Ian and Ian Love for Swimficathon! Part 2
Title: Journeys Part 2
Author: Lacyforthorpey
Rating: NC-17 for language, sex and violence (just a small fight)
Pairing: Ian Thorpe/Ian Crocker
Genre: Angst, Romance, and Love
Disclaimer: Just Fiction but it sure sounds like it could be true!!
Author’s Note: See Part 1
Part 1
Journeys
Ian Crocker lost his virginity that night to the man he’d been secretly waiting for his whole life. It was more amazing, ethereal then any first love could be.
In many ways, it had been Ian Thorpe’s first time as well. Oh, he had fucked a lot but this was the first occasion he’d made love. The very first time he was intimate with someone he loved and who loved him.
That night they made love until the wee hours of dawn. Slowly, sensuously caressing and exploring each other’s bodies.
Kissing too much wasn’t something Ian liked to do. Kissing is too personal for fucking but now Thorpe could hardly tear himself away form Ian’s lips. From Ian’s taste. He found himself returning over and over only ceasing to let his lips and tongue sample the rest of Ian Crocker’s beautiful body.
Taking so much care to prepare Ian, Thorpe touched and kissed almost every inch of his lover’s body.
He had never really listened to the sounds of his partners before. Thorpe loved the delicate whimpers and moans Ian made under his care.
Watching Crocker’s face as he suckled his erection and massaged his tender opening almost made Ian climax without a touch. Just seeing the expressions of pleasure mixed with the sounds of lust and…love.
Thorpe had never been such a tender lover as he was when he lowered himself between Ian Crocker’s legs and gently slid inside him.
The first time…they came together almost instantaneously. Thorpe quickly returned to his rigid state deep in Ian, which gave him more time to adjust to Thorpe’s overwhelming size.
Normally, Thorpe would have lost track of how many times he fucked someone in a night but with Ian he held on to each time in his mind. What surprised him the most was when somewhere in the night he asked Ian Crocker to make love to him…to take him. Ian Thorpe hadn’t been a bottom for anyone in years.
“Ian…take me…fill me.” Thorpe moaned hungrily as they lay entwined, their erections stiff and rubbing into each other. “I want you Ian Crocker…I want you to fuck me... no...I want you to make love to me.”
Crocker groaned desperately at the request. He cried out as he sunk into Ian’s ass, giving Thorpe everything he needed with each stroke.
He had never thought about sex and religion in the same context before but this was a spiritual experience beyond anything he could fathom. Crocker believed that God sent his agents to do his miracles…and tonight one came as a glorious, golden Australian swimmer.
***
Ian fingered Crocker’s longish locks as he held him in his arms. Kissing the top of his head Thorpe exhaled audibly. "Ian...I don't know how I could ever repay you for what you've done for me."
Stretching in his lover's arms, Crocker yawned peacefully. "Oh Ian you don't have anything to repay me for." He placed light kisses on Thorpe’s chest.
"No, Ian...you opened my eyes to what is truly important." Thorpe swallowed and shifted under Crocker’s embrace. "It’s just that now...well...I've treated so many people so badly. I don't know how or if anyone would forgive me." Sighing with a heavy heart his kissed Crocker’s forehead and brushed his companion's bare arm with his fingertips.
Crocker pulled himself up so he was leaning over the handsome man sharing the bed with him. He touched Thorpe’s face gently tracing the dips and rises in the early morning light. "The only thing you need to do is forgive yourself and live your own life without trying to be accepted by everyone or anyone. He kissed Thorpe on the lips tenderly then gazed into his eyes. "That's all you can do...that's all anyone can except from you."
The beauty from down under smiled into those mystic green eyes. He'd never had anyone in his adult life look at him with so much unconditional love and acceptance other than his mum. " I don't think I can...Ian, I don’t know how..." His voice with trembling at the raw truth of his declaration.
"Yes, you can Ian James Thorpe, you can do anything! Look what you have accomplished! You’re one of the greatest athletes in the world. You’re an Olympic legend. You run your own million-dollar business!” He exclaimed gasping for air before he continued. You’re so intelligent and sophisticated. Talented and charming…so funny…oh, did I mention handsome and sexy…” Crocker grinned and gave Thorpe a kiss on the nose. “…but seriously, it doesn’t matter if I know it…you have to believe it.”
"How did you get to be so wise, Ian Crocker? Thorpe smiled reaching up to caress Crocker’s face.
Crocker just wiggled his eyebrows and smirked playfully. “I’m just gifted! What can I say? Remember, the gypsy lady even said so!”
That comment had the naked boys rolling and laughing in no time. They make love once more as the sun came up. It was well past one the next day before the lovers woke up still tangled together.
The two men made love in a refreshing shower then ordered room service. They ate on the bed in the nude as they watched more swimming on the television.
The past 24 hours had been some type of time warp for them. A section of the hourglass cut out and played to perfection just for them but alas as with all intergalactic time journeys, there’s always an end.
Thorpe could hear Michael Phelps cursing through the phone as they sat on the war torn bed. “Ryan said he thought he saw you leave with fucking Ian Thorpe yesterday!” Crocker turned attempting to cover the receiver of his cell phone.
“I was like no fucking way! Crocker is too smart to do that…then you didn’t come back last night…” Michael paused with a heavy breath giving Ian a chance to deny the accusation. “You better not be with that fucking cunt diva…I’ll kick your damn gay ass! You get your ass back here before I come down to his hotel and beat him senseless!” Somehow this was Michael’s way of caring for his best friend.
Crocker just closed his phone without saying a word he could see that Ian had heard everything…it was painfully written on his face. It was decided that Crocker would go back to calm Phelps down and then return to his lover’s waiting arms that night.
Thorpe cried as Crocker left. The American wouldn’t know until later in the evening that Ian was saying goodbye permanently.
The magic of their time together had worn off with the reality of Phelps’s call. Ian Thorpe had meant every heart felt word he had said to Crocker that night but he just wasn’t strong enough to change…to be himself …to love himself enough to love Ian Crocker the way he deserved to be love.
