FIC: I Don't Want to Admit This, But... (P4)
Fandom: Persona 4
Title: I Don't Want to Admit This, But...
Pairing: Yosuke/Souji
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I don't own P4, sadly enough.
Author's Note: Wow, I never thought that I would actually write anything for any fandom, but I can proudly say that I now have at least a one-shot underneath my belt.
Yosuke realized that he had a crush on Souji the first time they entered the television without Chie present, when they met Teddie for the first time. Yosuke had about lost his cool, trying to defend them to this… thing, but Souji didn’t. Not once did it ever seem like he was going to.
That’s what drew him to Souji. He was just so collected and put together, and he seemed to have the patience of a saint when it came to Teddie, who sometimes had them either running around in circles, trying to figure out what he was trying to say, or want to smack him because what he said was to ridiculous to be taken seriously. It didn’t seem to faze Souji.
It didn’t help that he was a pretty good looking guy either.
He didn’t mean for it to happen, this little crush that he had, because he was a guy. He liked girls. He still liked girls, with just one tiny little exception. Yosuke couldn’t really be blamed though, or he thought he couldn’t, because who in their right mind wouldn’t be attracted to him?
The boy could do just about anything he set his mind to, and was well-liked amongst his peers. He could play sports, he could act, and he was smart. Very smart. Top of the class. He didn’t seem like he had to try very hard, and that made Yosuke slightly jealous, but not enough to detract from his attraction. Plus, he could travel into televisions, had an awesome power, helped everyone unlock their own powers, and was basically a hero.
He tried not to think about it, and tried to put these things in the back of his mind, in an area that he liked to call “the crush that I have, that is most certainly not on Souji”. It didn’t really work well though. He found himself dreaming about the other, awkward dreams that he never had until he met the other boy, and how those dreams had him waking up sweaty and in various states of arousal. Yosuke decided that he should place a lock around that area, because damn if that didn’t make sleeping difficult.
And it was awkward sometimes. They would be going around, defeating shadows, and all Yosuke could think about was how hot Souji looked while running around, slightly sweaty and out of breath, swinging his weapon with confidence, destroying the enemies with ease, and Yosuke’s body would react to that. Sometimes he would be so distracted that he wouldn’t be paying attention to what was going on around him, and one of the other members would have to pick up the slack.
He would be hit in the back of his head, and be slightly admonished by Chie, who would demand to know what was so important that he wasn’t paying attention, because “didn’t he know that his life was in danger?”. He couldn’t very well say why exactly he wasn’t paying attention, so he said what he was always said in situations like this. He was either tired or sick, depending on how badly he had been distracted.
Tonight he was sick, because yeah, it had been that bad.
Which is how he found himself in the situation he was currently in, at Souji’s house, in his room.
His parents were out of town and, since he was feigning sickness, Souji had called up Dojima, who was working a late night, and asked if it would be alright if Yosuke stayed with them for the time being. There were a few protests, a little bit of explaining and then permission granted.
Yosuke sighed at his misfortune.
Staying in the same room as the person he had a crush on was definitely not helping his problem. He almost regretted saying that he was sick, but he would be lying if he said that he didn’t like the attention that he was being given. Well, he would enjoy it a little bit more if it had been someone else that had been taking such careful steps to make sure that he was alright.
Like he said. This was not helping.
“Hey, I brought something for you to eat,” Souji said, as he walked through the door with a steaming bowl of soup, and pushed the door closed with his foot. He placed the bowl on the table in front of the sofa, before sitting in the chair in front of his desk. “But be careful. It’s hot.”
“Thanks, I’ll be careful,” Yosuke replied, reaching for the bowl. The bowl was hot, but he could tell that it had cooled down a bit from when it had been originally made. It was good as well. He didn’t know exactly what it was, because Souji liked to experiment from time to time, but he liked it.
He could feel the other boys eyes on him as he ate. It was a little discerning at first, but he knew that it wasn’t meant to be creepy in any way. He was just making sure that Yosuke didn’t pass out and hit his head on the table and spill soup everywhere. That’s just how Souji was. He made sure that everything was perfectly fine before he even would think about paying attention to something else, no matter how little concentration it might take.
