Chasing Blue Skies (1/2)
Title: Chasing Blue Skies
Pairing: SuChen
Rating: PG-13
Genre: multi-universe!au, slight!angst, romance
Length: 4900~w
Summary: Grey skies remind Jongdae of something painful.
chasing blue skies
The first time Jongdae meets Junmyeon is the day he dies.
Perhaps Fate is playing a cruel, wicked trick on him, but he closes his eyes to the pale, worried face of an angel in a battered blue uniform.
He vaguely registers the sound of blazing hot metal fired from brass barrels and the insistent, but broken tunes of a song that had once persuaded him to throw away his everything. The crimson blossoming on his chest and left thigh is a shade darker than his own ripped coat, and he remembers the voice of his mother reminding him to stay safe and return home the same boy he had been when he left for the front. A surge of apologetic guilt pushes at his chest, but he feels much too tired, and soon, the pain is replaced with a comforting, yet somewhat dismal, numbness.
The last thing he remembers before he drifts into a sea of black unconsciousness is the wistful snowflakes fluttering around the silhouette of angel wings and feathers.
The first time I met you, the skies were grey, and the raindrops were softly kissing my hair--bidding me farewell for the last time. The first time I met you, you slipped through my fingers like the grains of smooth, warm sand on a beach, and I could only watch you run out of time helplessly from the sidelines, like I have for all the years I’ve been breathing. The first time I met you, we were enemies connected by a single string of camaraderie--to survive, to return home--wielding Death as an uncomfortably familiar weapon, changing lives as trigger after trigger was pulled.
The first day I met you, I fell in love with you for the first time and said goodbye.
Centuries will roll past us, and time will wear the earth thin, but my feelings will stay rooted to the origins of the oldest human emotions, and will be there forever more.
The second time Jongdae meets Junmyeon, they are wingless birds imprisoned in a golden cage, destined for a life of luxury and agony.
From an outsider’s perspective, the Forbidden Palace is a paradise of wealth--of gold, beauties, and miles and miles of lavish garments. It holds the Garden of Eden, filled with exotic plants and fruits that are said to grant immortality, just like the pan tao that grew in the gardens of Empress of the Skies.
From an insider’s perspective, the Forbidden Palace is a golden birdcage, so ornately decorated to fool others of its inner rooms that reek of Death. It is built upon pillars of strict rules of social etiquette, of social norms, and of social expectations. It is built upon discrimination, and snide glances, and plans of assassination for the throne.
Jun Mian’s robes often feel more like chains rather than soft silk. They are heavy burdens in the form of wealth and power, and he hates it. He hates the way the silk runs so smoothly across his skin, and he hates the way his skin would prickle from any type of fabric that is not silk.
He hates his vulnerability and his ignorance, and he hates the eyeglass royalty forces him to see through, because it filters so much--so much of the simplistic beauty of life.
He hates the way others envied his lifestyle, which is probably why he loves Zhong Da.
Zhong Da hates royalty with such a passion Jun Mian finds it almost comical. He had been taken in as a slave from the age of five to serve the Crown Prince of China, Jun Mian.
Zhong Da hates the royal family and the aristocracy in general, but Jun Mian is an exception. Zhong Da claims that it isn’t his fault he was born in such an atrocious family during such a revolting time.
Jun Mian loves Zhong Da, because Zhong Da sees him not as the Crown Prince of China, nor does he see him as the heir to the throne and a possible target for murder. Instead, he sees him as Jin Jun Mian, the boy who was thrust into adulthood much too early in his adolescence, the boy who has seen more bloodshed and hatred than one can even imagine. Zhong Da sees him as the boy who loves music and hates politics, and would trade all of his riches for a common life like common people.
And he doesn’t see Zhong Da as the impudent and petulant boy the rest of the Palace does. He doesn’t see him as a presumptuous servant who deserves the scorn and degradation he receives. Jun Mian sees Zhong Da as a lost boy, eyes just as clouded by disillusionment as his, who is much too prideful to show his inner loneliness. But Jun Mian sees through his strong facade, and he sees the glass boy threatening to crack underneath.
When Zhong Da finally does break at the turn of a new year, Jun Mian hugs him for the first time, rocking him in his arms back and forth for hours and hours, refusing to look at the white ribbon hanging from the ceiling and the angry red marks around his neck.
