Can't Get My Love Together
Title: Can't Get My Love Together
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Degrassi TNG
Pairing: Jay/Spinner
Warnings: Slash, angst, mentions of sex, language
Author's Notes: Title taken from Jem and The Holograms song of the same name. My hands are cold. XD Follows It's Not Enough, From This Moment, La La, and To Say 'I Do'.
Progress: 1/1 complete
Prompt: Secret at 10pastryhearts
Summary: Jay is an idiot and Spinner has to fix everything.
Earlier That Day At The Dot
“So we'll talk to the florists tomorrow, right?” Paige glanced up at Spinner from all her paperwork and notes.
“Yeah, totally.” Spinner nodded, wiping down the counters.
Holly J cleared her throat, “Can I talk to Spin....alone?”
Paige looked at Spinner, who nodded. She gathered her things and kissed him on the cheek, making him promise to meet her early tomorrow so they could get a head start on everything they had planned.
She shut the door behind her and sighed, breathing in the cool night air.
“Hey Paige, you and Spin get anything done or did you just sit around gossiping?” Jay asked, chuckling.
Inside, Spinner turned to face Holly J, a question forming on his lips as she pushed him against the counter suddenly and kissed him hard.
He was so startled that it took him a few seconds to push her away. “What the hell is that?”
“Just didn't want to have never done that.” She smirked at him and went back to cleaning the tables while Spinner stared after her, his fingers brushing his lips.
Outside, Jay's hand rested on the door knob, eyes burning with anger and pain. He couldn't believe Spinner would do something like this to him! And to think, he wanted to marry him. Well, he was in for a big surprise when he got home.
Jay turned and walked away, heading for his car and home.
Present
“So how long has this secret affair been going on?” Jay's voice was cold. He wasn't yelling yet, but Spinner knew it wouldn't be long before he did.
“There is no secret affair! What are you talking about?” Spinner asked, tears stinging his eyes, throat and nose.
“You and Holly J. I saw you two at the Dot tonight! You were all over each other.” Jay's voice had risen in volume.
“She kissed me! I was sitting there with Paige when Holly J asked if she could talk to me in private, so Paige left and then Holly J just kissed me. I didn't start it, nor did I kiss back! I pushed her away.” Spinner let the tears fall, leaving hot tracks down his cheeks.
“You can't even admit it! That's such bullshit! I've seen the way you look at her! I bet you were waiting for something like this to happen, weren't you?” Jay snarled.
Spinner didn't answer him, wiping his tears away slowly, feeling the weight of Jay's anger crushing down on him. He wondered where it came from, he was so against believing him.
“Answer me!” Jay shouted, making Spinner flinch back into the couch cushions.
“Jay, I love you and only you. What happened with Holly J was none of my doing, and I've never wanted anyone other than you since we first got together. Why it's so hard for you to understand, I don't know. I love you, but now this argument begs the question. Do you love me?” Spinner asked quietly, looking up at the pacing Jay.
“How can I love a liar and cheater?” Jay snapped, blue eyes cold and hard.
Spinner lowered his head and swallowed hard. “Maybe we shouldn't get married then.”
As the words left his mouth he could feel them tear his heart apart. He wanted to take them back as soon as he said them, but there they were, hanging in the air before them. Whatever Jay said next would either make or break them, and Spinner was afraid that it would break them into pieces.
“You're right. I don't even know why I wanted to marry you in the first place.” Jay said, the cold look on his face masking the hurt inside.
It hurt him so much to say those words to Spinner. It hurt even more to see the look of pure agony on Spinner's face, but he couldn't be with someone who cheated on him and then lied about it. No way. But still a thought remained in the back of his mind, worrying at him. What if Spinner was telling the truth and he was throwing all this away for nothing? But no. He had to stay strong in his choice.
“If that's what you want.” Spinner said, all the fight going out of him. He stood up and slipped off the engagement ring Jay had given him. It seemed a lifetime ago when things were happy and his world wasn't crashing down around him. He placed it on the coffee table and headed for the door.
