our second chance
Title: Our second chance
Theme: 070. Thunderstorm
Pairing: KangMin
Genre: angst
Rating: PG
Word count: 1979 words
[My archive]
The first time they met during a thunderstorm, Kangin’s body all soaked in the rain, and he hissed to himself cursing his unfortunate when he didn’t find any place to hide in that lonely street. And a stranger came with an umbrella, smile not leaving his beautiful features.
“Need a help?” before he could react the stranger handed him the umbrella and turned around, leaving him alone.
“Thank you,” Kangin shouted behind him, wondering why he left him his umbrella, to a complete stranger.
Kangin was strangely interest who was the mysterious guy and his secret to wish to find out was fulfilled, as he met him a week later. Sungmin was that day one of customers in his shop. What a luck he had, that they talked.
His friends noticed his interest, the flirty manner he spoke in and, knowing his player skills and the way he changed his boyfriends like socks, made a bet. He wasn’t much believer in love or anything related to that’s why he thought that it sounded like fun.
And now, long moths after, sitting on a living room’s couch, Kangin told himself he is stupid, stupid for falling in love with Sungmin, because he was a game he played, something that wasn’t meant to last and stupid because Sungmin found out (before he could tell himself) from someone else about the bet.
He had no intentions to fall in love, that’s why this sudden feeling surprised him so much, so much the he almost didn’t know what to do. But Sungmin didn’t want to meet him ever again, anymore. He tried to call; his phone was turned off or simply didn’t answer.
Misery bit him in the most painful way possible, and he is longing, yearning. He should do something about it, but Sungmin said it pretty clearly about his wishes. But, should he risk trying another time to convince this stubborn guy, that he does have feelings, not only stone-cold heart in his chest, that there’s a way.
He stood up, determined to take his last chance, even after Sungmin had shouted at him all those terrible things and wanted him to stay away, but he saw something like a small spark or hope, clearly through his dark eyes, and that’s why he isn’t going to give up. This guy loved him, still, for sure, and he wanted him more than anything.
He took his cell phone with himself, and put on a coat, and didn’t forget to wear a warm scarf because it’s snowing like hell outside. Like usual, when it’s close to Christmas time.
He walked with his own feet because bus will be too long to wait, and right now, he can’t wait anything. He is eager to meet him and to do something about this all situation.
A couple walked before him, the man whispering something to the girl, his arm around her shoulders, so happy they seemed. A sudden tiny smiled spread across his face, as he remembered those moments when they were together, when he had forgot about that little secret, that little game of feelings, but never before he had fell for his own trap, that was closing around him when he tasted those sweet lips and inhaled a scent of SungMin’s body right beside him, his head rested on Kangin’s chest, emitting a reassuring warmth to his restless body.
He didn’t pay any attention to the snow and shivers that by now was going down his spin and through all his body. He simply couldn’t bring himself to care about that. Soon he was surprised that he is already near the building SungMin’s apartment is in.
He stilled, suddenly all the courage starting to waver, and he hesitated, thinking if to move further or not. Maybe, he misunderstood. Maybe, Sungmin didn’t give him a hint, that he could do something about this all if he wanted to.
It has been exactly five days, and he couldn’t sleep or eat without thinking about him, and that’s why he is sure from the lack of that all, he most probably is imagining things, in fact only one, and it’s Sungmin about ten meters from himself, frozen in shock.
All the things he wanted to say simply disappeared from his mind, after he noticed that Sungmin started to move away and that- yes- he isn’t a hallucination from his dreams. He is real and quickly walking away.
“Sungmin,” he called out and rushed over him, when he was just a few steps from the entrance in the building. Sungmin didn’t react, and that’s why Kangin grabbed him by wrist, desperate that if he’ll walk in, he will be gone for sure.
“What you want? Why are you here? Didn’t I say you to stay away?” SungMin’s voice had a harsh edge around it, and he stared almost emotionlessly in Kangin’s eyes, until he winced slightly. Kangin looked down; he has been holding his wrist too tight.
“Sorry, but I can’t stay away... because-“
“You want to play again, right?” Sungmin cut him off very coldly and harshly, jerking his hand out of Kangin’s hold.
“No. It’s not about playing. I was afraid and…I didn’t mean… I don’t… I…sorry, truly sorry” Kangin wasn’t smooth with his words as usual, not even close to that; he stumbled over them like unsure of how to tell it, of how it will sound.
The regretful look that flashing across Kangin’s face as he spoke, didn’t pass unnoticed SungMin’s eyes. His heart made a painful twist, and he swallowed hard when Kangin looked up again from ground with a vulnerability that isn’t truly hidden, but he couldn’t bring himself to care about it that moment. He didn’t need his regret. He gave him his heart and all he did was to shatter it to pieces.