The third time Jongdae meets Junmyeon, it is fleeting and ephemeral and Jongdae never forgets it until the day he dies.
It’s Christmas Eve. The holiday has never felt more unfestive in Chen’s life. He crouches in the trench, gun by his side as he struggles to find a comfortable position. It is freezing out where he was, and he longs for the warm hot chocolate his mother would make him.
“You know what,” Kris, his battle partner says. “We should sing.”
Kris was a tall man, and he was intimidating--especially with the scars that ran down his left cheek and past his jaw onto his neck. He also rarely smiled, opting instead to stare everyone down with a cold gaze. Not many people knew, but the brooding, quiet enigma was actually just shy--he was quiet not because he was dark but because he simply did not know what to say.
Chen was the first person whom he opened up to.
It was hard not to become friends with Chen because they were in the same troop, and on top of that, they were bunk buddies. They spent nearly all twenty four hours together. They witnessed countless other friends die before their eyes, and they both experienced the fear that the other would one day leave them. The suffocating trepidation strengthened their bond.
They weren’t overly affectionate friends--no, Chen’s no-nonsense personality and Kris’s introverted nature didn’t allow them that, but there was a quiet understanding between the two of them. And for Chen and Kris, that was enough.
Chen stares at Kris.
“Pardon me, but did you just say we should sing?” Chen looks at Kris incredulously.
Kris nods, a small smile sneaking onto his face.
“Why not? It’s Christmas. I think we should have the right to celebrate just a little.”
Chen rolls his eyes and is about to refute that when suddenly, somewhere from the trench to his right, a shaky voice begins to sing. A minute passes in silence, and then all of a sudden, men all around him join in to the melody of Silent Night.
Kris looks at him expectantly, his smile growing larger, before he begins opening his mouth and singing too, a low baritone floating below the other voices. Chen sighs, rolling his eyes once more, and grins at the night sky. He leans back against the trench wall, cradling his .303 Enfield in his arms, and lets himself go.
Perhaps there’s a sort of magic in singing, because suddenly, he’s not at the edge of No Man’s Land anymore, he’s not in the middle of the largest war in history anymore. He’s at home, sitting at the dining table with his family, laughing at his father’s jokes and complimenting his mother’s Yorkshire pudding.
It shocks them all when voices begin reciprocating across the barren land, foreign tongues rolling through a familiar melody.
Kris turns to him with wide eyes and abruptly stops.
“Are the Huns* singing along?”
Chen stares across No Man’s Land, the world too dark to be able to see anything further than a few feet, but the sound of jubilant singing cannot be mistaken.
“Yes,” he breathes, and he lays his weapon down, standing up.
“What are you doing?” Kris hisses, grabbing his wrist and pulling him down.
Chen shakes him off, and instead, proceeds to climb out of the trench.
“Chen! Chen, get back here. Don’t be stupid,” Kris says urgently.
“It’s Christmas, Kris,” Chen says, not turning around. “I think we have the right to celebrate a little.”
Kris frowns at his own words being thrown back at him and rolls his eyes. Sometimes, it’s shocking how similar he and Chen are. He smiles and puts down his rifle as well.
“Well, what can I say, it is Christmas.”
He joins Chen in the first steps into No Man’s Land, and soon, other soldiers begin climbing out of their trenches.
“Silent night, holy night,” Chen chants as he strolls leisurely inland.
“All is calm, all is bright.
Round yon virgin mother and child
Holy infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace!
Sleep in heavenly peace!”
The first verse ends, and Chen stops in front of a line of German soldiers, each weaponless and smiling.
One of them steps forward.
“My name is Suho. Merry Christmas.”
He smiles.
Chen feels his heart stop for a minute--maybe two--and he wonders why there’s a sense of familiarity and warmth emitting from the man, and why he remembers blue uniforms from a different time period and nightingales singing from golden cages.
The night is spent in peace, and Chen and Suho do not strike up a conversation. Instead, lingering gazes are missed by milliseconds from across the terrain. There are shy smiles and occasionally the brushing of skin, but never more than that. Chen knows he’ll be reprimanded by his Sergeant when the sun rises, but he can’t bring himself to care amidst all the laughing and celebrating.
