The Rise of the House of Camelot
Summary: Sherril has taken an interest in the newfangled technology of moving pictures and made important advances in the field-all so he can create a cinematographic masterpiece starring his own beloved family.
Prompt: 027. Technology
Rated: PG-13 for Sherril
With a whirring sound, a bright rectangle appeared on a screen and cast light over a dark room. The light flickered and changed, bringing a sepia image into view.
A girl’s sturdy shoes. The camera pans upwards. A girl’s calves, her dark skirt, her vest, and finally her face. Her hair is tufted upwards and has pale ribbons in it. She stares at the camera blankly for a long moment, and then her mouth curves into a winning smile. The camera pans slowly back to her shoes.
A view of rooftops at night. The moon is out, and it’s drizzling. Twirling an umbrella, the girl skips across a rooftop. Disturbed pigeons fly from under the eaves. The girl sits on the roof’s peak and looks over the city.
A girl’s voice says, “Night. Rain. The moon. The rooftops. I feel more at home here, for the city has nothing for me any more. My umbrella does nothing for the rain in my heart, so I keep it closed, as my heart is now.”
A final few stray pigeons flap past. “Pigeons. Unlike them, I am alone.”
The scene cuts to a boxcar with a large window. It’s rattling past peaceful farm fields. A man in a tuxedo jacket and a top hat sits holding a spread of cards. Dark hair curls from under his top hat. The man lays down his cards, but instead the camera pans to reveal his opponent, a white-haired boy with a mark under his left eye. He is expressionless, even when he lays down his cards with his gnarled left hand and says, “It seems I win once more.”
“You’re a cunning opponent.” The man removes his tuxedo jacket. Underneath, he isn’t wearing a shirt. He sets the tuxedo jacket by the boy and shuffles the cards. The camera zooms in on his strong hands.
The white-haired boy wins the man’s top hat and socks. Through the window pass a smoking crater, an Asian palace, and a saloon before pitch blackness consumes the boxcar.
An electric light sputters on to show the boy standing with its cord in his hand. “It seems I am still fully clothed. Care to play once more?”
The man, his jaw set, nods. The boy shuffles the deck.
Another poker game, and the man clutches his pants to him before setting them on top of his tuxedo jacket. Now he is only in plain boxers. The camera stays on him, and only half of the next poker game is visible.
“I win again,” the boy says off-screen.
The man stands up and takes off his boxers.
A girl tittered, and from the front of the theater came a shriek and the sound of someone dropping an icy beverage. Muttered Portuguese cursing followed.
The man is still visible in his entirety. “I challenge you to one more game. I inherited those pants from my father, and he from his father before him, and he from his father before him, and he from his father before him, who would be my great-great-grandfather, who inherited them from… well, the point is, if I don’t get them back I’ll be severely beaten.”
“Very well.”
The camera stays on the man, although at least he is now sitting down. It focuses on his face. He looks perturbed as he scans the cards in his hand, discards and draws one. He lays down his hand and closes his eyes.
“It seems I have won. This makes me happy,” the boy says. The camera finally leaves the naked man and shows the boy’s emotionless face. He lifts his white bangs to reveal a reverse pentacle. “The truth is, you have just lost a bet to the Faerie Queene.”
In the night, the girl wipes away a single tear.
The scene: a bright springtime meadow. Among the high grass are lupine, daisies, and scattered chickens, all sepia.
“Once upon a time, there were two brothers,” says the girl’s voice.
A blond-haired young man in a white coat comes leaping through the grass. He has wide eyes and stitches over his mouth. A pretty, black-haired young man in a black coat soon comes running through the flowers after him. He narrowly misses stepping on a chicken, which scurries away in a panic.
Both young men are grinning. The blond youth halts and walks in a small circle, checking the grass before collapsing on his back. He giggles happily.
The dark-haired youth examines the ground and sits cross-legged next to him. “Truly, this is bliss.”
Amid the squawking of chickens, the camera approaches the two young men.
The blond youth giggles again. “Yes, only to be with you…”
“If only our love were not forbidden!” A brief shot of the dark-haired youth grinning manically, and the camera pans away to focus on a swaying stalk of lupine. Behind it, a chicken is pecking at the grass. “So, so forbidden,” the youth continues.
“Alas!” says the other. The camera swings back. The blond youth is trying to hide a too-wide smile with one hand.
“So very, horribly forbidden.”
“Really, really forbidden?”
“Yes,” says the dark-haired youth with an intensely serious expression. The camera closes in on him, then pans out as he removes the chicken sitting on his brother’s chest and bends over him.
Just then a large robed man with a cardboard shark fin attached to his head enters the scene and throws the blond youth over his shoulder. “Help! A shark!” the blond calls as the large man runs out of the flower- and chicken-filled spring meadow.
The camera focuses on the remaining brother’s look of open-mouthed shock, then pans to a sign at the edge of the meadow. It reads “LOVE FORBIDDEN AFTER 2:00 PM.”
Back to the black-haired youth sitting in the field where chickens scratch amongst the wildflowers. The girl narrates, “Yes, the two brothers were in love. Passionately. Deeply. With each other. But now one had been stolen away.” Her voice is deadpan. “The remaining brother desired nothing more than to be reunited with his lost brother again, to hold him in his arms, to taste of his kisses, and when they were a-”
“Okay, who exactly wrote this shit? Because I’m gonna-”
There was a loud shhhhhh from back near the projector.