He hesitated for a moment, hand resting on the knob. “I'll always love you, no matter what.”
And then he was gone, leaving Jay standing in the middle of the room, looking shocked and heartbroken.
~*~
Marco answered the door, looking bleary eyed and wearing Dylan's shirt. “Spinner, why are you here?”
“Jay just broke up with me.” Spinner barely managed to not choke on the words.
“What?! Come in, come in and tell me what's going on.” Marco ushered him in and sat him on the couch.
“Marco, who is it?” Dylan asked, walking out of the bedroom with only his boxers on.
“Spinner. Seems that Jay dumped him.” Marco wrapped a blanket around the shivering Spinner.
“What, why?” Dylan disappeared briefly into their bedroom, coming back out wearing sweat pants.
“I don't know, he just got here.” Marco said, walking into the kitchen while Dylan sat on the couch next to Spinner.
“What happened?” Dylan asked softly.
“I was closing up the Dot and Paige was there because we were going over wedding details and Holly J was cleaning the tables and then she asks Paige to leave and she does. Then when Paige is gone, Holly J kisses me, and I guess Jay saw it. But I didn't kiss her back and I pushed her away! Jay thinks I've been cheating on him! I haven't. I love him, but he doesn't love me and now we're not getting married.” Spinner was crying by the end of his tale.
Marco came back from the kitchen and handed him a mug of coffee and passed one to Dylan too. “That's stupid. So he didn't even let you explain?”
“He did, but he doesn't believe me. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him.” Spinner scrubbed his face with his hands, then took a sip of the coffee.
“Well, what if this is his way of saying he's not ready to get married? What if he just picked this whole fight with you to tell you he didn't want to get married so quickly after all.” Dylan suggested.
“But why? He could have just told Spinner he didn't want to get married yet, instead of breaking up with him.” Marco said.
“Maybe he never wanted wanted to get married and just gave me the ring as an apology? He did that, you know. We had a fight about...something, I can't remember, and then to apologize, he proposed to me.” Spinner sighed.
“That's not true. Jay loves you, you know that.” Marco rested a comforting hand on Spinner's arm.
“Maybe. Now I'm not so sure.” Spinner sat the cup down on the end table.
“So why did Holly J kiss you?” Dylan asked.
“No idea, but I think she's always kind of liked me.” Spinner shrugged.
“You want to stay here?” Marco asked.
“Yeah, if it's okay with you two.” Spinner said, glancing at both of them.
“Yeah it's fine. You can sleep in the guest room.” Dylan gave him a small smile.
“Thanks.” Spinner said, a weak smile on his lips.
~*~
Jay paced around the apartment, wishing he could take back everything thing he'd said to Spinner that night. He hadn't meant any of it. He knew in his heart of hearts that Spin would never cheat on him, but when he saw Holly J kissing him, he'd snapped. His jealousy had taken control and his pride forced him to accuse Spinner of everything he hadn't done.
He sank onto the bed and sighed. He kicked off his shoes and jeans, curling up on his side of the bed, missing the feel of Spinner in his arms.
A lone tear slipped down his cheek and Jay closed his eyes and breathed in Spinner's scent from the sheets around him. He had to make this right. Somehow. He'd do anything to have Spinner back. Now that he realized what an idiot he'd been, he regretted it.
He hoped he hadn't pushed Spinner away for good. He didn't know how he was supposed to live without him. That thought was simply inconceivable.
~*~
Spinner lay in the unfamiliar bed, wishing he was back in Jay's arms. What he wouldn't give to be there now. Tears began falling from his eyes again and he rolled over, burying his face into the pillow.
He sobbed quietly, trying not to wake Marco and Dylan. He was thankful to them, really he was, but he needed Jay. He loved him and always would, no matter what Jay said or did.
Then a sickening thought hit him. What if Jay didn't love him and, instead of just breaking up with him, he picked the fight and just broke up with him for that? Was that why he refused to believe him when he said he hadn't cheated on him?
