Chickenthieves: A Biography
Summary: An account of the lives of Jasdero and Devit, American folk heros born to an Amish farmer and raised by chickens.
Prompt: 041. Data
Disclaimer: D. Gray-man series and associated characters do not belong to me.
Chickenthieves: A Biography
Infancy
Jasdero and Devit were born to an Amish chicken farmer on the winter solstice. God neglected to have them born under the astrological sign of Gemini, but He did His second best and had them born under the sign of Sagittarius, because God likes foreshadowing. Their father resolved to give them traditional Biblical names; sadly, he was dyslexic.
The twins were baptized the next day before a group of neighbors who rapidly thumbed through their Bibles in an attempt to find their names. Their mother ran away with the mailman shortly afterward.
Contrary to popular belief, Jasdero was not dropped on his head as a child.
Childhood
Jasdero and Devit’s father was too busy growing chickens to raise his sons. Happily, they were taken in and raised by a flock of chickens. Nor was their education neglected; the chickens taught them to read and to count up to five.
Jasdero and Devit’s days of living wild and free in their own many-acred backyard were not to continue. Their father was puzzling over how come he had such odd-looking chickens when he recalled, conveniently in time for the harvest, that he had sons. The twins were welcomed back into their own house, where they feasted upon traditional Amish curry, omelets on rice, and natto, but not mushrooms, which were of the devil. Despite the luxury of their rightful home, Jasdero and Devit snuck out to their corner of the chicken coop every night for several years, and never had to make their beds.
Jasdero and Devit did not take to hard labor and neglected their duties in the chicken harvest. Instead, they escaped into town every day. There they developed the habit of loitering around and beating up the other Amish children, whose first unfortunate response had been to laugh at Jasdero and Devit.
Many unplucked chicks died on the vine that year.
Early Adolescence
Devit invented breakdancing one day when he slipped in front of a crowd and pretended he’d meant to do that.
A small child once looked at Jasdero’s face and was stricken blind.
Since being brought back into their home, Jasdero and Devit had attended church religiously in accordance with their father’s wishes. There they drew shapes in the margins of the hymnals and made up their own words to all the songs. In all fairness, the second lapse of propriety was not their fault. The chickens had not taught them to read English, seeing as they were chickens.
These habits brought the opprobrium of the authorities, who took Jasdero and Devit aside and asked them to swear that they would stop their wicked ways. In front of a church full of their neighbors, Jasdero and Devit put their hands on a Bible and swore that they would never wear underwear again.
They have kept their vow to this day.
The twins lived a life of rebellion. One day Jasdero hitched a ride on a cart piled high with pumpkins and rode to the adjacent town to get his ear pierced. Due to a misunderstanding, he instead returned with thirteen mouth piercings, one for each of the original thirteen colonies. He told everyone who asked and several who didn’t that it was all part of his plan to escape town and live in the Mariana Trench.
Devit once decided to cut half an inch off one of his trouser legs every day until someone noticed. The change was so gradual that it took a three weeks and a day for anyone to realize it. Several girls his age caught sight of his leg when he was walking through town and fell into a blissful swoon. This was attributed to the devil. The next week, the mayor saw what Devit had done to his trousers, turned a bright and angry red, and dropped dead on the spot.
The town council once brought Jasdero and Devit before them to accuse them of not growing beards. Protests that they were not yet fifteen fell on deaf ears. Brought before a gathered crowd of townspeople to publicly apologize for their fault, Jasdero and Devit vowed that someday, Jasdero would be blond.
It was around this time that Jasdero came under suspicion of being a witch. Devit responded to this by beating some people up. Jasdero responded by putting on a witch hat, giggling to himself, and making burnt offerings of mushrooms to nobody in particular at every full moon. Soon they had to flee Pennsylvania because of a pitchfork-wielding mob.
Jasdero and Devit traveled north, making their living by stealing chickens and juggling them before confused crowds. After traveling through several towns, they accrued a sizeable flock of chickens. In addition to the ones they had stolen, a number of young chickens had decided to leave the nest to travel with Jasdero and Devit and see the world. This angered the region’s chicken farmers. The set a bounty of $70 ($72 Canadian) and a bushel of potatoes on each of the twins and, furthermore, promised $2.50 ($2.57 Canadian) and one potato per chicken returned. Jasdero and Devit took advantage of this by having Devit dress up in a dress and bonnet and return several chickens to the police whenever they felt like having potatoes.