“I don’t need your apologies or words about how wrong you were,” he inhaled sharply, “you made me go through all that and lied like it’s no big deal. You,” he pointed a finger at Kangin, “you did that. What else you want from me?”
“Could we start over another time?”
Blood boil in SungMin’s veins after hearing that question, after coming to conclusion that he had something in his mind again. Why else he would want to do so? He had never said anything about feelings what always made SungMin’s stomach to feel like being knotted and passion, desire running through his whole body for this black haired younger man like suffocating in its own painful way.
Kangin waited and wanted so much to touch Sungmin because snowflakes look so cute, falling in his hair and melting there without a warning, and he can’t wait anymore without feeling him against his skin. He never knew how big affect he had to his life before all he had just broke apart and he was losing.
“You broke my heart, you know, right? I’m not going to trust you again. See, I have learned my lesson. I know how much you like to change your lovers like socks. So why me? Again.” Kangin felt his hurt and anger, and all those feelings that are about to burst out, if he didn’t stay away. He hesitated only for a second when in a flash he saw in SungMin’s eyes unsurely looking in his like he is questioning his intentions. Sungmin was sure about his truth, but Kangin wanted to prove that he is wrong, that he got him wrong, that there is still a hope.
“I’ll tell you then,” he held both of SungMin’s hands in his, and Sungmin didn’t move practically feeling the heat of Kangin’s radiating stare that wandered around his face until stopped at his eyes, locking their gazes together, and that did something magical to his body, that it practically started to melt like those small and white snowflakes. “Because I think you’re the most valuable person I have ever met, and I was the stupidest person around the world to let you slip away from me, and I mean it.”
His thumbs soothingly squeezed inside of SungMin’s hand, that was a distracting thing to do, and he wanted to pour out his heart content and what he felt, but obvious hurt was stopping him to do so and also the stubbornness played a part of this all. No matter how promising his words sounded to him, his heart didn’t stop that painful and rapid beating within his chest, yet it feels tempting to surrender.
“Why are you trying to convince me so much?” he remembered those words Kangin had said almost a week ago, when he overheard his and another man’s conversation. And it was completely different from these.
Kangin couldn’t bear the sound of his voice- broken and sad. His own heart ache in way that is almost unbearable, and he whispered in a reassuring voice, “I care. A lot. Really, more than I care about myself.”
“You’re telling sweet words but I… I don’t… know,” it was breaking him apart to tell that when his heart objected, and Kangin hung his head low, almost giving up. He is too stubborn, Kangin came to a conclusion, but he can understand.
“I’m not lying. It’s truth. I lo-I mean, I do care about you,” he stopped to stare and leaned in closer, inhaling the scent of him, that faintly is still lingering in the air around him. He had always liked to do so, and it was pleasing when Sungmin did that little shivering thing and he could lean for more. Not now. He stopped himself almost in the last second before reaching his lips.
“Why?”SungMin’s voice softened slightly, but there still was that sadness in it. “Do you really..?” he trailed off, and his eyes catch their linked hands which Kangin doesn’t stop to squeeze all the time, softly, almost lovingly. Sungmin could swear that he saw Kangin’s eyes sparkling in a loving way with a bitter guilt darkening them time by time.
“Wasn’t I obvious? I tried to hide at the start how much you captured my heart, and I wished I could tell the truth without breaking up, but unexpected things happened. I wish I-“
“Tell me,” Sungmin cut him off, gathering all of his courage to ask something that had made him confused and restless, and he knows already that this unanswered thing only makes him to take wrong decisions, “The whole truth about your feelings.”
Kangin saw a hope here, and he didn’t want to mess up. He will never forgive himself if he does so.
“I--,” he started slowly and softly, “I have fallen in love with you and was so stupid that didn’t tell you earlier.”
It’s done and he feels like a burden has been taken off his shoulder, and chest felt lighter.
SungMin’s eyes widen, he hesitated, hoping that his words were truth. “So you… all this time-“
“Almost.”
“Why the hell you played with my feelings, then? Why didn’t tell me? Why?” Sungmin poured out all his mixed emotions with questions and instead of answering Kangin slammed his mouth against SungMin’s, kissing him hard, open-mouthed. The older struggled briefly, freeing his hands, and brought them up to Kangin’s shoulders to try and shove him away.
“Please... Please let me…” Kangin pleaded in his head, but only when Sungmin stilled, he understood, he had said it out loud. He didn’t mind because Sungmin is already kissing him back, his mouth hot and desperate, moving against his own. Sungmin made a beautiful little sound at the back of his throat and threw his arms around Kangin’s neck, to pull closer.
“Maybe we can sort it out for last and catch up all that time we weren’t together.”
Kangin couldn’t agree more, but they still have a long way to go.