It is almost as if the clock has stopped ticking for the soldiers, and they’re frozen in a slab of time. Reality seems intangible and so far away, and Chen can hardly remember the echo of the bombardments and the splatters of blood that seemed to haunt his dreams every night.
For a moment, life constituted only of the sweet, shy smiles of a young man wearing an iron cross of death emblazoned against his chest.
The fourth time Jongdae meets Junmyeon is the day a new frontier is breached, and even the impossible seems possible.
Chen scowls as his younger brother who burrows his way in between him and his sister. His brother grins cheekily at him before holding out a bucket of popcorn as a peace offering. Chen rolls his eyes and grabs a handful, stuffing it in his mouth before turning to watch the news again.
“Ma! What’s taking you so long??? The launch is almost happening--hurry up!” Chen calls, angling his head towards the kitchen but not taking his eyes off the screen.
“Chen, why are you so loud all the time?” His sister says, sliding her glasses up her nose and shooting him a look. “Ma will come eventually, there’s no need to yell.”
Chen wriggles in his seat excitedly. “But she’s going to miss the launch!”
His sister groans. “You’re more excited than Douglas,” she says, nodding at their younger brother who was happily munching on his bowl of popcorn.
He looks up at her and grins, holding up his greasy fingers and threatening to wipe them across her face. She yelps and shoves him away, and the poor boy grabs onto Chen to keep his balance. There’s a streak of oil down the sleeve of Chen’s sweatshirt, but he doesn’t even notice, gaze fixated on the television.
Suddenly, the doorbell rings, and Chen groans. He shoves himself off the couch and slouches to the door, opening it with not much enthusiasm.
“May I help you?” He says dully to the middle-aged man and blinking teenage boy standing outside the door.
“Hello, Mr. Kim invited us to watch the launching of Apollo 11 together,” the man says kindly.
“Oh.”
Chen opens the door wordlessly, letting the two people into his house. As the boy toes off his shoes at the doorway, he smile brightly at Chen, and for the first time, Chen gets a good look at him.
He’s slight, about Chen’s build, and has a flawless complexion that Chen could only wish for. His eyes twinkle as Chen leads him to the couch.
Chen introduces them to his sister and brother, and his mother flies out of the kitchen to tell them “how happy she was to see them, and oh my god, did Suho grow taller? he’s so cute, please have some popcorn.”
Chen lets his mother manhandle the boy (or Suho, apparently) while he takes a seat on the floor, hugging his knees and staring at the screen excitedly.
“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God,” he mutters under his breath, eyes wide and mouth open in awe, as he hears the news announcer say “ten seconds to lift-off.”
“Oh my God,” he squeaks one last time when the numbers hit five and begins to countdown. He vaguely registers someone sliding down onto the floor next to him and joining him.
“5
4
3
2
1
…
LIFT-OFF,” Chen shrieks at the top of his lungs, jumping up from the couch and high fiving his unamused dad and hugging his brother and sister and kissing his mother.
“GODSPEED ARMSTRONG. GODSPEED ALDRIN. GODSPEED COLLINS. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD.”
He grabs the boy, who seems equally enthusiastic, and starts jumping up and down in circles.
“THEY’RE GOING TO LAND ON THE MOON,” the two of them scream together.
“For heaven’s sake, Chen, pipe down,” his father says, grabbing his wrists to stop him from whacking the floor lamp onto the floor and potentially ripping Suho’s arm off.
“Haha, the boys are really enthusiastic about this, aren’t they?” Suho’s father says, laughing good-naturedly.
“Chen wants to be an astronaut,” Douglas pipes up.
The man smiles.
“Really? An astronaut? That’s cool! What about you?”
Douglas grins shyly, hiding behind his large bowl of popcorn. “I want to be an astro-something something engineer. And Mindy wants to be an HR Manager for NASA.” He gestures expansively to his sister.
“Wow,” the man whistles. “All aerospace huh?”
Chen’s father laughs. “Well, a family can only hope. How about your boy?”
“He’s interested in physics, so our kids’ professions aren’t too off.”
“Your son’s into astronauts and whatnot too?”
