If Something's Not Right, It's Wrong
I've always hated quippy little horoscope summaries, because even as a fan of those kinds of daily discriptions of myself, I feel incredibly misrepresented.
Despite the usual explanations, Aquarians aren't incredibly detached. We don't hate emotion. We love it. In fact, we are convinced we love greater than you ever will, and that is kind of the problem. We are great at listening, at understanding, at solving problems, and building empathetic minds. Most of us are masters at playing the game of knowing the right thing to always say. Like puzzle pieces that fit into conversations, an Aquarian tends to be great at social organization for very good reason.
I'll admit, it has something to do with the "god complex" that also tends to be attached to our souls. We don't like asking questions because we like to figure things out. And there is a secret joy to cracking you open before you ever can crack us. It's a tad on the cruel side, but true. It's not done out of manipulation or an attempt to hurt or blackmail. It's just fun to play master of ceremonies, even if you are really only playing with one other person.
I can hide behind the discriptors of my horoscope, claim it to somehow be more responsible for who I am than my actual thoughts and actions. But I really do relate to it. Most of the times, scarily so (for those of you astrologically inclined, I am both sun and moon Aquarius, with a rising Gemini, so I am a bit of trouble).
Last night, someone called me out on this detatchement issue. And it wasn't the first time I've heard it. Despite how much I value understanding others and explaining the world around me, when it comes to myself - it's not like I don't like my own story, I just don't trust many with it. But when multiple people say you have the same problem, you have no choice but to admit that it might be a thing you should change.
My ex-fiance had many times begged me to open up to him. Multiple times with me sulking on the couch, groaning like a child. "Why do I have to explain myself to you?" was my rationale, because to me explanations were not the same as results. If you want something, tell me what to do. But my personal introspection on what was going on in my life seemed to me to be something that I deserved to have for myself.
The problem with a lot of current adulthood is I'm learning that there aren't as many complete answers to things as I thought. There are a lot of situations that just......are made to sit and fester. Things can't be resolved in 90-minutes or less. The passing of a semester no longer guarantees that life will change on the other side. The important thing, and the only thing you can seem to do, is choose decisions that reflect your own narrative. Act how you want to, and take pride in being the person you are, as long as it is what you believe in. Don't write your story for others, only for yourself. Even my acts of care, of things that I love or the passion that I feel, fueled by motivations outside of myself, I'm fine with them cause my decisions about those motivations reflect me. They reflect the things I want, the things I love, the way I love - even when I act for something outside of myself.
I won't know until I'm sure in the future, and I'm always allowed to change my mind, but for now....I still can't change my mind about it. Not everyone is entitled to my story, to parts of me, to who I am. I'm not incredibly guarded, and I understand myself very well and love the stories I tell. Especially my own. It's not an action in defense, or an action in trying to get away from my own truth. But you might not get to hear it because, I don't see how it benefits me to tell you. The problem with story-tellers, unless you can add do the conversation, we aren't very interested.