However, traveling with a flock of chickens draws attention, and these carefree days could not last. Jasdero and Devit were chased out of a small town when the townsfolk recognized them as the rumored chicken thieves. Jasdero narrowly escaped being brained by a cabbage. After this incident Jasdero and Devit painted their eyes black in order to disguise themselves. Jasdero also had a theory that this would make other people unable to see them; this theory turned out not to be true.
The black paint made the twins more noticeable, forcing them to flee to the remote countryside, where there was not enough population density to form a mob. Their flock of chickens accompanied them. When questioned by the occasional farmer or hermit, Jasdero and Devit claimed to be innocent chicken-herders, little knowing that it was impossible to herd chickens.
The chickens survived well enough by foraging, but the twins found it difficult to find enough food. They decided to save up enough money to buy a train ticket to a place where they weren’t wanted for thieving. Devit suggested they go to the West, where there were cowboys and shootouts. In the course of their journey they had discovered guns at a Wild West Show and developed a plan to someday, maybe, if possible, shoot each other in the head.
To this end, Jasdero and Devit began reducing the size of their chicken flock by dropping off chickens in twos or threes at houses they passed, where, they believed, the chickens would be taken in as orphans and live long and happy lives. Jasdero had checked ticket prices at a train station and learned that not only were he and Devit ridiculously poor, but the trains had a three-chicken limit per passenger; besides, juggling required no more than two to five chickens at one time.
A poor country girl opened the front door one crisp and early morning to find three chickens roosting on the step. As it happened, bad avocado harvests had stricken this region of the Northeast, and her family faced the prospect of a harsh winter. Like many other poor country families, the girl took the appearance of chickens on her doorstep as a miracle. To this day, many believe that two mysterious figures brought a rain of chickens to the countryside.
The girl’s family feasted on scrambled eggs that morning.
The twins had learned that attempting to sell the chickens had a high probability of leading to people chasing them with sticks. Almost penniless, they and the last of the chickens agreed to part ways so that Jasdero and Devit would escape the notice of the authorities. The chickens went on to become the feral man-eating poultry that still terrorize those who disregard the warnings of the natives and wander into the wrong part of the forest. This is part of the circle of life.
Jasdero and Devit continued traveling north.
As they were crossing over the border into Maine with only a bag of chicken feed, the clothes on their backs, and a piece of string, the twins met with one Rhode Camelot, a four-foot-ten Gemini with a lollipop. It was a fateful meeting. A single witness attested to their conversation, although he later died when someone accidentally ripped out his liver.
Rhode inquired as to whether she could hire their services. From their eyeliner she recognized them as the famous chicken thieves terrorizing the region’s farmers, and wanted them to steal her a black pullet for use in a voodoo ritual. Rhode intended to divine the location of the newest Noah, and had decided that voodoo sacrifice was the divination method that involved the most blood.
Jasdero and Devit agreed to steal a black pullet for her in exchange for a marble Rhode had in her pocket. However, when they heard her intentions they nobly objected to the killing of poultry. Devit suggested she sacrifice a human instead.
Rhode was impressed by Devit’s suggestion, and let the twins stay in her room at an inn that night. As it turns out, she saved herself a lot of work. The previous Noah of Bonds had accidentally locked themselves in a freezer and frozen to death next to the bean sprouts, so Rhode Camelot had undertaken a walking tour of the U.S. to find the next Noah. She had barely traversed one state when she woke up to discover that the drifters she’d picked up were bleeding from the forehead in a quasi-religious-imagery sort of way.
Thus Jasdero and Devit were ushered into the Noah clan.
Late Adolescence
Jasdero and Devit are healthy five-foot four-inch, 103 pound boys who hate the metric system. Their blood type is B. Jasdero’s dream is to collect all seven Dragonballs, and Devit’s dream is to shoot an Exorcist in the face. They are also plotting to throw Allen's tea into the harbor. Jasdero and Devit are helping each other to achieve these goals.
The twins now number among the many legendary figures of the Noah Clan: Rhode Camelot, who once killed a hundred men with a single candle; Tiki Mick, who can rip out your kidney in less than a second; Skinn Bolic, who once set a pastry shop on fire with his mind for putting too much salt in the muffins; Lulu Bell, who can murder a dozen orphans without changing her expression; and Sherril Camelot, who is widely regarded as a pervert.
Before they left with Rhode, Jasdero and Devit had traded a black pullet for two guns, which are a dime a dozen in America, the promised land. The guns are now their most prized possession. They intend to shoot each other in the head very soon.