***
That night found a strange mix of conversations and confrontations. Crocker told Phelps to mind his own business then returned to the hotel finding Thorpe gone. When he entered to his room once more, with his head low and screams of tears falling to the floor, Michael was the first to comfort him.
Ian couldn’t get a flight out that night so he made his way to Grant’s hotel room.
Hiding there until he get a flight back to his world where everything was dysfunctional but comfortable...easy. Ian Thorpe, the cocky bitch that didn’t have to care about feels his or anyone else’s was easy to be.
Grant didn’t say a word about the shattered American, he was sure Ian left behind but Klim had not problem expressing his opinions until Hackett suggested he cool down and take off.
The next morning Michael found Ian Crocker still awake with swollen eyes, sitting on his bed. “I don’t know what you see in that bastard…look how he treated you.” Michael yawned as he dropped his legs to the side of the bed.
Ian Crocker was the gentlest of souls but even he had his limit. “I’m telling you for the last time, damn it…quit talking about him like that!” Ian barked loudly his voice was horse and cracking from a night of tears.
Michael shook his head then inspected Ian’s pitiful self. “Do you really love him that much?”
“Yes…I always have.” Ian sniffed back another tear.
***
Ian was showered and shaved when Hackett woke up. Grant stumbled to the bathroom then set on Ian’s bed as his fellow swimmer loaded his bag. “Ian…” Grant stretched his torso. “What are you doing?” He questioned.
“What does it look like? I’m packing…” Ian’s wit was sharp and to the point.
Sometimes, Grant wanted so much to smack the shit out of his friend. “Don’t be clever with me, Thorpe…you know damn well what I mean.” He said strictly. “Why are you leaving so suddenly? What happened with you and Crocker?”
Ian didn’t get slapped but he looked like he had.
“Yes, I know…I saw you stalk your prey Friday in the stands.” Grant glared at the other man. “Why did you have to mess with him…he’s a real sweet guy.” Grant’s tone softened at the mere mention of Crocker’s name. Everyone knew he was a big-hearted man.
Ian stared coldly and his tone was steel. “Keep out of my affairs, sexual or otherwise, Hackett.”
Nothing else was said and Grant left for breakfast with Klim shortly there after. As the two men headed back upstairs Klim informed Grant that he was welcome to come relax in his room but he was not sitting and watch him hold Ian’s hand. He was tired of Ian Thorpe’s bullshit and sick of seeing Grant coddled him.
As Grant come upon his door, alone, he swore he heard a struggle.
“What the hell is this?" Hackett yelled as just as Michael Phelps was about to take another swing at Thorpe. Hackett snatched Phelps arm tugging him away from his target.
Michael shook his arm from Grant's grip and barked at the other Australian. "This is between me and Thorpe so just stay out of it!"
Grant's stare darted from Phelps’ clinched fist to the two other American swimmers holding Ian. "I don't care if you and Thorpe want to go 15 rounds or not but this isn't happening." He glared at Michael.
Phelps stepped up the mountain of a man. "What are you going to do about it...?" He looked up another three inches in Grant's serious gaze.
Hackett pressed himself against the smaller man and growled calmly. "Do you really want to go there...?"
Michael backed off. Ryan and Klete let go of Ian, who was half conscience and staggering. Aaron scooped in and guided him to the bed.
"Oh that's right, Peirsol...you're one of Thorpe’s groupies too." Phelps mocked as he headed for the door with the other two Americans in tow.
Aaron shot Michael daggers. "How about a little human compassion is all?"
"Oh yeah, like he showed Crocker! " Michael shrilled. He cared about Ian like a brother. Even though, Crocker was older, Michael always felt like he had to watch out for him...too innocent for this wicked world he always said. "Arrogant prick broke the guy's heart! Fucked him then left without a word!" Michael was red faced and angry. "Ian, the good one isn't like that…just fuck and move on...hell, it was his first time!" His voiced smoothed out and lower, shaking his head in disgust. He probably shouldn't be telling Ian's business like this but he felt so bad for him and so angry with Thorpe.
About then, Michael Klim appeared at the doorway wondering what was holding Grant up. After a quick survey he nodded his head agreeing with himself...Ian Thorpe had to be in the middle of it if there was trouble.
"Didn't anyone warn him...it’s not a big secret that Thorpe's a fucking ass who's only out for himself." Klim spouted as he walked through the half open door.
Grant gave him a dirty look for bashing his friend and their fellow countryman.
"I'm not dead...I can still hear you..." Thorpe grumbled his face buried in his hands as he sat on the bed.
Phelps didn't even acknowledge him and replied to Klim's question. "Yes, I've told him, we've all told him that...even Peirsol warned him about Thorpe and he actually likes the piece of shit." Michael closed his eyes pressing on the bridge of his nose rather appalled by the whole damn mess. “Crocker somehow thinks he's human deep down...I don't know who I feel sorrier for sometimes."
Michael approached Grant with his hand extended. " Listen, I’ve gotta go, Crocker was a mess when I left...I'm sorry I got up in your face, man...I just went kind of crazy...someone hurting my friend and all...you understand."
Hackett gave him a hardy shake. Grant spent a great deal of energy defending his friend.
The Americans left. Hackett and Klim stood staring at Ian hunched over nursing his wounds.
"Make sure he's okay...I'm heading back down to my room. I can't deal with anymore of his drama." Michael instructed.
"I wish you everybody would quit talking about me like I'm not in the fucking room." Ian looked sideways his right eye squinted and swelling. "I'm hurt over here...you know."
Michael shook his head sadly. "Thorpe you’re a piece of work." Normally, Grant would have stepped in and buffered but this time he was silent. Klim gave Ian an ear full and slammed the door on his way out.
Grant just looked at Ian for what seemed like eternity. At last, he motioned Ian to the bathroom and went to the mini bar to get out the ice. When Hackett joined Thorpe, he was splashing his face with water and cleaning the blood from his lips and chin.
Grant didn't say a word. He just waited patiently to give Ian the washcloth filled with ice for his eye. Eventually, Ian broke the deadly silence as he patted his face gently with a towel. "Well, say it...get it over with, why don't you!" Ian hollered at Grant, who was leaning on the doorframe staring at his friend.
