So very, very annoyed.
TCGPlayer $5k tournament in Philly today. I expect about 3 of you reading this to understand any of it at all, and about one of you to have anything approaching knowledge of the cards being talked about...
I'm running Green/White tokens. Pretty much what it sounds like; a bunch of token producers, plus global pump effect of your choice (I'm using Eldrazi Monument).
Round 1 (Red Deck Wins): I get run over by gigantic Plated Geopedes in game 1. Games 2 and 3 are different stories, though, because I draw 2x Wall of Reverence in both. It seems that Red decks aren't fond of 1/6 walls that gain you life each turn.
1-0, 2-1
Round 2 (Blue/White Control): Game one, I have a hand of 2x Conqueror's Pledge, 2x Monument. He counters the first of each, but the second ones stick and beat in his face. Game two, he smacks me around with a Baneslayer Angel for a while until I draw a Monument and am able to swarm-block the dang thing. Then I manage to bait out his counters until I can drop a Realm Razer. It's easy to defeat a player when neither of you have lands, but you have a 4/2 beatstick!
2-0, 4-1
Round 3 (White Weenie): He gets mana-screwed both games. Also, Qasali Pride-Mage is good at blowing up Oblivion Rings. Match was still at least vaguely competitive, though, since about half his deck costs two mana. Amusing situation in game two where I sac more fetchlands than I have lands that can be fetched, resulting in me taking unnecessary damage and actually reducing my land count. In summation, I'm an idiot, but even idiots can win games.
3-0, 6-1
Round 4 (The Mirror-match!): I get to play against Jonathan Sukenik, who has played on the Pro Tour, has like a gazillion PTQ top 8's, and who top 8'd States this year. He's running about 56 of the same 60 cards that I am. The difference is that he has Overrun instead of Eldrazi Monument. Overrun's much better in the mirror, because I have no good way of dealing with Trample damage. This forces me to just try to out-aggro him and pray that he doesn't draw Overrun. He draws Overrun both games. Jonathan goes on to top 8 this tournament, too.
3-1, 6-3
Round 5 (Warp World Combo): Game one, I run him over, seeing all of about 5 cards on his side of the table. From what I see (Rampant Growth, Sprouting Thrinax, Bloodbraid Elf, and Siege-Gang Commander), I put him on Jund. This leads to me horribly mis-sideboarding for game 2. All of this doesn't really matter, though, since I have l33t top-decking skills, and I draw answer after answer for everything he plays.
4-1, 8-3
Round 6 (Jund): I get run over in game one after mulling to 5. Then he gets manascrewed hardcore in games 2 and 3. This entire match wasn't close in any of the games. Also, my opponent was generally a jerk. I felt bad that he got screwed, but not too bad since he was such an ass.
5-1, 10-4
Round 7 (Mirror! Again!): Hooray! I get to play against another guy with about a dozen PTQ top 8 pins attached to his playmat. Game one, he draws Monument. I don't. Game two was utterly absurd. We both have things approaching god draws. Unfortunately, all this does is lead to one of the largest board stalls I've ever seen. We each have about a dozen soldier tokens, half a dozen bird tokens, a couple of random ground dudes, and Walls of Reverence. He unfortunately has two Baneslayers in play, which means that even after I'm swinging for about 40 damage a turn, he's only taking about 10-15. I'm slowly but surely grinding him into dog meat via alpha-striking turn after turn, while gaining 20 life a turn off of my own Walls plus Knights of the Reliquary (who are each 10/10 by this point), sending my life total into the stratosphere. The problem is that we're running very low on time, and all he has to do is stall, since he won game one. He manages to do that. Life totals at the 'end' of this game had him at 20 (again! Baneslayers gained him a ton of life early on, when I was just chumping with Monument out). I finished the game at 196. Unfortunately, he wins 1-0-1. I've come to the conclusion that the mirror match is stupid. Also, it makes me want to repeatedly beat my face into the wall. It's that much fun.
5-2, 10-5
Round 8 (Jund): My hand is crap in game one, and I die quickly. Game two, I make a play mistake by going aggro too early when I should have sat back and played defense for a few more turns. I pay for it when I discover that my opponent's hand has all 4 Bituminous Blasts, all of which hit more removal spells with the Cascade. I love Jund. It's so easy, a caveman could play it! Also, my opponent is playing without sleeves on his cards. Who does that anymore?
5-3, 10-7
Round 9 (Red White Blue Planeswalker Control): I get blown out by Earthquake game one. Game two, I get to blow him out with Realm Razer. Game three highlights one of the weak points of my deck; namely, that I have virtually no removal. This becomes a problem once I establish near-complete board control (I love killing Baneslayers via gang-blocking with Monument on the table), but lose to the alternate win condition on Felidar Sovereign (if you have 40+ life on upkeep, you win the game). My opponent taps down my dude with Ajani Vengeant, kills the other guy with Chandra, gains some life via lands, and then just sits there and waits to see if I can kill the Sovereign. I can't.
