(no subject)
Here's a little something I wrote today to address a certain .gif set on Tumblr and the conversation that followed.
It's been a while since he's seen Raleigh Becket. Six years by Raleigh's count. He's most definitely matured - though Herc can't be sure which way the pendulum's swung, better or worse. Raleigh's light is gone. The part of him that was wild and carefree, reigned in only by Yancy and duty. It hurts to see, but unfortunately, it's not uncommon in anyone these days. The Kaiju have been killing them slowly for years and for the first time there's more fear that they may be losing, than any other emotion running through the Shatterdome at any given point. But he's still fit, probably uses it to keep himself focused, Herc thinks. He can respect that.
If they're going to have him fit to jockey again however, they're going to need to start taking care of him. It's painfully apparent that Raleigh hadn't merely forgone survivor benefits, he's been living the life of a survivor, weighed by guilt and doubt. If he was even capable of eating properly - who even knew what rations for civilians were like these days - he likely wasn't. It was in the dull, lackluster hair, the greyish, sunken skin and hollow eyes. Thinking back on the boy he was, all bright as daylight and ever energetic like Max as a puppy, it hurts Herc to know that Yancy had been all Raleigh'd had left, and in leaving him had been trailing his baby brother in his grave's wake for years.
Yancy would have been the first one to rally against what Raleigh'd become. And if no one else was going to take it upon themselves to see the man got some familial interaction and made connections he could breathe through again, well...Herc was going to have to try.
Chuck would have been the better choice. A few years ago they'd have been friends, Herc thought - good friends. They had the same effervescent nature, that had been similarly ground down and walled up. But a few years ago...
Chuck had always been a fan of Jaegers, from the very beginning. When Angela died, it was the only thing that had kept them together as a family. Perhaps, he'd let it get too dependent upon war machines and less on the expression of love, but he'd been hurting, Chuck had been hurting, and they hadn't had any idea what to make of one another at the start, or the gaping hole she'd left in their world - raw, ugly and festering for years. His favorite Jaeger as a kid had been a then, freshly minted, fully christened Jaeger named Gipsy Danger, piloted by a pair of brothers only barely scraping legal. Chuck had followed her exploits with all the dedication of a fan with eyes for one footballer. Where Herc and Scott had been sports fans in their time, kids of the Kaiju war years followed Jaegers. Gipsy had meant everything to Chuck and when he'd heard she'd gone down, he'd cried for three days. Herc had pulled some strings to find out about her pilots for Chuck's sake. His son had cried another two when he'd found out Yancy'd died and Raleigh was in hospital, recovering.
The very next morning, Herc had been preparing breakfast, trying to do something domestic for a change, to give Chuck some support. When his son had showed up for breakfast dressed and without a trace of red eyes, he'd been initially wary. Chuck announced over snags and toast that he would be Raleigh Becket's new co-pilot, no matter how long it took. He'd worked hard, he'd prodded Herc about contacting Pentecost for drift compatibility testing. Pentecost hadn't been very receptive, he'd been busy with other things, and Herc had explained there was a long way to go before Chuck could see combat. (As long as Herc could put it off, if he had to pull every last string in his hat.)
But Chuck had been determined, adamant, so very certain that they'd be drift compatible, that they'd make an excellent team, that he and Raleigh Becket would work together so well they'd qualify for a Mark V - then in it's design stages - that he'd been utterly heartbroken when he discovered that Raleigh had left the force. Left the force, then dropped off the face of the planet, apparently. They didn't have the time or resources to hunt him down, especially once he'd been honorably discharged and metaled. Stalking off into Alaska a fallen hero, with two dead weights of highest military honor about his neck. One for exceptional valor, and one for death in service. Herc wondered if he'd even kept them. If anything, he likely would still have Yancy's.
Chuck had never forgiven him. He had an excellent, nearly masterful ability to hold a grudge, and the moment Raleigh disappeared and took all his childhood dreams and ideals with him, Chuck had cemented him in a place Herc was all too familiar with. He'd made it regardless, almost achieving his every planned endeavor out of spite. Becoming a better Ranger, with a higher kill count, than the man who had broken his heart without ever knowing he existed.
