parks & rec fic: james bond has nothing on us
james bond has nothing on us
"We could, you know, keep it secret," Ben says, and Leslie presses the phone against her ear so it squishes against her head.
leslie/ben. pg-13. 1316 words.
[in a twist that surprises no one, after a year of writing no fanfiction, it is this crazy couple that brings me back. enjoy?]
"We could, you know, keep it secret," Ben says, and Leslie presses the phone against her ear so it squishes against her head. She tries to curl her feet under her but the cardboard box she's sitting on makes a grumpy crumbling sound. Her basement is kind of cold, even in May, but if Chris were to check up on her in the middle of the night on a random Thursday, at least he'd have a hard time finding her.
"I guess," she murmurs, keeping her voice low. "I've never had a secret romance before. Isn't it like James Bond or something? Except, no offense, I can't really see you shooting guns like that."
"And here I was imagining you in a sparkly dress," he says, his voice low, too, and it's like it crawls inside her head because she has this crazy mental picture of Ben Wyatt in a tux, saving the world without breaking a sweat and for a second she can't quite breathe.
"What color is it?" Just to complete the mental picture, then she can imagine herself on his arm in some swanky imaginary bar.
"Gold, I think. But seriously, maybe we should talk about this?" If he were actually here, in her basement full of boxes, this is the part where she would tilt her face up towards him and think please let's make out so she wouldn't have to think about things like stupid rules and losing her job and disappointing the citizens of Pawnee.
"Okay," she says, mostly because he doesn't say anything else. It makes the room feel too empty. She takes a breath. "I think -- I want to be with you, but I love my job. But I want to be with you. So, maybe we should try out this secret romance thing."
"A secret romance it is." The way he says it, he's definitely smiling on the other line. There's a pause. But this time it's different, it's quiet like the one time she went to Miami by herself and visited the beaches at ten different state parks and the silence was basically the sound of sunshine. Then, dimly, she hears something crash in the background of the other line. Maybe Ben shot off some fireworks to commemorate the momentous occasion, the beginning of their secret romance, but then there's yelling, too. It sounds a little like April and Andy.
"You'd better go check on that."
"Really?" The word comes out like a groan and the smile on her face widens to her ears. He doesn't want to get off the phone with her! "As long as they don't burn my room down, I think we're good. They actually did the groceries this week by themselves, and they didn't even -- Oh, shit." The shouting in the background gets louder.
"What's happening?" The downside of a secret relationship is that if she was over there, April and Andy would know that two City Hall employees were dating, which would mean that everyone at the shoeshine stand wound find out and then --
"I think they might actually burn the house down and I had to hide the fire extinguisher last week. It's a long story." He sighs and she can picture, exactly, the way his forehead is wrinkling. "I'll see you tomorrow at work?"
"Only in the most professional capacity," she says, winking just in case he can hear it across the telephone lines.
"Hey Ben," she says, accidentally-on-purpose miscalculating the distance between them so that their shoulders brush. She's supposed to be on her way back to the Parks Department but there's no way Ron expects her to have scared away that raccoon in under an hour. Stalling is okay.
"Hi Leslie," he says. He actually turns towards her and smiles in this way that makes her stomach twist. This can't be very secretive, especially if her face is this warm. She can feel the line of his shoulder against hers. "I was thinking, I have some questions for you, about the public health initiative and I made an extra chicken salad sandwich this morning, so..."
"You want to do a work lunch?" She reaches out and squeezes his fingers, just for a second. If anyone asks, she was worried that maybe she'd caught a new form of airborn rabies and Ben was reassuringly holding her hand.
If someone sees him kiss her, though, she's going to have to think of another explanation, but the rub of his chapped lips against hers makes her shiver in a way that basically eliminates thought completely.
"How many times have you seen this movie?" he says, tugging on the ends of her hair. Date or not, it's a fact that you can't look away from Jefferson Smith, even at the beginning when it's obvious he's too good for this crooked version of Washington.
"Mmmm, I think eighty seven times. I lost count around seventy."
"You know that filibuster's illegal, right?" He's running his hands through her hair, rubbing right up against her scalp, and for the first time ever, Leslie's tempted to fast-forward to the end, the part where Mr. Smith gets the note that Saunders is in love with him.
