15: Yes, it's natural
Title: Yes, it's natural
Pairing: Haken
Rating: G
Genre: AU, fluff, songfic: Nell - Fantasy
Summary: Hakyeon finds Jaehwan waiting for him in the rain with important things on his mind.
Wordcount: 2,575
It starts off as a beautiful day. Beaming sunshine and cloudless skies has Hakyeon staring out the window all morning, wishing he was anywhere but at the office. His mind drifts further from paperwork and responsibilities as he recalls Jaehwan's sleepy voice telling him he has the day off today. Maybe the younger will agree to drag his lazy ass out of the apartment once Hakyeon is done for the day. Maybe they can go to the park and buy ice cream, it's been so long - or better yet, if they have a sudden burst of energy, the beach.
Hakyeon's dreams are crushed twenty minutes to lunch time. Dark clouds drag themselves into the sky and soon the city is drenched in a downpour of rain so heavy that Hakyeon can only assume the apocalypse has finally come. Perhaps it's only a quick shower, Hakyeon sighs to his co-worker, Sojin, as they scramble to manage everything in time for a peaceful lunch break, but she merely laughs in response.
By the time their break comes, Hakyeon admits defeat. But it's okay, he thinks with a discreet smile; Jaehwan will probably be relieved to stay inside. It doesn't seem as bad once he starts imagining the two of them, curled up on the couch under a blanket, exchanging fantasies in a clam game of ”anywhere but here”. Just like they used to when they got to know each other back in school. Just like when they first fell in love, while Jaehwan's life fell apart beneath his feet. The game used to serve as an escape from their reality. Now, it's simply a bigger dream for a brighter day.
There's a pang in his heart; thinking of Jaehwan's strength and the things he has overcome always makes Hakeyon want to sob with pride. He doesn't notice Sojin looking at him until she speaks. ”What's wrong?”
”Hm? Oh, nothing,” Hakyeon replies, pushing his chair back from his desk and getting up. ”Let's go eat.”
Once in the cafeteria, they can hear the soft rumbling of thunder in the distance. The city feels dark, as if night is falling at noon, and Hakyeon decides that he likes it. It makes him feel calm.
He sits down with Sojin and another few of his colleagues - they're a small branch of a bigger company, so everyone knows each other here - and zones out a little bit as they small talk beside him.
”Any plans for the weekend?”
”I'm not sure,” the new guy, Wonshik, says. ”I had plans to take my family out on the boat, but if this weather continues... How about you?”
”Same here,” Sojin replies. ”What is there to do in this weather, anyway?”
Hakyeon laughs. ”Look at you two discussing weekend plans as if the world isn't ending today.”
Sojin raises an eyebrow at him. ”The world is ending?”
”Obviously,” Hakyeon says, nodding towards the windows. ”I may not have experienced an apocalypse as of late, but it sure looks like the end of the world to me.” He notices one of his other co-workers, Taekwoon, standing by the window, and his tone falters a little. Taekwoon is a good friend of his, but he likes to keep to himself and doesn't enjoy small talk unless absolutely necessary. It seems to Hakyeon that he usually tries to draw as little attention to himself as possible, but now he's standing by the window, squinting and frowning as he stares down to the street. Hakyeon feels his curiosity rouse immediately.
”As of late?” Wonshik repeats, laughing. ”When was the last time you survived an apocalypse?”
But Hakyeon's attention has left the table and clung onto the puzzled expression on Taekwoon's face. He's about to ask Wonshik to repeat himself when Taekwoon opens his mouth.
”Uhh...” Hakyeon hears his soft voice mumble. ”Guys.”
The others turn towards him. ”Yes?”
Taekwoon looks at them over his shoulder. ”Isn't that Hakyeon's boyfriend?”
A silent second passes, before everyone who isn't currently Hakyeon jumps to their feet and dashes over to the windows, leaving behind surprised cries of ”Hakyeon's boyfriend? Really?!”
Hakyeon pulls himself up from the table, too, muttering to himself; of course they're all dying to know what his boyfriend looks like, since Hakyeon hasn't introduced them yet. He tries to catch a glimpse of the street below, but the window in question is blocked by Sanghyuk's and Wonshik's tall backs. Really, he grumbles, trying to push them out of the way, if these people used this kind of speed and passion in their work, Hakyeon wouldn't need to stay for so many late nights - and for what? There's no way whoever Taekwoon saw down on the street was Jaehwan, because why would he be there? If Hakyeon knows him right, he's still rolling around in bed at home, too lazy to even-
But when Hakyeon manages to push Sanghyuk out of the way, he's faced with the sight of Jaehwan standing there far below on the sidewalk, completely uncovered, staring ahead while the rain pours over his head.