A shot of a girl’s knees peeking from pleated skirts. The camera moves slowly to her face. She’s sitting on a park bench with a bag of candy. She throws a piece of candy to a cluster of pigeons, but they can only peck at it ineffectively.
The girl narrates, “I, too, have known loss. The other week my darling brother was kidnapped by the Faerie Queene. Although not without his faults, he was the only one who understood me in this cold world, and as long as I’ve lived he’s protected me.”
The scene shifts to a wide alleyway. The girl is clutching a teddy bear half her size. Three men in grimy coats face her. The foremost man holds up a switchblade and advances on her until he is only a step away.
“You’re short,” he says.
The girl bursts into tears. At that moment the man in the top hat rushes into the scene and karate-chops the bully’s neck. The bully stands motionless. The man in the top hat puts an arm around the girl’s shoulders, and they walk out of the alley as, behind them, the bully explodes in a ball of flame.
The girl sitting on the park bench tosses another candy into the middle of the pigeons, which mill around in confusion. The camera shows the sky, which is overcast. “Now, like the sun, he is gone,” the girl says. Back to the flock of pigeons. A piece of candy catapults into the head of a speckled white pigeon. The flock takes to the air, and all that can be seen for a moment is a flurry of wings.
“In all the wide world, there is only one thing that brings reprieve from my loss.”
The pigeons clear to reveal the pale-haired Faerie Queene standing with a dead pigeon at his feet.
“That thing is candy. But Love helps too.”
There is a café on a streetcorner thronging with passers-by. The girl’s voice says, “I know not who he is or from whence he comes. If I did, it would be boring. My love for him is inversely proportionate to my knowledge of him.” The camera zooms in on a café window. Suddenly it’s looking over the girl’s shoulder. She has written on a napkin “Love = 1 / Knowledge.”
A gnarled hand reaches out to drop three sugars into her tea, and the girl looks up, but the pale-haired boy walks on past.
“I see him everywhere,” the girl tells the newspaper-reading man across from her.
It’s night, and the girl, in a lacy white nightgown, is sitting on a bed reading a thick book by kerosene lamp. Rain pounds outside the window. The camera zooms in to her face. The chapter title is briefly visible: “The Fall of the House of Usher.” The screen flickers, and there is a crack of thunder.
The girl stands and moves to the rain-slick window. The screen goes dark for an instant. Then, in a sudden flash of lightening, The Faerie Queene’s face is visible.
The girl screams and jumps back. Then she tugs the window up, swings her book, and hits the Faerie Queene in the face. He falls back, clutching his eye. She leans out the window and swings the corner of the book into his eye several more times for good measure,
The girl turns to the camera and tells it, “Yes…I see him everywhere.”
Plump, lacy cushions on a silky bed. A sign pointing to the cushions says PINK. The camera pans to show the head and shoulders of the man who’d been wearing a top hat, but isn’t any more. He’s asleep, and his tangled hair falls around his face. The camera zooms out to show that he’s wearing a shirt edged in lace. The shirt is wide open, revealing an expanse of dusky chest rising and falling noticeably as he breathes. The man’s sleeves are long and spill lace over his fingers. A note pinned to his sleeve says LAVENDER.
The camera pans down the man’s tight, dark pants to show his bare feet. Eventually it cuts back to his face. A dozen seconds of his eyelashes trembling, and a card reading DIRTY in hastily scrawled handwriting is thrust in front of the camera.
There was snickering in the front of the theater and a pointed silence in the back.
“My brother,” narrates the girl. “Gone.” The girl is sitting on a street curb. She has her chin in her palm. Pedestrians and carriages pass between her and the camera, often obscuring her completely.
“I leave the solitude of my home to search for both the one I love and the other one I love, but in a different way. Yes, a different way. No, not like that. As a brother. No, not like them.” The narrating girl sounds annoyed.
The camera zooms in on the girl. “Anyway, I am searching for them high and low.” She twiddles her thumbs and is obscured by a blurry passer-by.
The dark-haired youth faces the camera. Behind him is a giant cardboard cutout of a hill. Grass marks and stemless daisies have been painted on it. On top of the hill is a two-dimensional cardboard castle, which is on fire.
The youth appears to be on the verge of laughter. He says, “I followed the kidnapper here on the trail of my brother. There was an epic battle with dragons and sharks and things. Yeah, it was awesome. Too bad the shark guy ran off with my brother again, ‘cause I’d kind of like him back.”
He points at the castle on the hill. “In the heat of battle, the castle burst into flames. Soon it’ll be no more. That hill brings back memories of the times spent frolicking with my darling brother, except that chickens don’t live there, but now it’s consumed in flames, like-like-“ The youth’s mouth curls up at the corner. “Consumed in flames, like my-” He doubles over in laughter, and the image is replaced with a black rectangle.
The girl’s voice says, “Soon the castle shall be no more. The beautiful green hill reminded him of the times he spent frolicking with his darling, darling brother, but now its been consumed in flames like the pain of his soul.”
Now looking serious, the youth returns to the screen. He nods once, then turns to look at the cardboard castle, which is flaking into ash, with a single fake tear in his eye.
A sudden cut to a stone-ceilinged room where blood is flying. Robed vampires with beady eyes and greasy-looking skin throng the room. They’re trying to attack the dark-haired youth with swipes of their oversized claws and fangs, but he evades them gracefully. He slices through them with a curved knife that sends limbs and gouts of blood flying.