Jasdero and Devit are 17 years old.
Prompt: 041. Data
Disclaimer: D. Gray-man series and associated characters do not belong to me.
Chickenthieves: A Biography
Infancy
Jasdero and Devit were born to an Amish chicken farmer on the winter solstice. God neglected to have them born under the astrological sign of Gemini, but He did His second best and had them born under the sign of Sagittarius, because God likes foreshadowing. Their father resolved to give them traditional Biblical names; sadly, he was dyslexic.
The twins were baptized the next day before a group of neighbors who rapidly thumbed through their Bibles in an attempt to find their names. Their mother ran away with the mailman shortly afterward.
Contrary to popular belief, Jasdero was not dropped on his head as a child.
Childhood
Jasdero and Devit’s father was too busy growing chickens to raise his sons. Happily, they were taken in and raised by a flock of chickens. Nor was their education neglected; the chickens taught them to read and to count up to five.
Jasdero and Devit’s days of living wild and free in their own many-acred backyard were not to continue. Their father was puzzling over how come he had such odd-looking chickens when he recalled, conveniently in time for the harvest, that he had sons. The twins were welcomed back into their own house, where they feasted upon traditional Amish curry, omelets on rice, and natto, but not mushrooms, which were of the devil. Despite the luxury of their rightful home, Jasdero and Devit snuck out to their corner of the chicken coop every night for several years, and never had to make their beds.
Jasdero and Devit did not take to hard labor and neglected their duties in the chicken harvest. Instead, they escaped into town every day. There they developed the habit of loitering around and beating up the other Amish children, whose first unfortunate response had been to laugh at Jasdero and Devit.
Many unplucked chicks died on the vine that year.
Early Adolescence
Devit invented breakdancing one day when he slipped in front of a crowd and pretended he’d meant to do that.
A small child once looked at Jasdero’s face and was stricken blind.
Since being brought back into their home, Jasdero and Devit had attended church religiously in accordance with their father’s wishes. There they drew shapes in the margins of the hymnals and made up their own words to all the songs. In all fairness, the second lapse of propriety was not their fault. The chickens had not taught them to read English, seeing as they were chickens.
These habits brought the opprobrium of the authorities, who took Jasdero and Devit aside and asked them to swear that they would stop their wicked ways. In front of a church full of their neighbors, Jasdero and Devit put their hands on a Bible and swore that they would never wear underwear again.
They have kept their vow to this day.
The twins lived a life of rebellion. One day Jasdero hitched a ride on a cart piled high with pumpkins and rode to the adjacent town to get his ear pierced. Due to a misunderstanding, he instead returned with thirteen mouth piercings, one for each of the original thirteen colonies. He told everyone who asked and several who didn’t that it was all part of his plan to escape town and live in the Mariana Trench.
Devit once decided to cut half an inch off one of his trouser legs every day until someone noticed. The change was so gradual that it took a three weeks and a day for anyone to realize it. Several girls his age caught sight of his leg when he was walking through town and fell into a blissful swoon. This was attributed to the devil. The next week, the mayor saw what Devit had done to his trousers, turned a bright and angry red, and dropped dead on the spot.
The town council once brought Jasdero and Devit before them to accuse them of not growing beards. Protests that they were not yet fifteen fell on deaf ears. Brought before a gathered crowd of townspeople to publicly apologize for their fault, Jasdero and Devit vowed that someday, Jasdero would be blond.
It was around this time that Jasdero came under suspicion of being a witch. Devit responded to this by beating some people up. Jasdero responded by putting on a witch hat, giggling to himself, and making burnt offerings of mushrooms to nobody in particular at every full moon. Soon they had to flee Pennsylvania because of a pitchfork-wielding mob.
Jasdero and Devit traveled north, making their living by stealing chickens and juggling them before confused crowds. After traveling through several towns, they accrued a sizeable flock of chickens. In addition to the ones they had stolen, a number of young chickens had decided to leave the nest to travel with Jasdero and Devit and see the world. This angered the region’s chicken farmers. The set a bounty of $70 ($72 Canadian) and a bushel of potatoes on each of the twins and, furthermore, promised $2.50 ($2.57 Canadian) and one potato per chicken returned. Jasdero and Devit took advantage of this by having Devit dress up in a dress and bonnet and return several chickens to the police whenever they felt like having potatoes.