"Say what Ian?" Grant asked placidity with a somber gaze in his eyes.
"Ah...hh..." Ian whined as he shifted to take the ice. "I think I'm going to take a cool soak if you don't mind...my flight isn't for a couple hours."
Grant nodded. "You should get this on your eye though once you get in."
Ian stripped and slipped in the cool Jacuzzi tub. Grant handed him the ice and headed out the door.
"You except me to get mushy and sentimental all of a sudden...because someone got their feelings hurt and I got punched." Ian snapped as held the frozen cloth to his eye.
Grant popped his head back in the room speaking softly. "Ian, I don't except anything from you...I'm your best mate, your only mate really...we've been together since we were kids. I know the shit you've been through with your dad and everything else." He exhaled as he closed his eyes momentarily. "I guess in away, I'm like Crocker I know that under different circumstances you'd be the Thorpie I grew up with, the one that's with me sometimes when were alone and just hanging out.”
Hackett drew a ragged breath and stepped in to the bathroom once more. “I’ll always be your friend, Ian but I can’t always be here to take care of you…besides don’t you want something more?’ It’s obvious that Ian Crocker is the best thing to ever happen to you. He loves you in spite of your current self and let me tell you that’s a tough job these days.”
Ian made a sour face but didn’t protest, as usually was the case.
“I don’t know what happened with you and Crocker but I’ll tell you what I do know…” Grant continued, his demeanor serious and calm. “ I’ve seen you kick people out of your bed in the middle of the night but I’ve never seen you sneak out early hiding from them. You had bad dreams all night...yelling and crying out Crocker’s name.”
Ian wanted to deny it but he knew it was true. He woke himself up in the night sobbing Ian Crocker’s name.
“You’ve always had a thing for him since we were teens…remember how you use to write your “matching” names together in the sand after you met him at our first World Cup?” Hackett cracked his first grin of the whole conversation. “Look, Thorpie, Don’t you want to quit all this pompous bullshit and just be yourself…be loved and love somebody back…maybe grow old with someone instead of alone and bitter?”
Grant Hackett left Ian “drowning” in his emotions. Thorpe slid down further in the cool tub of water somehow praying he could wash it all away. It was too hard…just too damn hard to learn to love and give once more. To face the possibility of rejection…to love himself. He just didn’t even know how or where to start.
***
Ian Thorpe approached the counter in the international terminal at the Montréal International airport placing his suitcase on the scale with his carry-on still slung on his shoulder. After a brief greeting Ian explained. “ I have a ticket on hold I need to purchase for this flight…for Thorpe…Ian”
“Just one minute…yes, here we go, Mr. Thorpe. That will be $3450.00.” The polite woman in the tailored blue suit informed him.
Ian stared at the sign. Final Destination: Sydney, Australia It would be the same as when he left…the same.
She politely cleared her throat. “Mr. Thorpe? Is there a problem? Would you like me to see if we have something less expensive in coach?”
Sydney, Australia. Home, he missed his home, he felt safe in his home. He missed his mum and his dog. He’d been missing a lot of things in the last 48 hours.
“Mr. Thorpe? Did you want to pay for this ticket?” The attendant inquired with more insistence this time.
What he missed the most of all in the last 48 hours was Ian Crocker and how he felt when he was with him…safe, happy and loved.
“I’m so sorry! “ He cried out. “I can’t go home…not yet!” Ian laughed, grabbing his bag up and hollering as he ran. “Cancel it please! Thank you!”
Like a crazy man, Ian Thorpe raced through the airport smiling and laughing until he could get a signal on his cellular phone.
“Grant!!” He rang out.
Hackett walked into the stadium with Klim. “What now Ian? I thought you were on the flight home?”
“I’m not! I can’t…not without Ian!” Thorpe was still running towards an exit.
Grant raised his brows stopping to answer. “What? Ian’s gone…in fact Phelps just said he left for the airport about an hour ago to get a flight home.”
Ian’s heart sunk. That old fear was close at hand. His demons wanted him to hang up pissed, say he was too good for the likes of Ian Crocker and head for Sydney and another meaningless fuck…yes that’s what he should do…
“What airline? Maybe I can still catch him!” He giggled into the phone still maneuvering through the crowds.
The other Aussie glanced at Klim, wonder if Thorpe had completely snapped for good. “How the hell would I know?”
Ian paused for a quick breathes, panting; he was still giddy like Scrooge on Christmas morn. “Please Grant, find out for me…I’m heading for the US bound flights now…call me back as soon as you know!”
After what seemed like hours waiting at the domestic and US ticket area, Ian’s phone rang. “Do you know what I had to promise to get his information?” Grant questioned.
“Just tell me…please.” Ian begged.
“USAir to Austin…he’s flying stand-by so he may be there or he may…” Hackett looked shocked when he heard the words on the other end. “Thanks, love you, bye” and click.
Upon learning that there were only 3 flights to Austin that day and one just left, Ian bought a ticket on the next one. It was the only way he could get past security to the gates.
Ian bolted through the concourse to the USAir gates. As he approached, he scanned the rows of seated passengers.
Arriving at the gate 35, he spoke franticly, breathless and huffing. "Aus...tin...flight...please."
The clerk wasn't sure if that was a question or not. "Flight 1764 for Austin, Texas left 15mins ago but there's another one leaving in an hour.
Ian requested a boarding pass and surveyed the gate area one more time hoping Crocker was still there.
Winded from his mad dash, Thorpe fell in a seat to wait. His flight was called in no time and he was on route to Austin TX. He'd never been to the great state of Texas but if he had his way it would be his second home.
Exhausted from the trials the last few days had brought, Ian let his weighted lids close, flinching as his now black eye hurt. He didn't care about the pain...he just dozed off with a smile plastered across his face like a silly fool.
***
As soon as Ian cleared the terminal again, he called Grant and explained his current location.
Grant Hackett doubled over in laughter. "Oh Thorpie! Ian is here! You poor thing...he’s back here."
