The Way She Saw It
I made a huge Playlist table that I plan on finishing before summer ends, so here’s the first fic. It’s a series of stand alones, the only thing connecting them being Bobby and/or John. The rating’s will vary between G-NC-17, if all goes to plan. Some will be song fics, others, like this one, the main theme of the song will be there. Check the A/N to figure out which song is which.
Title: The Way She Saw It
Author: Kendra sykoxfreak
Disclaimer: Not mine. I just use them for my own sick twisted ways, and I put them back when I’m done.
Summary: This is the story of Bobby/John, through my eyes.
Rating: PG-13, for thoughts of murder and swear words.
POV: 1st person; Marie.
Author’s Note’s: I’ve haven’t written in 1st person in a while, but I’m happy with it. Now, read!!!! Comments are my frosting to my cupcake. This is for my playlist table. Prompt 5. Rihanna-Unfaithful, even though Rascal Flatts’ ‘What’s Hurts the Most’ is in the fic, it is not the prompt.
The Playlist
The way I saw it, Bobby loved John. Love, Loved him. Not like a brother or a friend, but more. Way more. Like, how Ororo loves Logan but refused to admit it, or the way Scott and Jean love one another. Or the way Kitty and Jubilee…well, you know. At times, I think it was this way before I came, and I’m a tool that they use to get each other jealous. Jubilee always told me that jealous, angry, or make-up sex is always the best type of sex.
I don’t wanna think about that.
Sometimes, I hate myself for not seeing it earlier. The lingering stares, the sweet smiles John sent Bobby when he was sure that no one was looking, the hungry look Bobby’s eyes get whenever John’s shirt rides up. I never really saw it, probably because I didn’t want to, until the day John left. At the Goddamned lake, I fucking saw it. And using the only word I possibly could, I labeled it. Love. Pure, true love. And my heart broke.
I consider myself a tad selfish, because the first thing I though was "Good. Now Bobby’s all mine." But the first thing I saw was Bobby’s emotion clouded eyes. There was regret that he didn’t go after John; there was the pain that made my chest hurt; and the hatred that seemed directed towards me. But what I saw the most?
The Heartbreak.
But Bobby, being Bobby, puts on a smiling face for everybody, and tries to act like nothings wrong. He tries so hard to pay attention to the words I say, but I know that everyday and every moment we’re together, he’s thinking about John.
His true love, John.
And this makes me feel like shit. But me, being Marie, was craving some sort of human interaction, so I acted like I noticed nothing. Because he’s my true love. And love’s suppose to be easy, but it isn’t. And just to complicate things even more…
John came back. He came back and fucked everything up! It was about two months later, and it was Remy who told Bobby. I hate Remy. Bobby dropped everything, that included my hand, and rushed to his side.
I always though that they held that hug too long, and both seemed too happy to go to their room. But I shrugged my shoulders and let them go "catch up." I was use to being shrugged off like that. It’s just happened to me for my entire life. You get use to things like that after a while.
About five minuets later, I remembered that I still needed to tell Bobby that I promised to hang out with the girls, so I wouldn’t be able to make it to our date. It was just such a habit of walking in without knocking, that’s what I did.
Sometimes, I ask God why didn’t He stop me?
Bobby had John pressed against the wall, hard. They were connected hands, hips, and lips. Bobby was slowly raising John’s arms above his head, and John was moaning-damn near mewling-into Bobby’s mouth. The room was slowly gathering frost, and goosebumps were creeping up my skin when I heard it, oh-so-quietly.
"I love you, St. John." It was Bobby.
"I love you too, Bobby."
They were too wrapped up in each other to notice me open the door, and they were too much in a hurry to get each other’s pants off to notice the light click of the door.
I think from that moment on, I went on autopilot. I went to my last class of the day, acted like nothing was wrong during dinner. I hung out with Kitty and Jubilee and they didn’t see that anything was wrong. I even gossiped a little. Surprisingly, it was Kitty who brought up John. It was just Jubilee who followed though with it.
"I think he likes you, Rogue," she said, winking. I smile at the pet name, and before I thought about it, it came rushing out.
"St. John already has someone," I must have smiled viciously because Kitty flinched, and Jubilee’s hand shot out protectively.