As he cuts them down, a figure becomes visible at the far side of the room. It’s the kidnapped brother, and he’s sitting at a windowside desk at the far side of the room. On one side of the desk sits a kerosene lantern, precariously close to a large pile of hay heaped beside the desk. The pale-haired youth is facing away, leafing through a stack of papers.
The dark-haired youth stabs one of the two remaining vampires in the gut and lops off the last one’s head. He pauses to stomp repeatedly on something unseen. Then, his black coat covered in gore, he turns dramatically to his brother.
“I have come for you!” he announces.
The other youth bends his head over the papers, then straightens them and turns around. “You have come for me!”
“Nothing can ever separate us!”
A meaty arm reaches through the window and grabs the light-haired youth’s shirt front. The man with the cardboard shark fin on his head comes into view outside the window. He tries to haul the pale-haired brother through the window, but the youth gets stuck between the chair and the desk. He has to climb up onto the desk for the shark-man to successfully pull him through. They vanish. However, the youth reappears for a moment to reach back inside and tip over the kerosene lamp.
It falls on the stack of papers, which ignite. The pale-haired youth steps out of sight again.
“No!” cries the dark-haired twin, reaching in vain towards the window and the papers curling up within the dancing flames. “You idiot!”
The girl, wearing a skirt that ends five inches above her knee, sits on a park bench. She takes a lick of the lollipop she’s holding. She takes another. Then another dozen slow licks of her lollipop.
In the theater, someone coughs. There is the sound of someone slurping a drink; later, the sound of someone eating popcorn.
The girl continues licking at her lollipop for all of five minutes, until she bites the rest off.
“And so the free brother combed the world for his beloved…”
Outside, the dark-haired youth faces a girl with sun-bleached hair. The girl’s kimono is so loose it’s in danger of falling off.
“Have you seen my brother come through here?” asks the youth.
The girl giggles. Her kimono slips off one of her shoulders. She nods excitedly.
“Which direction?”
The girl points to the left. Her kimono slips farther, baring one of her breasts. The youth stares for a long moment. Then he turns to look over his shoulder at the camera and raises an eyebrow.
The narration: “He was tempted by the willing peasant girl, but he could never betray his brother. He knew that there was only one person for him.”
In the back of the theater, a man snorted. Moments later an icy drink could be heard crashing into him and spilling.
The girl, in a skirt halfway to her thighs, passes behind the bare-breasted peasant girl.
A seascape on a day of overhanging clouds. The only person in sight is the dark-haired youth. Tiny in the distance, he stands looking out to sea. The sea roars and the wind gusts.
The screen blinks and the camera is closer to the young man. Looking moody, he strolls along the shore, scuffing his heels in the dirt and kicking up sand. The camera wobbles along behind him. Spray blows onto the lens, but not enough to obscure the scene.
The young man stops. There’s a white hen in his path. He and the hen look at each other a moment, then the hen clucks.
“What’s that, girl? My brother’s been kidnapped? By a shark? While he was frolicking? Yeah, I know that, dumbass bird. So where is he now?”
The hen gives a complicated series of clucks.
“He’s under the sea? Well, fuck.”
The girl is paddling a rowboat through stormy seas. The sky is black, and so is the ocean, but from somewhere a small light picks out the girl’s features, the lifted oar, the spray from crashing waves. The camera and the light move closer. The girl’s blouse is tattered, but not as much as her skirt, which looks like it was only four inches long to begin with. The girl is sopping wet. However, she looks ahead with determination.
A wave pounds into the boat, rocking it. The camera pulls back to show the sea in chaos. Thunder booms and lightening flashes, illuminating girl and boat in one bright instant. The girl dips her oar into the water, but meets resistance a few inches in. Black tentacles rise from the water and roil about the boat.
In the grip of the tentacles, the boat capsizes, and with a shriek the girl falls into the water.
The steady whir of clicks wound down, and the screen vanished. In the pitch-dark theater, exactly two people applauded, only one with great enthusiasm.
“It’s a bit unpolished,” said a smooth voice from the very back of the theater, “but I think you will agree that it has artistic merit. Of course, I could never have made it without you, my darling family.”
The lights came on. In a small theater sat half the Noah Clan, all squinting in the sudden light except for Jasdero, who reached into a compartment under his seat and pulled out his headband. He was in the front row next to Devit, who was slumped down in his seat so far his head barely cleared the top of it. “Okay,” he said, “what the fuck was that!?”
“Father, it was brilliant!” squealed Rhode, finishing her wild applause. “Did you see the parts with me?”
“Every single one, dear,” said Sherril, who was seated on a stool back by the projector.
Lulu was leaning forward in her theater seat. “Which one was me?” she asked.
“You were the one who looked like Allen Walker,” said Sherril.
“Oh, right,” said Lulu.
“Sherril,” said Devit, turning around and hooking an arm over the back of his seat. “What kind of sick bastard things did you do to our scenes!?”
“I only brought forth your natural charms. Remember, you oh so kindly agreed to that script,” said Sherril, polishing his monocle on his shirt. “It’s a shame Jasdero set it on fire.”
“You didn’t tell us about the narration! And we would never have agreed to the script if you hadn’t told us the story was an action-comedy.” Devit scowled back at Sherril for all he was worth.
Sherril smiled broadly. “It was an action-comedy!”
Lulu frowned. “I thought it was an art film.”
“You told me it was a nature documentary,” said Skinn. He had been the only other person to applaud, though he’d done so without enthusiasm. He sat next to Tiki, whose hair was sticky where a drink had splashed him.