“You know, you didn’t have to do this. It’s just a little cold,” Yosuke began. “It’s not that I’m not grateful, I mean, I am, but you shouldn’t have to worry about this among everything else.”
“Right, because you take such good care of yourself.” There was a note of disapproval in Souji’s voice, and Yosuke knew that he didn’t like it. It just didn’t belong there. “You’ve been sick quite a bit in the past few weeks, and I’m pretty sure that you haven’t been sleeping either. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you’ve been worrying yourself sick over something.”
Yosuke flinched slightly because, underneath the disapproval, he heard a sharp tone of accusation. He wondered if this was the real reason why the other boy wanted him here. It probably was, because Souji was smart, and he could probably see through the lie.
“Kind of, but it’s nothing really all that important. I’ve just been thinking about a few things, and I haven’t been sleeping well because of it,” Yosuke said as smoothly as he could. There really was no point in denying it, because it would be even more obvious that he was lying than it was believable that he was sick.
Souji nodded, like he was expecting that answer. Of course he had been. Nothing really escaped his notice. He probably even knew what exactly was keeping Yosuke up night and preventing him from sleeping, and he hoped that wasn’t the case. That would be way to embarrassing.
“I thought so. Is there anything that I could possibly help with?”
With that statement, Yosuke took his attention away from the soup that he had been having a staring contest with, and looked over at Souji. His face didn’t betray anything, but his eyes held a gleam that wasn’t easy to misinterpret.
Yeah, he knew, and there wasn’t anyway that Yosuke would be getting around putting it out in the open. Somehow, one way or another, even if he denied it right at this very minute, before they both left for school in the morning, it will have been said.
That sneaky bastard.
“You could get out of my head, and stay out, for starters,” he replied, because well, it was true. If Souji wasn’t in his dreams, than he could maybe get a good night’s sleep, and not be waking up every morning feeling like he had run a marathon or something.
And he wouldn’t have to worry about waking up his parents during the night, which had them knocking on his door more than once, and had them asking if everything was alright, and if they could do anything to help. That had just made him cringe in slight horror, and yell out that everything was fine, and to go back to bed. No, just, no.
The eye contact wasn’t broken between them, although Yosuke really wanted to look away. He didn’t want this conversation to be happening. It was one thing to think these feelings, but it was something entirely different to have them said out loud, because that made them real. They couldn’t be pushed back to the back of his mind anymore, like they didn’t really exist.
“Do you want that?”
“I-” Yosuke paused. Yes, he did want that, but then again, it wasn’t the dreams themselves that kept him awake. It was how many he was having, which was too many. One a night, preferably every other night or less, was fine, but they seemed to happen every time he closed his eyes. That was when it started affecting his performance, making everyone worry about him, and that was what he wanted to stop. “I don’t particularly want you gone completely, but I would like to lower the amount of times you appear in my thoughts.”
There was another nod from Souji, and then the look on his face turned contemplative, like he was actually thinking of a way to help that. Did he not want Yosuke to be thinking about him? Although, if Yosuke were to be perfectly honest, he would be a little creeped out if he found that someone had as many dreams, or thoughts, about him as he had Souji. He wouldn’t blame the other if that were the case.
But Souji didn’t look creeped out, or anything that could be construed as similar. He looked thoughtful, with his lips slightly pursed, and his eyebrows creased. It was… cute, for lack of a better word.
Yosuke knew that he was staring, couldn’t stop himself, and he knew Souji could see it. He flushed slightly at that, but he still couldn’t look away. Yosuke could admit to himself that he really wanted to kiss that mouth. Really wanted to, and he wanted to act on it, but didn’t know if he should.
After sitting there, debating what he should do, and after the silence got to be too much to handle, Yosuke made up his mind.
They were already close, the sofa and the chair practically touching, he didn’t have to move to far. Just move up, lean just a little bit, and then their lips were touching. Neither moved for a moment, letting the knowledge that yes, their lips were pressed together, and then no, no one was having a freak out.