However, traveling with a flock of chickens draws attention, and these carefree days could not last. Jasdero and Devit were chased out of a small town when the townsfolk recognized them as the rumored chicken thieves. Jasdero narrowly escaped being brained by a cabbage. After this incident Jasdero and Devit painted their eyes black in order to disguise themselves. Jasdero also had a theory that this would make other people unable to see them; this theory turned out not to be true.
The black paint made the twins more noticeable, forcing them to flee to the remote countryside, where there was not enough population density to form a mob. Their flock of chickens accompanied them. When questioned by the occasional farmer or hermit, Jasdero and Devit claimed to be innocent chicken-herders, little knowing that it was impossible to herd chickens.
The chickens survived well enough by foraging, but the twins found it difficult to find enough food. They decided to save up enough money to buy a train ticket to a place where they weren’t wanted for thieving. Devit suggested they go to the West, where there were cowboys and shootouts. In the course of their journey they had discovered guns at a Wild West Show and developed a plan to someday, maybe, if possible, shoot each other in the head.
To this end, Jasdero and Devit began reducing the size of their chicken flock by dropping off chickens in twos or threes at houses they passed, where, they believed, the chickens would be taken in as orphans and live long and happy lives. Jasdero had checked ticket prices at a train station and learned that not only were he and Devit ridiculously poor, but the trains had a three-chicken limit per passenger; besides, juggling required no more than two to five chickens at one time.
A poor country girl opened the front door one crisp and early morning to find three chickens roosting on the step. As it happened, bad avocado harvests had stricken this region of the Northeast, and her family faced the prospect of a harsh winter. Like many other poor country families, the girl took the appearance of chickens on her doorstep as a miracle. To this day, many believe that two mysterious figures brought a rain of chickens to the countryside.
The girl’s family feasted on scrambled eggs that morning.
The twins had learned that attempting to sell the chickens had a high probability of leading to people chasing them with sticks. Almost penniless, they and the last of the chickens agreed to part ways so that Jasdero and Devit would escape the notice of the authorities. The chickens went on to become the feral man-eating poultry that still terrorize those who disregard the warnings of the natives and wander into the wrong part of the forest. This is part of the circle of life.
Jasdero and Devit continued traveling north.
As they were crossing over the border into Maine with only a bag of chicken feed, the clothes on their backs, and a piece of string, the twins met with one Rhode Camelot, a four-foot-ten Gemini with a lollipop. It was a fateful meeting. A single witness attested to their conversation, although he later died when someone accidentally ripped out his liver.
Rhode inquired as to whether she could hire their services. From their eyeliner she recognized them as the famous chicken thieves terrorizing the region’s farmers, and wanted them to steal her a black pullet for use in a voodoo ritual. Rhode intended to divine the location of the newest Noah, and had decided that voodoo sacrifice was the divination method that involved the most blood.
Jasdero and Devit agreed to steal a black pullet for her in exchange for a marble Rhode had in her pocket. However, when they heard her intentions they nobly objected to the killing of poultry. Devit suggested she sacrifice a human instead.
Rhode was impressed by Devit’s suggestion, and let the twins stay in her room at an inn that night. As it turns out, she saved herself a lot of work. The previous Noah of Bonds had accidentally locked themselves in a freezer and frozen to death next to the bean sprouts, so Rhode Camelot had undertaken a walking tour of the U.S. to find the next Noah. She had barely traversed one state when she woke up to discover that the drifters she’d picked up were bleeding from the forehead in a quasi-religious-imagery sort of way.
Thus Jasdero and Devit were ushered into the Noah clan.
Late Adolescence
Jasdero and Devit are healthy five-foot four-inch, 103 pound boys who hate the metric system. Their blood type is B. Jasdero’s dream is to collect all seven Dragonballs, and Devit’s dream is to shoot an Exorcist in the face. They are also plotting to throw Allen's tea into the harbor. Jasdero and Devit are helping each other to achieve these goals.
The twins now number among the many legendary figures of the Noah Clan: Rhode Camelot, who once killed a hundred men with a single candle; Tiki Mick, who can rip out your kidney in less than a second; Skinn Bolic, who once set a pastry shop on fire with his mind for putting too much salt in the muffins; Lulu Bell, who can murder a dozen orphans without changing her expression; and Sherril Camelot, who is widely regarded as a pervert.
Before they left with Rhode, Jasdero and Devit had traded a black pullet for two guns, which are a dime a dozen in America, the promised land. The guns are now their most prized possession. They intend to shoot each other in the head very soon.
Jasdero and Devit are 17 years old.