Melancholy
Summary: The Noah Clan has mostly recovered from the battles on the Ark. However, Tiki's new habit of drinking alone at midnight is only one of the things worrying Devit.
Prompt: 012. Melancholy
Disclaimer: The D. Gray-man series and characters don't belong to me.
Notes: Thanks to cattheterrible for beta reading.
Devit padded down the hallway, nervous with only a single wavering candle to light his way. Barefoot, he slid along the kitchen wall without a sound. He set the candle down a few feet away from the dining room door, edged the rest of the way over, and peered in.
There was Tiki. He sat at the far end of the enormous circular dining room table, surrounded by an ungodly number of wine bottles that caught the light of a candelabra. Tiki had a hand to his forehead, and with the other he swirled the contents of a wine glass. Devit hoped he hadn’t gotten too drunk yet.
Devit kept watching, and although he must have been silhouetted against the faint glow of his candle, Tiki was turned away, his hand over his eyes. He didn’t drink, only fooled with his wine glass for what must have been a couple minutes. Devit wanted to yell into the room, but the space, the silence, and the dark were too oppressive. Still, he got impatient waiting for Tiki to notice him, and, wondering if he should leave, go back to bed, cleared his throat and said “Hey” in a low voice.
With a start, Tiki looked up. Devit retrieved his candle and entered the dining room. He eyed Tiki’s liquor bottles and curled his lip. Tiki silently watched him approach. He wore a formal white shirt, and his long hair was tied back in a ponytail. Devit was no expert, but he didn’t think Tiki looked that drunk. He walked behind Tiki’s chair and set his lone candle by the wine bottles. “What’re you doing?” he asked. His left arm twinged; he rubbed at it with his good hand.
“Drinking,” said Tiki, no overt emotion in his voice.
“Yeah, I can see that. I’ve also been able to tell you’ve been doing it damn near every night for the past two weeks.”
“You’re keeping a tight watch on me, twin,” said Tiki.
Devit had only discovered Tiki’s drinking by accident. He’d dragged himself out of bed to make a midnight run to the kitchen for two glasses of water. Warned by the clinking of glass, he’d hidden the candle flame, snuck the rest of the way down the hall, and caught sight of Tiki carrying wine bottles into the dining room.
“Why are you drinking here?” demanded Devit. “And why the fuck are you drinking alone?”
Tiki shrugged and averted his gaze. “Maybe I’m tired of bars.”
Tiki had always gone out to drink, before. Even when they stayed in the Edo mansion, there were places in Japan where the semblance of ordinary human life continued. There were places to go out drinking. After finding Tiki, hearing wine poured into a glass, Devit had found water as quietly as he could, not wanting to alert Tiki to his presence. He would have spoken to Tiki that night, he told himself, except that Tiki’s behavior puzzled him too much. Devit woke up at midnight the next night, and the next, to discover that Tiki’s solitary drinking continued. What the fuck are you doing, Devit wanted to scream at him, but it took him days to overcome his embarrassment on Tiki’s behalf and speak up.
Standing near Tiki’s chair, Devit gave a loud sigh. “I always knew you were a hopeless drunk, but this is….” This is just sad, he wanted to say, but if he didn’t pull together some semblance of tact, Tiki might refuse to talk to him. “This is about what happened on the old Ark, isn’t it.”
Tiki drained the rest of his wine glass. “You’re altogether too smart sometimes.”
Devit decided that this was close enough to an actual compliment that he could feel good about it. “It’s about time you noticed. Now tell me why.” To his annoyance, Tiki poured himself another glass of wine. Devit took the bottle from him and sniffed the top; he wrinkled his nose.
“You want any?” asked Tiki.
“No!” said Devit, setting the bottle down out of Tiki’s reach. “If you want to drink with me, take me to a bar or something. This is fucking depressing.” He waved his arm to indicate Tiki and his bottles. “I’m not here to get drunk.”
Tiki sipped from his drink, looking up at Devit. “Are you going to leave me alone, or are you going to sit down?”
Frowning, Devit dragged a chair closer to Tiki and sat. He clasped his hands together (careful of his left hand) and leaned forward. In a barely audible voice, he asked, “So… what was it like, losing what made you part of Noah’s family?” He was half-frightened of the answer, but he had to ask that question if he didn’t want Tiki to evade the subject.
Tiki winced. “It wasn’t for very long, and I was unconscious,” he said.
