Love in May
“Oh…” Kibum eyes widen in a surprise and then a revelation hits him. “Oh and that’s why you had your hands under me.”
“Well, yes. Hey, why you did that?” Yesung exclaims as Kibum switch off the TV, leaving them in a complete dark.
“I was watching that movie for hours and now when I woke up they still haven’t got anywhere further. Annoying.”
“If you say so. But we have no lights now.” Yesung ends his sentence by time when Kibum pulls his face down, tugging his shirt.
“I don’t think we need any.” Kibum’s hand caresses his cheek, run through his hair and rests on back of his neck. “Any ideas why?”
“You are tired.” It was the first answer Yesung give and only one also after his lips were captured for other uses.
“May 30th.” Yesung reads out loud the number in the calendar on his bedroom’s wall. So that’s it, it’s the last day together. Tomorrow Kibum is flying away, both, literally and figuratively. He gazed down at clock and his eyes caught a picture of them both together. Why everything today seems only to remind not giving any hopes. He sighs and chooses one of his best outfits. It’s Kibum he is going to meet and no one else.
“You don’t seem very happy today.” Yesung says. It’s a bit like a reflection in Kibum’s eyes of something he feels inside. He doesn’t remember Kibum looking like this last weeks, maybe because of him, because they felt happy together.
“I didn’t sleep good last night.” Kibum ruffles his hair maybe to make them look better and takes his coffee cup in hands. Surroundings like this cafeteria and people around didn’t matter, when they had each other to look at. That’s what Yesung thought and was sure Kibum agreed.
“I should come over then. I wasn’t sleeping much either.” Yesung spoke after longer pause and meaningful looks. He doesn’t know why they decided to spend last night separated. Maybe, to get used to that feeling, of something missing and alone again.
“I guess I know why.”
“I can’t believe you do.” Yesung answered somehow sarcastically somehow playfully, just to lighten the weight he feels on his shoulder right now.
Kibum don't answer, but Yesung could see corners of his lips lifting up.
It came faster than expected. Just yesterday he slept, holding Kibum tight, secret tears streaming down his face. Under covers it felt warm and safe, reminding of things he’ll miss. It wasn’t right, but Kibum is stubborn. He got a chance to go study in USA and he took it. That time they weren’t together, but feelings grew. He remembers his attempts to approach Kibum with a smile. Then he saw nothing of it coming.
He didn’t want to be selfish, to make him upset by asking to choose one; him or studies. Neither has he wanted to hear the answer, if it’s studies over him. Better if they’re good memories, with no black cloud upon them. It wasn't like they are going break up, but felt close to that. He don't know actually.
“Yesung.” Kibum nearly shouts and it finally gets his attention.
“Umm?” Yesung shifts in his seat. It’s about an hour before the flight. The clock is ticking.
“Uhh. I was calling you like five times.”
“Sorry.”Yesung looks in Kibum’s eyes and feels like drowning in his thoughts again. He feels his heart tightening, like no air, hard to breathe. Less than hour.
“It’s okay.” Kibum felt YeSung’s sadness and that’s why entangled their hands secretly between their bodies. Yesung sighs and watches closely Kibum’s calm face. He found it charming, the way Kibum bits his lower lips slightly and how he turns, smiles and squeeze their entangled hands. He is pathetic, pathetically in love with this guy.
“What you wanted to say then?”
“I feel so bad by leaving you.” Kibum starts hesitantly, “I…. just can’t think… how it’ll be without you.” he trips over his words, can’t find the right ones and there is silence between. “There is always…. I mean… you’re here. I just…” he trails off, but don’t give up. “You know, I love you. Simply I do.”
“I know.” Yesung kiss his temple and lovingly squeeze his nose against Kibum’s as he turns to face him. “I do, too.” It was hard to turn away, to break the contact like it’s a matter of life or death.
“I need to go.” The magic is lost; Kibum moves away, takes his baggage bag and stands up. Yesung watches his awkward, slow moves and almost can swear that saw a glint of tears in Kibum’s eyes or he wanted to see. “You coming?” he doesn’t turn around but waits until Yesung reach him.
They walked in a silence almost until the gate when Yesung stopped him, grabbing by hand and turning around. “One last kiss, ok?”
“I-“Yesung cupped Kibum’s head in his hand and placed his lips on Kibum’s in a quick and rough kiss, involving the secret despair they felt.
They broke the kiss and Yesung pushed him away , saying, “Go.”. Kibum blinks and stares like a fish with no air. “I said go, you don’t have much time.”
“Yesung I-“Kibum took a step on front, but Yesung took two backwards.
“Go, before I change my mind.” Yesung lowered his eyes, staring down. It was hard to don’t act by instinct and don’t let him go.
“Goodbye, then.” it was the words Yesung wanted to hear from Kibum the less, but did eventually.
“Bye…”
Something was just tearing his heart apart as Kibum took his last step and disappeared at the corner. The last thing he saw was his black baggage bag, stuffed with things, memories.
He can’t cry. Not now. Maybe later. He stuffed his fists in his jacket’s pockets, forcing himself to turn around and walk away.
He’ll call next week. Probably.
Yesung looked out of window, cold wind playing in his hair. It wasn’t May anymore. In fact, it wasn’t even summer anymore. But that soft laugh and dazzling smile was still only on his mind every day and night.
He glances at his bedtime table where besides picture of them both were laying a ticket. He is going to his vacation, autumn vacation, but only in a ferry and not the way Kibum went.