Ian was bewildered scrunching his face in confused thought. “What? What do you mean?”
Grant quickly enlightened Ian that Crocker had came to his room looking him. “Klim stopped him in the hall and told him that you were heading back to Sydney.”
“So where is he? Can you find him for me?” Ian threw a barage of questions at the middleman without taking a breath. “What did he say? Why did he come back?”
“Slow down, mate! The new, old you sure talks a lot!” Grant amused with a grinned.
“Cut the shit or the bitchy me is coming back to kick your arse!” Ian made meaningless threats.
Grant just laughed at the lovesick lad. “Alright, apparently Crocker said he had his ticket and was about to get on the plane then he decided he wasn’t going to let you go without a fight.”
Ian swooned on the other end of the wireless line. “Oh my baby...I love him so...where is he? I want to talk to him.”
Grant cringed from the sap but he was so happy for Ian. Maybe the kid could find some peace…start to heal after all. “Uh...well, he must really love you, mate...” He stalled telling Ian the next bit of news.
Thorpe beamed sunshine. “Thank you, Grant... I just love hearing that but I want to talk to him...I’m ashamed to say I don’t even have his number.”
“Uh...he loves you so much that he’s on his way to Sydney....” Hackett held out the phone anticipating the high-pitched screech.
Once Ian composed himself in Texas and the people quit staring, Grant explained that Ian was at the airport in Montréal trying to get a flight towards Sydney. Ian was awestruck and heartsick at the same time. He managed to convince Grant to try and get Crocker’s cell phone number. So the two lovers could at last be in the same place.
“Peirsol and everyone else left already.... Phelps is the only one here and I don’t think that he’s going to give it to me.” Grant cautioned Ian. “But I’ll see if he’ll relay a message maybe....just stay put...okay?”
Ian agreed to stay in Austin instead of heading after Crocker. Grant suggested they should get together and save all that plane fare for charity. Plus, Ian could still be in Montréal or the US.
It was getting late so Ian decided to check into the Austin Airport Hyatt and try to rest.
After a lingering hot shower, daydreaming of Ian Crocker, he pulled up clean briefs and tried Grant’s cell one more time before he shut out the light.
“Michael reluctantly left Crocker a message and now I have to go out with his sister as well as Peirsol’s....I hope you appreciate this mate!” Grant jested when Ian finally reached him.
Ian restarted his question medley but Grant preempted him. “Don’t worry, mate...I heard Crocker on the voice mail and stayed there while Michael left the message. I guess he wants Ian to be happy more then he wants to be right...get some sleep, mate.”
Thorpe slipped under the crisp pressed sheets and wished on the stars that he was imagining on the ceiling. He wished for Ian Crocker to keep loving him so he could learn to love himself and the people he cared about.
***
Somewhere in the night, a sweet, shy catholic boy....bribed a maid to use her pass key...he quietly slipped into his lover’s room...the moon light cut through the generic drapes and across the body of a sweet, hurt, lonely boy. Standing over the beauty in the bed, Ian prayed...he prayed for his Thorpie, he prayed for their budding love to grow, he prayed that someday parents and people would realized that he was just a boy and Ian was just a boy and the fact that loved each other really didn’t amount to a hill of beans because they were boys.
Disrobing and crawling under the covers, Ian snuggled into his lover’s body...hoping he wouldn’t wake him...hoping he would.
Ian Thorpe murmured as he felt the warm body in his bed...waking with a wide closed smile not even startled by his lover.
They didn’t make love that night; they just held each other in sleep, there would be plenty of time for that.
***
“Are you sure this works for your schedule, baby?” Thorpe squeezed Crocker’s hand that he already had held tightly in his. He leaned in kissing the American on the forehead as they waited to board their flight to Sydney.
Crocker grinned patting Ian’s hand laced in his. “Yes, I’m sure darling… I have all the time in the world for you…we have a lot to make up for.”
Thorpe raised his eyebrows and licked his lips seductively.
“I meant talking, laughing…meeting your family but yeah, I guess we can do some of that too.” Crocker smirked, winking at his boyfriend. They had already put a dent in the lost opportunities when it came to sex.
They set serenely looking out onto the tarmac hand in hand for a while but Crocker could see that his Ian was still a bit restless. Without letting go of Thorpe’s hand he tenderly caressed his cheek and uttered softly. “Why are you still so worried, dear? You know I want to come.”
The Australian smiled, his lips pressed together. “Uh…I…” He tried to memorize the pattern on the carpet but Crocker lovingly brought his chin up.
Smiling repeatedly at Crocker’s unwavering commitment to him, Ian confessed. “I’m... afraid you won’t want to stay once you arrive…you’ll want to leave soon. What if things don’t go as well with my family as they did with yours…they probably won’t…and…”
Crocker took his lover’s other hand. “You know, Ian, I was thinking…well, I know these last couple weeks have been such a rollercoaster ride. It took us forever to get here yet I feel like it happen so fast, like I’ve known you my whole life just inside a few weeks...” Crocker tried to explain. “Does this make any sense?”
Thorpe grinned and chuckled much to Ian’s surprise. “It makes perfect sense and I feel that way too but it’s strange because that’s what that weird psychic woman said.” He opened his eyes widely exploring the possibility. “You don’t think….”
“…any of that was real?” Crocker finished his thought suspiciously.
“Nah!” They both shook their heads laughing.
Crocker finished his thought, “Well, it might be too soon…but I was thinking that I could train in Sydney…you know live there…permanently.”
Thorpe threw his arms around the blond swimmer in glee and started planning the move before he even released Crocker’s neck.
***
They arrived in Sydney exhausted but content. They had to be just buddies on this side of the world for now and Crocker understood that. He accepted that Ian Thorpe had several demons to conquer and he was there to help him win the battle.
Before they walked out of the jet way, with nobody in earshot, Thorpie glanced at Ian with a tender smile. “I love you always, Ian Crocker.”
Crocker grinned as he replied. “...and I love you forever, Ian Thorpe.”