“Did it hurt?” asked Devit.
“I guess. But that’s all over now-it’s nothing serious.” Tiki gave a laugh and took another draught of wine. “Nothing you should worry about.”
This put Devit over the edge into anger. “I am worried,” he said without thinking, then bit his lip.
Tiki finally looked him in the eye again. “That’s thoughtful of you,” he said, and he didn’t sound sarcastic.
“I didn’t mean for you, dumbass. You got better, and good thing too. I meant… it’s fucking dangerous for us, if Allen can destroy the powers of Noah.” Devit sat back in his chair, kneading at the fingers of his left hand. Had he just admitted to fear? He suspected he had, and hated it.
“He didn’t destroy mine,” said Tiki.
If only Tiki would fucking treat what had happened with all the seriousness it deserved, thought Devit. “Yeah, no thanks to you!” he yelled, his voice ringing loud in the wide space and the darkness of the late hour.
Tiki gave an infuriating half shrug. Devit clenched his fists, even though it made pain shoot up his left forearm, and jumped to his feet. “What exactly were you planning to do? Were you gonna go live with your wandering hobo friends for the rest of your life? Gonna come back to us so the Earl and Rhode could figure out what to do with you? Maybe go off with Allen, I’m sure his Exorcist friends would be delighted to meet you…. Tiki, what the fuck were you thinking?”
His brow furrowed, Tiki had regarded Devit with a distant look in his eyes during his tirade. “I don’t know what I was thinking,” he said quietly after the silence had stretched for too long.
“Obviously,” muttered Devit. You weren’t. He fell back into his chair. Tiki’s response didn’t satisfy him-he still wanted to know why. Why had Tiki warned Rhode off when she tried to save him? A twisted sense of fair play? Or something else?
“It’s not as if it’ll happen again,” said Tiki, and Devit felt a stab of fear.
Yeah, you’re the one who recovered from Allen’s attack. You felt it once and you’re past it now, injured but still one of Noah's family. Who’s to say it's not gonna be permanent for the rest of us? Devit stared at the dark of the floor. It had fucking better not happen again.
Devit had lain awake at night, thinking about the half-death that had nearly come to Tiki. Realizing the possibility that it could happen to any one of them. Not that it would, not that he and Jasdero would slip up or be stupid like Tiki, but the possibility was there, and that was frightening enough.
Tiki drained another glass of wine. Devit glanced up at him, looking for any sign that something had changed. A change deeper than Tiki’s longer hair, deeper than his air of melancholy. There was nothing that he could see.
“Tiki,” he said. Tiki met his eyes. “If that ever….” He swallowed. “If that ever happens to us, and we lose our Noah selves for real, promise… promise you’ll kill us.”
Tiki’s eyes widened. “I can’t do that,” he said.
“Yes you can. Killing is what you do,” Devit said roughly.
Tiki examined the bottom of his drained glass. “Not killing you. As tempting as you make it sometimes.”
Devit ignored Tiki’s misplaced attempt at levity. “But… but the thing is… we….” He started to explain, but had to look away, to the deep shadows in the corner. Devit felt like he and Tiki had spent the entire night not quite meeting each other’s eyes. Don’t fucking make me explain it, Tiki. As horrifying as the thought of Tiki losing his Noah self was, it was different for him. He had another life, where he lived as an ordinary human. Devit thought it was a stupid life, but the point was, Tiki had a place to go if he screwed up and lost his life as a Noah. Here or there, Tiki had the ability to fit in.
And that was the last thing Devit and Jasdero had.
Take their home away from them, and they didn’t fucking have anywhere.
Devit could tell that Tiki didn’t get it. “Just…just promise, okay?” You goddamn drunk.
“Is that what you would have done for me if I’d… if that had happened to me?”
“I would've kicked you in the face for being a dumbass,” said Devit. When Tiki reached for a wine bottle, he snatched it by its neck and let it fall to the floor on the far side of his chair. “Now answer my goddamn question! This is kind of important!”
Tiki set his wine glass down. “My answer is no.”
“Fine!” screamed Devit. He stood. “We can do it ourselves.” Unless, after losing their Noah powers, he and Jasdero reconsidered and went on living. Between the Exorcists and the Noah Clan-hell, and all the rest of humanity-he was sure they’d regret it.
They weren’t going back. If they were going to lose the powers they so relied on-hell, they didn’t even keep real bullets in their guns-they were going to lose everything.