"You wanted to try it," she says, and pulls him towards her for a kiss. Then he's kissing her neck and he's more or less on top of her and luckily they pulled all the drapes because Ben's unbuttoning her blouse and it's not cold but she's shivering in the best way while undoing his belt buckle.
Maybe this time, Smith and Saunders actually get to kiss or something, but if this miracle (which she's hoped for since she was eight) happens, Leslie Knope is, this time, definitely otherwise occupied.
"Hey Leslie!" Andy says, smiling more than usual when she passes the shoeshine stand. "April wants to know if you and Ben want to go on a double date with us this weekend."
"We're out of food." April's voice emerges from behind a magazine. But it's loud enough. Magazines have never exactly been soundproof.
"We're not -- we -- Ben and I have a strictly professional relationship." God, her job is flashing before her eyes, all those beautiful parks! and the beautiful smiles of the people in those parks! and she won't get to make that happen! "Just work. And friends, you know, friends stuff."
"Then why was Ben at your house all night?" The magazine with April's voice is relentless. "We followed his car on Burly's bike."
"Aren't you two busy doing newlywed stuff?" She hoists her wrist up to her eyes. "And speaking of busy, I have to go. To a meeting! A very professional, work-related meeting!"
"Is it with Ben?" Andy's sweet knuckle headed voice follows her down the hall and apparently everything is crazy now because Leslie really wants to punch him.
i think chris knows. his shoes are really shiny and he keeps asking me if i'm dating anybody. Leslie stares at her phone for fifteen minutes, the one text and Ben's name, she just stares and stares and stares.
When Ron asks, she says she's getting sick and then she texts Ben that she's going home and they have secret romance sex for the next six hours because it might be the last time or else they'll be jobless and then homeless and now she has a really nice bed and also a great kitchen table and all those cardboard boxes in the basement. When she finally falls asleep Ben is James Bond and the girl is always her, in a rainbow of sparkly dresses.
In the morning, her arm collides with Ben's beautiful naked back and as Leslie blinks at the sunlight, she thinks, this will be okay. Luckily, this is the moment when Ben decides to wake up and kiss her, at which point she upgrades okay to amazing.
"We could, you know, keep it secret," Ben says, and Leslie presses the phone against her ear so it squishes against her head.
leslie/ben. pg-13. 1316 words.
[in a twist that surprises no one, after a year of writing no fanfiction, it is this crazy couple that brings me back. enjoy?]
"We could, you know, keep it secret," Ben says, and Leslie presses the phone against her ear so it squishes against her head. She tries to curl her feet under her but the cardboard box she's sitting on makes a grumpy crumbling sound. Her basement is kind of cold, even in May, but if Chris were to check up on her in the middle of the night on a random Thursday, at least he'd have a hard time finding her.
"I guess," she murmurs, keeping her voice low. "I've never had a secret romance before. Isn't it like James Bond or something? Except, no offense, I can't really see you shooting guns like that."
"And here I was imagining you in a sparkly dress," he says, his voice low, too, and it's like it crawls inside her head because she has this crazy mental picture of Ben Wyatt in a tux, saving the world without breaking a sweat and for a second she can't quite breathe.
"What color is it?" Just to complete the mental picture, then she can imagine herself on his arm in some swanky imaginary bar.
"Gold, I think. But seriously, maybe we should talk about this?" If he were actually here, in her basement full of boxes, this is the part where she would tilt her face up towards him and think please let's make out so she wouldn't have to think about things like stupid rules and losing her job and disappointing the citizens of Pawnee.
"Okay," she says, mostly because he doesn't say anything else. It makes the room feel too empty. She takes a breath. "I think -- I want to be with you, but I love my job. But I want to be with you. So, maybe we should try out this secret romance thing."
"A secret romance it is." The way he says it, he's definitely smiling on the other line. There's a pause. But this time it's different, it's quiet like the one time she went to Miami by herself and visited the beaches at ten different state parks and the silence was basically the sound of sunshine. Then, dimly, she hears something crash in the background of the other line. Maybe Ben shot off some fireworks to commemorate the momentous occasion, the beginning of their secret romance, but then there's yelling, too. It sounds a little like April and Andy.
"You'd better go check on that."
