: Justin Interview from Hell
Justin : Hello
Java : Hey how ya doin?
Justin : Pretty good
Java : Is this Justin Timberlake?
Justin : Uh, I think so.
Java : Hey everybody it's Justin Timberlake! *applauding*
Justin : It depends on if you're looking to borrow some money or
not.
Java : Where are you right now, Justin?
Justin : I'm actually in uh, Los Angeles
Java : You're in Los Angeles..
Justin : *whispering voice* In a remote location rehearsing for the
Justified and Stripped tour
Java : It's a bigass tour you've got going on
Justin : Yeah
Java : With your girlfriend Christina Aguilera
Justin : That is not even funny.
Java : What? Justin : That is not even funny.
Java : What do you mean it's not even funny?
Justin : You just gotta make sure you make a joke that's gonna be
funny, man
Java : You gotta be honest with me, you gotta tell me you tapped
that ass right?
Justin : *laughing* Umm..
Java : You're not saying anything. Did you tap that ass?
Justin : I-- I have-- What do you want me to say to that?
Java : Who's better in bed, Britney or Christina?
Justin : I wouldn't know
Java : Ohh.. come on Justin, be honest. You told Hot 97 in NYC--
Justin : I wouldn't know how to judge them, I think that might
answer your first question
Java : I would say, that Christina is probably a better lay, but
Britney's got them little funbags(?) ya know, to play around with.
But Christina is probably all dirty in her naughty area
Justin : Well I, my question is why are you DJing, why aren't you at
the comedy club
ohhhhs*
Java : Alright.
Justin : *talking to someone in bg* (Yeah.. he's trying to say some
dumbass @#%$) Okay, go ahead
*light laughter in studio*
Java : I wanna know who you've been with.. I don't care about your
musical influences and what--
Justin : I--
Java : --I wanna know who--
Justin : So you're the sterotypical radio DJ you say?
Java : Yes, I am a Howard Stern wannabe, I wanna get to the hard-
hitting truth. Your fans, honestly Justin be honest with me, your
fans don't care about the direction of your tour, or the direction
of your music, or who you grew up listening to.. they wanna know who
you bone. Am I right or am I right?
Justin : Well anyone who wants to know that will just have to keep
wanting to know, because I don't talk about that
Java : Well you talked to Hot 97 about it. Hey did you bang Kylie
Minogue?
Justin : I'm not gonna comment on these questions bro, you need to
move on.
Java : What about uh, Janet Jackson? I heard that you uh--
Justin : *laughing* *dramatic sigh*
Java : Silly Jilly is here, Silly Jilly is my sidekick she really is
into you man, she like uh, she really wants to get with you, she's
uh, let me describe Silly Jilly for you, how tall are you Silly
Jilly?
Java : 5'8", she's uh, very pale, very (?), um, but she really has a
thing for you, man
Justin : Really
Java : Say hi to Justin
Silly Jilly : Hey sexy
Justin : How you doin? Java : Alyssa Milano, you dated her for awhile too right?
Justin : Rumor has it.
Java : Yeah?
Justin : Yeah.
Java : How many girls have you been with? You said you lost your
virginity at like, age 14 or something?
Justin : *pause* *laughter*
Java : He's not answering any of these questions
Justin : *clears throat* Hey man, you know, uh, it's hard to keep
count.
Java : Alright, we won't talk about sex anymore okay? Cause
obviously it's making you a little uncomfortable, even though in all
your videos, you're like, you know you've got no clothes on and
stuff. You're a very sexy artist, you're very sexual--
Justin : When's the last time I had no clothes on..
Java : Well you're always showing--
Justin : .. in a video
Java : Yeahhh I like that, it's sexy
Justin : Wa-wait, no I'm asking you. When's the last time I had all
my clothes off in a video
Java : Yeah you've got your shirts off, you're always showing your,
your uh chest and stuff. You're a very muscular man.
