with Simon. “Didn’t come ‘bout that.”
The confusion registered on Simon’s face and he lifted a hand to rub his chin briefly. “Then,” he paused again, obviously trying to work it out in his mind as to what Mal could have come for. When it didn’t come to him, he decided to finish his question, “what is it that I can do for you?”
“You can tell me this gorram second what’s got between you and Kaylee.”
It wasn’t an answer that Simon liked. The frown was back, this time a bit darker and Mal was a bit surprised that Simon would get this moody about anyone other than his sister. Simon sat back in his chair, eyeing Mal’s boots on his desk but not saying anything, as much as he would have liked to change the subject.
”I really don’t think that’s any of your business, Mal.”
“That’s right funny, boy. Because I do. Kaylee is my business. I got an unhappy mechanic, then I got an unhappy ship. Don’t much like my ship bein’ unhappy. Usually leads to fiery deaths. Didn’t come here as a friend, Simon. Came here as your Capt’n. You’re gonna open your mouth and spill it or I’m gonna take you right off the crew - and we know how I feel ‘bout folk that ain’t a part of my crew.”
Mal saw the gulp that Simon took and noticed the way Simon’s eyes were refusing to meet his. He’d made the boy nervous. Instead of feeling guilt, he just felt a rush of satisfaction. Maybe he’d get somewhere with this talk after all. If nothing comes of it, I’ll know I tried, he reminded himself as he clucked his tongue against the roof of his mouth.
Simon pushed back his chair and stood up, pacing the floor for a moment before standing still, his back to Mal and his gaze out his window. The street that ran past his clinic was empty now, but he needed to focus on something other than the very intimidating man in his office.
”I’m not exactly sure. Out of nowhere, she starts speaking of marriage and asking me if I’ve ever wanted to get married. She didn’t like my answer.”
“You’re fong luh if you thought you could tell a woman you ain’t thought ‘bout gettin’ married and not cause a fight.”
Simon turned around now, obviously a little insulted, his mouth slightly agape. “I didn’t think I should lie to her! Shouldn’t she appreciate the truth more? I don’t see what good lying does. It gets her hopes up and leads her on. I didn’t think it was right.”
Mal squinted his eyes, concentrating on Simon’s expression. There was something behind those words and smelt an awful lot like fear. But, then again, Mal had never really been good at figuring out what Simon was feeling, and he doubted now would be the time to really concern himself with it.
“Every man thinks about getting married at some point.” Mal said it plainly, as if he were stating a fact the way Simon might report someone’s medical condition. And it did just what it was supposed to do - it drew Simon a bit closer and Mal could see the wheels turning behind the younger man’s eyes.
”I’d thought about it. My parents didn’t fight, but they weren’t very affectionate with each other. When I considered it before, I always just thought my wife would be a woman I’d come home to. She’d have dinner ready and she’d keep our very expensive house in the good part of town spotless. By the time I was old enough to…uh…” Simon paused, looking uncomfortable and clearing his throat. He waved his hand as if this was automatically supposed to clue Mal into what he was saying.
But Mal already knew. Simon only got that choked up about one thing - sex. A wicked grin drew over his face and he tilted his head to the side. “I ain’t got no clue what you mean, doctor.”
Simon rolled his eyes and shook his head. Mal’s smile gave away the fact that he knew exactly what Simon was trying to say. Ignoring Mal’s statement, he continued with his story, “I didn’t want to get married after that. I was young, handsome, rich and smart and girls threw themselves at me. I thought that all the affectionate would die after we got married. I didn’t want that.”
Mal interrupted then, breaking into laughter so hard he had to pull his feet off of Simon’s desk and double over. The idea of Simon covered in girls was so outrageous, he couldn’t help but laugh. Mal could remember when Kaylee had first shown an interest in Simon, striking up conversations whenever she could, and Simon barely being able to get a sentence out. And then it hit him - what if Simon was only like that with Kaylee?
His laughter had died down and when he sat up he was greeted with Simon’s disapproving frown. Simon’s expression clearly threatened to stop speaking, so Mal quickly apologized. “I’m sorry. Go on.”