Souji’s mouth softened under Yosuke’s, becoming pliant, letting him explore the feeling of another mouth against his.
Yosuke had very minimal experience in this area. Before, he hadn’t been too interested in to many of the girls he had gone to school with before he moved to Inaba, and when he finally became interested no one else was. His family managed Junes, which put the smaller shopping areas out of business, and that made him the kid that no one really wanted to be around.
He knew that it wasn’t amazing. He knew that there was too much tongue, maybe too much teeth, but Souji wasn’t pushing him away. In fact, the other boy was leaning closer and one of his hands was gently cupping the back of Yosuke’s neck, stroking the skin there, and it made him shiver.
Yosuke pulled away, breathing heavily, slightly stunned, because he just totally kissed another guy, and had definitely instigated it. And yeah, maybe it wouldn’t make his dreams completely go away, because now he knew how Souji’s lips felt against his own, how it felt when those hands touched him, how that breath felt while mingling with his own. But, he wouldn’t have to deal with it alone.
Maybe this wouldn’t be a good idea, and maybe he would regret acting impulsively, but then again, maybe he wouldn’t regret it and maybe it would be a good idea. Maybe he would thank Souji one day for making him come over to Dojima’s place, to take care of him while he was obviously only pretending to be sick, and making him lay everything out on the table.
Yosuke let out a small groan of frustration at all those thoughts running through his mind, willing them to stop, just stop, and let him think of one thing at a time. Souji let out a small chuckle, like he knew exactly what was going on his mind, and that bastard probably did.
Burying his face in the crook of Souji’s neck, Yosuke muttered, completely looking past that it was him who had started everything, “I want you to know that I hate you so much right now, because if that’s your idea of helping me get you out of mind, then you seriously need help.”
He could feel Souji’s laughter, more than he could hear it, and that was fine with him. The atmosphere wasn’t as somber as it had been before, and Yosuke found that he enjoyed the lightness in the air.
They still had to discuss what to do about those dreams though, but Yosuke didn’t want to talk right now. He was at an awkward angle, his body twisted in a way that would possibly leave his back sore, his face still buried, but it was comfortable.
They could wait until later.
Title: I Don't Want to Admit This, But...
Pairing: Yosuke/Souji
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I don't own P4, sadly enough.
Author's Note: Wow, I never thought that I would actually write anything for any fandom, but I can proudly say that I now have at least a one-shot underneath my belt.
Yosuke realized that he had a crush on Souji the first time they entered the television without Chie present, when they met Teddie for the first time. Yosuke had about lost his cool, trying to defend them to this… thing, but Souji didn’t. Not once did it ever seem like he was going to.
That’s what drew him to Souji. He was just so collected and put together, and he seemed to have the patience of a saint when it came to Teddie, who sometimes had them either running around in circles, trying to figure out what he was trying to say, or want to smack him because what he said was to ridiculous to be taken seriously. It didn’t seem to faze Souji.
It didn’t help that he was a pretty good looking guy either.
He didn’t mean for it to happen, this little crush that he had, because he was a guy. He liked girls. He still liked girls, with just one tiny little exception. Yosuke couldn’t really be blamed though, or he thought he couldn’t, because who in their right mind wouldn’t be attracted to him?
The boy could do just about anything he set his mind to, and was well-liked amongst his peers. He could play sports, he could act, and he was smart. Very smart. Top of the class. He didn’t seem like he had to try very hard, and that made Yosuke slightly jealous, but not enough to detract from his attraction. Plus, he could travel into televisions, had an awesome power, helped everyone unlock their own powers, and was basically a hero.
He tried not to think about it, and tried to put these things in the back of his mind, in an area that he liked to call “the crush that I have, that is most certainly not on Souji”. It didn’t really work well though. He found himself dreaming about the other, awkward dreams that he never had until he met the other boy, and how those dreams had him waking up sweaty and in various states of arousal. Yosuke decided that he should place a lock around that area, because damn if that didn’t make sleeping difficult.