Spinner turned onto his back and raised his hands above his face. He stared at the place where his ring had been not two hours ago, back when everything was fine. Back when he still had Jay. God, that seemed a lifetime ago. So much had happened that he was left reeling in the aftermath, wondering where he went wrong and if he could fix anything between them.
He sighed and tried to fall asleep, though he knew he would never be able to without Jay's arms around him. It had been years since he'd slept in a different bed as his lover. It was not a comfortable experience and it only made him even more lonely.
Another sigh and he resigned himself to staying up the rest of the night, staring blankly at the ceiling. If he was lucky he would pass out soon.
~*~
“Can you believe Jay?” Marco asked Dylan as they lay in bed together.
“ I know. It seems stupid to break up with someone over a kiss that wasn't even his fault.” Dylan murmured.
“Jay is a jerk. I can't believe he'd do that to Spinner. I thought he loved him!” Marco was pissed at Jay, to say the least.
“Poor Spin.” Dylan said, burying his face in Marco's hair and trying to imagine breaking up with him.
He couldn't. The thought was unimaginable to him because he never wanted to be apart from him.
“I just wish I could help Spin more.” Marco sighed.
“This is the best we can do, sweetie. Give him a place to stay and a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.” Dylan kissed his cheek softly.
“You're right, but I still want to strangle Jay.” Marco glared at the wall.
“This is something they have to work out on their own.” Dylan said, curling an arm around his waist.
“I know. I love you.” Marco turned over to face Dylan and gave him a kiss.
“I love you too. Let's get some sleep.” Dylan returned the kiss and settled in for the night, Marco following suit.
~*~
Spinner jerked awake the next morning. His cell phone was playing “Lover Man” by Metallica. It was Jay's ring tone. He debated not answering it, but the song continued and he sighed. “Hello?”
“I'm sorry.” was the first thing Jay said.
“What? Jay?” Spinner asked, not fully awake yet.
“I'm sorry. I love you. Please come home.” Jay said, voice cracking.
“Are you drunk?” Spinner said, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and sitting up.
“No, please come back. I miss you.” Jay pleaded.
“Wait, you think if you say you're sorry that I'll come running back to you and forgive you?” Spinner snapped, anger clear in his words.
“I had hoped that would be the case. Spinner, look, I made a mistake. I was stupid and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I accused you of cheating on me. I'm sorry I said I didn't want you. I'm sorry I said we shouldn't get married. That's all I can say. I love you. I want you back here with me. What else can I say?” Jay asked calmly.
“I love you. I miss you too. You're forgiven and I'm sorry I let her kiss me. I'll be home soon.” Spinner smiled.
“Good, I'm glad.” Jay grinned on his end of the line.
They said their goodbyes and hung up. Spinner stood up and stretched, tugging on his jeans from last night. He walked out of his room into the kitchen where Marco was cooking breakfast and Dylan was reading the paper at the table.
“Hungry, Spin?” Marco asked, cracking some eggs into a bowel.
“No thanks. Jay called me and we're okay now, so thanks for everything, guys, but it's time for me to go home.” Spinner hugged Marco and shook hands with Dylan.
“Okay, be careful, Spin and if you need us, you know where we are.” Marco walked him to the door.
“Hope everything works out for you guys. I'm looking forward to that wedding.” Dylan smirked and waved.
~*~
When Spinner opened the door to the apartment, the first thing he got was an armful of Jay kissing him frantically. It was desperate and intense and it left Spinner panting when Jay pulled away.
“Hi.” He smirked at Spinner's flushed face.
“Hi yourself.” Spinner smiled at him.
Jay slipped out of his arms to pick something up from the coffee table. “I believe this belongs to you.” He slid Spinner's ring back on his finger, kissing it as he did.
“Can we not fight again? That'd be great.” Spinner joked.
“I wish. But until now, let's get to the make up sex part.” Jay said, tugging Spinner into the bed room.
Spinner followed, giggling and kicking off his shoes as he went, shutting the door behind them.
~*~
Sometimes it's all about forgiveness and love. The world needs more of that anyway. So forgive, but never forget. Say the words and mean them. If you don't, then they're not worth listening to.