"Did I hear my name?" John asked, popping his head into the den we were sitting in. I turned around, and I could see it. The afterglow. I felt my eyes narrow, and I shot invisible daggers at the boy. He completely missed my gaze, and did that annoying smirk he always does. "Three hot chicks talking about moi? I’m shocked." Kitty chuckled and my gaze was on her. She quickly covered her mouth and shied away from me. Jubilee grabbed her hand, and she was suddenly sitting in front of the girl, giving me a look that said she was ready when I was. I turned away from them and faced John.
"Get out of here," I hiss, my voice garbled from my clenched jaw. He cocked his head to the side, blonde-brown fringe falling in his eyes. "Git!" I yell, the Mississippi girl in my kicking out.
"God, PMSing much?" John asked running his hand through hair. I saw Bobby all over him. I could hear him moaning in my ears, and I could hear Bobby’s husky whisper, "I love you, John." I never wanted to kill someone so much than in that one moment. I closed my eyes as he waved bye to Kitty and Jubes.
Behind my lids, I see everything I wanted to do to him. My black satin glove was on the ground and John’s flesh was hot under my fingertips. I was smiling at him, and in his brown glazed eyes, I could see that the smile was of pure hate. Hate for him, hate for Bobby, and even hate for myself. I could see his veins pop out in his face, as I stole his memories. I drained everything I could from the bastard. I took everything so that when he woke up, he wouldn’t even remember who he was more or less, who Bobby was. I was John now, I was everything that he was, I was everything that Bobby loved. Except, unlike John, I was a girl and virtually untouchable.
Behind my lids, Bobby rounded the corner and saw John laying on the ground. He comes over to me. I’m expecting a kiss, but my brain’s betrayed me, and Bobby smacks me, hard. He looks at me in disgust, and falls to his knees next to John’s worn body. Bobby gathers John in his arms, and then it hits me. Bobby doesn’t love John because of the smirk, or the fire controlling, or the wit. He loves John because of everything he’s not. I have a sudden creeping feeling.
He loves John because he’s everything I’m not.
My lids shoot open, and Jubilee is standing in front of me. Her forehead is creased with worry, and her brown eyes looked a shade darker than they should. Kitty was off to the side, holding the glove that I wasn’t aware came off. Kitty was trying to stop the shaking, but failed because I saw it plain as day.
"Sorry. I had to smack you. You looked ready to kill," She says, breaking me from the illusion I created for myself. I shove her away, snatch the glove from Kitty’s hands, and say, "I was."
A few weeks pass, and I try to get over the Bobby/John thing. I even go out on a few (2) ‘dates’ with Bobby. He’s still distracted and he thinks that I don’t notice, but damnit, I do! No one noticed anything with Bobby, but that could be because they were together way before little ol’ me rolled around. But the girls notice that somethings off with me.
So, Jubilee plans this huge thing where a bunch of girls got together and we go to the ‘movies’. That, kiddies, is code for we’re sneaking into a club illegally. Don’t worry, we won’t get in trouble, Ms. Munroe’s with us. If she’s promised a peach and lime Dariqui, she’ll go anywhere.
I was having a great time. Dancing too close to random guys, laughing and forgetting my woes. I even considered to ‘get out of this place and get something to eat’ with some guy named Richard. Turns out Dick was a dick, because he left me when I turned around and he off was chasing a slut whose tits were bigger than mine. But besides that, I was happy for the first time in a while. Then I heard it. The DJ was doing requests for at least three hours now, when I heard my favorite song start up.
My heart jumped in my throat as I looked around, hopeful, that maybe, just maybe, Bobby was there and this was his way of apologizing. This was his way of telling me that the whole John thing was nothing but a fling, and he loved me, flaws and all. I cast my gaze over the crowd one more time when I saw him. He was smiling that Bobby smile, and was looking right at me, but the look seemed to pass through me.
"Hey, party people! This is the last request of the night, and I know it’s a slow one, but this is for two lovers out there in the crowd who’s been going through a rough patch, and one of ‘em wanted me to tell you something, John," The DJ cried in his mic. You could hear the smile in his voice. "This is from Bobby. He really loves ya, man. I’ve never had someone actually beg to play a song."
