crestfallen.

[susurrate]

today was a low. i went into work- i really dislike taking time off, and was fully aware that teaching three days these week means i'd have to ask for more time off from the UN than normal- but felt as if all the energy and spirit had been sucked out of me. i sat at my desk and felt unable to speak, and my back spasms started worsening. i sat

Comments

[disastrid]

sometimes it's necessary to sit in a chair and cry and wail that you're FUCKING TIRED and it's FUCKING FRUSTRATING, because it is exhausting and infuriating and so much time is spent feeling like you're not getting anywhere and are on a high-speed train to fuckknowswhere. the kicker is that there are not many people who will care or understand because most don't have the faintest idea what it's like to push oneself further, faster, beyond all sensible limits of time and physical strength.

this entry made me tear up because oh darling, i know how it is, i know how it is, and there's nothing that anyone can say to ease it, you just have to get through.

xox.

[susurrate]

aww. thankyou. luckily after a few ibuprofen, many many hours numbing my behind in a chair, heat packs and some general relaxing i feel a lot better and feel like 'uf, what came over me?'. i also hate admitting or realising that i'm overstretched because i think i'm never doing enough; my days aren't *that* long, or rather what i'm actually doing isn't *that* tough, I'm not dashing around everywhere, *that* much, etc. i always think people like you, for example, are doing far more and keeping more busy than me and have a reason for saying they're overstretched... aii. when i feel really low energy like this i wonder why i'm feeling so tired after not having done that much exercise- but then when i count my worries and working hours i begin to understand! thank you for your kind words.. i know that you 'get' it. ;)
xox

[flats]

you are getting better at striking this health/activity balance, no? or at least i get the impression that you're eating properly, not exercising too excessively... got to give yourself all the help & good things you can when you're working so hard, which means more calorific things than just miso soup! and the art event sounds incredible, but i think that could really be called overstretching yourself - not something to be set up whilst also working two jobs and being ill, y'know? these things can always be done another time, even in another city - don't have to do every exciting thing you can think of all at once. honestly, it's true! also, bloody well let yourself feel self-pity, it's wholly deserved and nothing to be ashamed of.

yeah, look after yourself & hope you feel better soon
xx

[anonymous]

I second that comment, that really you are allowed to take it slow sometimes. Don't compare yourself with other people who you think do more or less, or better or worse, because that's a surefire way to get in a pickle when there's no need. You're doing lots, and everyone, no matter how strong, needs a break sometimes, with a cry and a cuddle. Have the longest shower you've ever had, cry all those tears out, and start afresh when you're ready, even if it's a week or more down the line. Health should not be hurried. x