SERENITY SANTA!! Fanmix, Drabbles and Graphics
Fandom: Firefly
Title: Can you show me where it hurts
Subject: Simon Tam
Notes/Warnings: Made for wildannuette @ serenity_santa who noted things like dark!Simon and (possible) happy endings but mostly wanted a surprise.
Disclaimer-type stuff Post includes links to artist sites and YouTube versions I could find (for folks who don't like to download music). Also includes mp3 tracks - however, if you like their music, I invite you to check out other songs and support the artists. I don't own the characters, songs, images, etc and am making no profit. This is for fannish glee and squee only and no infringement is intended.
Orbiting by The Weepies
You named me judge the day that I was born / You asked too much to fix what you had torn / Things got out of hand, now I understand / And I'm out of your range / Now it's kind of strange / How we change orbit in our lives / You were kind of a moon outside of my room / I could just feel you nearby / Now I feel you gone / 'Cause I know which side you're on / And it's not mine / I walk the line between now and then / It's deep-sea diving with no oxygen / Guess I went somewhere to hide / Far behind my eyes / I willed you there to see / But you never came for me / And I'm out of your range / Now it's kind of strange / How we change orbit in our lives / You were kind of a moon outside of my room / I could just feel you nearby / Now I feel you gone / 'Cause I know which side you're on / And it's not mine / And it's not mine / And it's not mine
listen on YouTube | download the mp3
Before finally falling asleep, River whispered something about a group of scientists on Earth-that-was and how they looked out on the expanse of space and saw hope. Simon only partially registered her comment before turning out the light and climbing into his own bunk.
It began as a nightmare within a dream and not the other way around. He’s young and still living at home. At first the bedroom is comforting and reminds him of the safety of childhood. He stands above the boy (himself) as if watching a movie. And right on cue there he is, a child laying on the bed in the midst of a nightmare. He’s crying out for help but no one comes.
He can hear his parents voices from down the hall. The boy cries out again, too frightened to leave the safety of his bed. He hears his father’s tread in the hallway, followed shortly by his father’s form in the doorway of his room. He is about to speak up and thank his father for coming. Instead, his father shuts the bedroom door, blocking the disruptive cries.
He’s had this dream before. Or is it a memory? He’s not entirely sure. Either way, it has always made Simon feel alone and adrift.
Then the scene shifts drastically to a more recent event. His sense of being alone and adrift is intensified as he desperately clings to the hull of Serenity and tries not to lose his mind.
Recognizing it for what it is, he struggles out from his nightmare. With everything to be frightened about out here, from Reavers to random pyre-lighting hillfolk, he finds it ironic that his heart pounds the loudest with the thought of having to do another EVA.
‘You’re on my crew. Why are we still talking about this?’
Because I don’t understand. My own family won’t lift a finger, never would. No one has ever been on my side before. I just don’t understand. Out of all the things that are different out here in the black, this is one of the most disturbing.
Note to Self: Don’t Die by Ryan Adams
I'm as blue, I'm as blue as the ocean is true, it's just reflections of the sky / I'm as cold I'm as cold as the stories you told but never sick enough to die / Note to self: don't change for anyone / Note to self: don't die / Note to self: don't change for anyone / Don't change, just lie / I'm as sick I'm as crass as the things in your past, you wished that you could let them go / Caged birds Caged animals starving for class / In your house when you're alone / Note to self: don't change for anyone / Note to self: don't die / Note to self: don't change for anyone / Don't change, just lie / Who do you call when you're alone / Nobody, baby / Who do you want to be, figure out and just let me know / Don't change, don't change, don't change / Just let me go Just let me go / Just let me go
listen on YouTube | download the mp3
I am not getting comfortable with life out here. And I’m not remotely tempted to become the criminal mastermind the Shepherd alluded to in our last conversation. One successful heist does not mean I want to plan more.
They really did do a good job though. Especially Wash and Kaylee, that Ariel City Hospital ambulance looked authentic. Being in the hospital brought back so many memories. I used to lie then, too, back on Osiris. I would tell myself that I liked all the pomp and circumstance. That I liked the attention my intelligence seemed to garner me.
I stood my ground and became a trauma surgeon though. I didn’t lie about that part. Many thought it would’ve been better financially and more affluent in the long run had I gone into research. Father even suggested that it would make a marriage more contented. How can a marriage be contented? Isn’t that something reserved for people? I’ve always thought it sounded to much like complacent for my tastes anyway.