As they seem to float into the gate area, a large colorful clown with promotional balloons for the kids from the airline, happily greeted the two young lovers. “Welcome, it was a long journey but you’re finally home…”
Author: Lacyforthorpey
Rating: NC-17 for language, sex and violence (just a small fight)
Pairing: Ian Thorpe/Ian Crocker
Genre: Angst, Romance, and Love
Disclaimer: Just Fiction but it sure sounds like it could be true!!
Author’s Note: See Part 1
Part 1
Journeys
Ian Crocker lost his virginity that night to the man he’d been secretly waiting for his whole life. It was more amazing, ethereal then any first love could be.
In many ways, it had been Ian Thorpe’s first time as well. Oh, he had fucked a lot but this was the first occasion he’d made love. The very first time he was intimate with someone he loved and who loved him.
That night they made love until the wee hours of dawn. Slowly, sensuously caressing and exploring each other’s bodies.
Kissing too much wasn’t something Ian liked to do. Kissing is too personal for fucking but now Thorpe could hardly tear himself away form Ian’s lips. From Ian’s taste. He found himself returning over and over only ceasing to let his lips and tongue sample the rest of Ian Crocker’s beautiful body.
Taking so much care to prepare Ian, Thorpe touched and kissed almost every inch of his lover’s body.
He had never really listened to the sounds of his partners before. Thorpe loved the delicate whimpers and moans Ian made under his care.
Watching Crocker’s face as he suckled his erection and massaged his tender opening almost made Ian climax without a touch. Just seeing the expressions of pleasure mixed with the sounds of lust and…love.
Thorpe had never been such a tender lover as he was when he lowered himself between Ian Crocker’s legs and gently slid inside him.
The first time…they came together almost instantaneously. Thorpe quickly returned to his rigid state deep in Ian, which gave him more time to adjust to Thorpe’s overwhelming size.
Normally, Thorpe would have lost track of how many times he fucked someone in a night but with Ian he held on to each time in his mind. What surprised him the most was when somewhere in the night he asked Ian Crocker to make love to him…to take him. Ian Thorpe hadn’t been a bottom for anyone in years.
“Ian…take me…fill me.” Thorpe moaned hungrily as they lay entwined, their erections stiff and rubbing into each other. “I want you Ian Crocker…I want you to fuck me... no...I want you to make love to me.”
Crocker groaned desperately at the request. He cried out as he sunk into Ian’s ass, giving Thorpe everything he needed with each stroke.
He had never thought about sex and religion in the same context before but this was a spiritual experience beyond anything he could fathom. Crocker believed that God sent his agents to do his miracles…and tonight one came as a glorious, golden Australian swimmer.
***
Ian fingered Crocker’s longish locks as he held him in his arms. Kissing the top of his head Thorpe exhaled audibly. "Ian...I don't know how I could ever repay you for what you've done for me."
Stretching in his lover's arms, Crocker yawned peacefully. "Oh Ian you don't have anything to repay me for." He placed light kisses on Thorpe’s chest.
"No, Ian...you opened my eyes to what is truly important." Thorpe swallowed and shifted under Crocker’s embrace. "It’s just that now...well...I've treated so many people so badly. I don't know how or if anyone would forgive me." Sighing with a heavy heart his kissed Crocker’s forehead and brushed his companion's bare arm with his fingertips.
Crocker pulled himself up so he was leaning over the handsome man sharing the bed with him. He touched Thorpe’s face gently tracing the dips and rises in the early morning light. "The only thing you need to do is forgive yourself and live your own life without trying to be accepted by everyone or anyone. He kissed Thorpe on the lips tenderly then gazed into his eyes. "That's all you can do...that's all anyone can except from you."
The beauty from down under smiled into those mystic green eyes. He'd never had anyone in his adult life look at him with so much unconditional love and acceptance other than his mum. " I don't think I can...Ian, I don’t know how..." His voice with trembling at the raw truth of his declaration.
"Yes, you can Ian James Thorpe, you can do anything! Look what you have accomplished! You’re one of the greatest athletes in the world. You’re an Olympic legend. You run your own million-dollar business!” He exclaimed gasping for air before he continued. You’re so intelligent and sophisticated. Talented and charming…so funny…oh, did I mention handsome and sexy…” Crocker grinned and gave Thorpe a kiss on the nose. “…but seriously, it doesn’t matter if I know it…you have to believe it.”
"How did you get to be so wise, Ian Crocker? Thorpe smiled reaching up to caress Crocker’s face.
Crocker just wiggled his eyebrows and smirked playfully. “I’m just gifted! What can I say? Remember, the gypsy lady even said so!”
That comment had the naked boys rolling and laughing in no time. They make love once more as the sun came up. It was well past one the next day before the lovers woke up still tangled together.
The two men made love in a refreshing shower then ordered room service. They ate on the bed in the nude as they watched more swimming on the television.
The past 24 hours had been some type of time warp for them. A section of the hourglass cut out and played to perfection just for them but alas as with all intergalactic time journeys, there’s always an end.
Thorpe could hear Michael Phelps cursing through the phone as they sat on the war torn bed. “Ryan said he thought he saw you leave with fucking Ian Thorpe yesterday!” Crocker turned attempting to cover the receiver of his cell phone.
“I was like no fucking way! Crocker is too smart to do that…then you didn’t come back last night…” Michael paused with a heavy breath giving Ian a chance to deny the accusation. “You better not be with that fucking cunt diva…I’ll kick your damn gay ass! You get your ass back here before I come down to his hotel and beat him senseless!” Somehow this was Michael’s way of caring for his best friend.
Crocker just closed his phone without saying a word he could see that Ian had heard everything…it was painfully written on his face. It was decided that Crocker would go back to calm Phelps down and then return to his lover’s waiting arms that night.
Thorpe cried as Crocker left. The American wouldn’t know until later in the evening that Ian was saying goodbye permanently.
The magic of their time together had worn off with the reality of Phelps’s call. Ian Thorpe had meant every heart felt word he had said to Crocker that night but he just wasn’t strong enough to change…to be himself …to love himself enough to love Ian Crocker the way he deserved to be love.