Java : He's getting all defensive
Justin : No I'm not, I'm, I'm a little confused
Java : You've got your PR guy in there right now, uh, policing you,
telling you what to say... I want you to stand up for yourself and
say what you wanna say. Don't listen to your PR guy, listen to the
questions I'm asking you. Please, Justin.. please.
Justin : Dawg, we're just having a conversation, calm down
Java : Let's talk about marijuana. You and your mom smoked marijuana
right? Is that right? You and your mom smoked pot together.
Justin : No
Java : You didn't?
Justin : No
Java : What about you and Nelly? You and Nelly were smoking weed
right?
Justin : Possibly
Java : Ah yeah.
Java : Do you, are you a bong(?), bowl(?) or a hooka(?) person?
Justin : What's your preference? I bet you get off on like, speed
huh?
Java : Nooo! No, god no.
Justin : You sound like a speedhead
Java : I'm a large mammal, Justin, I'm a very fat man. If I took
speed my heart would implone
Justin : Okay
Java : You ever had any uh, gay experiences with the other guys from
NSYNC?
Justin : Yo, switch the subject real fast dude
Java : What? What is your problem dude? What do you want me to do,
like a, like a, like a Carson Daly type interview? 'Hey, what are
your musical influences?'
Justin : No! Well you know the answer to that question.
Java : No I don't! Look there's alot of promoerotisism(?) in the
NSYNC videos, I think it's a very fair question. How come you
popstars are always so friggen uptight man? Answer the friggen
question. What you think you're so big, you can't answer a question?
Okay Justin we'll do an interview YOUR way. 'Who are your musical
influences... Marvin Gaye and uh, uh, lemme see, uh Luther
Vandross?'
*long pause*
Java : Yeah, silence. Alright I'm done with you Justin, goodbye.
Good luck, good luck on the tour Justin. Say hi to your uh, say hi
to Bryan Seacrest and Carson Daly. They can do better interviews
than I can do, I guess right?
*another pause*
Java : Bye. Good luck on the tour.
faint laughing*
Java : Hang up! He's not gonna hang up, cause if he hangs up then
he's the bad guy, right? But I'm the bad guy. I'm asking honest
questions. I'm asking questions that your fans wanna know about, am
I not?
Justin : Anybody who is a fan of mine does not wanna know a dumbass
question like, is there any homo activities
Java : They wanna know who you have sex with, they wanna know who
you have sex with. Am I right? And you look at any newspaper
article, any magazine article... come on Justin, give me something,
you know, I'm dying over here..
Justin : Just calm the hell down!
Java : Okay--
Justin : Yeah take a valuim, @#%$!
Java : Wh-- He called me a @#%$.
Justin : Yeah!
Java : Justin Timberlake called me a @#%$
Justin : Well you act like one, you deserve to be called one
*faint clapping* Java : A major popstar just called me a @#%$. Now lets start the
interview--
Justin : You fit the role well.
Java : Let's start the interview--
Justin : Can I call you 'B' for short?
Java : Yeah call me 'B' for short
Justin : Alright. We'll do that
Java : Okay, Alright, lets start the interview over okay?
Justin : Alright
*pause*
Java : *cheery voice* Hey everybody it's Justin Timberlake!
*clapping*
Java : Hey guy what's goin on?
Justin : *faint laugh*
Java : You've got this hot new tour comin' out
Justin : *faint laugh*
Java : And the CD's real hot, it's slammin, yo!
Justin : *dramatic sigh*
Java : Who did you grow up listening to, Justin?
Justin : I can't believe I wasted my time with this
*studio laughing*
Java : Ohhh.. what? I'm starting over again! What is this guy's
problem?
Justin : I can't believe I wasted my time with you. I don't know who
you are, but you need to get your act together.
*Justin hangs up phone*
Java : *yelling* Whaaaa?! You? Oh! Oh my god! Yeah!! Woo-hoo! Justin
Timberlake hung up on me man!!
