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sweet_gable

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Dec 08, 2007 02:11

I have this friend, he doesn't want to take any initiatives in contacting others. Like if he misses his bestfriend, he wouldn't just email him or call him, but instead wait for his friend to contact him and gets all moody if he doesn't. I really don't understand what's the deal with these boys, I mean, would it really hurt your ego to just call ( Read more... )

Comments 10

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sweet_gable December 9 2007, 03:01:42 UTC

I think not having a big appetite for it is a great analogy. Some people are just built this way, doesn't mean they are cold or anything like that, it's just a natural way of life. If you go out of your way to interact with others when you don't feel like it, it wouldn't be very rewarding for either of the parties.

Unfortunately I think my friend falls more in the category where he's just too lazy to do anything ><;. To me I just feel like he's waiting around expecting others to come to him when he doesn't do anything, and that frustrates me! There might be personal issues going on, but he sort of closes him self up about them, so nobody knows what's going on with him. Maybe he just needs time to be by himself? As a friend of this person it is very frustrating though :/

threads2needles December 8 2007, 08:48:19 UTC

"even baby monkeys need other monkeys to stay healthy."
That was too damn cute.

But yeah about the friends thing, maybe he thinks the same?
Maybe he's waiting for you to call because to him it seems too random to call you out of the blue? I had a friend who did that, she though I wasn't interested in talking to her anymore D:

sweet_gable December 9 2007, 03:05:19 UTC

heheheh, thanks to taking psych classes I always think of baby monkeys when it comes to things that relate to attachment xD

Maybe that is the case.. confrontation sucks but I think it is the worst when people close them selves up about things : (

max_zero December 8 2007, 09:03:39 UTC

Poor self-esteem will do that. It's both of their faults that there isn't communication.

sweet_gable December 9 2007, 03:06:57 UTC

you mean the person doesn't feel confident enough to talk to others? I haven't thought about that before, it's a very good point!

yukiruri December 8 2007, 23:53:07 UTC

I act the same way as this guy, and I want to let you know that people who act like this know that there isn't such a big deal with just messaging the other person, yet we just can't do it. And we often beat ourselves up over the fact that we materialize something so small and insignificant to something that's so emotionally distraught. Is there a good way to cure this? :'<

sweet_gable December 9 2007, 03:13:11 UTC

I always think of how much better things will be after I solve it, but in some cases I can't bring myself to do it either, it really takes courage ><;
Try emotionally distancing yourself, pretend you're cool and talk to the other person about it like it's not a big deal. It's one of those things that you do in one breath, like jumping off a diving board. just have to believe in yourself and DO IT!

yukiruri December 10 2007, 09:34:28 UTC

'I always think of how much better things will be after I solve it'

That's an refreshing point you are taking, because in the case of this guy, it may very well that he overthinks how things may turn out.

In my case, as I can't speak for everyone, I often fantasizes about the possible consequences of reaching out. I probably have thought of every possible outcome that can occur before deciding on an action. Many of the possible outcomes are exaggerated, where the other person will react in a two-dimensional (caricature) manner - that is, your mental image of they reaction will directly mimic your own expectations. As there are different outcomes 'fantasized' and the reactions to each belong to the extreme temperaments (very happy, very mad, very sad, etc), uncertainty becomes a new factor that will influence my decision to act out. I don't know whether or not the other person still wants to talk to me or not, if the other person is busy or not, or if the other person has just had a stressful day and will react negatively to me. Of ( ... )

yukiruri December 10 2007, 09:35:42 UTC

and... this is the result of having 3 exams, 5 journals and 2 personal evaluations all due within this week. I should really go to sleep! (4:35am) :O

sweet_gable December 10 2007, 21:42:04 UTC

You have some brilliant insights when you are tired XD!
Overthinking and underthinking, both affect the process of decision making, and the whole mirror-imaging of your expectations of the other person just adds another different layer of considerations. I never really thought of it that deeply.. I always just assumed it's a matter of gathering up courage for the confrontation. So yo always end up choosing the path that limits uncertainty on your behalf? Maybe this is your subconscious trying to avoid the confrontation. *inner freud speaking*

Here I am, really breaking down at every level what is wrong with my communication skills, yet, even knowing all the weaknesses, it's hard for me to overcome them.Even a doctor who knows everything about health wouldn't be the healthiest person himself. But I think whether you overcome it or not is really up to yourself, some things are never meant to change, but some depend on whether you want them to change ( ... )