***
That night found a strange mix of conversations and confrontations. Crocker told Phelps to mind his own business then returned to the hotel finding Thorpe gone. When he entered to his room once more, with his head low and screams of tears falling to the floor, Michael was the first to comfort him.
Ian couldn’t get a flight out that night so he made his way to Grant’s hotel room.
Hiding there until he get a flight back to his world where everything was dysfunctional but comfortable...easy. Ian Thorpe, the cocky bitch that didn’t have to care about feels his or anyone else’s was easy to be.
Grant didn’t say a word about the shattered American, he was sure Ian left behind but Klim had not problem expressing his opinions until Hackett suggested he cool down and take off.
The next morning Michael found Ian Crocker still awake with swollen eyes, sitting on his bed. “I don’t know what you see in that bastard…look how he treated you.” Michael yawned as he dropped his legs to the side of the bed.
Ian Crocker was the gentlest of souls but even he had his limit. “I’m telling you for the last time, damn it…quit talking about him like that!” Ian barked loudly his voice was horse and cracking from a night of tears.
Michael shook his head then inspected Ian’s pitiful self. “Do you really love him that much?”
“Yes…I always have.” Ian sniffed back another tear.
***
Ian was showered and shaved when Hackett woke up. Grant stumbled to the bathroom then set on Ian’s bed as his fellow swimmer loaded his bag. “Ian…” Grant stretched his torso. “What are you doing?” He questioned.
“What does it look like? I’m packing…” Ian’s wit was sharp and to the point.
Sometimes, Grant wanted so much to smack the shit out of his friend. “Don’t be clever with me, Thorpe…you know damn well what I mean.” He said strictly. “Why are you leaving so suddenly? What happened with you and Crocker?”
Ian didn’t get slapped but he looked like he had.
“Yes, I know…I saw you stalk your prey Friday in the stands.” Grant glared at the other man. “Why did you have to mess with him…he’s a real sweet guy.” Grant’s tone softened at the mere mention of Crocker’s name. Everyone knew he was a big-hearted man.
Ian stared coldly and his tone was steel. “Keep out of my affairs, sexual or otherwise, Hackett.”
Nothing else was said and Grant left for breakfast with Klim shortly there after. As the two men headed back upstairs Klim informed Grant that he was welcome to come relax in his room but he was not sitting and watch him hold Ian’s hand. He was tired of Ian Thorpe’s bullshit and sick of seeing Grant coddled him.
As Grant come upon his door, alone, he swore he heard a struggle.
“What the hell is this?" Hackett yelled as just as Michael Phelps was about to take another swing at Thorpe. Hackett snatched Phelps arm tugging him away from his target.
Michael shook his arm from Grant's grip and barked at the other Australian. "This is between me and Thorpe so just stay out of it!"
Grant's stare darted from Phelps’ clinched fist to the two other American swimmers holding Ian. "I don't care if you and Thorpe want to go 15 rounds or not but this isn't happening." He glared at Michael.
Phelps stepped up the mountain of a man. "What are you going to do about it...?" He looked up another three inches in Grant's serious gaze.
Hackett pressed himself against the smaller man and growled calmly. "Do you really want to go there...?"
Michael backed off. Ryan and Klete let go of Ian, who was half conscience and staggering. Aaron scooped in and guided him to the bed.
"Oh that's right, Peirsol...you're one of Thorpe’s groupies too." Phelps mocked as he headed for the door with the other two Americans in tow.
Aaron shot Michael daggers. "How about a little human compassion is all?"
"Oh yeah, like he showed Crocker! " Michael shrilled. He cared about Ian like a brother. Even though, Crocker was older, Michael always felt like he had to watch out for him...too innocent for this wicked world he always said. "Arrogant prick broke the guy's heart! Fucked him then left without a word!" Michael was red faced and angry. "Ian, the good one isn't like that…just fuck and move on...hell, it was his first time!" His voiced smoothed out and lower, shaking his head in disgust. He probably shouldn't be telling Ian's business like this but he felt so bad for him and so angry with Thorpe.
About then, Michael Klim appeared at the doorway wondering what was holding Grant up. After a quick survey he nodded his head agreeing with himself...Ian Thorpe had to be in the middle of it if there was trouble.
"Didn't anyone warn him...it’s not a big secret that Thorpe's a fucking ass who's only out for himself." Klim spouted as he walked through the half open door.
Grant gave him a dirty look for bashing his friend and their fellow countryman.
"I'm not dead...I can still hear you..." Thorpe grumbled his face buried in his hands as he sat on the bed.
Phelps didn't even acknowledge him and replied to Klim's question. "Yes, I've told him, we've all told him that...even Peirsol warned him about Thorpe and he actually likes the piece of shit." Michael closed his eyes pressing on the bridge of his nose rather appalled by the whole damn mess. “Crocker somehow thinks he's human deep down...I don't know who I feel sorrier for sometimes."
Michael approached Grant with his hand extended. " Listen, I’ve gotta go, Crocker was a mess when I left...I'm sorry I got up in your face, man...I just went kind of crazy...someone hurting my friend and all...you understand."
Hackett gave him a hardy shake. Grant spent a great deal of energy defending his friend.
The Americans left. Hackett and Klim stood staring at Ian hunched over nursing his wounds.
"Make sure he's okay...I'm heading back down to my room. I can't deal with anymore of his drama." Michael instructed.
"I wish you everybody would quit talking about me like I'm not in the fucking room." Ian looked sideways his right eye squinted and swelling. "I'm hurt over here...you know."
Michael shook his head sadly. "Thorpe you’re a piece of work." Normally, Grant would have stepped in and buffered but this time he was silent. Klim gave Ian an ear full and slammed the door on his way out.
Grant just looked at Ian for what seemed like eternity. At last, he motioned Ian to the bathroom and went to the mini bar to get out the ice. When Hackett joined Thorpe, he was splashing his face with water and cleaning the blood from his lips and chin.
Grant didn't say a word. He just waited patiently to give Ian the washcloth filled with ice for his eye. Eventually, Ian broke the deadly silence as he patted his face gently with a towel. "Well, say it...get it over with, why don't you!" Ian hollered at Grant, who was leaning on the doorframe staring at his friend.
