i'm kind of a retard...
...because i stayed up all night doing homework, because i did precisely zilch all weekend other than eat a lot of food and hang with eddie a little bit, and i got nearly everything done, other than a 10 minute assignment i planned to do on the bus this morning... except i never got on the bus this morning. because i slept right through my alarm.
I seriously hate trying to be on any sort of sleep schedule, it never works and i feel constantly d00med me to failure. I'm a goddamned night owl, and I've been trying for years to sleep the kind of ours that most people do, and it just never ever works! Most times that i've called out of work or missed class it was because i was fucking exhausted. I felt like a train hit me due to this blasted insomnia. Part of it's my thyroid medicine... i've been realizing how much missing even one day throws my whole system off, which is great because i'm terminally forgetful when it comes to shit like that... and it's also the time of year too: i always have sleep issues during the dead of winter and peak of summer.
James keeps saying i need to follow certain routines and inists i';m unwilling to try to do so, but it;s not the case. It's not that I don't want to, I *can't*. I'm always doing something different, and how tired I am at night depends on what I've spent my day doing, what i've eaten, when i took my medicine... how can i adhere to a routine when i'm never even consistently home or non-busy at the same times each day, or even each week. it's just an unrealistic suggestion. if there was something behavioural that i could do or change to fix this insomnia, I would have done it by now. I wish I could, I'm tired of this constantly being an issue with work and school, and being fuckin beat when i need to be somewhere. but i'm more fuckin tired of people like my dad and james acting like these problems stem from a lack of responsibility or from stubbornness. It's just another instance of people saying "just do this" and oversimplifying a problem, then telling me i'm overcomplicating it or not trying to fix it. James and my dad are morning people, and they don't understand the way my body works (or doesn't) any more than i understand their insane need to be awake and doing something at 7am on a weekend. o_O
BLAAAARRRGGHHH.
Even so, I really am mad at myself for not going to school today. I emailed in my work, but I shoulda been there to hand it in in person. ::kicks self::
i'm going to invest in some quality chamomile tea, and if i don't feel tired by 1am or so, i'm going to drink a cup and lay down. it will probably only work about half the time, but having this crap happen only half as often is better than nothing. At least that's ONE thing i can do.
grr.
On a happier note, i received this message today on myspace:
From: eric
Date: Feb 5, 2008 10:18 AM
...did you know hermit crabs are secretly conducting experiments on certain ecosystems while the indigenous primates are completely unaware...? It seems the primates are usually more interested in exalted forms of narcissism bred into them by their own media- entertainment networks for the sole purpose of...well....no one is quite sure what the why is but the primates are confident it will all make sense in the end and that's all that matters, which is of extreme importance to the vastly more intelligent hermit crabs scuttling about for the sake of science....It has been suggested in certain high-brow circles that the primates are a part of the hermit crabs experiments. Perhaps even an integral part...
To which I responded:
whoever you are, you are fucking awesome.
hahahaha :D
~~Gwyddon
heheheheheeheheheee
*
I seriously hate trying to be on any sort of sleep schedule, it never works and i feel constantly d00med me to failure. I'm a goddamned night owl, and I've been trying for years to sleep the kind of ours that most people do, and it just never ever works! Most times that i've called out of work or missed class it was because i was fucking exhausted. I felt like a train hit me due to this blasted insomnia. Part of it's my thyroid medicine... i've been realizing how much missing even one day throws my whole system off, which is great because i'm terminally forgetful when it comes to shit like that... and it's also the time of year too: i always have sleep issues during the dead of winter and peak of summer.
James keeps saying i need to follow certain routines and inists i';m unwilling to try to do so, but it;s not the case. It's not that I don't want to, I *can't*. I'm always doing something different, and how tired I am at night depends on what I've spent my day doing, what i've eaten, when i took my medicine... how can i adhere to a routine when i'm never even consistently home or non-busy at the same times each day, or even each week. it's just an unrealistic suggestion. if there was something behavioural that i could do or change to fix this insomnia, I would have done it by now. I wish I could, I'm tired of this constantly being an issue with work and school, and being fuckin beat when i need to be somewhere. but i'm more fuckin tired of people like my dad and james acting like these problems stem from a lack of responsibility or from stubbornness. It's just another instance of people saying "just do this" and oversimplifying a problem, then telling me i'm overcomplicating it or not trying to fix it. James and my dad are morning people, and they don't understand the way my body works (or doesn't) any more than i understand their insane need to be awake and doing something at 7am on a weekend. o_O
BLAAAARRRGGHHH.
Even so, I really am mad at myself for not going to school today. I emailed in my work, but I shoulda been there to hand it in in person. ::kicks self::
i'm going to invest in some quality chamomile tea, and if i don't feel tired by 1am or so, i'm going to drink a cup and lay down. it will probably only work about half the time, but having this crap happen only half as often is better than nothing. At least that's ONE thing i can do.
grr.
On a happier note, i received this message today on myspace:
From: eric
Date: Feb 5, 2008 10:18 AM
...did you know hermit crabs are secretly conducting experiments on certain ecosystems while the indigenous primates are completely unaware...? It seems the primates are usually more interested in exalted forms of narcissism bred into them by their own media- entertainment networks for the sole purpose of...well....no one is quite sure what the why is but the primates are confident it will all make sense in the end and that's all that matters, which is of extreme importance to the vastly more intelligent hermit crabs scuttling about for the sake of science....It has been suggested in certain high-brow circles that the primates are a part of the hermit crabs experiments. Perhaps even an integral part...
To which I responded:
whoever you are, you are fucking awesome.
hahahaha :D
~~Gwyddon
heheheheheeheheheee
*