8: Quiet
Title: Quiet
Pairing: Leobin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Psychological, AU, romance, angst, songfic: Nell - 백색왜성
Summary: Taekwoon is lucky to have someone to point him in the right direction, both in life and death.
Wordcount: 3,185
”Are you awake?”
Taekwoon thinks for a moment that he didn't say the words loud enough for Hongbin to hear, but then the younger lifts his head from his fluffy white pillow, looking over at him with only one eye open.
Taekwoon smiles at him through the mirror, fixing his tie. ”I'm leaving.”
Hongbin nods, and croaks out an ”okay”. Back when they first moved in together, he would always respond to Taekwoon's words with ”do you really have to?” or ”what's so important about work, anyway?”, but now he seems too tired to form the words even in his mind.
Taekwoon walks over to the bed, sitting down on the edge, unable to stop himself. He checks the clock on the nightstand; he's going to be late unless he leaves right now, but there's something in the air, something about the sleepy look on his boyfriend's face that makes him want to stay, just for another hour, and call work to tell his boss he overslept. Just this once.
Hongbin tries to blink the sleep away, but ends up closing his eyes again. ”What is it?”
”Nothing,” Taekwoon says, smiling softly and running his thumb over the other's shoulder. ”I love you.”
Hongbin smiles then, wide and silly, even though his eyes remain shut. ”I love you, too. Now either get back in here and sleep with me or go.”
Once he has leaned down to press a kiss to Hongbin's forehead, Taekwoon stands up. ”I'm going.”
”Close the curtains before you leave?” Hongbin requests, and Taekwoon obeys, walking over to the window and pulling at the bright yellow fabric. Before he does, he has time to see that the sky is grey. It's probably going to rain. From their apartment on the seventh floor, he can see almost halfway across town, and the clouds show no sign of breaking up. He looks back at Hongbin, who has rolled over on his side, and thinks it's really too bad, because Hongbin hates it when it rains. He's going to be bored all day, almost as bored as Taekwoon will be at work.
But it's okay, really, because it will only make their reunion later today even better.
Taekwoon parks his car by the side of the street, surprised at the amount of empty parking spaces there. Now that he thinks of it, it seems like the whole street is empty apart from himself, both the road and the sidewalk. He turns the engine off and shifts his body in the seat, looking behind him, but the adjoining street seems as peaceful. He steps out of his car slowly, shuddering a little at how the bang of the car door slamming shut echoes through the air. The scene is eerily serene, there are no sounds of traffic, no birds flying through the sky above him, no laughter drifting towards him from the nearby café. Everything he recognizes about this place has been taken and replaced with silence.
So he walks down the street in the wrong direction, away from his office. Something must have happened, and getting to work on time doesn't seem very important anymore. When he has almost reached the adjoining street, he realizes he forgot his briefcase, and that he forgot to lock his car. But that must be okay, he thinks; there's no one here.
When he rounds the corner, he finds the street filled with people. They're all standing on the sidewalk like they're waiting for something; women with their long hair playing in the wind, men glancing at their watches, a few children kicking at rocks and watching them bounce away. All of them stare ahead, their eyes showing nothing but emptiness. Taekwoon watches them from a distance for a moment, and he feels horribly misplaced, like he has accidentally walked in on a stranger's funeral, but at the same time he can't tear his gaze away. It's too beautiful, somehow, this pointed silence.
”Excuse me?” he says to no one particular, moving closer to the crowd. ”Excuse me, can somebody tell me what is going on?”
Nobody takes any notice of him. An older man moves to sit down on a yellow bench, and that's when Taekwoon realizes there's a sign in red and white above it, marking the place as a bus stop. He frowns in confusion; he's lived in this town all his life, but he can't remember ever seeing a bus stop here before.
He walks up to a middle aged woman holding a map, constantly moving her thick, black hair out of her face. ”Excuse me,” he repeats. ”What's going on? What are you all doing here?”