"Say what Ian?" Grant asked placidity with a somber gaze in his eyes.
"Ah...hh..." Ian whined as he shifted to take the ice. "I think I'm going to take a cool soak if you don't mind...my flight isn't for a couple hours."
Grant nodded. "You should get this on your eye though once you get in."
Ian stripped and slipped in the cool Jacuzzi tub. Grant handed him the ice and headed out the door.
"You except me to get mushy and sentimental all of a sudden...because someone got their feelings hurt and I got punched." Ian snapped as held the frozen cloth to his eye.
Grant popped his head back in the room speaking softly. "Ian, I don't except anything from you...I'm your best mate, your only mate really...we've been together since we were kids. I know the shit you've been through with your dad and everything else." He exhaled as he closed his eyes momentarily. "I guess in away, I'm like Crocker I know that under different circumstances you'd be the Thorpie I grew up with, the one that's with me sometimes when were alone and just hanging out.”
Hackett drew a ragged breath and stepped in to the bathroom once more. “I’ll always be your friend, Ian but I can’t always be here to take care of you…besides don’t you want something more?’ It’s obvious that Ian Crocker is the best thing to ever happen to you. He loves you in spite of your current self and let me tell you that’s a tough job these days.”
Ian made a sour face but didn’t protest, as usually was the case.
“I don’t know what happened with you and Crocker but I’ll tell you what I do know…” Grant continued, his demeanor serious and calm. “ I’ve seen you kick people out of your bed in the middle of the night but I’ve never seen you sneak out early hiding from them. You had bad dreams all night...yelling and crying out Crocker’s name.”
Ian wanted to deny it but he knew it was true. He woke himself up in the night sobbing Ian Crocker’s name.
“You’ve always had a thing for him since we were teens…remember how you use to write your “matching” names together in the sand after you met him at our first World Cup?” Hackett cracked his first grin of the whole conversation. “Look, Thorpie, Don’t you want to quit all this pompous bullshit and just be yourself…be loved and love somebody back…maybe grow old with someone instead of alone and bitter?”
Grant Hackett left Ian “drowning” in his emotions. Thorpe slid down further in the cool tub of water somehow praying he could wash it all away. It was too hard…just too damn hard to learn to love and give once more. To face the possibility of rejection…to love himself. He just didn’t even know how or where to start.
***
Ian Thorpe approached the counter in the international terminal at the Montréal International airport placing his suitcase on the scale with his carry-on still slung on his shoulder. After a brief greeting Ian explained. “ I have a ticket on hold I need to purchase for this flight…for Thorpe…Ian”
“Just one minute…yes, here we go, Mr. Thorpe. That will be $3450.00.” The polite woman in the tailored blue suit informed him.
Ian stared at the sign. Final Destination: Sydney, Australia It would be the same as when he left…the same.
She politely cleared her throat. “Mr. Thorpe? Is there a problem? Would you like me to see if we have something less expensive in coach?”
Sydney, Australia. Home, he missed his home, he felt safe in his home. He missed his mum and his dog. He’d been missing a lot of things in the last 48 hours.
“Mr. Thorpe? Did you want to pay for this ticket?” The attendant inquired with more insistence this time.
What he missed the most of all in the last 48 hours was Ian Crocker and how he felt when he was with him…safe, happy and loved.
“I’m so sorry! “ He cried out. “I can’t go home…not yet!” Ian laughed, grabbing his bag up and hollering as he ran. “Cancel it please! Thank you!”
Like a crazy man, Ian Thorpe raced through the airport smiling and laughing until he could get a signal on his cellular phone.
“Grant!!” He rang out.
Hackett walked into the stadium with Klim. “What now Ian? I thought you were on the flight home?”
“I’m not! I can’t…not without Ian!” Thorpe was still running towards an exit.
Grant raised his brows stopping to answer. “What? Ian’s gone…in fact Phelps just said he left for the airport about an hour ago to get a flight home.”
Ian’s heart sunk. That old fear was close at hand. His demons wanted him to hang up pissed, say he was too good for the likes of Ian Crocker and head for Sydney and another meaningless fuck…yes that’s what he should do…
“What airline? Maybe I can still catch him!” He giggled into the phone still maneuvering through the crowds.
The other Aussie glanced at Klim, wonder if Thorpe had completely snapped for good. “How the hell would I know?”
Ian paused for a quick breathes, panting; he was still giddy like Scrooge on Christmas morn. “Please Grant, find out for me…I’m heading for the US bound flights now…call me back as soon as you know!”
After what seemed like hours waiting at the domestic and US ticket area, Ian’s phone rang. “Do you know what I had to promise to get his information?” Grant questioned.
“Just tell me…please.” Ian begged.
“USAir to Austin…he’s flying stand-by so he may be there or he may…” Hackett looked shocked when he heard the words on the other end. “Thanks, love you, bye” and click.
Upon learning that there were only 3 flights to Austin that day and one just left, Ian bought a ticket on the next one. It was the only way he could get past security to the gates.
Ian bolted through the concourse to the USAir gates. As he approached, he scanned the rows of seated passengers.
Arriving at the gate 35, he spoke franticly, breathless and huffing. "Aus...tin...flight...please."
The clerk wasn't sure if that was a question or not. "Flight 1764 for Austin, Texas left 15mins ago but there's another one leaving in an hour.
Ian requested a boarding pass and surveyed the gate area one more time hoping Crocker was still there.
Winded from his mad dash, Thorpe fell in a seat to wait. His flight was called in no time and he was on route to Austin TX. He'd never been to the great state of Texas but if he had his way it would be his second home.
Exhausted from the trials the last few days had brought, Ian let his weighted lids close, flinching as his now black eye hurt. He didn't care about the pain...he just dozed off with a smile plastered across his face like a silly fool.
***
As soon as Ian cleared the terminal again, he called Grant and explained his current location.
Grant Hackett doubled over in laughter. "Oh Thorpie! Ian is here! You poor thing...he’s back here."
Ian was bewildered scrunching his face in confused thought. “What? What do you mean?”
