What I really need...?
I asked the question
The answer, I expected
Feelings I did not...
You threw a new person into my life and at the end of it all she is just as broken as I am. I see through your clever little plan, so why are you trying to keep me here? This place is a fucking trap and I am done with it. I do not want to be here anymore, there is nothing left for me. Trying to coax me into staying with a new friend is not going to work, so knock it the fuck off okay?
We both know what I need is a new scene. One with better options; In friends and in career. No matter how you sugar coat this barren place it is still a place to be born and a place to die. I need to live. It is time I got out of the cages I am putting myself in, and it does not help me to be lured back here. This is the second time and I am not as blind as I was before.
Even now you sew seeds of insecurity. You make me mistrust my judgement, my instincts. I am so lost in the wreckage of myself that I am not sure if I really want what I thought I did. You, the opportunist, have seized the moment to break what little will I have left for this choice. Did I really need to know that? Does it actually help me keep my head as I said it would. All it seems to have given me is the pain of realizing I need to snuff out that hope I held onto so dearly.
Maybe it is time I accept it. Truly this time. You've made it clear that you will do everything you can to keep me from that one thing I want. I should accept my defeat, you were clearly the better player in this game. After all, it'd feel like a miracle if it finally came to me. You drove that into my mind over the last few years. It must be time to accept that truth.
So here I stand, hanging my head. For the first time, truly... Defeated...
The answer, I expected
Feelings I did not...
You threw a new person into my life and at the end of it all she is just as broken as I am. I see through your clever little plan, so why are you trying to keep me here? This place is a fucking trap and I am done with it. I do not want to be here anymore, there is nothing left for me. Trying to coax me into staying with a new friend is not going to work, so knock it the fuck off okay?
We both know what I need is a new scene. One with better options; In friends and in career. No matter how you sugar coat this barren place it is still a place to be born and a place to die. I need to live. It is time I got out of the cages I am putting myself in, and it does not help me to be lured back here. This is the second time and I am not as blind as I was before.
Even now you sew seeds of insecurity. You make me mistrust my judgement, my instincts. I am so lost in the wreckage of myself that I am not sure if I really want what I thought I did. You, the opportunist, have seized the moment to break what little will I have left for this choice. Did I really need to know that? Does it actually help me keep my head as I said it would. All it seems to have given me is the pain of realizing I need to snuff out that hope I held onto so dearly.
Maybe it is time I accept it. Truly this time. You've made it clear that you will do everything you can to keep me from that one thing I want. I should accept my defeat, you were clearly the better player in this game. After all, it'd feel like a miracle if it finally came to me. You drove that into my mind over the last few years. It must be time to accept that truth.
So here I stand, hanging my head. For the first time, truly... Defeated...