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Degrassi TNG
Pairing: Jay/Spinner
Warnings: Slash, angst, mentions of sex, language
Author's Notes: Title taken from Jem and The Holograms song of the same name. My hands are cold. XD Follows It's Not Enough, From This Moment, La La, and To Say 'I Do'.
Progress: 1/1 complete
Prompt: Secret at 10pastryhearts
Summary: Jay is an idiot and Spinner has to fix everything.
Earlier That Day At The Dot
“So we'll talk to the florists tomorrow, right?” Paige glanced up at Spinner from all her paperwork and notes.
“Yeah, totally.” Spinner nodded, wiping down the counters.
Holly J cleared her throat, “Can I talk to Spin....alone?”
Paige looked at Spinner, who nodded. She gathered her things and kissed him on the cheek, making him promise to meet her early tomorrow so they could get a head start on everything they had planned.
She shut the door behind her and sighed, breathing in the cool night air.
“Hey Paige, you and Spin get anything done or did you just sit around gossiping?” Jay asked, chuckling.
Inside, Spinner turned to face Holly J, a question forming on his lips as she pushed him against the counter suddenly and kissed him hard.
He was so startled that it took him a few seconds to push her away. “What the hell is that?”
“Just didn't want to have never done that.” She smirked at him and went back to cleaning the tables while Spinner stared after her, his fingers brushing his lips.
Outside, Jay's hand rested on the door knob, eyes burning with anger and pain. He couldn't believe Spinner would do something like this to him! And to think, he wanted to marry him. Well, he was in for a big surprise when he got home.
Jay turned and walked away, heading for his car and home.
Present
“So how long has this secret affair been going on?” Jay's voice was cold. He wasn't yelling yet, but Spinner knew it wouldn't be long before he did.
“There is no secret affair! What are you talking about?” Spinner asked, tears stinging his eyes, throat and nose.
“You and Holly J. I saw you two at the Dot tonight! You were all over each other.” Jay's voice had risen in volume.
“She kissed me! I was sitting there with Paige when Holly J asked if she could talk to me in private, so Paige left and then Holly J just kissed me. I didn't start it, nor did I kiss back! I pushed her away.” Spinner let the tears fall, leaving hot tracks down his cheeks.
“You can't even admit it! That's such bullshit! I've seen the way you look at her! I bet you were waiting for something like this to happen, weren't you?” Jay snarled.
Spinner didn't answer him, wiping his tears away slowly, feeling the weight of Jay's anger crushing down on him. He wondered where it came from, he was so against believing him.
“Answer me!” Jay shouted, making Spinner flinch back into the couch cushions.
“Jay, I love you and only you. What happened with Holly J was none of my doing, and I've never wanted anyone other than you since we first got together. Why it's so hard for you to understand, I don't know. I love you, but now this argument begs the question. Do you love me?” Spinner asked quietly, looking up at the pacing Jay.
“How can I love a liar and cheater?” Jay snapped, blue eyes cold and hard.
Spinner lowered his head and swallowed hard. “Maybe we shouldn't get married then.”
As the words left his mouth he could feel them tear his heart apart. He wanted to take them back as soon as he said them, but there they were, hanging in the air before them. Whatever Jay said next would either make or break them, and Spinner was afraid that it would break them into pieces.
“You're right. I don't even know why I wanted to marry you in the first place.” Jay said, the cold look on his face masking the hurt inside.
It hurt him so much to say those words to Spinner. It hurt even more to see the look of pure agony on Spinner's face, but he couldn't be with someone who cheated on him and then lied about it. No way. But still a thought remained in the back of his mind, worrying at him. What if Spinner was telling the truth and he was throwing all this away for nothing? But no. He had to stay strong in his choice.
“If that's what you want.” Spinner said, all the fight going out of him. He stood up and slipped off the engagement ring Jay had given him. It seemed a lifetime ago when things were happy and his world wasn't crashing down around him. He placed it on the coffee table and headed for the door.
He hesitated for a moment, hand resting on the knob. “I'll always love you, no matter what.”