Everything on Ariel went off almost without a hitch. I can see Jayne’s involvement now, even understand some of the motivation. Despite his machinations, the plan went pretty smoothly although I do worry about the long-term consequences of his actions. I suspect the captain feels the same way. I’ve noticed he pays closer attention to the warrants and cortex chatter now.
But, back to my successful plan. See, the problem with pulling off a successful heist was that one started to get confident that they could do it again. And that’s where real trouble sets in. Before you know it, I’ll be losing my vests, wearing sweaters and loose fitting clothing. I’ll be letting down my guard and drinking that swill Kaylee makes down in the engine room. I might even tell a funny story or two and River might even smile some more.
I am not getting comfortable with life out here. I can still lie.
The Stars Shine in the Sky Tonight by Eels
I can't live in a world that you have left behind / Seen a lot, been through too much / But this is where i draw the line / It's not where you're coming from / It's where you're going to / And i just wanna go with you / December is a lonely month / In a year of lonely days / It's hard to tell which way is up / Or down or out / Or through the haze / People cheat and people lie / While you just watch it all go by / Counting days until you die / The stars shine in the sky tonight / Like a path beyond the grave / When you wish upon that star / There's two of us you need to save / It's not where you're coming from / It's where you're going to / And i just wanna go with you
listen on YouTube | download the mp3
Comfortably Numb by Dar Williams & Ani DeFranco
Hello? / Is there anybody in there? / Just nod if you can hear me. / Is there anyone home? / Come on, Come on, Come on, now, / I hear you're feeling down. / Well, I can ease your pain / Get you on your feet again. / Relax. / I'll need some information first. / Just the basic facts. / Can you show me where it hurts? / There is no pain you are receding / A distant ship's smoke on the horizon. / You are only coming through in waves. / Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying. / When I was a child I had a fever / My hands felt just like two balloons. / Now I've got that feeling once again / I can't explain, you would not understand / This is not how I am. / I have become comfortably numb. / I have become comfortably numb. / O.K. / Just a little pin prick. / There'll be no more aaaaaaaaah! / But you may feel a little sick. / Can you stand up? / I do believe it's working, good. / That'll keep you going through the show / Come on it's time to go. / There is no pain you are receding / A distant ship's smoke on the horizon. / You are only coming through in waves. / Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying. / When I was a child / I caught a fleeting glimpse / Out of the corner of my eye. / I turned to look but it was gone / I cannot put my finger on it now / The child is grown,
The dream is gone. / but I have become comfortably numb.
listen on YouTube | download the mp3
He can’t sleep again. His mind races with a thousand things. He worries about River, he worries that their money will run out. He worries about the Alliance catching up with them, he worries about the violent people out on the border worlds. He worries about being lost in space, he worries about Reavers. He worries about something happening to him leaving River alone.
He wanders to the infirmary. If he can’t sleep, he might as well study the scans from Ariel again. It’s not as if they ever seem to tell him anything new these days, but it’s better than lying in his bunk going quietly insane.
Thirty minutes later and he’s more frustrated than ever. Rather than throw the scans against the wall and heave the medical equipment across the room, he calmly stacks the scans and files them away. He eyes the emergency trays stacked in the corner and wonders how good it would feel to hear them shatter the glass of the infirmary window and weighs that with how long it would take him to clean up the mess before the rest of the crew start stirring for the day.
He turns to the medicine cabinet and begins checking his inventory. Another meaningless and tedious task that he did yesterday. His fingers rest on a vial of barbiturate. His mind finally slows. He desperately wants to reach for a needle and syringe and tumble into the abyss.
Blood Makes Noise by Suzanne Vega
I'd like to help you doctor / Yes I really really would / But the din in my head / It's too much and it's no good / I'm standing in a windy tunnel / Shouting through the roar / And I'd like to give the information / You're asking for / But blood makes noise / It's a ringing in my ear / Blood makes noise / And I can't really hear you / In the thickening of fear / I think that you might want to know / The details and the facts / But there's something in my blood / Denies the memory of the acts / So just forget it Doc. / I think it's really cool that you're concerned / But we'll have to try again / After the silence has returned / Cause blood makes noise / It's a ringing in my ear / Blood makes noise / And I can't really hear you / In the thickening of fear / Blood makes noise..
listen on YouTube | download the mp3
Jayne and Book stuggle to carry the captain to the infirmary while Simon maintains pressure on his wound and continues a steady stream of instructions to Inara who is hurrying just a few steps ahead of them.
Mal’s eyes fly open and he looks around in a panic. I think I’m supposed to know these people. Who are these people? What’s the gorram hell is going on? He’s jarred as they carry him down the steps and his snap shut in a vain attempt to block out the pain. Blood pounds in his ears, sounding like a surface bombardment when you’re holed up underground.
