Excuses, Excuses (Oneshot)
Title: Excuses, Excuses
Genre: Crack/Humor
Rating: PG
Pairing: Taoris
Length: 1219 words
Summary: Tao says he visits Kris because he's in love with Kris's buffalo. Kris believes him. Utter chaos ensues.
Excuses, Excuses
Kris has a pet buffalo named Bob. For a buffalo, Bob is very pretty, with a long, silky coat and large eyes. One might point out that Bob is a girl, despite her name, but of course, Kris is one of those people who don’t really care much about the gender if they already like the name a lot.
Also, Kris isn’t exactly quite original with his naming skills.
When a tall boy with bags under his eyes comes up on the street to Kris one day, the first thing Kris hears is, “I’m in love with your buffalo. May I visit her often?”
Kris has the vague feeling that he should be wary of strangers on the street who tell him that his buffalo is lovable. First of all, he’s learned in elementary school that it’s not a good idea to invite strangers into his house, no matter how old he is. Second of all, not many people (in other words, no people) tell Kris that they’re in love with his buffalo, because even Kris isn’t in love with his buffalo. Maybe. Finally, there’s that nagging thought in the back of Kris’s mind that asks him why the heck he’s walking a buffalo on the streets in the middle of the day, but it doesn’t have anything to do with Tao, so Kris ignores it. Walking pet buffalos like pet dogs is legit.
But the boy, who introduces himself as Tao, says he’s in love with Bob. Kris abandons all logical reasoning and invites Tao back to his house and says, sure, Tao can visit whenever he wants. After all, it’s not every day that Kris meets someone who appreciates his pet buffalo as much as he does.
For some strange reason, however, Tao ends up staring at Kris more than he does Bob, but Kris decides it’s just because Tao is awed at Kris for owning such an amazing buffalo. Tao mutters something about an appointment when Kris begins to engage him in a conversation about buffalo grooming and care, then bolts out of the house.
Kris feels sorry for the boy. He must have been so captivated by Bob that he forgot about his appointments. Well, Bob is a very attractive and good pet buffalo.
Tao appears at his house the next day. And the next. And the next. It goes on for a week or so before Kris asks Tao if he has anything else to do, merely out of curiosity. Not because he thinks it’s weird that Tao’s appearing on his porch every day, saying that he wants to visit Bob, then not even paying the buffalo any attention other than some basic cooing and patting.
“Uh,” Tao says hesitantly, “no? I really like your buffalo. I like visiting her every day.” His face turns slightly pink at this and he watches Kris with a hint of nervousness.
Kris frowns. “If you really like her then why don’t you pay more attention to her?”
Tao scuffles his feet and swallows. “Um. I’m not much of a person to really express my feelings that much around others, you know? Er. Why don’t we go and buy a present for Bob so she knows of my affection?”
Kris thinks it’s an absolutely brilliant idea. “Okay. Wait. Why should I come along? Aren’t you going to pay?”
“You have to help me choose,” Tao explains seriously. “She’s your pet buffalo. You know what she likes. And anyways, I’m a little short on money, so if you could buy it for me, I would really appreciate it.”
Kris considers saying no, but Tao does something surprising and makes a bu-buing motion with his hands. Something in Kris suddenly melts, and he has the sudden urge to squeal. “Fine,” he grumbles, staring down at his wallet forlornly, although he’s trying to avoid the image of Tao staring at him because for some reason, it makes him feel all…fluttery.
“Really?” Tao says happily, jumping up and down, clapping his hands together excitedly, “thanks!”
They go to the mall and the first store Tao walks into is a Gucci store. Kris lingers behind, not entirely sure if Bob likes Gucci bags, but he decides that Tao might as well choose something he thinks Bob will like. In addition to having not very original naming skills, Kris isn’t too good at choosing gifts.
“Does this work?” Tao asks cheerfully, holding up a bright pink Gucci bag, but Kris is busy wailing over how light his wallet is going to feel in a few minutes.
“Sure,” he says distractedly, trying to see if he has enough bills to get through the rest of the month without having to live on ramen every day. “I guess.”