His tone is bordering on rude due to his impatience and curiosity, but the woman doesn't respond. The map in her hands keeps folding in the wind, and she straightens it out time and time again with a focused expression on her face. ”If there's something you're looking for, I'm sure I could help you find it,” Taekwoon offers, and suddenly the woman looks up, stares straight at him, still wearing that empty expression. Taekwoon blinks in surprise, worried that he has bothered the woman, but after a few seconds she looks down again, as if she didn't even see him standing there.
He mutters something about rudeness as he walks past her, deciding to simply ask somebody else. The air is humid and he's sure the rain is going to come soon, and he doesn't want his suit to be drenched. Therefore, he needs answers quickly.
He stops walking when a boy about his age appears before him, thin, handsome and sporting a pink, fluffy hairdo. To Taekwoon's relief, the boy is looking right at him, even following him with his eyes, so there's no doubt that he can see him. He sighs in relief.
”Hi, excuse me,” Taekwoon says. ”What's all of this? What's going on?”
The boy stares at him through wide eyes, seemingly too shocked to speak, and for a moment Taekwoon is scared that the silence is going to continue forever.
”You- you can see me?” the boy says.
Taekwoon stares at him silently for a few moments before he nods. ”Yes. I can see you.”
The boy's mouth falls open. ”I-I'm Hongbin.”
Taekwoon raises an eyebrow, but can't help but smile. ”Hi, Hongbin. I'm Taekwoon.”
Hongbin looks like he's about to say something, but then his mouth falls shut and he looks down at the ground. Taekwoon can't get away from the feeling of being out of the loop.
”So, can you tell me what's going on here?” he asks, anxious to leave this place. It makes him uncomfortable that every single person on the sidewalk can hear what they're saying.
”We're leaving,” Hongbin says after a moment's hesitation.
”Leaving where?”
Hongbin's eyes turn worried. ”Don't you know?”
Taekwoon shakes his head. Why would he know?
”You, too,” Hongbin says, nodding towards Taekwoon. ”You're leaving, too.”
Furrowing his brow, Taekwoon shakes his head. ”I don't think so.”
”Yes, you are,” Hongbin insists. ”Otherwise you wouldn't be here.”
”But I'm just...” Taekwoon tries, looking over his shoulder to where he came from. ”I'm just going to work. I'm already late.”
”Trust me,” Hongbin says, hand tentatively coming to rest on Taekwoon's lower arm. ”That's not where you want to go right now.”
Taekwoon looks down at where Hongbin's hand touches him. The first drop of rain lands on Hongbin's thumb. ”I have to.”
”There's nobody there, anyway,” Hongbin assures him. ”You're coming with us. The bus should be here soon.”
Taekwoon doesn't know why, but he agrees with Hongbin. He doesn't want to go to work. He wants to board the bus and go wherever Hongbin takes him. ”But where are we going?”
Hongbin smiles at him then, taking his question as a confirmation. ”You'll see.”
”I'd rather you told me now,” Taekwoon protests, but then the roar of an engine flows down the street in a quick wave, and a bus comes rolling around the corner.
”It's here!” Hongbin exclaims, holding Taekwoon's hand in his. ”Come on, let's get in line!”
”You really don't know where you're going?” Hongbin asks once they're on the bus.
Taekwoon stares past him out the window. He feels light in his presence, but not nervous, like they have taken this trip together a million times before. ”I really don't know.”
Hongbin shakes his head at him. ”That's really not good. But there are only two stops on this tour, so let's go to the first one at least, and we'll figure it out from there.”
Taekwoon nods. ”Okay. Sure.”
”And don't let the others hear that you don't know where you're going,” he adds in a dramatic whisper that makes Taekwoon smile again.
”Where are you going?”
”I'm going to the last stop,” Hongbin says, smiling softly. ”Most of us are.”
”And what are you going to do there?”
Hongbin shrugs a little, staring out of the window at the scenery that flashes by. They're already out of town, and miles and miles of forest surrounds them. ”Vacation, I think.”
Taekwoon nods. ”Alone?”