Rascal Flatts’ "What Hurts the Most" started and some one pushed past me. John found himself in Bobby’s arm, and I found myself at the bar ordering tequila after tequila. Jubilee and Kitty had to drag me away from the bar, kicking and screaming, hot tears running down my cheeks. And right before I passed out, I saw John leaning into Bobby. Bobby was leaning down to kiss John back, and it was like it was in slow motion. Then I saw it.
I saw the love.
When I woke up the next morning, I found myself in Jubilee’s bed. The Cantonese girl was comfortably curled around Kitty, protecting her from the cruelty of heartbreak that she’ll never experience, because Jubilee loved her. The was Bobby loves John, or how Jean loves Scott, or the way Ororo loves peach and lime dariquis, and even Logan, when no one’s looking. But what was there for me? Bobby was unfaithful to me. He cheated on me with another boy. Or was Bobby unfaithful to John because he dated me? I never saw it that way, but either way, Bobby’s an unfaithful little bastard.
I stood up, and nearly toppled back on the bed. Tequila is officially not my friend. I stood up, successful this time, and quietly snuck out of the room. The light was too bright, and the quiet murmur of the students was too loud that I thought that my ear drums were bleeding, and my head was pounding, but somehow I found myself at Bobby’s door. There were voices inside the room, and they didn’t sound happy. I swallowed the pain, and sat my ear on the door.
"When are you gonna end it with her?" It was John. He sounded tearful, and that broke my heart more than the fact that Bobby was cheating. The voice was that of a broken man.
"I-I don’t know, Johnny."
There was a quiet sniffle. "How do you not know?"
"I don’t know!"
"Do you love her?"
"Not the way I love you."
"Then why lead her along like this?"
"It’ll break her heart."
"It’ll kill her if she finds us asleep together, or making out or something!"
"…I’ll consider it…"
There was something shattering then John’s voice, now as strong as an ox, yelling. "I came back, Drake, because you promised-promised-that you’d tell people about us. That you’d love me outside this fucking room. If you can’t love me in the light then Don’t Love Me At All!"
I jumped back, just in time for the door to fly open, and nearly hit me. I hid behind it, watching John go down the hall, angrily wiping away tears. People were jumping out of the way of his warpath. Bobby came in the hall and watched John walk away, running a hand though his hair. He slammed the door shut with a frustrated growl, when he saw me. His eyes grew wide.
"Oh, Marie," He cooed gently and his hand reached out and wiped away a tear I wasn’t aware that I was shedding. I flinched away from the coolness, and that gave me a dizzy spell.
"Don’t," I hiss, my arms instinctively wrapping around me. "I’m not gonna make you stay with me this time. Go get him if you want."
"What about you?"
"Do you love him?" I ask, a higher power taking control of me.
"Yes, I do."
"Then run to him. You won’t be happy with yourself if you don’t. I’ll be fine, Bobby."
He smiles that Bobby smile at me, as I turn away. I hear the soft thumps of Bobby’s feet as he takes my advice and runs to John.
I smile to myself, a bitter one, and kick the voice that kicked me for thinking that there was always something more. Ahh, sweet irony.
So, it’s been two weeks since Bobby and I split. I still love him dearly, but I carry no torch for him. Actually, Remy’s starting to look pretty cute. Anyway, they came out together two days ago. Bobby decided to take advanced Calculus, while everyone (And I mean everyone) else is taking English Lit. We were in this class when it happened.
Bobby came in when Mr. Summers was talking about the importance of Hemingway. He had that determined look upon his face. He walked around to the farthest side of the classroom, to where John was sitting.
"Mr.…Drake? Do you need anything?" Mr. Summers asked, and the look of pure shock struck Bobby’s face said that he didn’t realize anyone else but John was in the room. But that would be a common mistake, because John was radiating a glow that could not be comparable. I sighed painfully as Bobby shook his head.
"Nothing, sir," he stopped in front of John’s desk. The two shared quiet words that were meant for lovers ears only as I laid my head down on my open book.
Bobby’s hands were gripping the edges of his boyfriend’s desk and leaned down. John leaned up slightly, and they were kissing softly, both acting as if the other was fine China. The room gasped and Mr. Summers dropped his book. Bobby broke the kiss first, and swiped his fingers across the pouty lips of his boyfriend and walked away.