Kris ends up also buying a matching Gucci bag for Tao because Tao looks up at him with wide, innocent eyes and complains cutely, “But Kris, if Bob has a Gucci bag and I don’t, then we can’t be matching.”
Seriously. Why does Tao have to look so adorable whenever he looks at Kris? A thought passes through Kris’s mind and he shudders. Does he like Tao?
The more he thinks about it over the next few days, the more it makes sense to him. The only thing is, after buying the Gucci bags for Bob and Tao, Tao seems even more enamored with the buffalo, and Kris feels a sinking feeling whenever he watches the two of them walk around, sporting matching pink Gucci bags.
It’s a sad, sorry sight. Kris doesn’t understand why his pet buffalo is more lovable than he is. He sometimes spends his nights clutching a stuffed panda animal (because it reminds him of Tao) and crying his eyes out because he’s so conflicted and argh, why won’t Tao notice him?
Whenever Kris yells at Bob for taking away Tao’s attention, she merely watches him with her large eyes and doesn’t say anything, and Kris walks away, even more confused and angry than before.
Finally, when Tao comes over for the fifty-third time (Kris has been counting), Kris can’t take it anymore. He walks over to the boy when Tao greets Bob, and drags him away, furious. When Tao looks up at him with confusion, Kris growls slightly, “Why must you be so in love with my pet buffalo?”
Tao blinks. “Um.”
The action is so cute and adorable that Kris loses it and he kisses Tao before he even can register what he’s doing. Tao yelps and falls over, and Kris stares down at him with confusion (and maybe a little hope, because Tao doesn’t look too angry. However, that could be because he’s too winded and cannot figure out what’s going on).
“I like you, okay?” Kris says hastily before Tao can speak. “I like you and it bothers me that you like my buffalo instead-”
“I don’t actually like your buffalo,” Tao says slowly, brushing his hair out of his eyes. “Um. I used it as an excuse to come here. I’m actually in love with your toaster, but I was too afraid to admit it.”
Silence. Kris tries to find words to say, but in the end, all he manages is, “How…”
Tao peers up at him and grins bashfully. “And maybe I like you a little too?”
-
lol wat is this sorry i had the urge to write crack :/
Genre: Crack/Humor
Rating: PG
Pairing: Taoris
Length: 1219 words
Summary: Tao says he visits Kris because he's in love with Kris's buffalo. Kris believes him. Utter chaos ensues.
Excuses, Excuses
Kris has a pet buffalo named Bob. For a buffalo, Bob is very pretty, with a long, silky coat and large eyes. One might point out that Bob is a girl, despite her name, but of course, Kris is one of those people who don’t really care much about the gender if they already like the name a lot.
Also, Kris isn’t exactly quite original with his naming skills.
When a tall boy with bags under his eyes comes up on the street to Kris one day, the first thing Kris hears is, “I’m in love with your buffalo. May I visit her often?”
Kris has the vague feeling that he should be wary of strangers on the street who tell him that his buffalo is lovable. First of all, he’s learned in elementary school that it’s not a good idea to invite strangers into his house, no matter how old he is. Second of all, not many people (in other words, no people) tell Kris that they’re in love with his buffalo, because even Kris isn’t in love with his buffalo. Maybe. Finally, there’s that nagging thought in the back of Kris’s mind that asks him why the heck he’s walking a buffalo on the streets in the middle of the day, but it doesn’t have anything to do with Tao, so Kris ignores it. Walking pet buffalos like pet dogs is legit.
But the boy, who introduces himself as Tao, says he’s in love with Bob. Kris abandons all logical reasoning and invites Tao back to his house and says, sure, Tao can visit whenever he wants. After all, it’s not every day that Kris meets someone who appreciates his pet buffalo as much as he does.
For some strange reason, however, Tao ends up staring at Kris more than he does Bob, but Kris decides it’s just because Tao is awed at Kris for owning such an amazing buffalo. Tao mutters something about an appointment when Kris begins to engage him in a conversation about buffalo grooming and care, then bolts out of the house.
Kris feels sorry for the boy. He must have been so captivated by Bob that he forgot about his appointments. Well, Bob is a very attractive and good pet buffalo.