“You clearly weren’t shooting a home video,” said Tiki, who had also been misinformed.
“What did the dead pigeon mean?” asked Lulu, and received no answer.
“No, it was a horror-romance!” Rhode said, bouncing up and down in her seat.
“The art of cinema is quite new and most exciting. I got a bit carried away trying to do everything at once,” said Sherril. “Don’t worry-there will be time for you all to shine in films of your own, because I intend to remain at the forefront of this new art! The truth is, it was for your sakes I stayed up nights perfecting film with sound, simply because I couldn’t stand not hearing your lovely voices! Color shall be next….”
Tiki sighed and said, “Sherril, I’m not going along with this any more.”
“Now, brother, just because I told a little lie about the camera being off…”
“Father promised me more scenes,” said Rhode, “and if I don’t get them I’ll sulk.”
Tiki and Skinn exchanged glances. They were still recovering from the last time Rhode had sulked.
“You see? I promised my own daughter I’d complete her film! How could I ever disappoint my darling daughter?”
“We don’t give a fuck,” said Devit. He and Jasdero glared at Sherril.
Surely you must respect the bonds of family!” cried Sherril.
“That’s not bonds!” shrieked Jasdero, glaring.
“We’re not gonna let you say any more perverted things about us.”
“Oh, but Devit! How will you ever pay off your debt with an attitude like that?”
Devit hesitated. “Yeah, so we did get to pay off a tenth of our stupid debt. We woulda been able to pay off more if someone hadn’t asked to be paid in chickens.”
“Chickens and mascara,” pointed out Jasdero.
“That’s the spirit! By all means, take advantage of my kindness,” said Sherril. “That’s what family’s for.” He stood and faced the theater with his arms behind his back. Light glinted off his monocle. “I have very good news for everyone. Because only two of you asked to be paid in money, there are more than enough funds to continue filming the second half of my film!”
There was a silence in the theater.
Rhode launched herself over the seats and hugged Sherril. “Thank you, Father! I’m so glad!”
“I know, dear,” he said as he patted her head. ‘It’s all for you-and the others, of course. I’ve already ordered more candy to pay you and Skinn, should he choose to do the second half.”
“I’ll do it,” said Skinn. “Though you’re crazy.”
“Oh, thank you! I knew you’d come around! We’re all in agreement, then?” Sherril looked over the theater in delight, Rhode still attached to his waist.
“No,” said Tiki.
“But no more narration, all right?” demanded Devit.
“Anything for you and your darling Jasdero,” said Sherril. The twins shared a glance that communicated their full loathing for Sherril in the space of half a second.
“And no more Akuma chicks trying to flash me. What was that all about, anyway? One of your sick jokes?” asked Devit.
“That one was me,” said Tiki. “I told her Sherril was filming a porn scene. For some reason she believed me.” He grinned at Devit
“I’ll forgive you for that comment, brother dear, because it worked out so well,” put in Sherril.
“It did not!” yelled Devit. “Tiki, we are going to fucking kill you too.” Tiki mouthed “Really, really forbidden?” in Devit’s direction, and Devit looked around for something to throw, but gave up.
Tiki grinned at him, but his grin vanished as he said, “I’m quitting.”
Sherril looked hurt. “You know what will happen if you abandon us?” He tightened his arms on Rhode’s shoulders. “Rhode will cry.”
“And sulk,” said Rhode.
Sherril said, “I know you have enough wine and cigarettes to last until the end of the world, but I promise you we’ll work out a nice new contract for you, my dear brother. You’re one of the stars! I was counting on your beauty to draw an audience-yours and Jasdero’s!”
“Hee?” Jasdero looked up in alarm.
“If we have to do it, so do you,” said Devit, glaring.
“Give it up,” advised Skinn.
Everyone was watching Tiki, even Lulu. Sherril watched with a predatory look. “Fine, I’ll do it,” muttered Tiki.
“Thanks, Tikiii,” cried Rhode, stepping back from Sherril. She giggled. “Now I won’t have to stab you in the eye.”
Tiki stood to leave.
“We aren’t finished quite yet,” said Sherril. He took a roll of film out of a black case. “As you know, Tiki, I’ve also invented something called the ‘home video.’” He slotted the film into place and sat on his stool. Rhode hopped up onto his lap. Tiki sat back down.
A girl runs toward through a hallway towards the camera. She’s holding a candle dripping with gore. She smiles….
“Are Jasdevi gonna die in here?” Jasdero whispered loudly.
“Shhhhh!” said Rhode.
-----
The End
The Cast List for Sherril's movie follows.
Director: Sherril Camelot
Producer: Sherril Camelot
Actors
Rhode - the lonely girl
Tiki - the girl's lost brother
Devit - the heroic twin
Jasdero - the kidnapped twin
Lulu - Allen Walker, Faerie Queene
Skinn - a shark
the chicken - a friendly chicken
Sachiko - the helpful village girl
Special Effects Staff
Jasdevi
Tyki Mikk
Skinn Boric
Cameraman: Sherril Camelot
For the curious, here is a record of how the actors were paid and what they thought the film was.
Rhode - candy - horror-romance
Tiki - cigarettes and booze - home video
Devit - money - action-comedy
Jasdero - chickens and mascara - action-comedy
Lulu - money - an art film
Skinn - candy - nature documentary
the chicken - chicken feed - ?