Theme: 070. Thunderstorm
Pairing: KangMin
Genre: angst
Rating: PG
Word count: 1979 words
[My archive]
The first time they met during a thunderstorm, Kangin’s body all soaked in the rain, and he hissed to himself cursing his unfortunate when he didn’t find any place to hide in that lonely street. And a stranger came with an umbrella, smile not leaving his beautiful features.
“Need a help?” before he could react the stranger handed him the umbrella and turned around, leaving him alone.
“Thank you,” Kangin shouted behind him, wondering why he left him his umbrella, to a complete stranger.
Kangin was strangely interest who was the mysterious guy and his secret to wish to find out was fulfilled, as he met him a week later. Sungmin was that day one of customers in his shop. What a luck he had, that they talked.
His friends noticed his interest, the flirty manner he spoke in and, knowing his player skills and the way he changed his boyfriends like socks, made a bet. He wasn’t much believer in love or anything related to that’s why he thought that it sounded like fun.
And now, long moths after, sitting on a living room’s couch, Kangin told himself he is stupid, stupid for falling in love with Sungmin, because he was a game he played, something that wasn’t meant to last and stupid because Sungmin found out (before he could tell himself) from someone else about the bet.
He had no intentions to fall in love, that’s why this sudden feeling surprised him so much, so much the he almost didn’t know what to do. But Sungmin didn’t want to meet him ever again, anymore. He tried to call; his phone was turned off or simply didn’t answer.
Misery bit him in the most painful way possible, and he is longing, yearning. He should do something about it, but Sungmin said it pretty clearly about his wishes. But, should he risk trying another time to convince this stubborn guy, that he does have feelings, not only stone-cold heart in his chest, that there’s a way.
He stood up, determined to take his last chance, even after Sungmin had shouted at him all those terrible things and wanted him to stay away, but he saw something like a small spark or hope, clearly through his dark eyes, and that’s why he isn’t going to give up. This guy loved him, still, for sure, and he wanted him more than anything.
He took his cell phone with himself, and put on a coat, and didn’t forget to wear a warm scarf because it’s snowing like hell outside. Like usual, when it’s close to Christmas time.
He walked with his own feet because bus will be too long to wait, and right now, he can’t wait anything. He is eager to meet him and to do something about this all situation.
A couple walked before him, the man whispering something to the girl, his arm around her shoulders, so happy they seemed. A sudden tiny smiled spread across his face, as he remembered those moments when they were together, when he had forgot about that little secret, that little game of feelings, but never before he had fell for his own trap, that was closing around him when he tasted those sweet lips and inhaled a scent of SungMin’s body right beside him, his head rested on Kangin’s chest, emitting a reassuring warmth to his restless body.
He didn’t pay any attention to the snow and shivers that by now was going down his spin and through all his body. He simply couldn’t bring himself to care about that. Soon he was surprised that he is already near the building SungMin’s apartment is in.
He stilled, suddenly all the courage starting to waver, and he hesitated, thinking if to move further or not. Maybe, he misunderstood. Maybe, Sungmin didn’t give him a hint, that he could do something about this all if he wanted to.
It has been exactly five days, and he couldn’t sleep or eat without thinking about him, and that’s why he is sure from the lack of that all, he most probably is imagining things, in fact only one, and it’s Sungmin about ten meters from himself, frozen in shock.
All the things he wanted to say simply disappeared from his mind, after he noticed that Sungmin started to move away and that- yes- he isn’t a hallucination from his dreams. He is real and quickly walking away.
“Sungmin,” he called out and rushed over him, when he was just a few steps from the entrance in the building. Sungmin didn’t react, and that’s why Kangin grabbed him by wrist, desperate that if he’ll walk in, he will be gone for sure.
“What you want? Why are you here? Didn’t I say you to stay away?” SungMin’s voice had a harsh edge around it, and he stared almost emotionlessly in Kangin’s eyes, until he winced slightly. Kangin looked down; he has been holding his wrist too tight.
“Sorry, but I can’t stay away... because-“
“You want to play again, right?” Sungmin cut him off very coldly and harshly, jerking his hand out of Kangin’s hold.
“No. It’s not about playing. I was afraid and…I didn’t mean… I don’t… I…sorry, truly sorry” Kangin wasn’t smooth with his words as usual, not even close to that; he stumbled over them like unsure of how to tell it, of how it will sound.
The regretful look that flashing across Kangin’s face as he spoke, didn’t pass unnoticed SungMin’s eyes. His heart made a painful twist, and he swallowed hard when Kangin looked up again from ground with a vulnerability that isn’t truly hidden, but he couldn’t bring himself to care about it that moment. He didn’t need his regret. He gave him his heart and all he did was to shatter it to pieces.