And then he was gone, leaving Jay standing in the middle of the room, looking shocked and heartbroken.
~*~
Marco answered the door, looking bleary eyed and wearing Dylan's shirt. “Spinner, why are you here?”
“Jay just broke up with me.” Spinner barely managed to not choke on the words.
“What?! Come in, come in and tell me what's going on.” Marco ushered him in and sat him on the couch.
“Marco, who is it?” Dylan asked, walking out of the bedroom with only his boxers on.
“Spinner. Seems that Jay dumped him.” Marco wrapped a blanket around the shivering Spinner.
“What, why?” Dylan disappeared briefly into their bedroom, coming back out wearing sweat pants.
“I don't know, he just got here.” Marco said, walking into the kitchen while Dylan sat on the couch next to Spinner.
“What happened?” Dylan asked softly.
“I was closing up the Dot and Paige was there because we were going over wedding details and Holly J was cleaning the tables and then she asks Paige to leave and she does. Then when Paige is gone, Holly J kisses me, and I guess Jay saw it. But I didn't kiss her back and I pushed her away! Jay thinks I've been cheating on him! I haven't. I love him, but he doesn't love me and now we're not getting married.” Spinner was crying by the end of his tale.
Marco came back from the kitchen and handed him a mug of coffee and passed one to Dylan too. “That's stupid. So he didn't even let you explain?”
“He did, but he doesn't believe me. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him.” Spinner scrubbed his face with his hands, then took a sip of the coffee.
“Well, what if this is his way of saying he's not ready to get married? What if he just picked this whole fight with you to tell you he didn't want to get married so quickly after all.” Dylan suggested.
“But why? He could have just told Spinner he didn't want to get married yet, instead of breaking up with him.” Marco said.
“Maybe he never wanted wanted to get married and just gave me the ring as an apology? He did that, you know. We had a fight about...something, I can't remember, and then to apologize, he proposed to me.” Spinner sighed.
“That's not true. Jay loves you, you know that.” Marco rested a comforting hand on Spinner's arm.
“Maybe. Now I'm not so sure.” Spinner sat the cup down on the end table.
“So why did Holly J kiss you?” Dylan asked.
“No idea, but I think she's always kind of liked me.” Spinner shrugged.
“You want to stay here?” Marco asked.
“Yeah, if it's okay with you two.” Spinner said, glancing at both of them.
“Yeah it's fine. You can sleep in the guest room.” Dylan gave him a small smile.
“Thanks.” Spinner said, a weak smile on his lips.
~*~
Jay paced around the apartment, wishing he could take back everything thing he'd said to Spinner that night. He hadn't meant any of it. He knew in his heart of hearts that Spin would never cheat on him, but when he saw Holly J kissing him, he'd snapped. His jealousy had taken control and his pride forced him to accuse Spinner of everything he hadn't done.
He sank onto the bed and sighed. He kicked off his shoes and jeans, curling up on his side of the bed, missing the feel of Spinner in his arms.
A lone tear slipped down his cheek and Jay closed his eyes and breathed in Spinner's scent from the sheets around him. He had to make this right. Somehow. He'd do anything to have Spinner back. Now that he realized what an idiot he'd been, he regretted it.
He hoped he hadn't pushed Spinner away for good. He didn't know how he was supposed to live without him. That thought was simply inconceivable.
~*~
Spinner lay in the unfamiliar bed, wishing he was back in Jay's arms. What he wouldn't give to be there now. Tears began falling from his eyes again and he rolled over, burying his face into the pillow.
He sobbed quietly, trying not to wake Marco and Dylan. He was thankful to them, really he was, but he needed Jay. He loved him and always would, no matter what Jay said or did.
Then a sickening thought hit him. What if Jay didn't love him and, instead of just breaking up with him, he picked the fight and just broke up with him for that? Was that why he refused to believe him when he said he hadn't cheated on him?
