They're Commin' Back
Dreams... Oh man, dreams and I go way back. I do not dream often, but when I do it is with great clarity of sense. Furthermore, It's never easy when I start to remember what I dream. Never can I just have a "That was a strange thing to dream about". Most of my dreams end up being prophetic... I have broken the mold before when I first started recording a few that I had here. I also broke these prophecies with a few sexually focused dreams recently, but I think that's just because my appetite grows as I reconnect with my fiery half. I digress, though. It is actually the nightmares that I wish to talk about.
When I do not see the future, it is most often because I am having a nightmare. I hadn't really thought about it, but it's fairly true. I should clarify here, though. I am using the word nightmare loosely since I am not often afraid in these dreams, but rather they leave me unnerved in some fashion. For example watching my father waste away was the topic of one I had last year. A few years ago I experienced a dream where I got shot and slowly bled out. Nonetheless, I bring this up because I am having more and more of these nightmares.
I meant to record this one a week ago when it happened... but I was dealing with the plague and didn't have the energy to write it out. Sadly this means the details are going to suffer, but that's not really so bad. In the dream I was fighting with my Mother. The fight was physical, mental, and emotional spanning over what was likely a day. As with many of these recollections the words and phrases are lost but I can say for certain that the things exchanged were very painful to her.
I realized I was having a nightmare when something unlike me started to happen. Her words started to hurt me, but even stranger was that they hurt me in a very different way. The last half of the dream ended with me struggling to keep a form as I melted into this ooze. Not only was this very painful but it also put me into a panic and caused me quite a bit of unease. Even with the dream only lasting an hour this processes was drug out into what felt like an eternity of suffering.
I woke in a very deep sweat. I know part of this was a fever dream, but this isn't the first nightmare I have had recently. I do not remember any other particular instances, but in the back of my mind I know they are there. Many of them are related to my aloneness, of that I am certain. It bothers me because I have started to feel like I am making progress in putting myself all back together from this mess. These terrors prove otherwise, however. I am not sure what to do from here, but I do hope I continue to forget the dreams as I fear they are only getting worse.
When I do not see the future, it is most often because I am having a nightmare. I hadn't really thought about it, but it's fairly true. I should clarify here, though. I am using the word nightmare loosely since I am not often afraid in these dreams, but rather they leave me unnerved in some fashion. For example watching my father waste away was the topic of one I had last year. A few years ago I experienced a dream where I got shot and slowly bled out. Nonetheless, I bring this up because I am having more and more of these nightmares.
I meant to record this one a week ago when it happened... but I was dealing with the plague and didn't have the energy to write it out. Sadly this means the details are going to suffer, but that's not really so bad. In the dream I was fighting with my Mother. The fight was physical, mental, and emotional spanning over what was likely a day. As with many of these recollections the words and phrases are lost but I can say for certain that the things exchanged were very painful to her.
I realized I was having a nightmare when something unlike me started to happen. Her words started to hurt me, but even stranger was that they hurt me in a very different way. The last half of the dream ended with me struggling to keep a form as I melted into this ooze. Not only was this very painful but it also put me into a panic and caused me quite a bit of unease. Even with the dream only lasting an hour this processes was drug out into what felt like an eternity of suffering.
I woke in a very deep sweat. I know part of this was a fever dream, but this isn't the first nightmare I have had recently. I do not remember any other particular instances, but in the back of my mind I know they are there. Many of them are related to my aloneness, of that I am certain. It bothers me because I have started to feel like I am making progress in putting myself all back together from this mess. These terrors prove otherwise, however. I am not sure what to do from here, but I do hope I continue to forget the dreams as I fear they are only getting worse.