And it was awkward sometimes. They would be going around, defeating shadows, and all Yosuke could think about was how hot Souji looked while running around, slightly sweaty and out of breath, swinging his weapon with confidence, destroying the enemies with ease, and Yosuke’s body would react to that. Sometimes he would be so distracted that he wouldn’t be paying attention to what was going on around him, and one of the other members would have to pick up the slack.
He would be hit in the back of his head, and be slightly admonished by Chie, who would demand to know what was so important that he wasn’t paying attention, because “didn’t he know that his life was in danger?”. He couldn’t very well say why exactly he wasn’t paying attention, so he said what he was always said in situations like this. He was either tired or sick, depending on how badly he had been distracted.
Tonight he was sick, because yeah, it had been that bad.
Which is how he found himself in the situation he was currently in, at Souji’s house, in his room.
His parents were out of town and, since he was feigning sickness, Souji had called up Dojima, who was working a late night, and asked if it would be alright if Yosuke stayed with them for the time being. There were a few protests, a little bit of explaining and then permission granted.
Yosuke sighed at his misfortune.
Staying in the same room as the person he had a crush on was definitely not helping his problem. He almost regretted saying that he was sick, but he would be lying if he said that he didn’t like the attention that he was being given. Well, he would enjoy it a little bit more if it had been someone else that had been taking such careful steps to make sure that he was alright.
Like he said. This was not helping.
“Hey, I brought something for you to eat,” Souji said, as he walked through the door with a steaming bowl of soup, and pushed the door closed with his foot. He placed the bowl on the table in front of the sofa, before sitting in the chair in front of his desk. “But be careful. It’s hot.”
“Thanks, I’ll be careful,” Yosuke replied, reaching for the bowl. The bowl was hot, but he could tell that it had cooled down a bit from when it had been originally made. It was good as well. He didn’t know exactly what it was, because Souji liked to experiment from time to time, but he liked it.
He could feel the other boys eyes on him as he ate. It was a little discerning at first, but he knew that it wasn’t meant to be creepy in any way. He was just making sure that Yosuke didn’t pass out and hit his head on the table and spill soup everywhere. That’s just how Souji was. He made sure that everything was perfectly fine before he even would think about paying attention to something else, no matter how little concentration it might take.
“You know, you didn’t have to do this. It’s just a little cold,” Yosuke began. “It’s not that I’m not grateful, I mean, I am, but you shouldn’t have to worry about this among everything else.”
“Right, because you take such good care of yourself.” There was a note of disapproval in Souji’s voice, and Yosuke knew that he didn’t like it. It just didn’t belong there. “You’ve been sick quite a bit in the past few weeks, and I’m pretty sure that you haven’t been sleeping either. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you’ve been worrying yourself sick over something.”
Yosuke flinched slightly because, underneath the disapproval, he heard a sharp tone of accusation. He wondered if this was the real reason why the other boy wanted him here. It probably was, because Souji was smart, and he could probably see through the lie.
“Kind of, but it’s nothing really all that important. I’ve just been thinking about a few things, and I haven’t been sleeping well because of it,” Yosuke said as smoothly as he could. There really was no point in denying it, because it would be even more obvious that he was lying than it was believable that he was sick.
Souji nodded, like he was expecting that answer. Of course he had been. Nothing really escaped his notice. He probably even knew what exactly was keeping Yosuke up night and preventing him from sleeping, and he hoped that wasn’t the case. That would be way to embarrassing.
“I thought so. Is there anything that I could possibly help with?”
With that statement, Yosuke took his attention away from the soup that he had been having a staring contest with, and looked over at Souji. His face didn’t betray anything, but his eyes held a gleam that wasn’t easy to misinterpret.
Yeah, he knew, and there wasn’t anyway that Yosuke would be getting around putting it out in the open. Somehow, one way or another, even if he denied it right at this very minute, before they both left for school in the morning, it will have been said.
That sneaky bastard.
“You could get out of my head, and stay out, for starters,” he replied, because well, it was true. If Souji wasn’t in his dreams, than he could maybe get a good night’s sleep, and not be waking up every morning feeling like he had run a marathon or something.
And he wouldn’t have to worry about waking up his parents during the night, which had them knocking on his door more than once, and had them asking if everything was alright, and if they could do anything to help. That had just made him cringe in slight horror, and yell out that everything was fine, and to go back to bed. No, just, no.