As Devit stormed past Tiki’s chair, Tiki reached out and grabbed his pajama sleeve. Brought up short, Devit bared his teeth at Tiki in a false smile. And you can go on drinking alone, he thought.
“Devit,” said Tiki, and there was hint of amusement beneath his serious tone, “don’t you think it would be better to promise not to let it happen to you in the first place?”
Devit’s eyes widened. “Uh… that would be better,” he said.
Tiki smiled at him. “Then I’m promising you and Jasdero that.”
Devit nodded, unable to speak for a brief moment. He removed Tiki’s hand from his sleeve. “Now go to a goddamned bar. Or go to bed. Your choice.” Devit backtracked for his candle.
There were still a couple bottles of alcohol near Tiki. Tiki tried to reach for the larger one; Devit, candle in hand, elbowed the bottle over so it rolled away. He lifted his left hand and shook it. “I need my sleep too, you know-we’re still recovering ourselves. If you keep up this drinking in the house at midnight habit, I’ll fucking kill you. Just wanted you to know.”
“I was going to put it away,” said Tiki, pushing his chair back and getting to his feet with a tired sigh. He looked worn out, still, but since his promise to Devit his face had held a more confident air.
Devit grinned at Tiki. Good thing he’d bothered to speak up tonight, now he could stop checking what Tiki was doing in the dining room every single night. Well, maybe he’d check tomorrow just to be sure.
“You mind helping?” asked Tiki, a couple bottles in one hand and his wine glass in the other.
“Fuck you.” Devit left the dining room in the faint glow of a candle that dripped black wax. It illuminated his grin as he walked the hallways back to his and Jasdero’s room.
Jasdero peeked out from his covers. “Hi there! Took you longer this time?”
Devit stepped over a pile of clothes and set the candle on the dresser between their beds, next to Jasdero’s headband, which was glowing with a different sort of light. The light reflected from Jasdero’s eyes, cast slight shadows from his stigmata. “Yeah, I decided I had to talk to Tiki. That guy has some problems.” Devit brightened. “I think I cheered him up.”
“Hee! Nice of you!” Jasdero closed his eyes and pulled the covers over his head.
Nice for us all, thought Devit. “G’night again.”
He blew out the candle, and they were asleep.
Prompt: 012. Melancholy
Disclaimer: The D. Gray-man series and characters don't belong to me.
Notes: Thanks to cattheterrible for beta reading.
Devit padded down the hallway, nervous with only a single wavering candle to light his way. Barefoot, he slid along the kitchen wall without a sound. He set the candle down a few feet away from the dining room door, edged the rest of the way over, and peered in.
There was Tiki. He sat at the far end of the enormous circular dining room table, surrounded by an ungodly number of wine bottles that caught the light of a candelabra. Tiki had a hand to his forehead, and with the other he swirled the contents of a wine glass. Devit hoped he hadn’t gotten too drunk yet.
Devit kept watching, and although he must have been silhouetted against the faint glow of his candle, Tiki was turned away, his hand over his eyes. He didn’t drink, only fooled with his wine glass for what must have been a couple minutes. Devit wanted to yell into the room, but the space, the silence, and the dark were too oppressive. Still, he got impatient waiting for Tiki to notice him, and, wondering if he should leave, go back to bed, cleared his throat and said “Hey” in a low voice.
With a start, Tiki looked up. Devit retrieved his candle and entered the dining room. He eyed Tiki’s liquor bottles and curled his lip. Tiki silently watched him approach. He wore a formal white shirt, and his long hair was tied back in a ponytail. Devit was no expert, but he didn’t think Tiki looked that drunk. He walked behind Tiki’s chair and set his lone candle by the wine bottles. “What’re you doing?” he asked. His left arm twinged; he rubbed at it with his good hand.
“Drinking,” said Tiki, no overt emotion in his voice.
“Yeah, I can see that. I’ve also been able to tell you’ve been doing it damn near every night for the past two weeks.”
“You’re keeping a tight watch on me, twin,” said Tiki.
Devit had only discovered Tiki’s drinking by accident. He’d dragged himself out of bed to make a midnight run to the kitchen for two glasses of water. Warned by the clinking of glass, he’d hidden the candle flame, snuck the rest of the way down the hall, and caught sight of Tiki carrying wine bottles into the dining room.