Sachiko - nothing - porno
Sherril's unfinished film is already pending investigation for corruption of the youth.
Prompt: 027. Technology
Rated: PG-13 for Sherril
With a whirring sound, a bright rectangle appeared on a screen and cast light over a dark room. The light flickered and changed, bringing a sepia image into view.
A girl’s sturdy shoes. The camera pans upwards. A girl’s calves, her dark skirt, her vest, and finally her face. Her hair is tufted upwards and has pale ribbons in it. She stares at the camera blankly for a long moment, and then her mouth curves into a winning smile. The camera pans slowly back to her shoes.
A view of rooftops at night. The moon is out, and it’s drizzling. Twirling an umbrella, the girl skips across a rooftop. Disturbed pigeons fly from under the eaves. The girl sits on the roof’s peak and looks over the city.
A girl’s voice says, “Night. Rain. The moon. The rooftops. I feel more at home here, for the city has nothing for me any more. My umbrella does nothing for the rain in my heart, so I keep it closed, as my heart is now.”
A final few stray pigeons flap past. “Pigeons. Unlike them, I am alone.”
The scene cuts to a boxcar with a large window. It’s rattling past peaceful farm fields. A man in a tuxedo jacket and a top hat sits holding a spread of cards. Dark hair curls from under his top hat. The man lays down his cards, but instead the camera pans to reveal his opponent, a white-haired boy with a mark under his left eye. He is expressionless, even when he lays down his cards with his gnarled left hand and says, “It seems I win once more.”
“You’re a cunning opponent.” The man removes his tuxedo jacket. Underneath, he isn’t wearing a shirt. He sets the tuxedo jacket by the boy and shuffles the cards. The camera zooms in on his strong hands.
The white-haired boy wins the man’s top hat and socks. Through the window pass a smoking crater, an Asian palace, and a saloon before pitch blackness consumes the boxcar.
An electric light sputters on to show the boy standing with its cord in his hand. “It seems I am still fully clothed. Care to play once more?”
The man, his jaw set, nods. The boy shuffles the deck.
Another poker game, and the man clutches his pants to him before setting them on top of his tuxedo jacket. Now he is only in plain boxers. The camera stays on him, and only half of the next poker game is visible.
“I win again,” the boy says off-screen.
The man stands up and takes off his boxers.
A girl tittered, and from the front of the theater came a shriek and the sound of someone dropping an icy beverage. Muttered Portuguese cursing followed.
The man is still visible in his entirety. “I challenge you to one more game. I inherited those pants from my father, and he from his father before him, and he from his father before him, and he from his father before him, who would be my great-great-grandfather, who inherited them from… well, the point is, if I don’t get them back I’ll be severely beaten.”
“Very well.”
The camera stays on the man, although at least he is now sitting down. It focuses on his face. He looks perturbed as he scans the cards in his hand, discards and draws one. He lays down his hand and closes his eyes.
“It seems I have won. This makes me happy,” the boy says. The camera finally leaves the naked man and shows the boy’s emotionless face. He lifts his white bangs to reveal a reverse pentacle. “The truth is, you have just lost a bet to the Faerie Queene.”
In the night, the girl wipes away a single tear.
The scene: a bright springtime meadow. Among the high grass are lupine, daisies, and scattered chickens, all sepia.
“Once upon a time, there were two brothers,” says the girl’s voice.
A blond-haired young man in a white coat comes leaping through the grass. He has wide eyes and stitches over his mouth. A pretty, black-haired young man in a black coat soon comes running through the flowers after him. He narrowly misses stepping on a chicken, which scurries away in a panic.
Both young men are grinning. The blond youth halts and walks in a small circle, checking the grass before collapsing on his back. He giggles happily.
The dark-haired youth examines the ground and sits cross-legged next to him. “Truly, this is bliss.”
Amid the squawking of chickens, the camera approaches the two young men.
The blond youth giggles again. “Yes, only to be with you…”
“If only our love were not forbidden!” A brief shot of the dark-haired youth grinning manically, and the camera pans away to focus on a swaying stalk of lupine. Behind it, a chicken is pecking at the grass. “So, so forbidden,” the youth continues.
“Alas!” says the other. The camera swings back. The blond youth is trying to hide a too-wide smile with one hand.
“So very, horribly forbidden.”
“Really, really forbidden?”
“Yes,” says the dark-haired youth with an intensely serious expression. The camera closes in on him, then pans out as he removes the chicken sitting on his brother’s chest and bends over him.
Just then a large robed man with a cardboard shark fin attached to his head enters the scene and throws the blond youth over his shoulder. “Help! A shark!” the blond calls as the large man runs out of the flower- and chicken-filled spring meadow.
The camera focuses on the remaining brother’s look of open-mouthed shock, then pans to a sign at the edge of the meadow. It reads “LOVE FORBIDDEN AFTER 2:00 PM.”
Back to the black-haired youth sitting in the field where chickens scratch amongst the wildflowers. The girl narrates, “Yes, the two brothers were in love. Passionately. Deeply. With each other. But now one had been stolen away.” Her voice is deadpan. “The remaining brother desired nothing more than to be reunited with his lost brother again, to hold him in his arms, to taste of his kisses, and when they were a-”
“Okay, who exactly wrote this shit? Because I’m gonna-”
There was a loud shhhhhh from back near the projector.
A shot of a girl’s knees peeking from pleated skirts. The camera moves slowly to her face. She’s sitting on a park bench with a bag of candy. She throws a piece of candy to a cluster of pigeons, but they can only peck at it ineffectively.