“Yeah, he is. Suho, tell Mr. Kim who your idol is.”
Chen watches Suho curiously as the boy shuffles his feet, eyes trained to the floor with a shy blush on his face.
“Ed White**, sir.”
“Oh my God.”
Suho looks up in alarm to see Chen looking at him with a renewed admiration.
“Ed White is my idol too, he is so cool, like CAN YOU JUST BELIEVE HE WALKED IN SPACE. I want to do that too. And he…”
Chen goes on and on about the many achievements of various astronauts, and much to his delight, Suho nods and comments on each one, and he feels like finally, finally someone understands his enthusiasm about astronauts. Sure, his family was plenty supportive of NASA, and both his siblings were also interested, but they just weren’t as enamored as he is. Now, with Suho laughing and shooting information back at him, he feels like he’s finally found a place where he belonged.
When Suho leaves, they promise to meet again--two young boys connected by a shared hobby.
Over the years, they keep in contact, but they don’t become what they’ve once dreamed of. Chen becomes an accountant, and Suho goes into the business field. Douglas becomes a mechanical engineer instead of an astronautical, and Mindy becomes a nurse. They never forget their dreams though--they’ve just filed it away in a folder for another universe.
Somewhere between Chen’s twentieth birthday celebration and his twenty-first Christmas, he finds himself falling in love with Suho, the boy whose flame has burned out a little, but whose fire was still shining brightly.
Somewhere between Chen’s twenty-second New Years and his twenty-second Easter, he experiences heartbreak for the first time as Suho announces to him, over the phone, that he’s found the perfect girl.
And somewhere near the end of Chen’s twenty-fourth year, Chen’s winter becomes just a little colder. He steps out into the world and realizes that his sun has disappeared,and the skies are blanketed in folds of grey, and blue has been banished from the world. The remnants of a ripped letter lie buried under the evening newspaper in the waste basket.
Dear Mr. Chen Kim,
It is to my knowledge that you are a good friend of my fiance, Kim Suho. I know there would be no other person he would want to eulogize at his funeral, so if it isn’t too much trouble, would you please…
After years pass, pain seems as familiar as the chill of the cool wind settling upon the first days of winter.
next
Pairing: SuChen
Rating: PG-13
Genre: multi-universe!au, slight!angst, romance
Length: 4900~w
Summary: Grey skies remind Jongdae of something painful.
chasing blue skies
The first time Jongdae meets Junmyeon is the day he dies.
Perhaps Fate is playing a cruel, wicked trick on him, but he closes his eyes to the pale, worried face of an angel in a battered blue uniform.
He vaguely registers the sound of blazing hot metal fired from brass barrels and the insistent, but broken tunes of a song that had once persuaded him to throw away his everything. The crimson blossoming on his chest and left thigh is a shade darker than his own ripped coat, and he remembers the voice of his mother reminding him to stay safe and return home the same boy he had been when he left for the front. A surge of apologetic guilt pushes at his chest, but he feels much too tired, and soon, the pain is replaced with a comforting, yet somewhat dismal, numbness.
The last thing he remembers before he drifts into a sea of black unconsciousness is the wistful snowflakes fluttering around the silhouette of angel wings and feathers.
The first time I met you, the skies were grey, and the raindrops were softly kissing my hair--bidding me farewell for the last time. The first time I met you, you slipped through my fingers like the grains of smooth, warm sand on a beach, and I could only watch you run out of time helplessly from the sidelines, like I have for all the years I’ve been breathing. The first time I met you, we were enemies connected by a single string of camaraderie--to survive, to return home--wielding Death as an uncomfortably familiar weapon, changing lives as trigger after trigger was pulled.
The first day I met you, I fell in love with you for the first time and said goodbye.
Centuries will roll past us, and time will wear the earth thin, but my feelings will stay rooted to the origins of the oldest human emotions, and will be there forever more.
The second time Jongdae meets Junmyeon, they are wingless birds imprisoned in a golden cage, destined for a life of luxury and agony.
From an outsider’s perspective, the Forbidden Palace is a paradise of wealth--of gold, beauties, and miles and miles of lavish garments. It holds the Garden of Eden, filled with exotic plants and fruits that are said to grant immortality, just like the pan tao that grew in the gardens of Empress of the Skies.
