I have to let go ( Read more... )

The days just sail by here. I find I look out my window a lot just watching the day whiz by me. It's so simple outside my window in its perfection. Windows to other little houses with children in them, a garden where all tree's leaves are yellow and falling. Fall is here. It's gotten cold. My heater is on quite a bit. Thankfully I learned how to ( Read more... )

Today was a jazz day. I settled in my grandmother's old sweater from the 70s, put on my sweatpants, tied my hair back, put on some Vince Guaraldi Trio, and went to cleaning up my room and cleaning up my life. I'm so happy. In these moments I feel complete. It's nice to wake up and not have questions ( Read more... )

What is happening to me? Pick a direction and go there...don't just hang out in the middle making yourself upset!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Vent break over...off to school. Okay, I've said my peace.

Finally I feel somewhat settled here. I have made friends, moved into my apartment, and started school. I am now full of optimism and hope but know that many bumps lie ahead. Fear has had quite a hold on me these last few weeks and though now it is resting..it will again return someday for sure. I do not look forward to it, but know it's there. I'm ( Read more... )

God help me. I'm praying for strength. Okay, I've said my peace.

I feel like I'm screaming at the top of my lungs in a crowded room and no one can hear me. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! Hear me...my nervousness and doubts are crumbling down upon me. My mind and my heart have spread into a million pieces and I'm just trying to pick them all up and put them in some kind of order so that I can settle into Amsterdam with ( Read more... )

Pray for me to have strength...the utmost strength in my time of need. Dad...I'll need you now more than ever. Anxiousness has taken over my mind, body, and soul. Just keep me from breaking into a million pieces...please. Okay, I've said my peace.

So I saw those words strewed across my tv like a billboard and I swear I thought the tv was talking directly to me. I feel like such a child. I feel like he's just waiting...biting his time until he lets the line loose. We are on different levels of feeling now and it hurts more than I thought it would. The difference is quite obvious to me. I hate ( Read more... )

God...Dad...help me to be strong enough to carry this pain...work through the pain and try and be happy. Stay in the moments that made me flutter and have it pull me through until the next time it will happen again. It won't be long, but if I can't get through this..how will I get through everything that might lie ahead for us? Help me. Help me not ( Read more... )