“Why are you drinking here?” demanded Devit. “And why the fuck are you drinking alone?”
Tiki shrugged and averted his gaze. “Maybe I’m tired of bars.”
Tiki had always gone out to drink, before. Even when they stayed in the Edo mansion, there were places in Japan where the semblance of ordinary human life continued. There were places to go out drinking. After finding Tiki, hearing wine poured into a glass, Devit had found water as quietly as he could, not wanting to alert Tiki to his presence. He would have spoken to Tiki that night, he told himself, except that Tiki’s behavior puzzled him too much. Devit woke up at midnight the next night, and the next, to discover that Tiki’s solitary drinking continued. What the fuck are you doing, Devit wanted to scream at him, but it took him days to overcome his embarrassment on Tiki’s behalf and speak up.
Standing near Tiki’s chair, Devit gave a loud sigh. “I always knew you were a hopeless drunk, but this is….” This is just sad, he wanted to say, but if he didn’t pull together some semblance of tact, Tiki might refuse to talk to him. “This is about what happened on the old Ark, isn’t it.”
Tiki drained the rest of his wine glass. “You’re altogether too smart sometimes.”
Devit decided that this was close enough to an actual compliment that he could feel good about it. “It’s about time you noticed. Now tell me why.” To his annoyance, Tiki poured himself another glass of wine. Devit took the bottle from him and sniffed the top; he wrinkled his nose.
“You want any?” asked Tiki.
“No!” said Devit, setting the bottle down out of Tiki’s reach. “If you want to drink with me, take me to a bar or something. This is fucking depressing.” He waved his arm to indicate Tiki and his bottles. “I’m not here to get drunk.”
Tiki sipped from his drink, looking up at Devit. “Are you going to leave me alone, or are you going to sit down?”
Frowning, Devit dragged a chair closer to Tiki and sat. He clasped his hands together (careful of his left hand) and leaned forward. In a barely audible voice, he asked, “So… what was it like, losing what made you part of Noah’s family?” He was half-frightened of the answer, but he had to ask that question if he didn’t want Tiki to evade the subject.
Tiki winced. “It wasn’t for very long, and I was unconscious,” he said.
“Did it hurt?” asked Devit.
“I guess. But that’s all over now-it’s nothing serious.” Tiki gave a laugh and took another draught of wine. “Nothing you should worry about.”
This put Devit over the edge into anger. “I am worried,” he said without thinking, then bit his lip.
Tiki finally looked him in the eye again. “That’s thoughtful of you,” he said, and he didn’t sound sarcastic.
“I didn’t mean for you, dumbass. You got better, and good thing too. I meant… it’s fucking dangerous for us, if Allen can destroy the powers of Noah.” Devit sat back in his chair, kneading at the fingers of his left hand. Had he just admitted to fear? He suspected he had, and hated it.
“He didn’t destroy mine,” said Tiki.
If only Tiki would fucking treat what had happened with all the seriousness it deserved, thought Devit. “Yeah, no thanks to you!” he yelled, his voice ringing loud in the wide space and the darkness of the late hour.
Tiki gave an infuriating half shrug. Devit clenched his fists, even though it made pain shoot up his left forearm, and jumped to his feet. “What exactly were you planning to do? Were you gonna go live with your wandering hobo friends for the rest of your life? Gonna come back to us so the Earl and Rhode could figure out what to do with you? Maybe go off with Allen, I’m sure his Exorcist friends would be delighted to meet you…. Tiki, what the fuck were you thinking?”
His brow furrowed, Tiki had regarded Devit with a distant look in his eyes during his tirade. “I don’t know what I was thinking,” he said quietly after the silence had stretched for too long.
“Obviously,” muttered Devit. You weren’t. He fell back into his chair. Tiki’s response didn’t satisfy him-he still wanted to know why. Why had Tiki warned Rhode off when she tried to save him? A twisted sense of fair play? Or something else?
“It’s not as if it’ll happen again,” said Tiki, and Devit felt a stab of fear.
Yeah, you’re the one who recovered from Allen’s attack. You felt it once and you’re past it now, injured but still one of Noah's family. Who’s to say it's not gonna be permanent for the rest of us? Devit stared at the dark of the floor. It had fucking better not happen again.
Devit had lain awake at night, thinking about the half-death that had nearly come to Tiki. Realizing the possibility that it could happen to any one of them. Not that it would, not that he and Jasdero would slip up or be stupid like Tiki, but the possibility was there, and that was frightening enough.