With another exasperated sigh, Simon continued - again. “When I broke River out of that place, I knew I was giving up everything. Being a fugitive means you can’t have connections with anyone. It definitely meant that a legal wedding was out of the question. And, to be truthful, I was so consumed with helping River get better, I didn’t even consider marriage on any level.”
Simon paused again, though this time, Mal remained silent. His gaze followed the doctor as Simon began to pace the room again, his hands wringing as if he were deeply troubled about something. Mal turned the chair around so he could face him and sat forward in it, his elbows on his knees and his palms bracing his face.
“When I met Kaylee…” Simon cleared his throat, turning his gaze back out the window as his steps slowed. “I’d never met anyone like her before. Everyone woman I’d ever known was more like Inara was back then - composed and careful. Kaylee scared me. She was so open and genuine about everything she said. She’d say my name and reduce me to stuttering and stammering. I’d never felt like that before - about anyone.”
Mal didn’t need to hear anymore. Simon’s voice had risen a pitch and Mal wanted this to stop before he witnessed more crying. He wasn’t sure there was a thing he could say to comfort Simon, but he really wasn’t compelled to do so, either.
“You love her. She’s not asking you to marry her yet. But if you don’t go out and tell her how you feel, tell her that you have been thinkin’ ‘bout marryin’ her and it scares the gos se out of you, then you’re gonna lose her. A woman can only take so much. And to be honest with you, if ‘Nara hadn’t been as strong as she is, I never would have been with her ‘cause she would have given up on me. Kaylee ain’t that strong.”
Simon turned to face Mal as he heard the chair legs scratch against the surface of the hardwood floor, and saw that Mal had every intention of leaving now - as if any of this had solved anything. A panic started to swell in Simon’s chest, almost constricting his throat.
“Mal, how do you do it? How do you tell a woman that she’s everything to you? I just don’t know how to put myself out there like that. If you commit yourself to one person and you lose them, how do you face another day?”
Mal knew instantly that Simon’s hesitation wasn’t about his past; it was about Zoë and Wash. It was about his close call a few months back - and how upset Inara had been. It all came together now, like a puzzle with the missing piece. Simon wasn’t just scared, he was terrified.
He didn’t smile. He didn’t instantly try to come up with some saying that would soothe Simon’s fears. And he didn’t tell Simon that his questions were better left for Zoë. He crossed the room and let his hands take a forceful grip on Simon’s shoulders. “You be a man. You be brave. And you think how chiang-BAO HOE-tze duh your life would be without her.”
Tears shone in Simon’s eyes, but he didn’t cry. He’d be too ashamed of himself later if the one person he cried in front of was Mal - who would probably throw it in his face some day down the line. Instead, he replied weakly, “I’m not that brave. I’m not a coward, but…I don’t have the courage you have, Mal.”
Mal released him, shrugging his shoulders.
“The only courage that matters is the kind that takes us from one moment to the next.” He spoke confidently, as if this quote were something that he himself drew strength from. And it was enough to intrigue Simon.
”Who told you that?”
”No one. Read it on a bathroom wall some years back. Just stuck with me.”
This drew a smile from Simon, who shook his head and shrugged. “I guess you never know where you’ll find the advice you’re looking for.”
Mal mimicked Simon’s smile and crossed his arms back over his chest. “I guess not.”
Mal turned to leave then and almost made it through the door before Simon’s voice caught up with him. “Hey, Mal?”
”Yeah?”
”Thank you. For this.” Simon spoke hesitantly, almost embarrassed at the fact he was thanking Mal for an inspirational talk. And, for a moment, Mal wondered if Simon had really only bothered to get to know Kaylee in the time they’d been together.
”Ain’t nothin’.”
Simon nodded and turned to head back to his desk, where he still had a few more files to go through. Mal lingered in the doorway a bit longer before speaking once more.
“Don’t you let that advice go to waste, Simon. You never know how long you’ve got in this ‘verse and you don’t want to leave with regrets.”
He didn’t stay to see the look on Simon’s face or hear a response. He let himself out and headed back to the cottage - Inara was waiting for him.
Translations:
fong luh: loopy in the head
gos se: crap
chiang-BAO HOE-tze duh: monkey raping