The girl narrates, “I, too, have known loss. The other week my darling brother was kidnapped by the Faerie Queene. Although not without his faults, he was the only one who understood me in this cold world, and as long as I’ve lived he’s protected me.”
The scene shifts to a wide alleyway. The girl is clutching a teddy bear half her size. Three men in grimy coats face her. The foremost man holds up a switchblade and advances on her until he is only a step away.
“You’re short,” he says.
The girl bursts into tears. At that moment the man in the top hat rushes into the scene and karate-chops the bully’s neck. The bully stands motionless. The man in the top hat puts an arm around the girl’s shoulders, and they walk out of the alley as, behind them, the bully explodes in a ball of flame.
The girl sitting on the park bench tosses another candy into the middle of the pigeons, which mill around in confusion. The camera shows the sky, which is overcast. “Now, like the sun, he is gone,” the girl says. Back to the flock of pigeons. A piece of candy catapults into the head of a speckled white pigeon. The flock takes to the air, and all that can be seen for a moment is a flurry of wings.
“In all the wide world, there is only one thing that brings reprieve from my loss.”
The pigeons clear to reveal the pale-haired Faerie Queene standing with a dead pigeon at his feet.
“That thing is candy. But Love helps too.”
There is a café on a streetcorner thronging with passers-by. The girl’s voice says, “I know not who he is or from whence he comes. If I did, it would be boring. My love for him is inversely proportionate to my knowledge of him.” The camera zooms in on a café window. Suddenly it’s looking over the girl’s shoulder. She has written on a napkin “Love = 1 / Knowledge.”
A gnarled hand reaches out to drop three sugars into her tea, and the girl looks up, but the pale-haired boy walks on past.
“I see him everywhere,” the girl tells the newspaper-reading man across from her.
It’s night, and the girl, in a lacy white nightgown, is sitting on a bed reading a thick book by kerosene lamp. Rain pounds outside the window. The camera zooms in to her face. The chapter title is briefly visible: “The Fall of the House of Usher.” The screen flickers, and there is a crack of thunder.
The girl stands and moves to the rain-slick window. The screen goes dark for an instant. Then, in a sudden flash of lightening, The Faerie Queene’s face is visible.
The girl screams and jumps back. Then she tugs the window up, swings her book, and hits the Faerie Queene in the face. He falls back, clutching his eye. She leans out the window and swings the corner of the book into his eye several more times for good measure,
The girl turns to the camera and tells it, “Yes…I see him everywhere.”
Plump, lacy cushions on a silky bed. A sign pointing to the cushions says PINK. The camera pans to show the head and shoulders of the man who’d been wearing a top hat, but isn’t any more. He’s asleep, and his tangled hair falls around his face. The camera zooms out to show that he’s wearing a shirt edged in lace. The shirt is wide open, revealing an expanse of dusky chest rising and falling noticeably as he breathes. The man’s sleeves are long and spill lace over his fingers. A note pinned to his sleeve says LAVENDER.
The camera pans down the man’s tight, dark pants to show his bare feet. Eventually it cuts back to his face. A dozen seconds of his eyelashes trembling, and a card reading DIRTY in hastily scrawled handwriting is thrust in front of the camera.
There was snickering in the front of the theater and a pointed silence in the back.
“My brother,” narrates the girl. “Gone.” The girl is sitting on a street curb. She has her chin in her palm. Pedestrians and carriages pass between her and the camera, often obscuring her completely.
“I leave the solitude of my home to search for both the one I love and the other one I love, but in a different way. Yes, a different way. No, not like that. As a brother. No, not like them.” The narrating girl sounds annoyed.
The camera zooms in on the girl. “Anyway, I am searching for them high and low.” She twiddles her thumbs and is obscured by a blurry passer-by.
The dark-haired youth faces the camera. Behind him is a giant cardboard cutout of a hill. Grass marks and stemless daisies have been painted on it. On top of the hill is a two-dimensional cardboard castle, which is on fire.
The youth appears to be on the verge of laughter. He says, “I followed the kidnapper here on the trail of my brother. There was an epic battle with dragons and sharks and things. Yeah, it was awesome. Too bad the shark guy ran off with my brother again, ‘cause I’d kind of like him back.”
He points at the castle on the hill. “In the heat of battle, the castle burst into flames. Soon it’ll be no more. That hill brings back memories of the times spent frolicking with my darling brother, except that chickens don’t live there, but now it’s consumed in flames, like-like-“ The youth’s mouth curls up at the corner. “Consumed in flames, like my-” He doubles over in laughter, and the image is replaced with a black rectangle.
The girl’s voice says, “Soon the castle shall be no more. The beautiful green hill reminded him of the times he spent frolicking with his darling, darling brother, but now its been consumed in flames like the pain of his soul.”
Now looking serious, the youth returns to the screen. He nods once, then turns to look at the cardboard castle, which is flaking into ash, with a single fake tear in his eye.
A sudden cut to a stone-ceilinged room where blood is flying. Robed vampires with beady eyes and greasy-looking skin throng the room. They’re trying to attack the dark-haired youth with swipes of their oversized claws and fangs, but he evades them gracefully. He slices through them with a curved knife that sends limbs and gouts of blood flying.