From an insider’s perspective, the Forbidden Palace is a golden birdcage, so ornately decorated to fool others of its inner rooms that reek of Death. It is built upon pillars of strict rules of social etiquette, of social norms, and of social expectations. It is built upon discrimination, and snide glances, and plans of assassination for the throne.
Jun Mian’s robes often feel more like chains rather than soft silk. They are heavy burdens in the form of wealth and power, and he hates it. He hates the way the silk runs so smoothly across his skin, and he hates the way his skin would prickle from any type of fabric that is not silk.
He hates his vulnerability and his ignorance, and he hates the eyeglass royalty forces him to see through, because it filters so much--so much of the simplistic beauty of life.
He hates the way others envied his lifestyle, which is probably why he loves Zhong Da.
Zhong Da hates royalty with such a passion Jun Mian finds it almost comical. He had been taken in as a slave from the age of five to serve the Crown Prince of China, Jun Mian.
Zhong Da hates the royal family and the aristocracy in general, but Jun Mian is an exception. Zhong Da claims that it isn’t his fault he was born in such an atrocious family during such a revolting time.
Jun Mian loves Zhong Da, because Zhong Da sees him not as the Crown Prince of China, nor does he see him as the heir to the throne and a possible target for murder. Instead, he sees him as Jin Jun Mian, the boy who was thrust into adulthood much too early in his adolescence, the boy who has seen more bloodshed and hatred than one can even imagine. Zhong Da sees him as the boy who loves music and hates politics, and would trade all of his riches for a common life like common people.
And he doesn’t see Zhong Da as the impudent and petulant boy the rest of the Palace does. He doesn’t see him as a presumptuous servant who deserves the scorn and degradation he receives. Jun Mian sees Zhong Da as a lost boy, eyes just as clouded by disillusionment as his, who is much too prideful to show his inner loneliness. But Jun Mian sees through his strong facade, and he sees the glass boy threatening to crack underneath.
When Zhong Da finally does break at the turn of a new year, Jun Mian hugs him for the first time, rocking him in his arms back and forth for hours and hours, refusing to look at the white ribbon hanging from the ceiling and the angry red marks around his neck.
The third time Jongdae meets Junmyeon, it is fleeting and ephemeral and Jongdae never forgets it until the day he dies.
It’s Christmas Eve. The holiday has never felt more unfestive in Chen’s life. He crouches in the trench, gun by his side as he struggles to find a comfortable position. It is freezing out where he was, and he longs for the warm hot chocolate his mother would make him.
“You know what,” Kris, his battle partner says. “We should sing.”
Kris was a tall man, and he was intimidating--especially with the scars that ran down his left cheek and past his jaw onto his neck. He also rarely smiled, opting instead to stare everyone down with a cold gaze. Not many people knew, but the brooding, quiet enigma was actually just shy--he was quiet not because he was dark but because he simply did not know what to say.
Chen was the first person whom he opened up to.
It was hard not to become friends with Chen because they were in the same troop, and on top of that, they were bunk buddies. They spent nearly all twenty four hours together. They witnessed countless other friends die before their eyes, and they both experienced the fear that the other would one day leave them. The suffocating trepidation strengthened their bond.
They weren’t overly affectionate friends--no, Chen’s no-nonsense personality and Kris’s introverted nature didn’t allow them that, but there was a quiet understanding between the two of them. And for Chen and Kris, that was enough.
Chen stares at Kris.
“Pardon me, but did you just say we should sing?” Chen looks at Kris incredulously.
Kris nods, a small smile sneaking onto his face.
“Why not? It’s Christmas. I think we should have the right to celebrate just a little.”
Chen rolls his eyes and is about to refute that when suddenly, somewhere from the trench to his right, a shaky voice begins to sing. A minute passes in silence, and then all of a sudden, men all around him join in to the melody of Silent Night.
Kris looks at him expectantly, his smile growing larger, before he begins opening his mouth and singing too, a low baritone floating below the other voices. Chen sighs, rolling his eyes once more, and grins at the night sky. He leans back against the trench wall, cradling his .303 Enfield in his arms, and lets himself go.