It must be fun, it must…
“Well, yes. Hey, why you did that?” Yesung exclaims as Kibum switch off the TV, leaving them in a complete dark.
“I was watching that movie for hours and now when I woke up they still haven’t got anywhere further. Annoying.”
“If you say so. But we have no lights now.” Yesung ends his sentence by time when Kibum pulls his face down, tugging his shirt.
“I don’t think we need any.” Kibum’s hand caresses his cheek, run through his hair and rests on back of his neck. “Any ideas why?”
“You are tired.” It was the first answer Yesung give and only one also after his lips were captured for other uses.
“May 30th.” Yesung reads out loud the number in the calendar on his bedroom’s wall. So that’s it, it’s the last day together. Tomorrow Kibum is flying away, both, literally and figuratively. He gazed down at clock and his eyes caught a picture of them both together. Why everything today seems only to remind not giving any hopes. He sighs and chooses one of his best outfits. It’s Kibum he is going to meet and no one else.
“You don’t seem very happy today.” Yesung says. It’s a bit like a reflection in Kibum’s eyes of something he feels inside. He doesn’t remember Kibum looking like this last weeks, maybe because of him, because they felt happy together.
“I didn’t sleep good last night.” Kibum ruffles his hair maybe to make them look better and takes his coffee cup in hands. Surroundings like this cafeteria and people around didn’t matter, when they had each other to look at. That’s what Yesung thought and was sure Kibum agreed.
“I should come over then. I wasn’t sleeping much either.” Yesung spoke after longer pause and meaningful looks. He doesn’t know why they decided to spend last night separated. Maybe, to get used to that feeling, of something missing and alone again.
“I guess I know why.”
“I can’t believe you do.” Yesung answered somehow sarcastically somehow playfully, just to lighten the weight he feels on his shoulder right now.
Kibum don't answer, but Yesung could see corners of his lips lifting up.
It came faster than expected. Just yesterday he slept, holding Kibum tight, secret tears streaming down his face. Under covers it felt warm and safe, reminding of things he’ll miss. It wasn’t right, but Kibum is stubborn. He got a chance to go study in USA and he took it. That time they weren’t together, but feelings grew. He remembers his attempts to approach Kibum with a smile. Then he saw nothing of it coming.
He didn’t want to be selfish, to make him upset by asking to choose one; him or studies. Neither has he wanted to hear the answer, if it’s studies over him. Better if they’re good memories, with no black cloud upon them. It wasn't like they are going break up, but felt close to that. He don't know actually.
“Yesung.” Kibum nearly shouts and it finally gets his attention.
“Umm?” Yesung shifts in his seat. It’s about an hour before the flight. The clock is ticking.
“Uhh. I was calling you like five times.”
“Sorry.”Yesung looks in Kibum’s eyes and feels like drowning in his thoughts again. He feels his heart tightening, like no air, hard to breathe. Less than hour.
“It’s okay.” Kibum felt YeSung’s sadness and that’s why entangled their hands secretly between their bodies. Yesung sighs and watches closely Kibum’s calm face. He found it charming, the way Kibum bits his lower lips slightly and how he turns, smiles and squeeze their entangled hands. He is pathetic, pathetically in love with this guy.
“What you wanted to say then?”
“I feel so bad by leaving you.” Kibum starts hesitantly, “I…. just can’t think… how it’ll be without you.” he trips over his words, can’t find the right ones and there is silence between. “There is always…. I mean… you’re here. I just…” he trails off, but don’t give up. “You know, I love you. Simply I do.”
“I know.” Yesung kiss his temple and lovingly squeeze his nose against Kibum’s as he turns to face him. “I do, too.” It was hard to turn away, to break the contact like it’s a matter of life or death.
“I need to go.” The magic is lost; Kibum moves away, takes his baggage bag and stands up. Yesung watches his awkward, slow moves and almost can swear that saw a glint of tears in Kibum’s eyes or he wanted to see. “You coming?” he doesn’t turn around but waits until Yesung reach him.
They walked in a silence almost until the gate when Yesung stopped him, grabbing by hand and turning around. “One last kiss, ok?”
“I-“Yesung cupped Kibum’s head in his hand and placed his lips on Kibum’s in a quick and rough kiss, involving the secret despair they felt.
They broke the kiss and Yesung pushed him away , saying, “Go.”. Kibum blinks and stares like a fish with no air. “I said go, you don’t have much time.”
“Yesung I-“Kibum took a step on front, but Yesung took two backwards.
“Go, before I change my mind.” Yesung lowered his eyes, staring down. It was hard to don’t act by instinct and don’t let him go.
“Goodbye, then.” it was the words Yesung wanted to hear from Kibum the less, but did eventually.
“Bye…”
Something was just tearing his heart apart as Kibum took his last step and disappeared at the corner. The last thing he saw was his black baggage bag, stuffed with things, memories.
He can’t cry. Not now. Maybe later. He stuffed his fists in his jacket’s pockets, forcing himself to turn around and walk away.
He’ll call next week. Probably.
Yesung looked out of window, cold wind playing in his hair. It wasn’t May anymore. In fact, it wasn’t even summer anymore. But that soft laugh and dazzling smile was still only on his mind every day and night.
He glances at his bedtime table where besides picture of them both were laying a ticket. He is going to his vacation, autumn vacation, but only in a ferry and not the way Kibum went.
It must be fun, it must…