"Really?" The word comes out like a groan and the smile on her face widens to her ears. He doesn't want to get off the phone with her! "As long as they don't burn my room down, I think we're good. They actually did the groceries this week by themselves, and they didn't even -- Oh, shit." The shouting in the background gets louder.
"What's happening?" The downside of a secret relationship is that if she was over there, April and Andy would know that two City Hall employees were dating, which would mean that everyone at the shoeshine stand wound find out and then --
"I think they might actually burn the house down and I had to hide the fire extinguisher last week. It's a long story." He sighs and she can picture, exactly, the way his forehead is wrinkling. "I'll see you tomorrow at work?"
"Only in the most professional capacity," she says, winking just in case he can hear it across the telephone lines.
"Hey Ben," she says, accidentally-on-purpose miscalculating the distance between them so that their shoulders brush. She's supposed to be on her way back to the Parks Department but there's no way Ron expects her to have scared away that raccoon in under an hour. Stalling is okay.
"Hi Leslie," he says. He actually turns towards her and smiles in this way that makes her stomach twist. This can't be very secretive, especially if her face is this warm. She can feel the line of his shoulder against hers. "I was thinking, I have some questions for you, about the public health initiative and I made an extra chicken salad sandwich this morning, so..."
"You want to do a work lunch?" She reaches out and squeezes his fingers, just for a second. If anyone asks, she was worried that maybe she'd caught a new form of airborn rabies and Ben was reassuringly holding her hand.
If someone sees him kiss her, though, she's going to have to think of another explanation, but the rub of his chapped lips against hers makes her shiver in a way that basically eliminates thought completely.
"How many times have you seen this movie?" he says, tugging on the ends of her hair. Date or not, it's a fact that you can't look away from Jefferson Smith, even at the beginning when it's obvious he's too good for this crooked version of Washington.
"Mmmm, I think eighty seven times. I lost count around seventy."
"You know that filibuster's illegal, right?" He's running his hands through her hair, rubbing right up against her scalp, and for the first time ever, Leslie's tempted to fast-forward to the end, the part where Mr. Smith gets the note that Saunders is in love with him.
"You wanted to try it," she says, and pulls him towards her for a kiss. Then he's kissing her neck and he's more or less on top of her and luckily they pulled all the drapes because Ben's unbuttoning her blouse and it's not cold but she's shivering in the best way while undoing his belt buckle.
Maybe this time, Smith and Saunders actually get to kiss or something, but if this miracle (which she's hoped for since she was eight) happens, Leslie Knope is, this time, definitely otherwise occupied.
"Hey Leslie!" Andy says, smiling more than usual when she passes the shoeshine stand. "April wants to know if you and Ben want to go on a double date with us this weekend."
"We're out of food." April's voice emerges from behind a magazine. But it's loud enough. Magazines have never exactly been soundproof.
"We're not -- we -- Ben and I have a strictly professional relationship." God, her job is flashing before her eyes, all those beautiful parks! and the beautiful smiles of the people in those parks! and she won't get to make that happen! "Just work. And friends, you know, friends stuff."
"Then why was Ben at your house all night?" The magazine with April's voice is relentless. "We followed his car on Burly's bike."
"Aren't you two busy doing newlywed stuff?" She hoists her wrist up to her eyes. "And speaking of busy, I have to go. To a meeting! A very professional, work-related meeting!"
"Is it with Ben?" Andy's sweet knuckle headed voice follows her down the hall and apparently everything is crazy now because Leslie really wants to punch him.
i think chris knows. his shoes are really shiny and he keeps asking me if i'm dating anybody. Leslie stares at her phone for fifteen minutes, the one text and Ben's name, she just stares and stares and stares.
When Ron asks, she says she's getting sick and then she texts Ben that she's going home and they have secret romance sex for the next six hours because it might be the last time or else they'll be jobless and then homeless and now she has a really nice bed and also a great kitchen table and all those cardboard boxes in the basement. When she finally falls asleep Ben is James Bond and the girl is always her, in a rainbow of sparkly dresses.
In the morning, her arm collides with Ben's beautiful naked back and as Leslie blinks at the sunlight, she thinks, this will be okay. Luckily, this is the moment when Ben decides to wake up and kiss her, at which point she upgrades okay to amazing.