Spinner turned onto his back and raised his hands above his face. He stared at the place where his ring had been not two hours ago, back when everything was fine. Back when he still had Jay. God, that seemed a lifetime ago. So much had happened that he was left reeling in the aftermath, wondering where he went wrong and if he could fix anything between them.
He sighed and tried to fall asleep, though he knew he would never be able to without Jay's arms around him. It had been years since he'd slept in a different bed as his lover. It was not a comfortable experience and it only made him even more lonely.
Another sigh and he resigned himself to staying up the rest of the night, staring blankly at the ceiling. If he was lucky he would pass out soon.
~*~
“Can you believe Jay?” Marco asked Dylan as they lay in bed together.
“ I know. It seems stupid to break up with someone over a kiss that wasn't even his fault.” Dylan murmured.
“Jay is a jerk. I can't believe he'd do that to Spinner. I thought he loved him!” Marco was pissed at Jay, to say the least.
“Poor Spin.” Dylan said, burying his face in Marco's hair and trying to imagine breaking up with him.
He couldn't. The thought was unimaginable to him because he never wanted to be apart from him.
“I just wish I could help Spin more.” Marco sighed.
“This is the best we can do, sweetie. Give him a place to stay and a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.” Dylan kissed his cheek softly.
“You're right, but I still want to strangle Jay.” Marco glared at the wall.
“This is something they have to work out on their own.” Dylan said, curling an arm around his waist.
“I know. I love you.” Marco turned over to face Dylan and gave him a kiss.
“I love you too. Let's get some sleep.” Dylan returned the kiss and settled in for the night, Marco following suit.
~*~
Spinner jerked awake the next morning. His cell phone was playing “Lover Man” by Metallica. It was Jay's ring tone. He debated not answering it, but the song continued and he sighed. “Hello?”
“I'm sorry.” was the first thing Jay said.
“What? Jay?” Spinner asked, not fully awake yet.
“I'm sorry. I love you. Please come home.” Jay said, voice cracking.
“Are you drunk?” Spinner said, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and sitting up.
“No, please come back. I miss you.” Jay pleaded.
“Wait, you think if you say you're sorry that I'll come running back to you and forgive you?” Spinner snapped, anger clear in his words.
“I had hoped that would be the case. Spinner, look, I made a mistake. I was stupid and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I accused you of cheating on me. I'm sorry I said I didn't want you. I'm sorry I said we shouldn't get married. That's all I can say. I love you. I want you back here with me. What else can I say?” Jay asked calmly.
“I love you. I miss you too. You're forgiven and I'm sorry I let her kiss me. I'll be home soon.” Spinner smiled.
“Good, I'm glad.” Jay grinned on his end of the line.
They said their goodbyes and hung up. Spinner stood up and stretched, tugging on his jeans from last night. He walked out of his room into the kitchen where Marco was cooking breakfast and Dylan was reading the paper at the table.
“Hungry, Spin?” Marco asked, cracking some eggs into a bowel.
“No thanks. Jay called me and we're okay now, so thanks for everything, guys, but it's time for me to go home.” Spinner hugged Marco and shook hands with Dylan.
“Okay, be careful, Spin and if you need us, you know where we are.” Marco walked him to the door.
“Hope everything works out for you guys. I'm looking forward to that wedding.” Dylan smirked and waved.
~*~
When Spinner opened the door to the apartment, the first thing he got was an armful of Jay kissing him frantically. It was desperate and intense and it left Spinner panting when Jay pulled away.
“Hi.” He smirked at Spinner's flushed face.
“Hi yourself.” Spinner smiled at him.
Jay slipped out of his arms to pick something up from the coffee table. “I believe this belongs to you.” He slid Spinner's ring back on his finger, kissing it as he did.
“Can we not fight again? That'd be great.” Spinner joked.
“I wish. But until now, let's get to the make up sex part.” Jay said, tugging Spinner into the bed room.
Spinner followed, giggling and kicking off his shoes as he went, shutting the door behind them.
~*~
Sometimes it's all about forgiveness and love. The world needs more of that anyway. So forgive, but never forget. Say the words and mean them. If you don't, then they're not worth listening to.