The eye contact wasn’t broken between them, although Yosuke really wanted to look away. He didn’t want this conversation to be happening. It was one thing to think these feelings, but it was something entirely different to have them said out loud, because that made them real. They couldn’t be pushed back to the back of his mind anymore, like they didn’t really exist.
“Do you want that?”
“I-” Yosuke paused. Yes, he did want that, but then again, it wasn’t the dreams themselves that kept him awake. It was how many he was having, which was too many. One a night, preferably every other night or less, was fine, but they seemed to happen every time he closed his eyes. That was when it started affecting his performance, making everyone worry about him, and that was what he wanted to stop. “I don’t particularly want you gone completely, but I would like to lower the amount of times you appear in my thoughts.”
There was another nod from Souji, and then the look on his face turned contemplative, like he was actually thinking of a way to help that. Did he not want Yosuke to be thinking about him? Although, if Yosuke were to be perfectly honest, he would be a little creeped out if he found that someone had as many dreams, or thoughts, about him as he had Souji. He wouldn’t blame the other if that were the case.
But Souji didn’t look creeped out, or anything that could be construed as similar. He looked thoughtful, with his lips slightly pursed, and his eyebrows creased. It was… cute, for lack of a better word.
Yosuke knew that he was staring, couldn’t stop himself, and he knew Souji could see it. He flushed slightly at that, but he still couldn’t look away. Yosuke could admit to himself that he really wanted to kiss that mouth. Really wanted to, and he wanted to act on it, but didn’t know if he should.
After sitting there, debating what he should do, and after the silence got to be too much to handle, Yosuke made up his mind.
They were already close, the sofa and the chair practically touching, he didn’t have to move to far. Just move up, lean just a little bit, and then their lips were touching. Neither moved for a moment, letting the knowledge that yes, their lips were pressed together, and then no, no one was having a freak out.
Souji’s mouth softened under Yosuke’s, becoming pliant, letting him explore the feeling of another mouth against his.
Yosuke had very minimal experience in this area. Before, he hadn’t been too interested in to many of the girls he had gone to school with before he moved to Inaba, and when he finally became interested no one else was. His family managed Junes, which put the smaller shopping areas out of business, and that made him the kid that no one really wanted to be around.
He knew that it wasn’t amazing. He knew that there was too much tongue, maybe too much teeth, but Souji wasn’t pushing him away. In fact, the other boy was leaning closer and one of his hands was gently cupping the back of Yosuke’s neck, stroking the skin there, and it made him shiver.
Yosuke pulled away, breathing heavily, slightly stunned, because he just totally kissed another guy, and had definitely instigated it. And yeah, maybe it wouldn’t make his dreams completely go away, because now he knew how Souji’s lips felt against his own, how it felt when those hands touched him, how that breath felt while mingling with his own. But, he wouldn’t have to deal with it alone.
Maybe this wouldn’t be a good idea, and maybe he would regret acting impulsively, but then again, maybe he wouldn’t regret it and maybe it would be a good idea. Maybe he would thank Souji one day for making him come over to Dojima’s place, to take care of him while he was obviously only pretending to be sick, and making him lay everything out on the table.
Yosuke let out a small groan of frustration at all those thoughts running through his mind, willing them to stop, just stop, and let him think of one thing at a time. Souji let out a small chuckle, like he knew exactly what was going on his mind, and that bastard probably did.
Burying his face in the crook of Souji’s neck, Yosuke muttered, completely looking past that it was him who had started everything, “I want you to know that I hate you so much right now, because if that’s your idea of helping me get you out of mind, then you seriously need help.”
He could feel Souji’s laughter, more than he could hear it, and that was fine with him. The atmosphere wasn’t as somber as it had been before, and Yosuke found that he enjoyed the lightness in the air.
They still had to discuss what to do about those dreams though, but Yosuke didn’t want to talk right now. He was at an awkward angle, his body twisted in a way that would possibly leave his back sore, his face still buried, but it was comfortable.
They could wait until later.