Tao appears at his house the next day. And the next. And the next. It goes on for a week or so before Kris asks Tao if he has anything else to do, merely out of curiosity. Not because he thinks it’s weird that Tao’s appearing on his porch every day, saying that he wants to visit Bob, then not even paying the buffalo any attention other than some basic cooing and patting.
“Uh,” Tao says hesitantly, “no? I really like your buffalo. I like visiting her every day.” His face turns slightly pink at this and he watches Kris with a hint of nervousness.
Kris frowns. “If you really like her then why don’t you pay more attention to her?”
Tao scuffles his feet and swallows. “Um. I’m not much of a person to really express my feelings that much around others, you know? Er. Why don’t we go and buy a present for Bob so she knows of my affection?”
Kris thinks it’s an absolutely brilliant idea. “Okay. Wait. Why should I come along? Aren’t you going to pay?”
“You have to help me choose,” Tao explains seriously. “She’s your pet buffalo. You know what she likes. And anyways, I’m a little short on money, so if you could buy it for me, I would really appreciate it.”
Kris considers saying no, but Tao does something surprising and makes a bu-buing motion with his hands. Something in Kris suddenly melts, and he has the sudden urge to squeal. “Fine,” he grumbles, staring down at his wallet forlornly, although he’s trying to avoid the image of Tao staring at him because for some reason, it makes him feel all…fluttery.
“Really?” Tao says happily, jumping up and down, clapping his hands together excitedly, “thanks!”
They go to the mall and the first store Tao walks into is a Gucci store. Kris lingers behind, not entirely sure if Bob likes Gucci bags, but he decides that Tao might as well choose something he thinks Bob will like. In addition to having not very original naming skills, Kris isn’t too good at choosing gifts.
“Does this work?” Tao asks cheerfully, holding up a bright pink Gucci bag, but Kris is busy wailing over how light his wallet is going to feel in a few minutes.
“Sure,” he says distractedly, trying to see if he has enough bills to get through the rest of the month without having to live on ramen every day. “I guess.”
Kris ends up also buying a matching Gucci bag for Tao because Tao looks up at him with wide, innocent eyes and complains cutely, “But Kris, if Bob has a Gucci bag and I don’t, then we can’t be matching.”
Seriously. Why does Tao have to look so adorable whenever he looks at Kris? A thought passes through Kris’s mind and he shudders. Does he like Tao?
The more he thinks about it over the next few days, the more it makes sense to him. The only thing is, after buying the Gucci bags for Bob and Tao, Tao seems even more enamored with the buffalo, and Kris feels a sinking feeling whenever he watches the two of them walk around, sporting matching pink Gucci bags.
It’s a sad, sorry sight. Kris doesn’t understand why his pet buffalo is more lovable than he is. He sometimes spends his nights clutching a stuffed panda animal (because it reminds him of Tao) and crying his eyes out because he’s so conflicted and argh, why won’t Tao notice him?
Whenever Kris yells at Bob for taking away Tao’s attention, she merely watches him with her large eyes and doesn’t say anything, and Kris walks away, even more confused and angry than before.
Finally, when Tao comes over for the fifty-third time (Kris has been counting), Kris can’t take it anymore. He walks over to the boy when Tao greets Bob, and drags him away, furious. When Tao looks up at him with confusion, Kris growls slightly, “Why must you be so in love with my pet buffalo?”
Tao blinks. “Um.”
The action is so cute and adorable that Kris loses it and he kisses Tao before he even can register what he’s doing. Tao yelps and falls over, and Kris stares down at him with confusion (and maybe a little hope, because Tao doesn’t look too angry. However, that could be because he’s too winded and cannot figure out what’s going on).
“I like you, okay?” Kris says hastily before Tao can speak. “I like you and it bothers me that you like my buffalo instead-”
“I don’t actually like your buffalo,” Tao says slowly, brushing his hair out of his eyes. “Um. I used it as an excuse to come here. I’m actually in love with your toaster, but I was too afraid to admit it.”
Silence. Kris tries to find words to say, but in the end, all he manages is, “How…”
Tao peers up at him and grins bashfully. “And maybe I like you a little too?”
-
lol wat is this sorry i had the urge to write crack :/