Comments | suzanne78: And So It Began.... Part Seven (Kyle Lewis/Oliver Fish, PG-13)

suzanne78

And So It Began.... Part Seven (Kyle Lewis/Oliver Fish, PG-13)

Oct 28, 2009 21:31

Fandom: One Life to Live
Pairing: Kyle Lewis/Oliver Fish (canonical)
Rating: PG-13, until Part Ten, where we boot this sucker up to a solid R!
Summary: Oliver Fish met Kyle Lewis in college. It will change his life forever.
A/N: Language mostly still. It'll start getting a little more physically intense in later chapters.

Part One
Part ( Read more... )

kyle/fish, one life to live, fanfiction, *slash

Comments 10

vertigo66 October 29 2009, 01:56:03 UTC

Aw, another great chapter, and a kiss! I can't wait to see what happens next.

suzanne78 October 29 2009, 10:58:37 UTC

Yep! It does heat up in the later parts though.... but, you know, I'm going all slow burn with these two ;-D

Glad you like it!

vertigo66 October 30 2009, 05:54:11 UTC

At least you give us news of hope (Ch. 10). ;P

My plan worked to subliminally plead for a "Rating" change.

*snicker*

PS - again, kudos on the chapter. The door-habit of Fish (show reference)...nice.

/vanish

kat_us October 29 2009, 10:56:00 UTC

Okay, I normally run away from WIP's as fast as my wittle mouse can click...but...for some reason I couldn't resist this yet again...so I clicked and dammit, of course now I'm hooked.

You are a very talented writer. The scenes you reveal are so descriptive that I feel like I'm actually watching this instead of reading it. You have also captured the two perfectly as far as characterization goes.

I can't wait for the next installment which I hope is soon. Oh, and thanks for giving up this Kish fic :D

suzanne78 October 29 2009, 11:02:52 UTC

Mmm! Your avi!

Believe me, I know what you mean about WIPs, but I'm glad you checked this out. I really love writing Kyle and Fish -- and it makes me feel really good that it's coming across visually. Because it plays out in my head like an ep of the show. I'm glad its translating all right to the readers.

I have actually thirteen parts written out so far, and I'm working on the next one. Honestly, the fact that it's a soap opera and its on every day keeps me energized to write it!

Thanks again!

meggy_rodriguez October 29 2009, 19:50:48 UTC

Can we go straight to chapter #10? Lol, just kidding.
I'm totally in love with gay-frat-boys!Kyle and Oliver, and I really like how you're making up your story without the cheesy feelings and declarations that are often used, and often make an otherwise good story diabetic-sweet and OC.
Good job, really =)

well... meggy_rodriguez November 6 2009, 14:17:38 UTC

On a technical level, the writing is better than most Fan Fiction...but I still think you're falling into so many of the common traps: the characters talk too much about the relationship, are way too articulate about their thoughts and feelings, there's no real conflict and the descriptive language never gives any real feeling about where this is happening.

Re: well... suzanne78 November 6 2009, 15:20:35 UTC

Thanks for the crit. I do have up to Part Fourteen written out, and I do delve more into Kyle's shady acts and a little more background that hopefully stays true to the show.

Admittedly, most of the conflict is in Oliver's head, but the boys have their share of fights in future parts. As for their dialogue... I was thinking that I made Oliver too inarticulate. LOL!

I hope you give the rest of the series a chance. Some of your crit may be addressed in later chapters (up to part 14 are on Kishmet.

Have a great day!

Re: well... meggy_rodriguez November 8 2009, 11:13:19 UTC

You may be right, as the two talk way too much. But you have to keep in mind that the original setting is a soap, and the other day they spent 10 hours on a damn roof talking about whatever came up in the past 50 years.
So, in order to keep the realism the writer is kind of obliged to make up a 'soapy' setting, without overdoing it with cheesy bits.
IMO she's doing a great job.

luvflix December 27 2009, 11:07:43 UTC

Poor confused Oliver - it must be so hard for him to get his head around a lifetime of bigotry - I loved this line ... His ramblings came pouring out of him like one big word salad with every possible dressing on top, much less on the side. ... perfectly said! And loved the kiss at the end - so sweet (can't wait till it hots up though - *hee*).