Perhaps there’s a sort of magic in singing, because suddenly, he’s not at the edge of No Man’s Land anymore, he’s not in the middle of the largest war in history anymore. He’s at home, sitting at the dining table with his family, laughing at his father’s jokes and complimenting his mother’s Yorkshire pudding.
It shocks them all when voices begin reciprocating across the barren land, foreign tongues rolling through a familiar melody.
Kris turns to him with wide eyes and abruptly stops.
“Are the Huns* singing along?”
Chen stares across No Man’s Land, the world too dark to be able to see anything further than a few feet, but the sound of jubilant singing cannot be mistaken.
“Yes,” he breathes, and he lays his weapon down, standing up.
“What are you doing?” Kris hisses, grabbing his wrist and pulling him down.
Chen shakes him off, and instead, proceeds to climb out of the trench.
“Chen! Chen, get back here. Don’t be stupid,” Kris says urgently.
“It’s Christmas, Kris,” Chen says, not turning around. “I think we have the right to celebrate a little.”
Kris frowns at his own words being thrown back at him and rolls his eyes. Sometimes, it’s shocking how similar he and Chen are. He smiles and puts down his rifle as well.
“Well, what can I say, it is Christmas.”
He joins Chen in the first steps into No Man’s Land, and soon, other soldiers begin climbing out of their trenches.
“Silent night, holy night,” Chen chants as he strolls leisurely inland.
“All is calm, all is bright.
Round yon virgin mother and child
Holy infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace!
Sleep in heavenly peace!”
The first verse ends, and Chen stops in front of a line of German soldiers, each weaponless and smiling.
One of them steps forward.
“My name is Suho. Merry Christmas.”
He smiles.
Chen feels his heart stop for a minute--maybe two--and he wonders why there’s a sense of familiarity and warmth emitting from the man, and why he remembers blue uniforms from a different time period and nightingales singing from golden cages.
The night is spent in peace, and Chen and Suho do not strike up a conversation. Instead, lingering gazes are missed by milliseconds from across the terrain. There are shy smiles and occasionally the brushing of skin, but never more than that. Chen knows he’ll be reprimanded by his Sergeant when the sun rises, but he can’t bring himself to care amidst all the laughing and celebrating.
It is almost as if the clock has stopped ticking for the soldiers, and they’re frozen in a slab of time. Reality seems intangible and so far away, and Chen can hardly remember the echo of the bombardments and the splatters of blood that seemed to haunt his dreams every night.
For a moment, life constituted only of the sweet, shy smiles of a young man wearing an iron cross of death emblazoned against his chest.
The fourth time Jongdae meets Junmyeon is the day a new frontier is breached, and even the impossible seems possible.
Chen scowls as his younger brother who burrows his way in between him and his sister. His brother grins cheekily at him before holding out a bucket of popcorn as a peace offering. Chen rolls his eyes and grabs a handful, stuffing it in his mouth before turning to watch the news again.
“Ma! What’s taking you so long??? The launch is almost happening--hurry up!” Chen calls, angling his head towards the kitchen but not taking his eyes off the screen.
“Chen, why are you so loud all the time?” His sister says, sliding her glasses up her nose and shooting him a look. “Ma will come eventually, there’s no need to yell.”
Chen wriggles in his seat excitedly. “But she’s going to miss the launch!”
His sister groans. “You’re more excited than Douglas,” she says, nodding at their younger brother who was happily munching on his bowl of popcorn.
He looks up at her and grins, holding up his greasy fingers and threatening to wipe them across her face. She yelps and shoves him away, and the poor boy grabs onto Chen to keep his balance. There’s a streak of oil down the sleeve of Chen’s sweatshirt, but he doesn’t even notice, gaze fixated on the television.
Suddenly, the doorbell rings, and Chen groans. He shoves himself off the couch and slouches to the door, opening it with not much enthusiasm.
“May I help you?” He says dully to the middle-aged man and blinking teenage boy standing outside the door.
“Hello, Mr. Kim invited us to watch the launching of Apollo 11 together,” the man says kindly.
“Oh.”
Chen opens the door wordlessly, letting the two people into his house. As the boy toes off his shoes at the doorway, he smile brightly at Chen, and for the first time, Chen gets a good look at him.
