i have one of the most amazing people in the world as my close friend. i am luckier than anyone else.

when you say blonde, you mean orange...right?

spring will be here, soon. winter waxes and wanes. the ice-cold deathgrip tightens and relaxes daily. we wait for the release, for convertibles (top down, my love) and sandals to be reintroduced to the world. pale skin remains. please be perfect: i love you and canada and even myself. stop setting standards - cold wives are more talented than i ( Read more... )

last night was random. but a good random. today my mom came home. my cousin drew me a picture and my mom got my aunt's copies of all the photos we took together for christmas. i was helping her unpack when i came across the "palo alto weekly" newspaper. i looked through it and found my aunt's obituary. i didn't feel like going out tonight after

today i hurt my shoulder and neck. i feel like being a couch potato. natalie follows me because she wants me. kyle thinks i am a wild party girl. quiznos is hideous, and the last two songs on the yellowcard cd are melancholy. i hate listening. an article about elliott smith was in our school paper, and it made me really happy to see how missed he ( Read more... )

i am listening to leaving by starting line. i feel the words are too melodramatic, too pathetic for me to even write here. the sharp pains that have shot through my torso for the past 2 weeks are less frequent. i guess i am learning to push the loss to the back of my mind. is that an insult to her memory? i don't want it to be. my dad told me about ( Read more... )

it's weird being home alone for a long time. i walk around a corner and expect to see someone there. but there's not. and it makes me feel distanced and unimportant.
but hey, i have my vanilla flavored cigarettes and a warm blanket to wrap myself in.
around every corner, i wish.

( you just walked out. )

i don't know if i should go up there for the funeral or not. i need to make a decision today. but it's all too much, too fast. she wasn't supposed to die. not really. her kids understand that she isn't coming back, and her husband is being so strong. but she wasn't supposed to die. not at 40. not with a 4 year old and a 9 year old depending on her ( Read more... )

this is all too surreal. she's been in the hospital for a few weeks now, but i always thought deep down that she would get better. i didn't truly come to terms with the fact that she might die. now i have to, and i don't know where to start. i don't know how to feel. i'm worried about my mom, my uncle, my grandma, my cousins, everyone. this hurts ( Read more... )