Tiki drained another glass of wine. Devit glanced up at him, looking for any sign that something had changed. A change deeper than Tiki’s longer hair, deeper than his air of melancholy. There was nothing that he could see.
“Tiki,” he said. Tiki met his eyes. “If that ever….” He swallowed. “If that ever happens to us, and we lose our Noah selves for real, promise… promise you’ll kill us.”
Tiki’s eyes widened. “I can’t do that,” he said.
“Yes you can. Killing is what you do,” Devit said roughly.
Tiki examined the bottom of his drained glass. “Not killing you. As tempting as you make it sometimes.”
Devit ignored Tiki’s misplaced attempt at levity. “But… but the thing is… we….” He started to explain, but had to look away, to the deep shadows in the corner. Devit felt like he and Tiki had spent the entire night not quite meeting each other’s eyes. Don’t fucking make me explain it, Tiki. As horrifying as the thought of Tiki losing his Noah self was, it was different for him. He had another life, where he lived as an ordinary human. Devit thought it was a stupid life, but the point was, Tiki had a place to go if he screwed up and lost his life as a Noah. Here or there, Tiki had the ability to fit in.
And that was the last thing Devit and Jasdero had.
Take their home away from them, and they didn’t fucking have anywhere.
Devit could tell that Tiki didn’t get it. “Just…just promise, okay?” You goddamn drunk.
“Is that what you would have done for me if I’d… if that had happened to me?”
“I would've kicked you in the face for being a dumbass,” said Devit. When Tiki reached for a wine bottle, he snatched it by its neck and let it fall to the floor on the far side of his chair. “Now answer my goddamn question! This is kind of important!”
Tiki set his wine glass down. “My answer is no.”
“Fine!” screamed Devit. He stood. “We can do it ourselves.” Unless, after losing their Noah powers, he and Jasdero reconsidered and went on living. Between the Exorcists and the Noah Clan-hell, and all the rest of humanity-he was sure they’d regret it.
They weren’t going back. If they were going to lose the powers they so relied on-hell, they didn’t even keep real bullets in their guns-they were going to lose everything.
As Devit stormed past Tiki’s chair, Tiki reached out and grabbed his pajama sleeve. Brought up short, Devit bared his teeth at Tiki in a false smile. And you can go on drinking alone, he thought.
“Devit,” said Tiki, and there was hint of amusement beneath his serious tone, “don’t you think it would be better to promise not to let it happen to you in the first place?”
Devit’s eyes widened. “Uh… that would be better,” he said.
Tiki smiled at him. “Then I’m promising you and Jasdero that.”
Devit nodded, unable to speak for a brief moment. He removed Tiki’s hand from his sleeve. “Now go to a goddamned bar. Or go to bed. Your choice.” Devit backtracked for his candle.
There were still a couple bottles of alcohol near Tiki. Tiki tried to reach for the larger one; Devit, candle in hand, elbowed the bottle over so it rolled away. He lifted his left hand and shook it. “I need my sleep too, you know-we’re still recovering ourselves. If you keep up this drinking in the house at midnight habit, I’ll fucking kill you. Just wanted you to know.”
“I was going to put it away,” said Tiki, pushing his chair back and getting to his feet with a tired sigh. He looked worn out, still, but since his promise to Devit his face had held a more confident air.
Devit grinned at Tiki. Good thing he’d bothered to speak up tonight, now he could stop checking what Tiki was doing in the dining room every single night. Well, maybe he’d check tomorrow just to be sure.
“You mind helping?” asked Tiki, a couple bottles in one hand and his wine glass in the other.
“Fuck you.” Devit left the dining room in the faint glow of a candle that dripped black wax. It illuminated his grin as he walked the hallways back to his and Jasdero’s room.
Jasdero peeked out from his covers. “Hi there! Took you longer this time?”
Devit stepped over a pile of clothes and set the candle on the dresser between their beds, next to Jasdero’s headband, which was glowing with a different sort of light. The light reflected from Jasdero’s eyes, cast slight shadows from his stigmata. “Yeah, I decided I had to talk to Tiki. That guy has some problems.” Devit brightened. “I think I cheered him up.”
“Hee! Nice of you!” Jasdero closed his eyes and pulled the covers over his head.
Nice for us all, thought Devit. “G’night again.”
He blew out the candle, and they were asleep.