"Wow." John’s whisper filled the quiet room as if he screamed it. His breath came out in a wispy cold cloud, just like in winter when you breath outside.
Silently, to myself, I whisper, "That’s my line."
Title: The Way She Saw It
Author: Kendra sykoxfreak
Disclaimer: Not mine. I just use them for my own sick twisted ways, and I put them back when I’m done.
Summary: This is the story of Bobby/John, through my eyes.
Rating: PG-13, for thoughts of murder and swear words.
POV: 1st person; Marie.
Author’s Note’s: I’ve haven’t written in 1st person in a while, but I’m happy with it. Now, read!!!! Comments are my frosting to my cupcake. This is for my playlist table. Prompt 5. Rihanna-Unfaithful, even though Rascal Flatts’ ‘What’s Hurts the Most’ is in the fic, it is not the prompt.
The Playlist
The way I saw it, Bobby loved John. Love, Loved him. Not like a brother or a friend, but more. Way more. Like, how Ororo loves Logan but refused to admit it, or the way Scott and Jean love one another. Or the way Kitty and Jubilee…well, you know. At times, I think it was this way before I came, and I’m a tool that they use to get each other jealous. Jubilee always told me that jealous, angry, or make-up sex is always the best type of sex.
I don’t wanna think about that.
Sometimes, I hate myself for not seeing it earlier. The lingering stares, the sweet smiles John sent Bobby when he was sure that no one was looking, the hungry look Bobby’s eyes get whenever John’s shirt rides up. I never really saw it, probably because I didn’t want to, until the day John left. At the Goddamned lake, I fucking saw it. And using the only word I possibly could, I labeled it. Love. Pure, true love. And my heart broke.
I consider myself a tad selfish, because the first thing I though was "Good. Now Bobby’s all mine." But the first thing I saw was Bobby’s emotion clouded eyes. There was regret that he didn’t go after John; there was the pain that made my chest hurt; and the hatred that seemed directed towards me. But what I saw the most?
The Heartbreak.
But Bobby, being Bobby, puts on a smiling face for everybody, and tries to act like nothings wrong. He tries so hard to pay attention to the words I say, but I know that everyday and every moment we’re together, he’s thinking about John.
His true love, John.
And this makes me feel like shit. But me, being Marie, was craving some sort of human interaction, so I acted like I noticed nothing. Because he’s my true love. And love’s suppose to be easy, but it isn’t. And just to complicate things even more…
John came back. He came back and fucked everything up! It was about two months later, and it was Remy who told Bobby. I hate Remy. Bobby dropped everything, that included my hand, and rushed to his side.
I always though that they held that hug too long, and both seemed too happy to go to their room. But I shrugged my shoulders and let them go "catch up." I was use to being shrugged off like that. It’s just happened to me for my entire life. You get use to things like that after a while.
About five minuets later, I remembered that I still needed to tell Bobby that I promised to hang out with the girls, so I wouldn’t be able to make it to our date. It was just such a habit of walking in without knocking, that’s what I did.
Sometimes, I ask God why didn’t He stop me?
Bobby had John pressed against the wall, hard. They were connected hands, hips, and lips. Bobby was slowly raising John’s arms above his head, and John was moaning-damn near mewling-into Bobby’s mouth. The room was slowly gathering frost, and goosebumps were creeping up my skin when I heard it, oh-so-quietly.
"I love you, St. John." It was Bobby.
"I love you too, Bobby."
They were too wrapped up in each other to notice me open the door, and they were too much in a hurry to get each other’s pants off to notice the light click of the door.
I think from that moment on, I went on autopilot. I went to my last class of the day, acted like nothing was wrong during dinner. I hung out with Kitty and Jubilee and they didn’t see that anything was wrong. I even gossiped a little. Surprisingly, it was Kitty who brought up John. It was just Jubilee who followed though with it.
"I think he likes you, Rogue," she said, winking. I smile at the pet name, and before I thought about it, it came rushing out.
"St. John already has someone," I must have smiled viciously because Kitty flinched, and Jubilee’s hand shot out protectively.