Grant quickly enlightened Ian that Crocker had came to his room looking him. “Klim stopped him in the hall and told him that you were heading back to Sydney.”
“So where is he? Can you find him for me?” Ian threw a barage of questions at the middleman without taking a breath. “What did he say? Why did he come back?”
“Slow down, mate! The new, old you sure talks a lot!” Grant amused with a grinned.
“Cut the shit or the bitchy me is coming back to kick your arse!” Ian made meaningless threats.
Grant just laughed at the lovesick lad. “Alright, apparently Crocker said he had his ticket and was about to get on the plane then he decided he wasn’t going to let you go without a fight.”
Ian swooned on the other end of the wireless line. “Oh my baby...I love him so...where is he? I want to talk to him.”
Grant cringed from the sap but he was so happy for Ian. Maybe the kid could find some peace…start to heal after all. “Uh...well, he must really love you, mate...” He stalled telling Ian the next bit of news.
Thorpe beamed sunshine. “Thank you, Grant... I just love hearing that but I want to talk to him...I’m ashamed to say I don’t even have his number.”
“Uh...he loves you so much that he’s on his way to Sydney....” Hackett held out the phone anticipating the high-pitched screech.
Once Ian composed himself in Texas and the people quit staring, Grant explained that Ian was at the airport in Montréal trying to get a flight towards Sydney. Ian was awestruck and heartsick at the same time. He managed to convince Grant to try and get Crocker’s cell phone number. So the two lovers could at last be in the same place.
“Peirsol and everyone else left already.... Phelps is the only one here and I don’t think that he’s going to give it to me.” Grant cautioned Ian. “But I’ll see if he’ll relay a message maybe....just stay put...okay?”
Ian agreed to stay in Austin instead of heading after Crocker. Grant suggested they should get together and save all that plane fare for charity. Plus, Ian could still be in Montréal or the US.
It was getting late so Ian decided to check into the Austin Airport Hyatt and try to rest.
After a lingering hot shower, daydreaming of Ian Crocker, he pulled up clean briefs and tried Grant’s cell one more time before he shut out the light.
“Michael reluctantly left Crocker a message and now I have to go out with his sister as well as Peirsol’s....I hope you appreciate this mate!” Grant jested when Ian finally reached him.
Ian restarted his question medley but Grant preempted him. “Don’t worry, mate...I heard Crocker on the voice mail and stayed there while Michael left the message. I guess he wants Ian to be happy more then he wants to be right...get some sleep, mate.”
Thorpe slipped under the crisp pressed sheets and wished on the stars that he was imagining on the ceiling. He wished for Ian Crocker to keep loving him so he could learn to love himself and the people he cared about.
***
Somewhere in the night, a sweet, shy catholic boy....bribed a maid to use her pass key...he quietly slipped into his lover’s room...the moon light cut through the generic drapes and across the body of a sweet, hurt, lonely boy. Standing over the beauty in the bed, Ian prayed...he prayed for his Thorpie, he prayed for their budding love to grow, he prayed that someday parents and people would realized that he was just a boy and Ian was just a boy and the fact that loved each other really didn’t amount to a hill of beans because they were boys.
Disrobing and crawling under the covers, Ian snuggled into his lover’s body...hoping he wouldn’t wake him...hoping he would.
Ian Thorpe murmured as he felt the warm body in his bed...waking with a wide closed smile not even startled by his lover.
They didn’t make love that night; they just held each other in sleep, there would be plenty of time for that.
***
“Are you sure this works for your schedule, baby?” Thorpe squeezed Crocker’s hand that he already had held tightly in his. He leaned in kissing the American on the forehead as they waited to board their flight to Sydney.
Crocker grinned patting Ian’s hand laced in his. “Yes, I’m sure darling… I have all the time in the world for you…we have a lot to make up for.”
Thorpe raised his eyebrows and licked his lips seductively.
“I meant talking, laughing…meeting your family but yeah, I guess we can do some of that too.” Crocker smirked, winking at his boyfriend. They had already put a dent in the lost opportunities when it came to sex.
They set serenely looking out onto the tarmac hand in hand for a while but Crocker could see that his Ian was still a bit restless. Without letting go of Thorpe’s hand he tenderly caressed his cheek and uttered softly. “Why are you still so worried, dear? You know I want to come.”
The Australian smiled, his lips pressed together. “Uh…I…” He tried to memorize the pattern on the carpet but Crocker lovingly brought his chin up.
Smiling repeatedly at Crocker’s unwavering commitment to him, Ian confessed. “I’m... afraid you won’t want to stay once you arrive…you’ll want to leave soon. What if things don’t go as well with my family as they did with yours…they probably won’t…and…”
Crocker took his lover’s other hand. “You know, Ian, I was thinking…well, I know these last couple weeks have been such a rollercoaster ride. It took us forever to get here yet I feel like it happen so fast, like I’ve known you my whole life just inside a few weeks...” Crocker tried to explain. “Does this make any sense?”
Thorpe grinned and chuckled much to Ian’s surprise. “It makes perfect sense and I feel that way too but it’s strange because that’s what that weird psychic woman said.” He opened his eyes widely exploring the possibility. “You don’t think….”
“…any of that was real?” Crocker finished his thought suspiciously.
“Nah!” They both shook their heads laughing.
Crocker finished his thought, “Well, it might be too soon…but I was thinking that I could train in Sydney…you know live there…permanently.”
Thorpe threw his arms around the blond swimmer in glee and started planning the move before he even released Crocker’s neck.
***
They arrived in Sydney exhausted but content. They had to be just buddies on this side of the world for now and Crocker understood that. He accepted that Ian Thorpe had several demons to conquer and he was there to help him win the battle.
Before they walked out of the jet way, with nobody in earshot, Thorpie glanced at Ian with a tender smile. “I love you always, Ian Crocker.”
Crocker grinned as he replied. “...and I love you forever, Ian Thorpe.”
As they seem to float into the gate area, a large colorful clown with promotional balloons for the kids from the airline, happily greeted the two young lovers. “Welcome, it was a long journey but you’re finally home…”