*studio applauding and laughing*
Java : Hey how ya doin?
Justin : Pretty good
Java : Is this Justin Timberlake?
Justin : Uh, I think so.
Java : Hey everybody it's Justin Timberlake! *applauding*
Justin : It depends on if you're looking to borrow some money or
not.
Java : Where are you right now, Justin?
Justin : I'm actually in uh, Los Angeles
Java : You're in Los Angeles..
Justin : *whispering voice* In a remote location rehearsing for the
Justified and Stripped tour
Java : It's a bigass tour you've got going on
Justin : Yeah
Java : With your girlfriend Christina Aguilera
Justin : That is not even funny.
Java : What? Justin : That is not even funny.
Java : What do you mean it's not even funny?
Justin : You just gotta make sure you make a joke that's gonna be
funny, man
Java : You gotta be honest with me, you gotta tell me you tapped
that ass right?
Justin : *laughing* Umm..
Java : You're not saying anything. Did you tap that ass?
Justin : I-- I have-- What do you want me to say to that?
Java : Who's better in bed, Britney or Christina?
Justin : I wouldn't know
Java : Ohh.. come on Justin, be honest. You told Hot 97 in NYC--
Justin : I wouldn't know how to judge them, I think that might
answer your first question
Java : I would say, that Christina is probably a better lay, but
Britney's got them little funbags(?) ya know, to play around with.
But Christina is probably all dirty in her naughty area
Justin : Well I, my question is why are you DJing, why aren't you at
the comedy club
ohhhhs*
Java : Alright.
Justin : *talking to someone in bg* (Yeah.. he's trying to say some
dumbass @#%$) Okay, go ahead
*light laughter in studio*
Java : I wanna know who you've been with.. I don't care about your
musical influences and what--
Justin : I--
Java : --I wanna know who--
Justin : So you're the sterotypical radio DJ you say?
Java : Yes, I am a Howard Stern wannabe, I wanna get to the hard-
hitting truth. Your fans, honestly Justin be honest with me, your
fans don't care about the direction of your tour, or the direction
of your music, or who you grew up listening to.. they wanna know who
you bone. Am I right or am I right?
Justin : Well anyone who wants to know that will just have to keep
wanting to know, because I don't talk about that
Java : Well you talked to Hot 97 about it. Hey did you bang Kylie
Minogue?
Justin : I'm not gonna comment on these questions bro, you need to
move on.
Java : What about uh, Janet Jackson? I heard that you uh--
Justin : *laughing* *dramatic sigh*
Java : Silly Jilly is here, Silly Jilly is my sidekick she really is
into you man, she like uh, she really wants to get with you, she's
uh, let me describe Silly Jilly for you, how tall are you Silly
Jilly?
Java : 5'8", she's uh, very pale, very (?), um, but she really has a
thing for you, man
Justin : Really
Java : Say hi to Justin
Silly Jilly : Hey sexy
Justin : How you doin? Java : Alyssa Milano, you dated her for awhile too right?
Justin : Rumor has it.
Java : Yeah?
Justin : Yeah.
Java : How many girls have you been with? You said you lost your
virginity at like, age 14 or something?
Justin : *pause* *laughter*
Java : He's not answering any of these questions
Justin : *clears throat* Hey man, you know, uh, it's hard to keep
count.
Java : Alright, we won't talk about sex anymore okay? Cause
obviously it's making you a little uncomfortable, even though in all
your videos, you're like, you know you've got no clothes on and
stuff. You're a very sexy artist, you're very sexual--
Justin : When's the last time I had no clothes on..
Java : Well you're always showing--
Justin : .. in a video
Java : Yeahhh I like that, it's sexy
Justin : Wa-wait, no I'm asking you. When's the last time I had all
my clothes off in a video
Java : Yeah you've got your shirts off, you're always showing your,
your uh chest and stuff. You're a very muscular man.
