when does the pain go away

[swaggygirl]

august 17th 2007 the mother of the woman i love, died of cancer she loved me more than my own mother ever did she was the woman who taught me to be myself. 
My question when does the searing tearing pain in my heart stop i miss her so so much i find myself crying at the drop of a hat.

Comments

[tinocka]

*offers hug*
Death of beloved person is always horrible. I lost my grandfather to heart attack two years ago, after he spend a way too long month in comma (sp?). He was like a father to me, because my parents divorced when I was very young. I loved him much and it hurt horribly when he died.
I can´t tell the exact date the pain disappeared and it never dissapeared completely, but in a way, it´s not as horrible as it used to be.
I write letters to him, or at least compose them in my head, it help. I always inform him what happened and how I am. It makes me closer to him in a way.
These, who died, didn´t leave us completely. They are still there, for us, in us. It just takes time to come to terms with that.
Stay strong and good luck!

re it hurts

[swaggygirl]

she taught me russian and i used to ring her and ask her how to say words , I just watched eastern promise a movie mostly in russian with no subtitles . I started to ring her number to tell her how proud she would be that i understood it. poppa answered "da " i started to say "momma tam" then realised she wasnt home and never would be again so i said "dobriy dien poppa kukdela" he answered harisho(excuse my russian spelling) i said paka and hung up and then cried she would never be at the end of the phone again. yi tibia lublu momma

Re: re it hurts

[tinocka]

:(
I remember dealing grandpa´s mobil phone number just to hear his voice on the answear machine. I rarely cry, but I did then. Sometimes I have this strange feeling like: "He can´t be dead. It´s not true!" He was such a strong person, so healthy untill the heart attack - it came out of nowhere, really - and sometimes I can´t believe he is not there, anymore. After his death, my school marks were horrible and I wasn´t able to pay attention to anything. However, I have wonderful friends, who helped me a lot.
I really hope you´ll get better soon.

To the russian spelling: I don´t mind any mistakes, I only know basics as noone really bothered to teach me. I understood what you wrote, though :)

Re: re it hurts

[swaggygirl]

i dial poppas voicemail, all the time because just before his message ends you hear momma's weak voice "adit, padushka pajalusta davi"

[quean_of_swords]

*hugs*

My mom died more than two years ago-sometimes the slightest thing sets me off. I always try to wear something that belonged to her, or was made by her, or made for her. Everyday. If I don't I feel naked and lost.

Time makes it less acute, but for me, the pain never, ever stops.

re momma

[swaggygirl]

thanks quean i was doing ok till i watched eastern promise , and i thought momma would be so proud that i didn't need subtitles and then i lost it.