He’s slight, about Chen’s build, and has a flawless complexion that Chen could only wish for. His eyes twinkle as Chen leads him to the couch.
Chen introduces them to his sister and brother, and his mother flies out of the kitchen to tell them “how happy she was to see them, and oh my god, did Suho grow taller? he’s so cute, please have some popcorn.”
Chen lets his mother manhandle the boy (or Suho, apparently) while he takes a seat on the floor, hugging his knees and staring at the screen excitedly.
“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God,” he mutters under his breath, eyes wide and mouth open in awe, as he hears the news announcer say “ten seconds to lift-off.”
“Oh my God,” he squeaks one last time when the numbers hit five and begins to countdown. He vaguely registers someone sliding down onto the floor next to him and joining him.
“5
4
3
2
1
…
LIFT-OFF,” Chen shrieks at the top of his lungs, jumping up from the couch and high fiving his unamused dad and hugging his brother and sister and kissing his mother.
“GODSPEED ARMSTRONG. GODSPEED ALDRIN. GODSPEED COLLINS. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD.”
He grabs the boy, who seems equally enthusiastic, and starts jumping up and down in circles.
“THEY’RE GOING TO LAND ON THE MOON,” the two of them scream together.
“For heaven’s sake, Chen, pipe down,” his father says, grabbing his wrists to stop him from whacking the floor lamp onto the floor and potentially ripping Suho’s arm off.
“Haha, the boys are really enthusiastic about this, aren’t they?” Suho’s father says, laughing good-naturedly.
“Chen wants to be an astronaut,” Douglas pipes up.
The man smiles.
“Really? An astronaut? That’s cool! What about you?”
Douglas grins shyly, hiding behind his large bowl of popcorn. “I want to be an astro-something something engineer. And Mindy wants to be an HR Manager for NASA.” He gestures expansively to his sister.
“Wow,” the man whistles. “All aerospace huh?”
Chen’s father laughs. “Well, a family can only hope. How about your boy?”
“He’s interested in physics, so our kids’ professions aren’t too off.”
“Your son’s into astronauts and whatnot too?”
“Yeah, he is. Suho, tell Mr. Kim who your idol is.”
Chen watches Suho curiously as the boy shuffles his feet, eyes trained to the floor with a shy blush on his face.
“Ed White**, sir.”
“Oh my God.”
Suho looks up in alarm to see Chen looking at him with a renewed admiration.
“Ed White is my idol too, he is so cool, like CAN YOU JUST BELIEVE HE WALKED IN SPACE. I want to do that too. And he…”
Chen goes on and on about the many achievements of various astronauts, and much to his delight, Suho nods and comments on each one, and he feels like finally, finally someone understands his enthusiasm about astronauts. Sure, his family was plenty supportive of NASA, and both his siblings were also interested, but they just weren’t as enamored as he is. Now, with Suho laughing and shooting information back at him, he feels like he’s finally found a place where he belonged.
When Suho leaves, they promise to meet again--two young boys connected by a shared hobby.
Over the years, they keep in contact, but they don’t become what they’ve once dreamed of. Chen becomes an accountant, and Suho goes into the business field. Douglas becomes a mechanical engineer instead of an astronautical, and Mindy becomes a nurse. They never forget their dreams though--they’ve just filed it away in a folder for another universe.
Somewhere between Chen’s twentieth birthday celebration and his twenty-first Christmas, he finds himself falling in love with Suho, the boy whose flame has burned out a little, but whose fire was still shining brightly.
Somewhere between Chen’s twenty-second New Years and his twenty-second Easter, he experiences heartbreak for the first time as Suho announces to him, over the phone, that he’s found the perfect girl.
And somewhere near the end of Chen’s twenty-fourth year, Chen’s winter becomes just a little colder. He steps out into the world and realizes that his sun has disappeared,and the skies are blanketed in folds of grey, and blue has been banished from the world. The remnants of a ripped letter lie buried under the evening newspaper in the waste basket.
Dear Mr. Chen Kim,
It is to my knowledge that you are a good friend of my fiance, Kim Suho. I know there would be no other person he would want to eulogize at his funeral, so if it isn’t too much trouble, would you please…
After years pass, pain seems as familiar as the chill of the cool wind settling upon the first days of winter.
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