Wash is helping Zoe into the infirmary when they show up. They barely get out of the way in time. Zoe. I know her. Zoe! Hey Zoe! Tell me what’s going on. He tries to speak but only croaks. Zoe doesn’t hear him. Her face is scrunched in pain while some man is helping her onto a bed against the wall.
What happened to Zoe? He tries to get up, to investigate, to get that man out of the way and help Zoe. He can’t move. He attempts a deep breath and struggles to hear over the cacophony in his head.
“He’s already shot himself with adrenaline. I have no way of knowing how much, but he’s lost a considerable amount of blood.”
Mal recognizes the voice and stops his feeble struggling. He knows who it is now that’s firmly moving his hands off his side and removing his makeshift dressing. Simon. Doc. One shot, doc, I gave myself one shot. It hurt like hell.
Simon continues talking but Mal can no longer make out the words. The doc looks worried, but confident and his movements are steady and sure. Bullet is from a modified Le Mat revolver. I’m pretty sure it’s still in my gut. He realizes he has no way of actually communicating this to Simon, so he allows himself to drift off.
A few hours later, he opens his eyes and takes a look around at his crew. He can hear them now and he can hear the soft hum of Serenity’s engines.
‘You all gonna be here when I wake up?’
‘We’ll be here.’
‘Good. That’s... good...’
Not Finished Just Yet by Bernard Fanning
Why me oh why not me / How'd I ever get so lucky / Can you feel it on the rise with it's urgent sweep / We're not finished just yet / Will you raise a smile when y'see me come / Or linger in the darknesses I spun / Your confidence and trust are so hard won / We're not finished just yet / Gotta get this off my chest / Write yourself a message o' kindness / Sing yourself a song to reconcile / How you're gonna sail a steady ship right through the tempest / No we're not finished just yet / Will you raise a smile when y'see me come / Or linger in the darknesses you spun / Your confidence and trust are so hard won / We're not finished just yet / Gotta get this off my chest / Write yourself a message o' kindness / Sing yourself a song to reconcile / How you're gonna sail a steady ship right through the tempest / No we're not finished just yet / Gotta get this off my chest / No we're not finished just yet / Gotta get this off my chest
listen on YouTube | download the mp3
wallpaper size (1680X1050)
Title: Can you show me where it hurts
Subject: Simon Tam
Notes/Warnings: Made for wildannuette @ serenity_santa who noted things like dark!Simon and (possible) happy endings but mostly wanted a surprise.
Disclaimer-type stuff Post includes links to artist sites and YouTube versions I could find (for folks who don't like to download music). Also includes mp3 tracks - however, if you like their music, I invite you to check out other songs and support the artists. I don't own the characters, songs, images, etc and am making no profit. This is for fannish glee and squee only and no infringement is intended.
Orbiting by The Weepies
You named me judge the day that I was born / You asked too much to fix what you had torn / Things got out of hand, now I understand / And I'm out of your range / Now it's kind of strange / How we change orbit in our lives / You were kind of a moon outside of my room / I could just feel you nearby / Now I feel you gone / 'Cause I know which side you're on / And it's not mine / I walk the line between now and then / It's deep-sea diving with no oxygen / Guess I went somewhere to hide / Far behind my eyes / I willed you there to see / But you never came for me / And I'm out of your range / Now it's kind of strange / How we change orbit in our lives / You were kind of a moon outside of my room / I could just feel you nearby / Now I feel you gone / 'Cause I know which side you're on / And it's not mine / And it's not mine / And it's not mine
listen on YouTube | download the mp3
Before finally falling asleep, River whispered something about a group of scientists on Earth-that-was and how they looked out on the expanse of space and saw hope. Simon only partially registered her comment before turning out the light and climbing into his own bunk.
It began as a nightmare within a dream and not the other way around. He’s young and still living at home. At first the bedroom is comforting and reminds him of the safety of childhood. He stands above the boy (himself) as if watching a movie. And right on cue there he is, a child laying on the bed in the midst of a nightmare. He’s crying out for help but no one comes.
He can hear his parents voices from down the hall. The boy cries out again, too frightened to leave the safety of his bed. He hears his father’s tread in the hallway, followed shortly by his father’s form in the doorway of his room. He is about to speak up and thank his father for coming. Instead, his father shuts the bedroom door, blocking the disruptive cries.
He’s had this dream before. Or is it a memory? He’s not entirely sure. Either way, it has always made Simon feel alone and adrift.