”Is it?” asks Sojin. ”Is it him? It is, isn't it?”
Worry fills Hakyeon at once. There's something in Jaehwan's hands, a board, or a sign of some kind, but it seems blank, lowered to his side, and his face is expressionless. ”Yes,” Hakyeon says, mind elsewhere. ”It's him.”
”Oh my god,” she squeals, pushing at his shoulder. ”He's cute.”
”But why is he here?” Wonshik asks. ”And why is he just standing there?”
”Without an umbrella,” Taekwoon interjects.
”And what's that in his hands?”
”All excellent questions,” Hakyeon mutters. Worry raids his body at the sight of Jaehwan's lifeless expression. ”Does anyone have an umbrella?”
The others exchange looks. ”You can borrow mine,” Taekwoon says in the end, and Hakyeon gives him a look of gratitude before stepping away from the window.
”Thank you. Where is it?”
As soon as Hakyeon steps outside, black umbrella in hand, he realizes it won't help him in the slightest. The rain seems to fall in every direction, even horizontally, even finding its way into his ears within seconds of stepping out onto the street. He winces, and though he squints, he manages to take in the look of relief on Jaehwan's face when the younger sees Hakyeon coming towards him.
”Are you crazy?” Hakyeon demands once he's reached him, pulling the other in under his umbrella, but fighting the urge to give him a wet hug. He's very aware that the others are probably still watching from the windows. ”What are you doing here?”
Jaehwan smiles at him. ”I wanted to talk to you.”
Hakyeon can't help but smile back, though it's somewhat incredulously. ”Well, how long have you been out here for? Why didn't you come inside?”
”Oh, just fifteen minutes or so,” Jaehwan says with a shrug. He's trembling, soaked to the bone, and Hakyeon bites down the scolding that wants to come out. There'll be time for that later. ”I made you a sign,” the younger continues, looking down to his hands, ”but it got wet. So it's ruined.”
Hakyeon merely blinks, dumbfounded. ”Well, let's go inside and you can tell me what's going on, okay? You're practically frozen- what were you thinking, standing here-” He grabs Jaehwan's arm, about to pull him with him back into the warmth of his office, but Jaehwan stands firm, pulling his arm out of Hakyeon's grip. He doesn't even flinch when Hakyeon moves away and the rain once again drenches him from head to toe.
”Jaehwan?” Hakyeon asks, moving back to cover them both with the umbrella again. ”What's wrong?”
Jaehwan's voice is shaking when he speaks. ”I didn't want to say it like this,” he begins, droplets of water running down his face, through his hair, dripping from his clothes. ”But to be honest, it gives it that poetic touch I could never achieve on my own.”
Hakyeon feels sick with worry. ”What?”
Jaehwan shakes his head, a droplet of water running past his lips. ”Because the rain will fall. That's what you always say, isn't it?”
Hakyeon nods in confusion.
”And the rain will stop. Eventually, the rain will stop.”
”Yes,” Hakyeon agrees.
”Just like feelings of pain, suffering, mourning, fear and anxiety will come,” Jaehwan continues, eyes intense as they look into Hakyeon's. ”Because just like the rain, they are natural. And just like the rain, they will stop. Eventually.”
Hakyeon nods. ”That's right.”
”What I mean to say is...” Jaehwan tries, voice breaking as he looks down to their feet. ”I spent the first twenty something years of my life being terrified of everything. And you... You tried to show me there was nothing to be afraid of. That what I truly feared was... failure. And that underneath the fear of failure, laid the fear of dying.”
”Jaehwan...” Hakyeon tries, but Jaehwan shakes his head again.
”You tried for so long to teach me that nothing is so bad that I will just drop dead. There's no such thing as an emotional disaster so severe that will break me beyond repair. Sorrow will come, disappointment will come, the loss will cripple me for a while but given time, life will take me somewhere else, towards new opportunities. Nothing stays the same forever. Isn't that right?”
Hakyeon nods. ”That's right,” he repeats, and reaches out to place his fingers against Jaehwan's chin, tilting his face up. ”What's going on? Did something happen?”
Jaehwan remains silent for another few moments, eyes shifting from side to side as he faces Hakyeon's gaze. ”Never... Not once, during all the years when you tried to help me, did you make me feel like I was hopeless, or a lost cause. Not once.”
Hakyeon gives a soft smile. ”Because you weren't.”
”You're right,” Jaehwan nods. ”I wasn't. But I felt like I was. And it meant so much to me that you didn't seem to agree.”