"Did I hear my name?" John asked, popping his head into the den we were sitting in. I turned around, and I could see it. The afterglow. I felt my eyes narrow, and I shot invisible daggers at the boy. He completely missed my gaze, and did that annoying smirk he always does. "Three hot chicks talking about moi? I’m shocked." Kitty chuckled and my gaze was on her. She quickly covered her mouth and shied away from me. Jubilee grabbed her hand, and she was suddenly sitting in front of the girl, giving me a look that said she was ready when I was. I turned away from them and faced John.
"Get out of here," I hiss, my voice garbled from my clenched jaw. He cocked his head to the side, blonde-brown fringe falling in his eyes. "Git!" I yell, the Mississippi girl in my kicking out.
"God, PMSing much?" John asked running his hand through hair. I saw Bobby all over him. I could hear him moaning in my ears, and I could hear Bobby’s husky whisper, "I love you, John." I never wanted to kill someone so much than in that one moment. I closed my eyes as he waved bye to Kitty and Jubes.
Behind my lids, I see everything I wanted to do to him. My black satin glove was on the ground and John’s flesh was hot under my fingertips. I was smiling at him, and in his brown glazed eyes, I could see that the smile was of pure hate. Hate for him, hate for Bobby, and even hate for myself. I could see his veins pop out in his face, as I stole his memories. I drained everything I could from the bastard. I took everything so that when he woke up, he wouldn’t even remember who he was more or less, who Bobby was. I was John now, I was everything that he was, I was everything that Bobby loved. Except, unlike John, I was a girl and virtually untouchable.
Behind my lids, Bobby rounded the corner and saw John laying on the ground. He comes over to me. I’m expecting a kiss, but my brain’s betrayed me, and Bobby smacks me, hard. He looks at me in disgust, and falls to his knees next to John’s worn body. Bobby gathers John in his arms, and then it hits me. Bobby doesn’t love John because of the smirk, or the fire controlling, or the wit. He loves John because of everything he’s not. I have a sudden creeping feeling.
He loves John because he’s everything I’m not.
My lids shoot open, and Jubilee is standing in front of me. Her forehead is creased with worry, and her brown eyes looked a shade darker than they should. Kitty was off to the side, holding the glove that I wasn’t aware came off. Kitty was trying to stop the shaking, but failed because I saw it plain as day.
"Sorry. I had to smack you. You looked ready to kill," She says, breaking me from the illusion I created for myself. I shove her away, snatch the glove from Kitty’s hands, and say, "I was."
A few weeks pass, and I try to get over the Bobby/John thing. I even go out on a few (2) ‘dates’ with Bobby. He’s still distracted and he thinks that I don’t notice, but damnit, I do! No one noticed anything with Bobby, but that could be because they were together way before little ol’ me rolled around. But the girls notice that somethings off with me.
So, Jubilee plans this huge thing where a bunch of girls got together and we go to the ‘movies’. That, kiddies, is code for we’re sneaking into a club illegally. Don’t worry, we won’t get in trouble, Ms. Munroe’s with us. If she’s promised a peach and lime Dariqui, she’ll go anywhere.
I was having a great time. Dancing too close to random guys, laughing and forgetting my woes. I even considered to ‘get out of this place and get something to eat’ with some guy named Richard. Turns out Dick was a dick, because he left me when I turned around and he off was chasing a slut whose tits were bigger than mine. But besides that, I was happy for the first time in a while. Then I heard it. The DJ was doing requests for at least three hours now, when I heard my favorite song start up.
My heart jumped in my throat as I looked around, hopeful, that maybe, just maybe, Bobby was there and this was his way of apologizing. This was his way of telling me that the whole John thing was nothing but a fling, and he loved me, flaws and all. I cast my gaze over the crowd one more time when I saw him. He was smiling that Bobby smile, and was looking right at me, but the look seemed to pass through me.
"Hey, party people! This is the last request of the night, and I know it’s a slow one, but this is for two lovers out there in the crowd who’s been going through a rough patch, and one of ‘em wanted me to tell you something, John," The DJ cried in his mic. You could hear the smile in his voice. "This is from Bobby. He really loves ya, man. I’ve never had someone actually beg to play a song."
Rascal Flatts’ "What Hurts the Most" started and some one pushed past me. John found himself in Bobby’s arm, and I found myself at the bar ordering tequila after tequila. Jubilee and Kitty had to drag me away from the bar, kicking and screaming, hot tears running down my cheeks. And right before I passed out, I saw John leaning into Bobby. Bobby was leaning down to kiss John back, and it was like it was in slow motion. Then I saw it.