Then the scene shifts drastically to a more recent event. His sense of being alone and adrift is intensified as he desperately clings to the hull of Serenity and tries not to lose his mind.
Recognizing it for what it is, he struggles out from his nightmare. With everything to be frightened about out here, from Reavers to random pyre-lighting hillfolk, he finds it ironic that his heart pounds the loudest with the thought of having to do another EVA.
‘You’re on my crew. Why are we still talking about this?’
Because I don’t understand. My own family won’t lift a finger, never would. No one has ever been on my side before. I just don’t understand. Out of all the things that are different out here in the black, this is one of the most disturbing.
Note to Self: Don’t Die by Ryan Adams
I'm as blue, I'm as blue as the ocean is true, it's just reflections of the sky / I'm as cold I'm as cold as the stories you told but never sick enough to die / Note to self: don't change for anyone / Note to self: don't die / Note to self: don't change for anyone / Don't change, just lie / I'm as sick I'm as crass as the things in your past, you wished that you could let them go / Caged birds Caged animals starving for class / In your house when you're alone / Note to self: don't change for anyone / Note to self: don't die / Note to self: don't change for anyone / Don't change, just lie / Who do you call when you're alone / Nobody, baby / Who do you want to be, figure out and just let me know / Don't change, don't change, don't change / Just let me go Just let me go / Just let me go
listen on YouTube | download the mp3
I am not getting comfortable with life out here. And I’m not remotely tempted to become the criminal mastermind the Shepherd alluded to in our last conversation. One successful heist does not mean I want to plan more.
They really did do a good job though. Especially Wash and Kaylee, that Ariel City Hospital ambulance looked authentic. Being in the hospital brought back so many memories. I used to lie then, too, back on Osiris. I would tell myself that I liked all the pomp and circumstance. That I liked the attention my intelligence seemed to garner me.
I stood my ground and became a trauma surgeon though. I didn’t lie about that part. Many thought it would’ve been better financially and more affluent in the long run had I gone into research. Father even suggested that it would make a marriage more contented. How can a marriage be contented? Isn’t that something reserved for people? I’ve always thought it sounded to much like complacent for my tastes anyway.
Everything on Ariel went off almost without a hitch. I can see Jayne’s involvement now, even understand some of the motivation. Despite his machinations, the plan went pretty smoothly although I do worry about the long-term consequences of his actions. I suspect the captain feels the same way. I’ve noticed he pays closer attention to the warrants and cortex chatter now.
But, back to my successful plan. See, the problem with pulling off a successful heist was that one started to get confident that they could do it again. And that’s where real trouble sets in. Before you know it, I’ll be losing my vests, wearing sweaters and loose fitting clothing. I’ll be letting down my guard and drinking that swill Kaylee makes down in the engine room. I might even tell a funny story or two and River might even smile some more.
I am not getting comfortable with life out here. I can still lie.
The Stars Shine in the Sky Tonight by Eels
I can't live in a world that you have left behind / Seen a lot, been through too much / But this is where i draw the line / It's not where you're coming from / It's where you're going to / And i just wanna go with you / December is a lonely month / In a year of lonely days / It's hard to tell which way is up / Or down or out / Or through the haze / People cheat and people lie / While you just watch it all go by / Counting days until you die / The stars shine in the sky tonight / Like a path beyond the grave / When you wish upon that star / There's two of us you need to save / It's not where you're coming from / It's where you're going to / And i just wanna go with you
listen on YouTube | download the mp3
Comfortably Numb by Dar Williams & Ani DeFranco
Hello? / Is there anybody in there? / Just nod if you can hear me. / Is there anyone home? / Come on, Come on, Come on, now, / I hear you're feeling down. / Well, I can ease your pain / Get you on your feet again. / Relax. / I'll need some information first. / Just the basic facts. / Can you show me where it hurts? / There is no pain you are receding / A distant ship's smoke on the horizon. / You are only coming through in waves. / Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying. / When I was a child I had a fever / My hands felt just like two balloons. / Now I've got that feeling once again / I can't explain, you would not understand / This is not how I am. / I have become comfortably numb. / I have become comfortably numb. / O.K. / Just a little pin prick. / There'll be no more aaaaaaaaah! / But you may feel a little sick. / Can you stand up? / I do believe it's working, good. / That'll keep you going through the show / Come on it's time to go. / There is no pain you are receding / A distant ship's smoke on the horizon. / You are only coming through in waves. / Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying. / When I was a child / I caught a fleeting glimpse / Out of the corner of my eye. / I turned to look but it was gone / I cannot put my finger on it now / The child is grown,
The dream is gone. / but I have become comfortably numb.
listen on YouTube | download the mp3
He can’t sleep again. His mind races with a thousand things. He worries about River, he worries that their money will run out. He worries about the Alliance catching up with them, he worries about the violent people out on the border worlds. He worries about being lost in space, he worries about Reavers. He worries about something happening to him leaving River alone.
