I'm ok alone, but you got somethin I need
A dark tent, army style, tied up at both ends, it sits on a pallet, we have moved the cots halfway out, so we can watch the night sky. But there are no stars tonight. A simultaneous sigh, leads to a little giggle revealing our nervousness, we aren't supposed to be here. No, being here is ok, being together is the infraction, but noone will notice... we are still trusted... even trusting. There is a noise from the trees, our heads snap up, our hands snap back. We retreat quietly flaps fall, breath held. Then they are there, around us but unaware of us, they have come to break the rules as well, just not the same kind. A fire is lit, jokes are told, games are played. Things take a turn, some creature is captured, it's fate is discussed by boys turned demons. Its to much, Jared's hand twitches in mine I sense his moisture, my knuckles feel the wieght of his anger. "Shhhhh..... It's ok...." I stand and exit the tent opposite the group. One deep breath then around the side, I prepare to speak in with more authority than usual.... but I have been noticed, and I notice.... I don't know these boys, and they are older. They begin to scramble, and I lose consciousness.
I awake to my name being cried, barely audible. My world is fuzzy, where am I ? Is someone crying ? Why am I wet,a probe, sting and hiss, my hand comes down crimson. But my pants... a moment of panic, my pants are soaked surely I didn't bleed so much. Surreal relief as I realize that I have pissed myself. Am I crying ? no, I dont think so. whose echoing weep ? My hand awakes to feel a bed of pine needles... pine, yes the trees... staring up.. JARED ! I scramble against the vertigo to gain a footing, and stumble to the tent. He gasps, then shrieks ! my heart jumps and I spin expecting to find some horror....as the blood finally trickles into my eye.
"no its... I'm ok, I'm fine really.... but what, I mean what happened"
He jumps up, a tight embrace, and he is startled yet again.. the other moisture this time.
I laugh, he looks worried, and then joins me as he guides me to a sitting place.
"they hit you or something" his voice cracks "they kept saying 'is he dead' 'he's not moving' 'is he dead' and then they ran off" he begins choaking back sobs "I was... to afraid.... I didn't want.... to find.."
"Shhhhh..... It's ok.... but I do need to uh...mmm clean up, ya know?" I motion. He nods wiping away the last sniffle.
We go to the lake.... Goshen was its name, an egyptian name adopted by the Native Americans after being learned from the french. It means "great water of the sun" refering to The Nile. Tonight it is dark though and cold against my nudity. He washes me, he washes my clothes, he wants to take me to the adults.... to a hospital, but I refuse. I would rather die than lose this. Anyway we are scouts we know the first aid. He doesn't let me sleep, keeps shining his flashlight in my eyes....keeps me warm, he saves my life, burns away my fear.
Another week and it is over, time to return home.... we expect a parting.... until the next meeting but are suprised and elated to learn that I will be staying with his family for a few days, as my parents are "out of state". We are so excited, I miss the sorrow in his fathers eyes when he announces this. A few more days, and they were bliss... then I am informed that my parents are not returning to the state... my family is moving.... no actually HAS MOVED... and left a plane ticket for me to follow. I die. Never ressurected.
Eager little-leaguer up to bat
A losing swing gives winning wings
A lesson earned less than learned
Saturation, brimming but blockaded
No weak leak, allowed, swallowed
A messy pest now put aside, inside
A rooted rot, not remedied
Just a small ball cast as catalyst
Meager misses, beleaguer hisstory
Memorable moments, balls sans glory
So the other night, I was able to enjoy torrents on my skin... a guilty pleasure learned from my favorite redheaded girlfriend (ex, I guess). Also gaia_goddess is dangerous, everything I talk to here about I end up doing..... from major life decisions, to most recently ordering an expensive bike. sigh... it's hopeless Ashley... I won't fight it anymore... I am yours... do with me what you wish... only please be kind. Anyway just in case I have not stolen enough of gaia_goddess's ideas here are my favorite "S" words. I can't narrow it down overall:
Surreption
Sybarite
Sabatical
Sabine
Strapple
And for a little variety my absolute favorite "B" word, however I assign this word a definition of my own, if anyone can guess, I will be quite impressed:
Brachial
I know I have been promising pictures and stuff... but I am to lazy...
I keep feeling that my physical appearance is a hinderance to people accepting some of the more "deviant" of my interests, it's annoying. Please help me understand, I need blatent honesty... what do you think of me, not physically but do take that into account, of this journal...... where is the creepiness, am i wrong ? bad ? do you hate me ? do I cross lines that shouldn't be crossed? do you think I will? What are some of things I could do/say that would make you sever all contact with me? you promise ? j/k but seriously give it to me, the only rule is you are NOT allowed to say anything positive... I need to learn to understand the parts of me others view as negative.... I am counting on you guys to tear me up, I need it.