“I don’t need your apologies or words about how wrong you were,” he inhaled sharply, “you made me go through all that and lied like it’s no big deal. You,” he pointed a finger at Kangin, “you did that. What else you want from me?”
“Could we start over another time?”
Blood boil in SungMin’s veins after hearing that question, after coming to conclusion that he had something in his mind again. Why else he would want to do so? He had never said anything about feelings what always made SungMin’s stomach to feel like being knotted and passion, desire running through his whole body for this black haired younger man like suffocating in its own painful way.
Kangin waited and wanted so much to touch Sungmin because snowflakes look so cute, falling in his hair and melting there without a warning, and he can’t wait anymore without feeling him against his skin. He never knew how big affect he had to his life before all he had just broke apart and he was losing.
“You broke my heart, you know, right? I’m not going to trust you again. See, I have learned my lesson. I know how much you like to change your lovers like socks. So why me? Again.” Kangin felt his hurt and anger, and all those feelings that are about to burst out, if he didn’t stay away. He hesitated only for a second when in a flash he saw in SungMin’s eyes unsurely looking in his like he is questioning his intentions. Sungmin was sure about his truth, but Kangin wanted to prove that he is wrong, that he got him wrong, that there is still a hope.
“I’ll tell you then,” he held both of SungMin’s hands in his, and Sungmin didn’t move practically feeling the heat of Kangin’s radiating stare that wandered around his face until stopped at his eyes, locking their gazes together, and that did something magical to his body, that it practically started to melt like those small and white snowflakes. “Because I think you’re the most valuable person I have ever met, and I was the stupidest person around the world to let you slip away from me, and I mean it.”
His thumbs soothingly squeezed inside of SungMin’s hand, that was a distracting thing to do, and he wanted to pour out his heart content and what he felt, but obvious hurt was stopping him to do so and also the stubbornness played a part of this all. No matter how promising his words sounded to him, his heart didn’t stop that painful and rapid beating within his chest, yet it feels tempting to surrender.
“Why are you trying to convince me so much?” he remembered those words Kangin had said almost a week ago, when he overheard his and another man’s conversation. And it was completely different from these.
Kangin couldn’t bear the sound of his voice- broken and sad. His own heart ache in way that is almost unbearable, and he whispered in a reassuring voice, “I care. A lot. Really, more than I care about myself.”
“You’re telling sweet words but I… I don’t… know,” it was breaking him apart to tell that when his heart objected, and Kangin hung his head low, almost giving up. He is too stubborn, Kangin came to a conclusion, but he can understand.
“I’m not lying. It’s truth. I lo-I mean, I do care about you,” he stopped to stare and leaned in closer, inhaling the scent of him, that faintly is still lingering in the air around him. He had always liked to do so, and it was pleasing when Sungmin did that little shivering thing and he could lean for more. Not now. He stopped himself almost in the last second before reaching his lips.
“Why?”SungMin’s voice softened slightly, but there still was that sadness in it. “Do you really..?” he trailed off, and his eyes catch their linked hands which Kangin doesn’t stop to squeeze all the time, softly, almost lovingly. Sungmin could swear that he saw Kangin’s eyes sparkling in a loving way with a bitter guilt darkening them time by time.
“Wasn’t I obvious? I tried to hide at the start how much you captured my heart, and I wished I could tell the truth without breaking up, but unexpected things happened. I wish I-“
“Tell me,” Sungmin cut him off, gathering all of his courage to ask something that had made him confused and restless, and he knows already that this unanswered thing only makes him to take wrong decisions, “The whole truth about your feelings.”
Kangin saw a hope here, and he didn’t want to mess up. He will never forgive himself if he does so.
“I--,” he started slowly and softly, “I have fallen in love with you and was so stupid that didn’t tell you earlier.”
It’s done and he feels like a burden has been taken off his shoulder, and chest felt lighter.
SungMin’s eyes widen, he hesitated, hoping that his words were truth. “So you… all this time-“
“Almost.”
“Why the hell you played with my feelings, then? Why didn’t tell me? Why?” Sungmin poured out all his mixed emotions with questions and instead of answering Kangin slammed his mouth against SungMin’s, kissing him hard, open-mouthed. The older struggled briefly, freeing his hands, and brought them up to Kangin’s shoulders to try and shove him away.
“Please... Please let me…” Kangin pleaded in his head, but only when Sungmin stilled, he understood, he had said it out loud. He didn’t mind because Sungmin is already kissing him back, his mouth hot and desperate, moving against his own. Sungmin made a beautiful little sound at the back of his throat and threw his arms around Kangin’s neck, to pull closer.
“Maybe we can sort it out for last and catch up all that time we weren’t together.”
Kangin couldn’t agree more, but they still have a long way to go.