He wanders to the infirmary. If he can’t sleep, he might as well study the scans from Ariel again. It’s not as if they ever seem to tell him anything new these days, but it’s better than lying in his bunk going quietly insane.
Thirty minutes later and he’s more frustrated than ever. Rather than throw the scans against the wall and heave the medical equipment across the room, he calmly stacks the scans and files them away. He eyes the emergency trays stacked in the corner and wonders how good it would feel to hear them shatter the glass of the infirmary window and weighs that with how long it would take him to clean up the mess before the rest of the crew start stirring for the day.
He turns to the medicine cabinet and begins checking his inventory. Another meaningless and tedious task that he did yesterday. His fingers rest on a vial of barbiturate. His mind finally slows. He desperately wants to reach for a needle and syringe and tumble into the abyss.
Blood Makes Noise by Suzanne Vega
I'd like to help you doctor / Yes I really really would / But the din in my head / It's too much and it's no good / I'm standing in a windy tunnel / Shouting through the roar / And I'd like to give the information / You're asking for / But blood makes noise / It's a ringing in my ear / Blood makes noise / And I can't really hear you / In the thickening of fear / I think that you might want to know / The details and the facts / But there's something in my blood / Denies the memory of the acts / So just forget it Doc. / I think it's really cool that you're concerned / But we'll have to try again / After the silence has returned / Cause blood makes noise / It's a ringing in my ear / Blood makes noise / And I can't really hear you / In the thickening of fear / Blood makes noise..
listen on YouTube | download the mp3
Jayne and Book stuggle to carry the captain to the infirmary while Simon maintains pressure on his wound and continues a steady stream of instructions to Inara who is hurrying just a few steps ahead of them.
Mal’s eyes fly open and he looks around in a panic. I think I’m supposed to know these people. Who are these people? What’s the gorram hell is going on? He’s jarred as they carry him down the steps and his snap shut in a vain attempt to block out the pain. Blood pounds in his ears, sounding like a surface bombardment when you’re holed up underground.
Wash is helping Zoe into the infirmary when they show up. They barely get out of the way in time. Zoe. I know her. Zoe! Hey Zoe! Tell me what’s going on. He tries to speak but only croaks. Zoe doesn’t hear him. Her face is scrunched in pain while some man is helping her onto a bed against the wall.
What happened to Zoe? He tries to get up, to investigate, to get that man out of the way and help Zoe. He can’t move. He attempts a deep breath and struggles to hear over the cacophony in his head.
“He’s already shot himself with adrenaline. I have no way of knowing how much, but he’s lost a considerable amount of blood.”
Mal recognizes the voice and stops his feeble struggling. He knows who it is now that’s firmly moving his hands off his side and removing his makeshift dressing. Simon. Doc. One shot, doc, I gave myself one shot. It hurt like hell.
Simon continues talking but Mal can no longer make out the words. The doc looks worried, but confident and his movements are steady and sure. Bullet is from a modified Le Mat revolver. I’m pretty sure it’s still in my gut. He realizes he has no way of actually communicating this to Simon, so he allows himself to drift off.
A few hours later, he opens his eyes and takes a look around at his crew. He can hear them now and he can hear the soft hum of Serenity’s engines.
‘You all gonna be here when I wake up?’
‘We’ll be here.’
‘Good. That’s... good...’
Not Finished Just Yet by Bernard Fanning
Why me oh why not me / How'd I ever get so lucky / Can you feel it on the rise with it's urgent sweep / We're not finished just yet / Will you raise a smile when y'see me come / Or linger in the darknesses I spun / Your confidence and trust are so hard won / We're not finished just yet / Gotta get this off my chest / Write yourself a message o' kindness / Sing yourself a song to reconcile / How you're gonna sail a steady ship right through the tempest / No we're not finished just yet / Will you raise a smile when y'see me come / Or linger in the darknesses you spun / Your confidence and trust are so hard won / We're not finished just yet / Gotta get this off my chest / Write yourself a message o' kindness / Sing yourself a song to reconcile / How you're gonna sail a steady ship right through the tempest / No we're not finished just yet / Gotta get this off my chest / No we're not finished just yet / Gotta get this off my chest
listen on YouTube | download the mp3
wallpaper size (1680X1050)