Java : He's getting all defensive
Justin : No I'm not, I'm, I'm a little confused
Java : You've got your PR guy in there right now, uh, policing you,
telling you what to say... I want you to stand up for yourself and
say what you wanna say. Don't listen to your PR guy, listen to the
questions I'm asking you. Please, Justin.. please.
Justin : Dawg, we're just having a conversation, calm down
Java : Let's talk about marijuana. You and your mom smoked marijuana
right? Is that right? You and your mom smoked pot together.
Justin : No
Java : You didn't?
Justin : No
Java : What about you and Nelly? You and Nelly were smoking weed
right?
Justin : Possibly
Java : Ah yeah.
Java : Do you, are you a bong(?), bowl(?) or a hooka(?) person?
Justin : What's your preference? I bet you get off on like, speed
huh?
Java : Nooo! No, god no.
Justin : You sound like a speedhead
Java : I'm a large mammal, Justin, I'm a very fat man. If I took
speed my heart would implone
Justin : Okay
Java : You ever had any uh, gay experiences with the other guys from
NSYNC?
Justin : Yo, switch the subject real fast dude
Java : What? What is your problem dude? What do you want me to do,
like a, like a, like a Carson Daly type interview? 'Hey, what are
your musical influences?'
Justin : No! Well you know the answer to that question.
Java : No I don't! Look there's alot of promoerotisism(?) in the
NSYNC videos, I think it's a very fair question. How come you
popstars are always so friggen uptight man? Answer the friggen
question. What you think you're so big, you can't answer a question?
Okay Justin we'll do an interview YOUR way. 'Who are your musical
influences... Marvin Gaye and uh, uh, lemme see, uh Luther
Vandross?'
*long pause*
Java : Yeah, silence. Alright I'm done with you Justin, goodbye.
Good luck, good luck on the tour Justin. Say hi to your uh, say hi
to Bryan Seacrest and Carson Daly. They can do better interviews
than I can do, I guess right?
*another pause*
Java : Bye. Good luck on the tour.
faint laughing*
Java : Hang up! He's not gonna hang up, cause if he hangs up then
he's the bad guy, right? But I'm the bad guy. I'm asking honest
questions. I'm asking questions that your fans wanna know about, am
I not?
Justin : Anybody who is a fan of mine does not wanna know a dumbass
question like, is there any homo activities
Java : They wanna know who you have sex with, they wanna know who
you have sex with. Am I right? And you look at any newspaper
article, any magazine article... come on Justin, give me something,
you know, I'm dying over here..
Justin : Just calm the hell down!
Java : Okay--
Justin : Yeah take a valuim, @#%$!
Java : Wh-- He called me a @#%$.
Justin : Yeah!
Java : Justin Timberlake called me a @#%$
Justin : Well you act like one, you deserve to be called one
*faint clapping* Java : A major popstar just called me a @#%$. Now lets start the
interview--
Justin : You fit the role well.
Java : Let's start the interview--
Justin : Can I call you 'B' for short?
Java : Yeah call me 'B' for short
Justin : Alright. We'll do that
Java : Okay, Alright, lets start the interview over okay?
Justin : Alright
*pause*
Java : *cheery voice* Hey everybody it's Justin Timberlake!
*clapping*
Java : Hey guy what's goin on?
Justin : *faint laugh*
Java : You've got this hot new tour comin' out
Justin : *faint laugh*
Java : And the CD's real hot, it's slammin, yo!
Justin : *dramatic sigh*
Java : Who did you grow up listening to, Justin?
Justin : I can't believe I wasted my time with this
*studio laughing*
Java : Ohhh.. what? I'm starting over again! What is this guy's
problem?
Justin : I can't believe I wasted my time with you. I don't know who
you are, but you need to get your act together.
*Justin hangs up phone*
Java : *yelling* Whaaaa?! You? Oh! Oh my god! Yeah!! Woo-hoo! Justin
Timberlake hung up on me man!!
*studio applauding and laughing*