Funny Scientists - Friday and Saturday at AAAS
I always underestimate how tired I get during this conference. The scientists continue to be amusing, but over the past couple days I've been going to some pretty heavy and intense panels that didn't include many laughs. But I found you a few chuckles.
I wish I could have stayed long enough to get amusing quotes from the Active Seti: Is it Time To Start Transmitting to the Cosmos? panel. All I have in my notes from the first speaker (who was in favor of, by the way) was a note to myself. "ET? Really, you're showing us a slide of ET?"
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Exoplanets: New Worlds Aplenty
"Fermi's theorem is telling us that the Milky Way is not packed with Romulans or Klingons."
"I was asked to give a talk titled "Is Earth in the Habitable Zone?" which meant I could give you a very short talk." "I hope so."
Humans are Intent Detectors: Implications for Society
[on American's feelings toward nationality of immagrants] "We like Canadians more than ourselves. I have theories about that. Canadians are just like us - but they don't start wars."
"Cold-Competance includes researchers and scientists. But at least we're higher than lawyers."
[showing an image of a wealthy guy next to a yacht] "What if I said that this was his second or third yatch. Yep. But what if I said, "Look how close he is to the edge of the dock?" [laughter] Just one little step back... I don't want him to die, just get a bit wet."
"On a plane someone asks me where I'm from, and I've done the research. If I say Princeton - they hate me. If I say New Jersey - they pity me."
"Ooohh, that's a good question. Oh, you weren't asking what I thought you were."
Integrity of Science
I said, "So you want me to ask my TAs to sign their names to a lie, then I need to sign my name to a lie then we'll turn the lie in to the state of Iowa and they'll turn it into money. Do you realize this is an ethics course?"
"Sure it's sleazy and disgusting, but it's not misconduct." "Wait - really?"
Audience question - "So when is the report coming?"
"Oh god."
"I knew this would come up."
"This year?"
Plenary: The Online Revolution: Learning Without Limits
"How do you give feedback to 5,000 students when you don't have 500 TAs?"
Lessons from the Ebola Outbreak: Response and Responsibility
"Come to the microphone with questions. If you don't... I will."
"As an employee of NIH, I'm not allowed to lobby for funds. But, if were asked what I would do with more funds - I can tell you that."
(note, this next one isn't really funny. But it was such a serious panel that it drew nervous dark humor laughter. It was said by the Médecins Sans Frontières representative.)
"We get money when Ebola is in the news. We get Ebola in the news when a health worker gets infected. So maybe we need a US Health carer to get infected in order to raise money now."
Science During Crisis
comment from audience: "But your "going rogue" is what some call a whistle blower..."
"That is a good point and I'm going to let Marsha explain the difference."
Geoffrey Nunberg, The Science of Grammar and Vice Versa
"Or: We don't need No Stinkin' Linguists!"
(Note, one of the themes of the conference was big data, so Dr. Nunberg decided to do an entire topical lecture on a linguistical analysis of whether "data" is plural or singular. The conclusion? It depends.)
"The country spent 3 months laughing when the president asked to clarify what the definition of "is" is. When to a linguist that is a perfectly good question to spend a career on."
"Anecdotes are not data - but data can be an anecdote."
"I mean, what the heck is a big datum?"
"In early autumn we comment on the foliage - beautiful trees aren't they? But at the end of the fall we're raking leaves. We don't ever rake foliage."
Question from audience, "What about datum, should they be datum points?"
"Datum disapeared from the English language in about 1871. We need to accept this."
Innovations in the Family: New Structures, New Challenges
"I've got adopted children. Hell, I've got adopted, biological, step, lesbian, transgender, and gay kids. I've walked the walk here."
Question about lag in change of policies led to: "Because we elect too many conservatives. I didn't mean to say that. But it's true."
I wish I could have stayed long enough to get amusing quotes from the Active Seti: Is it Time To Start Transmitting to the Cosmos? panel. All I have in my notes from the first speaker (who was in favor of, by the way) was a note to myself. "ET? Really, you're showing us a slide of ET?"
----
Exoplanets: New Worlds Aplenty
"Fermi's theorem is telling us that the Milky Way is not packed with Romulans or Klingons."
"I was asked to give a talk titled "Is Earth in the Habitable Zone?" which meant I could give you a very short talk." "I hope so."
Humans are Intent Detectors: Implications for Society
[on American's feelings toward nationality of immagrants] "We like Canadians more than ourselves. I have theories about that. Canadians are just like us - but they don't start wars."
"Cold-Competance includes researchers and scientists. But at least we're higher than lawyers."
[showing an image of a wealthy guy next to a yacht] "What if I said that this was his second or third yatch. Yep. But what if I said, "Look how close he is to the edge of the dock?" [laughter] Just one little step back... I don't want him to die, just get a bit wet."
"On a plane someone asks me where I'm from, and I've done the research. If I say Princeton - they hate me. If I say New Jersey - they pity me."
"Ooohh, that's a good question. Oh, you weren't asking what I thought you were."
Integrity of Science
I said, "So you want me to ask my TAs to sign their names to a lie, then I need to sign my name to a lie then we'll turn the lie in to the state of Iowa and they'll turn it into money. Do you realize this is an ethics course?"
"Sure it's sleazy and disgusting, but it's not misconduct." "Wait - really?"
Audience question - "So when is the report coming?"
"Oh god."
"I knew this would come up."
"This year?"
Plenary: The Online Revolution: Learning Without Limits
"How do you give feedback to 5,000 students when you don't have 500 TAs?"
Lessons from the Ebola Outbreak: Response and Responsibility
"Come to the microphone with questions. If you don't... I will."
"As an employee of NIH, I'm not allowed to lobby for funds. But, if were asked what I would do with more funds - I can tell you that."
(note, this next one isn't really funny. But it was such a serious panel that it drew nervous dark humor laughter. It was said by the Médecins Sans Frontières representative.)
"We get money when Ebola is in the news. We get Ebola in the news when a health worker gets infected. So maybe we need a US Health carer to get infected in order to raise money now."
Science During Crisis
comment from audience: "But your "going rogue" is what some call a whistle blower..."
"That is a good point and I'm going to let Marsha explain the difference."
Geoffrey Nunberg, The Science of Grammar and Vice Versa
"Or: We don't need No Stinkin' Linguists!"
(Note, one of the themes of the conference was big data, so Dr. Nunberg decided to do an entire topical lecture on a linguistical analysis of whether "data" is plural or singular. The conclusion? It depends.)
"The country spent 3 months laughing when the president asked to clarify what the definition of "is" is. When to a linguist that is a perfectly good question to spend a career on."
"Anecdotes are not data - but data can be an anecdote."
"I mean, what the heck is a big datum?"
"In early autumn we comment on the foliage - beautiful trees aren't they? But at the end of the fall we're raking leaves. We don't ever rake foliage."
Question from audience, "What about datum, should they be datum points?"
"Datum disapeared from the English language in about 1871. We need to accept this."
Innovations in the Family: New Structures, New Challenges
"I've got adopted children. Hell, I've got adopted, biological, step, lesbian, transgender, and gay kids. I've walked the walk here."
Question about lag in change of policies led to: "Because we elect too many conservatives. I didn't mean to say that. But it's true."