So it wasn't exactly a surprise that Chuck was bristling and antagonistic from first introduction. Herc's plan had worked well enough, luring Raleigh to their table with the promise of a hot meal that didn't taste like ash or metal. Sitting them across from each other. Introducing them formally, for the first time.
Chuck is full of so much pain, anger and resentment, he doesn't hold back. Taking it out on Raleigh without so much as a hello. Raleigh isn't aware that Chuck is angry with him for yanking away the only dream he'd ever put his entire being into believing in. Would never be able to tell from their encounter what in the moments between drifts Herc knows and Chuck tries to ignore. Couldn't know that for all Chuck wanted to hurt him back for all the pain he'd endured over the years, the loss of his dream, the denial of the future he'd so desperately needed, now that they were both men, equals, strong and independent and capable...Chuck's once crush has evolved. He's more in love with Raleigh Becket every day. Herc worries he's going to be hurt worse when this last thing is taken away from him. This dream ideal of a man who in reality has been beaten and left for dead by life, forced to fend for himself all alone because he'd been the first of his kind - co-pilot killed while still connected to him, no body ever found to help induce closure, no desire to ever feel again, for reasons that only made sense to him.
But, Raleigh is still a Ranger. He takes Chuck's abuse and let's it roll off his shoulders. Herc stares into his food, feeling nothing but pain. His own, Chuck's, what he imagines is Raleigh's. Chuck is ruining this, in that way of his, and Herc just wants him to be happy for once. He's brought Raleigh over, they're finally face to face, and Chuck attacks viciously and walks away. Hurting in retaliation for perceived losses; hurting before he can be hurt. But his cap is tugged down over his eyes as he goes. His shoulders are too straight, back tight as he tries not to simply run off. His voice is harsher than Herc knows he means it as he calls Max from the table. And Herc knows he's off to have a moment they'll both have to pretend never happened later.
He apologies to Raleigh, who responds in a way Herc respects. But as they go back to their meal and he looks aside, Raleigh is looking out after Chuck. Chasing a shadow without really knowing why. Herc heaves a sigh and not for the first time wishes he wasn't holding Chuck back. Because they are drift compatible and now Raleigh's back and in need of a new other half. One more thing for Chuck to hold against him.
He stabs his meatloaf and looks up. "Pass the gravy, would you?"
It's been a while since he's seen Raleigh Becket. Six years by Raleigh's count. He's most definitely matured - though Herc can't be sure which way the pendulum's swung, better or worse. Raleigh's light is gone. The part of him that was wild and carefree, reigned in only by Yancy and duty. It hurts to see, but unfortunately, it's not uncommon in anyone these days. The Kaiju have been killing them slowly for years and for the first time there's more fear that they may be losing, than any other emotion running through the Shatterdome at any given point. But he's still fit, probably uses it to keep himself focused, Herc thinks. He can respect that.
If they're going to have him fit to jockey again however, they're going to need to start taking care of him. It's painfully apparent that Raleigh hadn't merely forgone survivor benefits, he's been living the life of a survivor, weighed by guilt and doubt. If he was even capable of eating properly - who even knew what rations for civilians were like these days - he likely wasn't. It was in the dull, lackluster hair, the greyish, sunken skin and hollow eyes. Thinking back on the boy he was, all bright as daylight and ever energetic like Max as a puppy, it hurts Herc to know that Yancy had been all Raleigh'd had left, and in leaving him had been trailing his baby brother in his grave's wake for years.
Yancy would have been the first one to rally against what Raleigh'd become. And if no one else was going to take it upon themselves to see the man got some familial interaction and made connections he could breathe through again, well...Herc was going to have to try.
Chuck would have been the better choice. A few years ago they'd have been friends, Herc thought - good friends. They had the same effervescent nature, that had been similarly ground down and walled up. But a few years ago...
Chuck had always been a fan of Jaegers, from the very beginning. When Angela died, it was the only thing that had kept them together as a family. Perhaps, he'd let it get too dependent upon war machines and less on the expression of love, but he'd been hurting, Chuck had been hurting, and they hadn't had any idea what to make of one another at the start, or the gaping hole she'd left in their world - raw, ugly and festering for years. His favorite Jaeger as a kid had been a then, freshly minted, fully christened Jaeger named Gipsy Danger, piloted by a pair of brothers only barely scraping legal. Chuck had followed her exploits with all the dedication of a fan with eyes for one footballer. Where Herc and Scott had been sports fans in their time, kids of the Kaiju war years followed Jaegers. Gipsy had meant everything to Chuck and when he'd heard she'd gone down, he'd cried for three days. Herc had pulled some strings to find out about her pilots for Chuck's sake. His son had cried another two when he'd found out Yancy'd died and Raleigh was in hospital, recovering.