”Yup.” Hongbin laughs. ”First vacation alone.” His bright smile dies down on his lips only moments later, and he turns to Taekwoon with an almost ashamed look in his eye. ”But truth to be told, that's not really why I'm here.”
”Okay,” Taekwoon says, hooking his arm with Hongbin's where they sit. Hongbin's eyes light up at that. ”Then why?”
”I'm here because I love someone very much,” the other tells him, eyes suddenly starry and careful. ”And when I last saw him... I didn't know we'd never meet again. I'm here because I wish I could see him just one last time.”
Taekwoon feels as if he has had the breath knocked out of him. ”I'm sorry.”
”I had this strange feeling when I sent him off,” Hongbin continues, gaze unfocused. ”When he left, I really felt like... something bad might happen. But not to us. Never to us.”
Taekwoon unhooks their arms again and wraps an arm over Hongbin's shoulders instead. It's an uncomfortable position, but it's warm, and Hongbin leans his head against Taekwoon's.
”But now I think, even if we're over, that's okay, as long as I get to see him just once. That's all I want,” the pink haired boy says. Taekwoon leans his head on top of his. ”Do you have someone like that? Someone you love so much that the thought of them can help you through anything?”
Taekwoon frowns. ”I think so.” He tries to think, but his mind feels muddled. It seems like he can't remember even what happened this morning before he left very well. ”But I could never accept that 'one last time'. I could never do that. I'd rather stay in denial all my life.”
Hongbin straightens his back, lifting his head from Taekwoon's shoulders to look into his eyes. ”Would you really? If the choice was between meeting one last time, or knowing that the last time you spoke was the last time you will hear their voice?”
Taekwoon nods. ”I don't want to know when the last time is. It would kill me.”
And Hongbin smiles, looking down. His hand sits on Taekwoon's thigh, poking thoughtfully at a seam of his jeans. ”So there's nothing you'd want to say?”
”I would hope they'd already know what I feel,” Taekwoon says after a moment's consideration. ”I want them to trust me that much while we're still together.”
Hongbin laughs. ”You're perfect.”
”Hardly,” Taekwoon says, and frowns again as he stares out the window, but a smile wants to break out on his lips too badly.
The word 'STOP' lights up in neon red in the ceiling above them with a loud ding. Taekwoon and Hongbin both look up at it in surprise.
”Are we already here?” Taekwoon asks, leaning over Hongbin to look out the window. ”Where are we?”
”Yeah.” Hongbin squints as he tries to see as far ahead as he can. ”Yeah, we're almost at the first stop.”
”So what do I do now?” Taekwoon asks, suddenly worried. Perhaps it hadn't been a very good idea to board this bus. ”Where do I go?”
”You get off at this stop,” Hongbin says, looking at him seriously. ”And you don't worry about the rest. Everything will be clear once you step outside.”
”But,” Taekwoon tries to argue, not convinced. ”What if I want to go with you?”
Hongbin brings a hand up to cup Taekwoon's cheek. ”You can't,” he says, though he's smiling. ”This is my first vacation alone, remember?” he says, thumb slipping over the corner of Taekwoon's mouth.
Taekwoon chews on the inside of his cheek. ”Then, can I see you when you get back?”
Hongbin lets his hand drop. ”Sure,” he says. ”Sure.”
The bus starts to slow down and makes a slight turn to stop by the side of the road. Hongbin nudges Taekwoon until the latter gets up from his seat, feeling cold and weary the moment he loses body contact with Hongbin. To his relief, Hongbin gets up too, and ushers him forwards, down the stairs and out into the windy autumn air. When Taekwoon steps out on the gravel, however, Hongbin remains standing on the last step, one hand holding onto the railing, the other resting on the ledge of the open bus door. It seems that no one else is getting off at this stop, so Hongbin remains where he's standing, watching Taekwoon silently, as though he doesn't know what to say.
”So... Will you let me know when you get back?”