I saw the love.
When I woke up the next morning, I found myself in Jubilee’s bed. The Cantonese girl was comfortably curled around Kitty, protecting her from the cruelty of heartbreak that she’ll never experience, because Jubilee loved her. The was Bobby loves John, or how Jean loves Scott, or the way Ororo loves peach and lime dariquis, and even Logan, when no one’s looking. But what was there for me? Bobby was unfaithful to me. He cheated on me with another boy. Or was Bobby unfaithful to John because he dated me? I never saw it that way, but either way, Bobby’s an unfaithful little bastard.
I stood up, and nearly toppled back on the bed. Tequila is officially not my friend. I stood up, successful this time, and quietly snuck out of the room. The light was too bright, and the quiet murmur of the students was too loud that I thought that my ear drums were bleeding, and my head was pounding, but somehow I found myself at Bobby’s door. There were voices inside the room, and they didn’t sound happy. I swallowed the pain, and sat my ear on the door.
"When are you gonna end it with her?" It was John. He sounded tearful, and that broke my heart more than the fact that Bobby was cheating. The voice was that of a broken man.
"I-I don’t know, Johnny."
There was a quiet sniffle. "How do you not know?"
"I don’t know!"
"Do you love her?"
"Not the way I love you."
"Then why lead her along like this?"
"It’ll break her heart."
"It’ll kill her if she finds us asleep together, or making out or something!"
"…I’ll consider it…"
There was something shattering then John’s voice, now as strong as an ox, yelling. "I came back, Drake, because you promised-promised-that you’d tell people about us. That you’d love me outside this fucking room. If you can’t love me in the light then Don’t Love Me At All!"
I jumped back, just in time for the door to fly open, and nearly hit me. I hid behind it, watching John go down the hall, angrily wiping away tears. People were jumping out of the way of his warpath. Bobby came in the hall and watched John walk away, running a hand though his hair. He slammed the door shut with a frustrated growl, when he saw me. His eyes grew wide.
"Oh, Marie," He cooed gently and his hand reached out and wiped away a tear I wasn’t aware that I was shedding. I flinched away from the coolness, and that gave me a dizzy spell.
"Don’t," I hiss, my arms instinctively wrapping around me. "I’m not gonna make you stay with me this time. Go get him if you want."
"What about you?"
"Do you love him?" I ask, a higher power taking control of me.
"Yes, I do."
"Then run to him. You won’t be happy with yourself if you don’t. I’ll be fine, Bobby."
He smiles that Bobby smile at me, as I turn away. I hear the soft thumps of Bobby’s feet as he takes my advice and runs to John.
I smile to myself, a bitter one, and kick the voice that kicked me for thinking that there was always something more. Ahh, sweet irony.
So, it’s been two weeks since Bobby and I split. I still love him dearly, but I carry no torch for him. Actually, Remy’s starting to look pretty cute. Anyway, they came out together two days ago. Bobby decided to take advanced Calculus, while everyone (And I mean everyone) else is taking English Lit. We were in this class when it happened.
Bobby came in when Mr. Summers was talking about the importance of Hemingway. He had that determined look upon his face. He walked around to the farthest side of the classroom, to where John was sitting.
"Mr.…Drake? Do you need anything?" Mr. Summers asked, and the look of pure shock struck Bobby’s face said that he didn’t realize anyone else but John was in the room. But that would be a common mistake, because John was radiating a glow that could not be comparable. I sighed painfully as Bobby shook his head.
"Nothing, sir," he stopped in front of John’s desk. The two shared quiet words that were meant for lovers ears only as I laid my head down on my open book.
Bobby’s hands were gripping the edges of his boyfriend’s desk and leaned down. John leaned up slightly, and they were kissing softly, both acting as if the other was fine China. The room gasped and Mr. Summers dropped his book. Bobby broke the kiss first, and swiped his fingers across the pouty lips of his boyfriend and walked away.
"Wow." John’s whisper filled the quiet room as if he screamed it. His breath came out in a wispy cold cloud, just like in winter when you breath outside.
Silently, to myself, I whisper, "That’s my line."