The very next morning, Herc had been preparing breakfast, trying to do something domestic for a change, to give Chuck some support. When his son had showed up for breakfast dressed and without a trace of red eyes, he'd been initially wary. Chuck announced over snags and toast that he would be Raleigh Becket's new co-pilot, no matter how long it took. He'd worked hard, he'd prodded Herc about contacting Pentecost for drift compatibility testing. Pentecost hadn't been very receptive, he'd been busy with other things, and Herc had explained there was a long way to go before Chuck could see combat. (As long as Herc could put it off, if he had to pull every last string in his hat.)
But Chuck had been determined, adamant, so very certain that they'd be drift compatible, that they'd make an excellent team, that he and Raleigh Becket would work together so well they'd qualify for a Mark V - then in it's design stages - that he'd been utterly heartbroken when he discovered that Raleigh had left the force. Left the force, then dropped off the face of the planet, apparently. They didn't have the time or resources to hunt him down, especially once he'd been honorably discharged and metaled. Stalking off into Alaska a fallen hero, with two dead weights of highest military honor about his neck. One for exceptional valor, and one for death in service. Herc wondered if he'd even kept them. If anything, he likely would still have Yancy's.
Chuck had never forgiven him. He had an excellent, nearly masterful ability to hold a grudge, and the moment Raleigh disappeared and took all his childhood dreams and ideals with him, Chuck had cemented him in a place Herc was all too familiar with. He'd made it regardless, almost achieving his every planned endeavor out of spite. Becoming a better Ranger, with a higher kill count, than the man who had broken his heart without ever knowing he existed.
So it wasn't exactly a surprise that Chuck was bristling and antagonistic from first introduction. Herc's plan had worked well enough, luring Raleigh to their table with the promise of a hot meal that didn't taste like ash or metal. Sitting them across from each other. Introducing them formally, for the first time.
Chuck is full of so much pain, anger and resentment, he doesn't hold back. Taking it out on Raleigh without so much as a hello. Raleigh isn't aware that Chuck is angry with him for yanking away the only dream he'd ever put his entire being into believing in. Would never be able to tell from their encounter what in the moments between drifts Herc knows and Chuck tries to ignore. Couldn't know that for all Chuck wanted to hurt him back for all the pain he'd endured over the years, the loss of his dream, the denial of the future he'd so desperately needed, now that they were both men, equals, strong and independent and capable...Chuck's once crush has evolved. He's more in love with Raleigh Becket every day. Herc worries he's going to be hurt worse when this last thing is taken away from him. This dream ideal of a man who in reality has been beaten and left for dead by life, forced to fend for himself all alone because he'd been the first of his kind - co-pilot killed while still connected to him, no body ever found to help induce closure, no desire to ever feel again, for reasons that only made sense to him.
But, Raleigh is still a Ranger. He takes Chuck's abuse and let's it roll off his shoulders. Herc stares into his food, feeling nothing but pain. His own, Chuck's, what he imagines is Raleigh's. Chuck is ruining this, in that way of his, and Herc just wants him to be happy for once. He's brought Raleigh over, they're finally face to face, and Chuck attacks viciously and walks away. Hurting in retaliation for perceived losses; hurting before he can be hurt. But his cap is tugged down over his eyes as he goes. His shoulders are too straight, back tight as he tries not to simply run off. His voice is harsher than Herc knows he means it as he calls Max from the table. And Herc knows he's off to have a moment they'll both have to pretend never happened later.
He apologies to Raleigh, who responds in a way Herc respects. But as they go back to their meal and he looks aside, Raleigh is looking out after Chuck. Chasing a shadow without really knowing why. Herc heaves a sigh and not for the first time wishes he wasn't holding Chuck back. Because they are drift compatible and now Raleigh's back and in need of a new other half. One more thing for Chuck to hold against him.
He stabs his meatloaf and looks up. "Pass the gravy, would you?"