Final record: 5-4, 11-9 in games
Sigh. I'd thought I'd do better after starting 5-1, but it was not to be. Grumble mutter growl.
I'm running Green/White tokens. Pretty much what it sounds like; a bunch of token producers, plus global pump effect of your choice (I'm using Eldrazi Monument).
Round 1 (Red Deck Wins): I get run over by gigantic Plated Geopedes in game 1. Games 2 and 3 are different stories, though, because I draw 2x Wall of Reverence in both. It seems that Red decks aren't fond of 1/6 walls that gain you life each turn.
1-0, 2-1
Round 2 (Blue/White Control): Game one, I have a hand of 2x Conqueror's Pledge, 2x Monument. He counters the first of each, but the second ones stick and beat in his face. Game two, he smacks me around with a Baneslayer Angel for a while until I draw a Monument and am able to swarm-block the dang thing. Then I manage to bait out his counters until I can drop a Realm Razer. It's easy to defeat a player when neither of you have lands, but you have a 4/2 beatstick!
2-0, 4-1
Round 3 (White Weenie): He gets mana-screwed both games. Also, Qasali Pride-Mage is good at blowing up Oblivion Rings. Match was still at least vaguely competitive, though, since about half his deck costs two mana. Amusing situation in game two where I sac more fetchlands than I have lands that can be fetched, resulting in me taking unnecessary damage and actually reducing my land count. In summation, I'm an idiot, but even idiots can win games.
3-0, 6-1
Round 4 (The Mirror-match!): I get to play against Jonathan Sukenik, who has played on the Pro Tour, has like a gazillion PTQ top 8's, and who top 8'd States this year. He's running about 56 of the same 60 cards that I am. The difference is that he has Overrun instead of Eldrazi Monument. Overrun's much better in the mirror, because I have no good way of dealing with Trample damage. This forces me to just try to out-aggro him and pray that he doesn't draw Overrun. He draws Overrun both games. Jonathan goes on to top 8 this tournament, too.
3-1, 6-3
Round 5 (Warp World Combo): Game one, I run him over, seeing all of about 5 cards on his side of the table. From what I see (Rampant Growth, Sprouting Thrinax, Bloodbraid Elf, and Siege-Gang Commander), I put him on Jund. This leads to me horribly mis-sideboarding for game 2. All of this doesn't really matter, though, since I have l33t top-decking skills, and I draw answer after answer for everything he plays.
4-1, 8-3
Round 6 (Jund): I get run over in game one after mulling to 5. Then he gets manascrewed hardcore in games 2 and 3. This entire match wasn't close in any of the games. Also, my opponent was generally a jerk. I felt bad that he got screwed, but not too bad since he was such an ass.
5-1, 10-4
Round 7 (Mirror! Again!): Hooray! I get to play against another guy with about a dozen PTQ top 8 pins attached to his playmat. Game one, he draws Monument. I don't. Game two was utterly absurd. We both have things approaching god draws. Unfortunately, all this does is lead to one of the largest board stalls I've ever seen. We each have about a dozen soldier tokens, half a dozen bird tokens, a couple of random ground dudes, and Walls of Reverence. He unfortunately has two Baneslayers in play, which means that even after I'm swinging for about 40 damage a turn, he's only taking about 10-15. I'm slowly but surely grinding him into dog meat via alpha-striking turn after turn, while gaining 20 life a turn off of my own Walls plus Knights of the Reliquary (who are each 10/10 by this point), sending my life total into the stratosphere. The problem is that we're running very low on time, and all he has to do is stall, since he won game one. He manages to do that. Life totals at the 'end' of this game had him at 20 (again! Baneslayers gained him a ton of life early on, when I was just chumping with Monument out). I finished the game at 196. Unfortunately, he wins 1-0-1. I've come to the conclusion that the mirror match is stupid. Also, it makes me want to repeatedly beat my face into the wall. It's that much fun.
5-2, 10-5
Round 8 (Jund): My hand is crap in game one, and I die quickly. Game two, I make a play mistake by going aggro too early when I should have sat back and played defense for a few more turns. I pay for it when I discover that my opponent's hand has all 4 Bituminous Blasts, all of which hit more removal spells with the Cascade. I love Jund. It's so easy, a caveman could play it! Also, my opponent is playing without sleeves on his cards. Who does that anymore?
5-3, 10-7
Round 9 (Red White Blue Planeswalker Control): I get blown out by Earthquake game one. Game two, I get to blow him out with Realm Razer. Game three highlights one of the weak points of my deck; namely, that I have virtually no removal. This becomes a problem once I establish near-complete board control (I love killing Baneslayers via gang-blocking with Monument on the table), but lose to the alternate win condition on Felidar Sovereign (if you have 40+ life on upkeep, you win the game). My opponent taps down my dude with Ajani Vengeant, kills the other guy with Chandra, gains some life via lands, and then just sits there and waits to see if I can kill the Sovereign. I can't.
Final record: 5-4, 11-9 in games
Sigh. I'd thought I'd do better after starting 5-1, but it was not to be. Grumble mutter growl.