As he cuts them down, a figure becomes visible at the far side of the room. It’s the kidnapped brother, and he’s sitting at a windowside desk at the far side of the room. On one side of the desk sits a kerosene lantern, precariously close to a large pile of hay heaped beside the desk. The pale-haired youth is facing away, leafing through a stack of papers.
The dark-haired youth stabs one of the two remaining vampires in the gut and lops off the last one’s head. He pauses to stomp repeatedly on something unseen. Then, his black coat covered in gore, he turns dramatically to his brother.
“I have come for you!” he announces.
The other youth bends his head over the papers, then straightens them and turns around. “You have come for me!”
“Nothing can ever separate us!”
A meaty arm reaches through the window and grabs the light-haired youth’s shirt front. The man with the cardboard shark fin on his head comes into view outside the window. He tries to haul the pale-haired brother through the window, but the youth gets stuck between the chair and the desk. He has to climb up onto the desk for the shark-man to successfully pull him through. They vanish. However, the youth reappears for a moment to reach back inside and tip over the kerosene lamp.
It falls on the stack of papers, which ignite. The pale-haired youth steps out of sight again.
“No!” cries the dark-haired twin, reaching in vain towards the window and the papers curling up within the dancing flames. “You idiot!”
The girl, wearing a skirt that ends five inches above her knee, sits on a park bench. She takes a lick of the lollipop she’s holding. She takes another. Then another dozen slow licks of her lollipop.
In the theater, someone coughs. There is the sound of someone slurping a drink; later, the sound of someone eating popcorn.
The girl continues licking at her lollipop for all of five minutes, until she bites the rest off.
“And so the free brother combed the world for his beloved…”
Outside, the dark-haired youth faces a girl with sun-bleached hair. The girl’s kimono is so loose it’s in danger of falling off.
“Have you seen my brother come through here?” asks the youth.
The girl giggles. Her kimono slips off one of her shoulders. She nods excitedly.
“Which direction?”
The girl points to the left. Her kimono slips farther, baring one of her breasts. The youth stares for a long moment. Then he turns to look over his shoulder at the camera and raises an eyebrow.
The narration: “He was tempted by the willing peasant girl, but he could never betray his brother. He knew that there was only one person for him.”
In the back of the theater, a man snorted. Moments later an icy drink could be heard crashing into him and spilling.
The girl, in a skirt halfway to her thighs, passes behind the bare-breasted peasant girl.
A seascape on a day of overhanging clouds. The only person in sight is the dark-haired youth. Tiny in the distance, he stands looking out to sea. The sea roars and the wind gusts.
The screen blinks and the camera is closer to the young man. Looking moody, he strolls along the shore, scuffing his heels in the dirt and kicking up sand. The camera wobbles along behind him. Spray blows onto the lens, but not enough to obscure the scene.
The young man stops. There’s a white hen in his path. He and the hen look at each other a moment, then the hen clucks.
“What’s that, girl? My brother’s been kidnapped? By a shark? While he was frolicking? Yeah, I know that, dumbass bird. So where is he now?”
The hen gives a complicated series of clucks.
“He’s under the sea? Well, fuck.”
The girl is paddling a rowboat through stormy seas. The sky is black, and so is the ocean, but from somewhere a small light picks out the girl’s features, the lifted oar, the spray from crashing waves. The camera and the light move closer. The girl’s blouse is tattered, but not as much as her skirt, which looks like it was only four inches long to begin with. The girl is sopping wet. However, she looks ahead with determination.
A wave pounds into the boat, rocking it. The camera pulls back to show the sea in chaos. Thunder booms and lightening flashes, illuminating girl and boat in one bright instant. The girl dips her oar into the water, but meets resistance a few inches in. Black tentacles rise from the water and roil about the boat.
In the grip of the tentacles, the boat capsizes, and with a shriek the girl falls into the water.
The steady whir of clicks wound down, and the screen vanished. In the pitch-dark theater, exactly two people applauded, only one with great enthusiasm.
“It’s a bit unpolished,” said a smooth voice from the very back of the theater, “but I think you will agree that it has artistic merit. Of course, I could never have made it without you, my darling family.”
The lights came on. In a small theater sat half the Noah Clan, all squinting in the sudden light except for Jasdero, who reached into a compartment under his seat and pulled out his headband. He was in the front row next to Devit, who was slumped down in his seat so far his head barely cleared the top of it. “Okay,” he said, “what the fuck was that!?”
“Father, it was brilliant!” squealed Rhode, finishing her wild applause. “Did you see the parts with me?”
“Every single one, dear,” said Sherril, who was seated on a stool back by the projector.
Lulu was leaning forward in her theater seat. “Which one was me?” she asked.
“You were the one who looked like Allen Walker,” said Sherril.
“Oh, right,” said Lulu.
“Sherril,” said Devit, turning around and hooking an arm over the back of his seat. “What kind of sick bastard things did you do to our scenes!?”
“I only brought forth your natural charms. Remember, you oh so kindly agreed to that script,” said Sherril, polishing his monocle on his shirt. “It’s a shame Jasdero set it on fire.”
“You didn’t tell us about the narration! And we would never have agreed to the script if you hadn’t told us the story was an action-comedy.” Devit scowled back at Sherril for all he was worth.
Sherril smiled broadly. “It was an action-comedy!”
Lulu frowned. “I thought it was an art film.”
“You told me it was a nature documentary,” said Skinn. He had been the only other person to applaud, though he’d done so without enthusiasm. He sat next to Tiki, whose hair was sticky where a drink had splashed him.