Hongbin laughs, looking down with a nod. ”Sure,” he repeats. ”I will.” They fall silent again, and Taekwoon kicks a little with his feet. He doesn't want to say goodbye yet. ”Come here,” Hongbin says then, beckoning him closer with his fingers. Taekwoon walks over, stands right beneath the first step of the stairs, and that's when Hongbin wraps an arm around his neck, kissing him hard, his other hand still holding onto the door. Taekwoon puts his hands on Hongbin's sides, and it feels natural, just right, even though they have barely known each other for more than an hour.
Hongbin kisses his nose lightly when he pulls back. His forehead leans against Taekwoon's, his cotton candy-like fringe plastered all over Taekwoon's forehead, mixing with his black hair in the wind. ”It's been nice knowing you, Taekwoon,” he mumbles, and Taekwoon closes his eyes, relishing in the feeling of having him so close. God only knows when that will happen again.
”Be safe,” he says, and that's when Hongbin pulls back, sitting down on the step above him. He smiles, and doesn't stop even when the door shuts with a mechanical squeak, causing Taekwoon to take a surprised step backwards. He supposes that after everything, he still hadn't quite realized that they had to part.
The bus drives away then, leaving behind only a fading motor sound and indecisive rain clouds as his company. Taekwoon waits until it disappears into the distance. He looks to his left, and sees only fields on both sides of the road. And then to his right, where he sees fields, and what seems to be more forest by the horizon. So where should he go now?
”Taekwoon... Are you awake?”
Taekwoon blinks himself awake, and immediately wishes he hadn't. His head pounds in time with his pulse, and he squeezes his eyes shut, relieved when he realizes the pain seems to be fading.
”Oh, thank God.”
”He's awake?”
”Yeah, he's awake. Taekwoon? Can you hear me?”
He opens his eyes again, and though the room is bright, this time it doesn't hurt quite as badly. He nods his head, because he would know this voice anywhere: It belongs to one of his best friends, Hakyeon. He sees him then, when his eyes manage to focus on his friend's face, hovering above him. Oh, and Wonshik is there, too, he realizes, another one of their friends.
”What happened?” he croaks, looking around and realizing he must be in a hospital.
The relief doesn't disappear from Hakyeon's eyes, but it seems to share the space with sadness. ”There... There was an earthquake, Taekwoon. You hit a tree that had fallen over the road with your car on your way to work this morning.”
An earthquake. Taekwoon repeats the word to himself in his mind, but he can't take in its meaning.
”The doctors keep saying you're lucky to be alive.” He tries to focus again at the sound of Wonshik's voice and the nod of Hakyeon's head. He can't remember the accident, but he'll take their word for it.
”What about the others?” he asks, suddenly feeling cold with fear. ”Hongbin? Sanghyuk, Jaehwan?”
Hakyeon swallows visibly. ”Jaehwan is out of town visiting his parents, you know that,” he says softly, sitting down on the bed next to him. ”He's fine. And Sanghyuk fell and hit his head, but he's okay. He's here at the hospital, too.”
Taekwoon waits endlessly for the news he already knows is coming. ”And Hongbin?”
Hakyeon looks down, takes Taekwoon's hand in his own. Taekwoon can't feel it. ”It's... Taekwoon...”
”Tell me.”
Hakyeon looks to Wonshik, eyes questioning, but the younger merely nods at him. ”Tell him. He has to find out at some point.”
And though Hakyeon looks worried, he seems to conclude that Wonshik is right. ”We... We haven't heard from him yet,” he says, and Taekwoon is filled with hope immediately, because this is better news than he was expecting. ”But your... Taekwoon, your whole apartment building caved in. They haven't found him yet.” He pauses, and there are tears glistening in his eyes. ”I'm so sorry.”
Taekwoon looks away, staring ahead, into the ceiling, unable to make his body do anything else. He wants to tell Hakyeon not to be sorry, because he was prepared for this. He knows why he miraculously survived, because he had someone to point him in the right direction, in life, and in death.
”Taekwoon?”
He wanted to come back, and he has Hongbin to thank for that. But why, why did Hongbin save his life, when the only reason Taekwoon wanted to come back was because he thought Hongbin would still be here?