Hakyeon says nothing, but places a hand on Jaehwan's arm. Jaehwan doesn't take his hand, pre-occupied with holding the sign, but Hakyeon figures it's okay.
”You've made me into a fearless person,” Jaehwan says, and his voice comes out thick now, as if it's strangled by unshed tears. ”One that trusts in life. And for that, I don't think I have enough years of my life left to show you just how thankful for I am.”
Hakyeon feels tears well up in his own eyes, and he grips Jaehwan's arm tighter. ”It wasn't me,” he says. ”Jaehwan, that's not something someone else can ever do. It was you. All you.”
”Okay, so you helped me become who I am today,” Jaehwan says, shaking the rain out of his eyes. ”Because if it wasn't for you, I would still be the scared little boy I was when we first met. Someone who doesn't dare to live. And that's the truth.”
”I'm glad,” Hakyeon says, and coughs, because his voice comes out sounding as choked as Jaehwan's.
”Now,” Jaehwan says, chest heaving in a heavy, deep breath. ”I know that no matter what happens, everything will be okay in the end. And I can apply that fearless mindset to everything in my life... except for one thing.” Hakyeon waits, lets go of Jaehwan's arm and allows him to collect his words. ”And that's the thought of losing you.”
”Hey,” Hakyeon begins, stepping a little bit closer.
”No, let me explain,” Jaehwan interrupts. ”Losing you is the only thing I don't see myself ever recovering from. I can't see myself living this way, or any way, really, without you.”
Heart aching as it races, Hakyeon blinks the tears out of his eyes. ”I'm not going anywhere.”
Jaehwan smiles. ”I think... Since neither of us are afraid anymore... You and me could overcome anything.”
”We can,” Hakyeon says. ”We can.”
”So,” Jaehwan continues, taking a step back. ”That's why.”
Before Hakyeon can process what is happening, Jaehwan has sunk down on one knee, the sign pressed to his side by his arm as he struggles to pull out a small box from the pocket of his hoodie.
Hakyeon's hand comes up to cover his open mouth before he realizes what he's doing. ”Jaehwan,” he says, numb with shock while the love he carries for the other man runs wild through his body.
”Cha Hakyeon,” Jaehwan starts, and Hakyeon thinks he might faint.
”Wait,” he says, ”wait, wait a second.”
But Jaehwan spares him no thought, only grinning at Hakyeon's shocked face. He opens the box, revealing a small ring, instantly drenched by the rain. ”Will you marry me?”
Hakyeon lets the umbrella fall to the ground, and yelps as he is soaked down to the bone within seconds. He doesn't cover his eyes when he cries, because the tears are washed away by the rain instantly either way. Jaehwan struggles with one hand to turn the sign, and in the wet mess of Hakyeon's favorite colors, he can barely make out the words Cha Hakyeon, will you marry me? written straight across. He hears the words in Jaehwan's voice as he reads them, and they echo back to him, a flashback to the moment he is still in, and he knows he will never forget this second, this minute, this day, when he was so happy he couldn't breathe.
He drops to his knees, throws his arms around Jaehwan's neck and clings to him as he cries. ”Of course I will,” he sobs, and Jaehwan's arms wrap around him, holding him tighter than they ever have before. He doesn't need to wonder if the wetness in Jaehwan's eyes when he pulls back is tears or rain; he already knows what Jaehwan looks like when he cries, even if he makes no sound, knows it just as well as he knows himself.
While Jaehwan places the ring on Hakyeon's finger to the sound of Hakyeon's unrestrained crying, the wind starts pulling Taekwoon's umbrella away, sending it crawling slowly down the sidewalk. It doesn't go far at first, so Hakyeon ignores it in favor of entwining his fingers with Jaehwan's and watching the ring fit between them as if it's the most natural thing in the world.
Jaehwan pushes the fingers of his free hand into Hakyeon's hair, pressing their lips together in a firm kiss, and suddenly the wind picks up its strength and sends the umbrella flying down the street. Hakyeon pulls back, gives a soft ”uh-oh,” through his tears and makes to get up, but Jaehwan pulls him back down. ”It's just an umbrella. We'll get a new one. Now kiss me again.”
”It's not ours,” Hakyeon replies. ”It's Taekwoon's.”
Jaehwan's eyes widen. ”Taekwoon's?” he repeats, and suddenly they're both on their feet, chasing the escaped umbrella down the street, hands clasped tightly, rain in their eyes and laughter tumbling out their mouths as they run.
It's okay that they didn't get the opportunity to take a walk in the sunshine today, because even in the rain, neither of them has ever been so happy. And that's about to become their standard.