(no subject)
Ever since ray and I broke up... I just keep thinking that no one is ever gonna love me again. And as many times as people reassure me that that would never happen... I can't help believing it. I'll sit there and look in the mirror and be like who would love me? i'm chubby, i have dark, curly, uncontrollable hair, i have freckles... i have boobs that are unproportional to my body. and i can't match my clothes no matter how hard I try. I have a disease that if I ever explained to a guy, he would be inclined to break up with me. And I'm always the friend.
I just feel like I'm a friend to everyone. I don't wanna be a friend anymore. I want to attract a guy, have a relationship, have him love me because of my imperfections. I have such pretty friends that when we're in a group, I'm the ugly one. The one that's left over. Everyone goes home that night with a number except me.
And god damn it, I feel so insecure right now. I'm like a fucking middle schooler. It's times like this I wish I had the balls to be anarexic or bulemic or something