“You clearly weren’t shooting a home video,” said Tiki, who had also been misinformed.
“What did the dead pigeon mean?” asked Lulu, and received no answer.
“No, it was a horror-romance!” Rhode said, bouncing up and down in her seat.
“The art of cinema is quite new and most exciting. I got a bit carried away trying to do everything at once,” said Sherril. “Don’t worry-there will be time for you all to shine in films of your own, because I intend to remain at the forefront of this new art! The truth is, it was for your sakes I stayed up nights perfecting film with sound, simply because I couldn’t stand not hearing your lovely voices! Color shall be next….”
Tiki sighed and said, “Sherril, I’m not going along with this any more.”
“Now, brother, just because I told a little lie about the camera being off…”
“Father promised me more scenes,” said Rhode, “and if I don’t get them I’ll sulk.”
Tiki and Skinn exchanged glances. They were still recovering from the last time Rhode had sulked.
“You see? I promised my own daughter I’d complete her film! How could I ever disappoint my darling daughter?”
“We don’t give a fuck,” said Devit. He and Jasdero glared at Sherril.
Surely you must respect the bonds of family!” cried Sherril.
“That’s not bonds!” shrieked Jasdero, glaring.
“We’re not gonna let you say any more perverted things about us.”
“Oh, but Devit! How will you ever pay off your debt with an attitude like that?”
Devit hesitated. “Yeah, so we did get to pay off a tenth of our stupid debt. We woulda been able to pay off more if someone hadn’t asked to be paid in chickens.”
“Chickens and mascara,” pointed out Jasdero.
“That’s the spirit! By all means, take advantage of my kindness,” said Sherril. “That’s what family’s for.” He stood and faced the theater with his arms behind his back. Light glinted off his monocle. “I have very good news for everyone. Because only two of you asked to be paid in money, there are more than enough funds to continue filming the second half of my film!”
There was a silence in the theater.
Rhode launched herself over the seats and hugged Sherril. “Thank you, Father! I’m so glad!”
“I know, dear,” he said as he patted her head. ‘It’s all for you-and the others, of course. I’ve already ordered more candy to pay you and Skinn, should he choose to do the second half.”
“I’ll do it,” said Skinn. “Though you’re crazy.”
“Oh, thank you! I knew you’d come around! We’re all in agreement, then?” Sherril looked over the theater in delight, Rhode still attached to his waist.
“No,” said Tiki.
“But no more narration, all right?” demanded Devit.
“Anything for you and your darling Jasdero,” said Sherril. The twins shared a glance that communicated their full loathing for Sherril in the space of half a second.
“And no more Akuma chicks trying to flash me. What was that all about, anyway? One of your sick jokes?” asked Devit.
“That one was me,” said Tiki. “I told her Sherril was filming a porn scene. For some reason she believed me.” He grinned at Devit
“I’ll forgive you for that comment, brother dear, because it worked out so well,” put in Sherril.
“It did not!” yelled Devit. “Tiki, we are going to fucking kill you too.” Tiki mouthed “Really, really forbidden?” in Devit’s direction, and Devit looked around for something to throw, but gave up.
Tiki grinned at him, but his grin vanished as he said, “I’m quitting.”
Sherril looked hurt. “You know what will happen if you abandon us?” He tightened his arms on Rhode’s shoulders. “Rhode will cry.”
“And sulk,” said Rhode.
Sherril said, “I know you have enough wine and cigarettes to last until the end of the world, but I promise you we’ll work out a nice new contract for you, my dear brother. You’re one of the stars! I was counting on your beauty to draw an audience-yours and Jasdero’s!”
“Hee?” Jasdero looked up in alarm.
“If we have to do it, so do you,” said Devit, glaring.
“Give it up,” advised Skinn.
Everyone was watching Tiki, even Lulu. Sherril watched with a predatory look. “Fine, I’ll do it,” muttered Tiki.
“Thanks, Tikiii,” cried Rhode, stepping back from Sherril. She giggled. “Now I won’t have to stab you in the eye.”
Tiki stood to leave.
“We aren’t finished quite yet,” said Sherril. He took a roll of film out of a black case. “As you know, Tiki, I’ve also invented something called the ‘home video.’” He slotted the film into place and sat on his stool. Rhode hopped up onto his lap. Tiki sat back down.
A girl runs toward through a hallway towards the camera. She’s holding a candle dripping with gore. She smiles….
“Are Jasdevi gonna die in here?” Jasdero whispered loudly.
“Shhhhh!” said Rhode.
-----
The End
The Cast List for Sherril's movie follows.
Director: Sherril Camelot
Producer: Sherril Camelot
Actors
Rhode - the lonely girl
Tiki - the girl's lost brother
Devit - the heroic twin
Jasdero - the kidnapped twin
Lulu - Allen Walker, Faerie Queene
Skinn - a shark
the chicken - a friendly chicken
Sachiko - the helpful village girl
Special Effects Staff
Jasdevi
Tyki Mikk
Skinn Boric
Cameraman: Sherril Camelot
For the curious, here is a record of how the actors were paid and what they thought the film was.
Rhode - candy - horror-romance
Tiki - cigarettes and booze - home video
Devit - money - action-comedy
Jasdero - chickens and mascara - action-comedy
Lulu - money - an art film
Skinn - candy - nature documentary
the chicken - chicken feed - ?
Sachiko - nothing - porno
Sherril's unfinished film is already pending investigation for corruption of the youth.