Judas, Can You See?

[sydneylover150]

Title: Judas' Lament
Author:

Comments

[magegirl8]

Because life isn’t easy, I don’t need your lies
Telling there will one day be a sunrise

that second line needs be altered to fit the rhythmic flow of the poem beter. 'one day' and 'there will' need to be switched. It's more flowy and good. (also, I don't like the way 'telling' sounds)

maybe:
Saying one day there will be a sunrise. ...?

[magegirl8]

ps. I forgot to say I like it very much!! especially the House/Wilson hints at the end.... ^___________^

[sydneylover150]

*Laughs* Thanks. I tried. I'll fix this when I have time after class. Thank you again!